i was sitting on the porch last night, talking to gary. everyone kept asking me what i was doing, and i was trying to finish up the new written application for the roadie position. it was the hardest decision to even work up the courage to reapply...and there are so many things to consider about my future....but it is what i want. forget what society tells me i need to do - i want to do this. more than anything else...so im going to do it. gary and i started chatting about how it used to be, working for social change and taking an active role for causes...and how i wish i had been born in a different generation and lived through the 60s and 70s. he stopped for a second and said simply - i could see us having this same conversation thirty years ago in this same place, and it wouldn't be a bit different. i can see you there perfectly...you would belong. and i really think i would.
there isnt a thing i can do about that...so this is what i will do now. even just talking to people about it last night and why i want to do it really just reaffirmed that this was the right decision. i hope it works out.
ive been horrible about updating...im living two different lives, night and day, and i love it...but it is killing me. i am so happy though, so im not going to complain. if i have to keep working to be happy, i will. i just wont sleep :)
im reading sunless by gerard donovan right now...and so far i love it. im actually going to go lay down - i just started it about an hour and a half ago, but i think im going to finish it tonight. good night all...love.
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