Showing posts with label tattoos. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tattoos. Show all posts
on listing
i realized the other day that i have done some pretty absurd things in my life. then, yesterday, i went to get my monroe re-pierced, came back, and sam pointed out to me that it has been almost a year to the date since i got it done the first time. seeing as how things have come full circle, i decided to (start to) list some of the ridiculous things that have happened in my life in roughly the past twelve months.
- got two new piercings (three if you count the monroe twice...which i think you should)
- lived in three states (mississippi, tennessee, texas)
- ran a music festival (jubilee jam)
- had over nine hours of tattoo work done
- worked for two production companies
- became friends with a singer of a band on the radio, that a lot of my friends listen too (justin)
- started talking to the drummer of another fairly well-known band (only to learn he was an asshole)
- put on a $50,000 concert by myself
- became BFFF (best fucking friends forever) with my idol
- beat cancer (twice)
- drove over 2,000 miles in five days
- partied like a rock star in dallas
- worked for invisible children on warped tour for three days
- went to greece
- went to st. louis, on a whim
- had my first mardi gras in new orleans
- went to way too many shows to count (at least fifty....at least)
- fell in love
- had a photograph published
- read part of the first harry potter book in greek
- read at least 40 books on my own (outside of school)
- started writing (and became pretty prolific for a while)
- read narnia at least three times
- went to a sing-along showing of labyrinth
- watched all of the seasons of weeds, supernatural, and bones....all of them.
- bought my first record player
- went to austin city limits for the first time
- worked for two different production companies
- learned photoshop
- finally became close with sam, who will be my best friend for life, without a doubt
- ingested an inhuman amount of caffeine, as per usual.
- became really close with complete strangers, and i wouldn't have it any other way
on tattoos
wallscavedinonme: okay, so here goes nothing
wallscavedinonme: my first tattoo was five black stars on my hip
wallscavedinonme: just outlines
wallscavedinonme: perfectly symmetrical
wallscavedinonme: i had always had a fascination with stars
wallscavedinonme: you know...attainment, perfection, transience, adoration
wallscavedinonme: and then i got more stars, still just outlines, added up to my side (still just on the front, they didn't wrap around yet)
wallscavedinonme: my artist drew up a bunch of designs
wallscavedinonme: and basically, they become less perfect, more assymetrical, more randomly spaced, more spread out and less patterned
wallscavedinonme: then, i continued them around my ribs and onto my back, with the same thought
wallscavedinonme: even more random spacing, etc.
wallscavedinonme: basically, my stars mirror entropy
wallscavedinonme: you know...the whole world favoring chaos
wallscavedinonme: unless you work for order
wallscavedinonme: and ironically, when i got the first five, the perfect ones, was when i was on top of the world - just out of school, spending a summer going to shows, not a care in the world...or at least ones that i could put aside without much heartache
wallscavedinonme: then, the next two sessions were spread out over about six months between each
wallscavedinonme: and the chaos had grown in my life, and so did my tattoos
wallscavedinonme: and the way i depicted my view of the world and the universe on my body
weseenoshadows: That's so amazing
weseenoshadows: You're so poetic about this
weseenoshadows: And so sure of it
weseenoshadows: And I think that's kind of amazing
wallscavedinonme: i mean, it is a rule in chemistry
wallscavedinonme: the universe favors chaos
wallscavedinonme: it is an established fact
wallscavedinonme: the 'dirty room effect'
weseenoshadows: oh I know
weseenoshadows: but just that you thought of it
weseenoshadows: it would never have crossed my mind
wallscavedinonme: unless you fight to stay organized, your room will inherently become more disordered over time. that is applicable in all of life
weseenoshadows: That's so fantastic that it showcased itself on your body though
weseenoshadows: Most people, I think, would fight for order there too
weseenoshadows: Instead of just giving in to the natural effect
wallscavedinonme: but what is the beauty in perfection?
wallscavedinonme: why would i want stars all the same size, same design on my body?
wallscavedinonme: even looking at the sky, you know that isn't how it is
weseenoshadows: well, exactly
weseenoshadows: But that wouldn't occur to most people
weseenoshadows: People are generally fighting to obtain perfection
weseenoshadows: Without seeing the fact that perfection is impossible
weseenoshadows: And that nothing in the world is perfect, so nothing perfect is beautiful
wallscavedinonme: exactly
wallscavedinonme: i'm so glad you see that....
wallscavedinonme: i have tried to explain my reasoning to other people
wallscavedinonme: and they have just laughed it off
wallscavedinonme: saying i was trying to impose some greater idea onto a simple bit of ink
wallscavedinonme: but really, it is so so so much more than that
weseenoshadows: You wouldn't have gotten it done if it was just to have a bunch of stars
weseenoshadows: every one collaborates to mean something
weseenoshadows: It's the same as if you ask someone what they love about someone... they are going to say the little quirks along with the "perfect qualities", and it's the quirks that really mean something.
wallscavedinonme: yup 
weseenoshadows: I'm tired and am not articulating well, but I mean that people don't fall in love with perfection, they fall in love with unique imperfections
wallscavedinonme: exactly
wallscavedinonme: and the imperfections that you share
wallscavedinonme: that is what makes love go round
how long will it take you to wake up?
. . .before you go will you wake me?
or i'll sleep all day
miss everything
or i'll sleep all day
miss everything
i'm so bad at this updating thing now. i feel like my life is so busy and the only way to keep my sanity is to spend hours not doing anything, or filling my spare time with sleep instead of trying to document my rambling mind. kirt and i had our first real fight on monday, mostly because i was tired and had no way to call him or get in touch with him to let him know that i really just wanted to spend the day alone. everything ended up working out in the end, but it was upsetting to say the least.
all of my health stuff came through, once and for all monday morning. i am completely healthy. clean slate. start again. if i were atlas, i have finally shrugged off the weight i was forced to carry and i can finally breathe free again. all i wanted to do was sit in reverie, have coffee, watch the sun shine, feel unafraid to let people in - but to just be alone. and i couldn't have that, which led to my mini-meltdown. nothing that a few hours at a record store could not solve.
i don't remember what i did tuesday. wednesday, i worked from 5 to close, had coffee with jess, watched bones with my mom, ate some homemade chili, then headed to kasbah. i got there at 1130, had a beer, and then casey and thomas took me down to hole in the wall for my first legal drink. maya was pulling up as we were walking out, so she joined us. shots that were supposed to put hair on my chest, dos equis pitchers, and a song (aptly named grain alcohol. . .?) dedicated to me by the live jug band and i was drunk. i got a little ill and made kirt drive me back to his apartment - there was no way i was making it down the street, nonetheless back to cedar park.
woke up at 730, went back up to cedar park and tried to sleep for a little more than the three or four hours of drunk slumber i had from the night before. my mom got home at noon from work and took me to the olive garden for lunch. it is always a trip to go back there after working there as long as i did. soup, salad, and breadsticks galore, followed by a strawberry bellini. my mom is so absurd when it comes to alcohol. went and got my hair cut then waited a few minutes for chris to get home to do presents and cake. went and got coffee, then headed down to kirts to go to dinner. i was not hungry at all, however, so we just smoked some hookah at his place, then went to cuatros for drinks. longhorn iced tea, a hesitant sip of kirt's snakebite, a pitcher of woodchuck amber, and some mystery tequila shot from the bar, then over to kasbah. i sobered up and then went over to true blue for my tattoo a couple hours later.
i was also being a bit demanding, and forced kirt to play the beatles instead of country. i guess i was abusing my birthday privileges. i was at true blue for quite a bit, simply because i was not in a rush and neither was my artist. mike wasn't working, but jon reed did it for me. if i'm not lazy, i will take a picture of it tomorrow. short, simple, sweet - i love it. i can't wait to get my next piece done, i just haven't put the time into planning the exact execution of the design yet. went back to kasbah and nic, zoe, liz, kyle, austin, gary, and kadie were all there. it was cold as hell, so i kind of rotated groups, but i was so so tired, i went back to kirts place at around 1230. fell asleep around 1, and woke up at 2 to go back and pick him up. i felt great before i went to sleep, completely sobered up, and then when i woke up i felt like hell. i couldn't throw up, but i would have felt better if i could have and i could not go to sleep either - i was miserable and shaking. i guess that is what i get for a getting a tattoo on an empty stomach. ultimately, that is the only explanation that is in any way rational.
woke up at 1030 the next day, went home, read harry potter for a few hours, then went to work at 5, still not feeling great. i had a lot of fun working with kait and jess, and then we all headed to trudy's after work. we got there and there was a bit of a wait, so we just went to chili's for some girly drinks instead. it was better off that way after all, considering jess and i were with liz and kait who are both clearly under age. i just had a strawberry daquiri, then got suckered into this huge margarita that our cute waiter convinced me would be a good idea to have. way bigger in real life than it was in the picture - and i'm not one for tequila, particularly on the rocks. everything i drank, including some kick ass whiskey later that night still tasted of tequila. went up to kasbah and just chilled - it was super crowded because everyone and their mom decided to come into town.
i left at about half past one to drive home and get some rest before i had to open in the morning. there was stupid construction on the toll road that stopped traffic dead for twenty minutes (i was being paranoid and thought it was a road block for a little while) and finally i had to go five miles out of the way to get back to my house since they closed exits without any kind of notice.
work was kind of busy and went by pretty fast. ian brought me coffee, which pepped me up substantially, and i had a nice, hearty serving of breakfast pizza that morning (crescent roll crust, no sauce, eggs, sausage, and cheese for those of you not well-versed in the awesome buckler family tradition) and got my last, and best, present from my dad since he finally made it back down from dallas. i have my own gps now, which is the amazing - i get lost every where i go if i am going off memory or gut instinct. i'm so stoked about it :)
i came home from work and tried to dig through my winter clothes to find something acceptable to wear in this crazy, freakishly cold weather that has recently invaded central texas. took a shower, then went to outback with my family. ate way too much, like always, came home and took a forty five minute nap, then headed to kasbah to meet up with jamey and casey and head downtown. we ended up heading out around midnight after chilling and smoking for a while. again, it was packed with people and there wasn't anywhere to sit. i was definitely the odd one out - the only girl in a room of at least a dozen guys, and it wasn't much different when we headed out. we took two cars, listened to nofx as casey drove and i snooped through his cds - a favorite pastime of mine in anyone's car. we started off at maggie mae's which was pretty cool. i am definitely not into the bar scene by any means, so it was different but fun. thomas and everyone he was with took a bit longer to get there, so they played catch up and then we headed over to fuel.
fuel was an experience. i was a little tipsy by the time we got there, but the guys knew someone who works there from kasbah, who let us in and got us drinks. fuel is kind of a seedy, ghetto, predominantly hispanic hangout and what was playing when we walked in? lil wayne of course. everyone in this place would have fit in perfectly with the crowd at voodoo. i braved the bathroom, which was an experience, and then we headed to the blind pig. we only stayed for a little while, waited for everyone else to meet up with us, then headed to the aquarium to grab a drink before last call. i ran into alexis neal of all people there, which was a trip. we took a picture together, which hopefully will surface at some point.
i refused about half the beer and shots that i was offered during the night, did not pay for a thing, and was still sufficiently intoxicated. went back to kasbah, hung out for what little time was left before close and just acted a fool. i had some good conversation, though brief in most cases, with sam, michelle, and cody during the night which definitely brightened my day. definitely a great night all and all though - and way more fun than i expected my first downtown experience to be.
jamey and his roommate came back to kirts place afterwards, and we had a great time hanging out, listening to music, chatting, and drawing on the couch. they smoked, i didn't, and we had a good time all and all. really interesting conversation about religion and particularly about the finer points of synchronicity versus fate, which made me very happy. . i can't help but smile thinking about jamey following my train of though differentiating between the two. that conversation was in and of itself one of the greater moments where things just click, and it was a great way to pass the time. if you want to hear about this conversation, let me know and i will type up what i remember of it tomorrow - i think it is riveting stuff, but i am not going to spend the time if you aren't interested.
we ended the night with some quality eurovision videos, which was definitely a new experience for jamey, and then went to bed some time between 6 and 7 or so. we started napoleon dynamite, but i fell asleep almost instantly. i woke up at around 10 of my own accord and decided to leave shortly thereafter. i talked to arthur on msn most of the way home, which was especially not wise considering the fog *cough*reignofdementorsdescendinguponaustin*cough* that was hanging in the air, but i enjoyed it.
read a bit, watched tv, slept a tiny bit, then went to lunch at chili's near the outlet mall. i got very ill from the food i ate, and i think i must have been allergic to something in the food i had. went and saw twilight with my sister sarah, and then barely made it home without getting sick again. i spent the rest of the evening trying unsuccessfully to recover from my nausea, slipping in and out of awareness and falling asleep off and on. watched the two hour 24 event, had some pizza, read some more, and here i am. it is time for a shower though, so that's the end of the update for now.
all and all - amazing, amazing, amazing birthday weekend. every night has been phenomenal. i could only ask that i had been able to spend some of that time with my good friends who aren't here in austin. some other time though, soon hopefully. oh, and thank you to the three people who donated money to invisible children for my birthday - $63 just for putting a little application on my page - i highly recommend each of you do the same thing for your own respective birthdays :) good night, and peace.
all of my health stuff came through, once and for all monday morning. i am completely healthy. clean slate. start again. if i were atlas, i have finally shrugged off the weight i was forced to carry and i can finally breathe free again. all i wanted to do was sit in reverie, have coffee, watch the sun shine, feel unafraid to let people in - but to just be alone. and i couldn't have that, which led to my mini-meltdown. nothing that a few hours at a record store could not solve.
i don't remember what i did tuesday. wednesday, i worked from 5 to close, had coffee with jess, watched bones with my mom, ate some homemade chili, then headed to kasbah. i got there at 1130, had a beer, and then casey and thomas took me down to hole in the wall for my first legal drink. maya was pulling up as we were walking out, so she joined us. shots that were supposed to put hair on my chest, dos equis pitchers, and a song (aptly named grain alcohol. . .?) dedicated to me by the live jug band and i was drunk. i got a little ill and made kirt drive me back to his apartment - there was no way i was making it down the street, nonetheless back to cedar park.
woke up at 730, went back up to cedar park and tried to sleep for a little more than the three or four hours of drunk slumber i had from the night before. my mom got home at noon from work and took me to the olive garden for lunch. it is always a trip to go back there after working there as long as i did. soup, salad, and breadsticks galore, followed by a strawberry bellini. my mom is so absurd when it comes to alcohol. went and got my hair cut then waited a few minutes for chris to get home to do presents and cake. went and got coffee, then headed down to kirts to go to dinner. i was not hungry at all, however, so we just smoked some hookah at his place, then went to cuatros for drinks. longhorn iced tea, a hesitant sip of kirt's snakebite, a pitcher of woodchuck amber, and some mystery tequila shot from the bar, then over to kasbah. i sobered up and then went over to true blue for my tattoo a couple hours later.
i was also being a bit demanding, and forced kirt to play the beatles instead of country. i guess i was abusing my birthday privileges. i was at true blue for quite a bit, simply because i was not in a rush and neither was my artist. mike wasn't working, but jon reed did it for me. if i'm not lazy, i will take a picture of it tomorrow. short, simple, sweet - i love it. i can't wait to get my next piece done, i just haven't put the time into planning the exact execution of the design yet. went back to kasbah and nic, zoe, liz, kyle, austin, gary, and kadie were all there. it was cold as hell, so i kind of rotated groups, but i was so so tired, i went back to kirts place at around 1230. fell asleep around 1, and woke up at 2 to go back and pick him up. i felt great before i went to sleep, completely sobered up, and then when i woke up i felt like hell. i couldn't throw up, but i would have felt better if i could have and i could not go to sleep either - i was miserable and shaking. i guess that is what i get for a getting a tattoo on an empty stomach. ultimately, that is the only explanation that is in any way rational.
woke up at 1030 the next day, went home, read harry potter for a few hours, then went to work at 5, still not feeling great. i had a lot of fun working with kait and jess, and then we all headed to trudy's after work. we got there and there was a bit of a wait, so we just went to chili's for some girly drinks instead. it was better off that way after all, considering jess and i were with liz and kait who are both clearly under age. i just had a strawberry daquiri, then got suckered into this huge margarita that our cute waiter convinced me would be a good idea to have. way bigger in real life than it was in the picture - and i'm not one for tequila, particularly on the rocks. everything i drank, including some kick ass whiskey later that night still tasted of tequila. went up to kasbah and just chilled - it was super crowded because everyone and their mom decided to come into town.
i left at about half past one to drive home and get some rest before i had to open in the morning. there was stupid construction on the toll road that stopped traffic dead for twenty minutes (i was being paranoid and thought it was a road block for a little while) and finally i had to go five miles out of the way to get back to my house since they closed exits without any kind of notice.
work was kind of busy and went by pretty fast. ian brought me coffee, which pepped me up substantially, and i had a nice, hearty serving of breakfast pizza that morning (crescent roll crust, no sauce, eggs, sausage, and cheese for those of you not well-versed in the awesome buckler family tradition) and got my last, and best, present from my dad since he finally made it back down from dallas. i have my own gps now, which is the amazing - i get lost every where i go if i am going off memory or gut instinct. i'm so stoked about it :)
i came home from work and tried to dig through my winter clothes to find something acceptable to wear in this crazy, freakishly cold weather that has recently invaded central texas. took a shower, then went to outback with my family. ate way too much, like always, came home and took a forty five minute nap, then headed to kasbah to meet up with jamey and casey and head downtown. we ended up heading out around midnight after chilling and smoking for a while. again, it was packed with people and there wasn't anywhere to sit. i was definitely the odd one out - the only girl in a room of at least a dozen guys, and it wasn't much different when we headed out. we took two cars, listened to nofx as casey drove and i snooped through his cds - a favorite pastime of mine in anyone's car. we started off at maggie mae's which was pretty cool. i am definitely not into the bar scene by any means, so it was different but fun. thomas and everyone he was with took a bit longer to get there, so they played catch up and then we headed over to fuel.
fuel was an experience. i was a little tipsy by the time we got there, but the guys knew someone who works there from kasbah, who let us in and got us drinks. fuel is kind of a seedy, ghetto, predominantly hispanic hangout and what was playing when we walked in? lil wayne of course. everyone in this place would have fit in perfectly with the crowd at voodoo. i braved the bathroom, which was an experience, and then we headed to the blind pig. we only stayed for a little while, waited for everyone else to meet up with us, then headed to the aquarium to grab a drink before last call. i ran into alexis neal of all people there, which was a trip. we took a picture together, which hopefully will surface at some point.
i refused about half the beer and shots that i was offered during the night, did not pay for a thing, and was still sufficiently intoxicated. went back to kasbah, hung out for what little time was left before close and just acted a fool. i had some good conversation, though brief in most cases, with sam, michelle, and cody during the night which definitely brightened my day. definitely a great night all and all though - and way more fun than i expected my first downtown experience to be.
jamey and his roommate came back to kirts place afterwards, and we had a great time hanging out, listening to music, chatting, and drawing on the couch. they smoked, i didn't, and we had a good time all and all. really interesting conversation about religion and particularly about the finer points of synchronicity versus fate, which made me very happy. . i can't help but smile thinking about jamey following my train of though differentiating between the two. that conversation was in and of itself one of the greater moments where things just click, and it was a great way to pass the time. if you want to hear about this conversation, let me know and i will type up what i remember of it tomorrow - i think it is riveting stuff, but i am not going to spend the time if you aren't interested.
we ended the night with some quality eurovision videos, which was definitely a new experience for jamey, and then went to bed some time between 6 and 7 or so. we started napoleon dynamite, but i fell asleep almost instantly. i woke up at around 10 of my own accord and decided to leave shortly thereafter. i talked to arthur on msn most of the way home, which was especially not wise considering the fog *cough*reignofdementorsdescendinguponaustin*cough* that was hanging in the air, but i enjoyed it.
read a bit, watched tv, slept a tiny bit, then went to lunch at chili's near the outlet mall. i got very ill from the food i ate, and i think i must have been allergic to something in the food i had. went and saw twilight with my sister sarah, and then barely made it home without getting sick again. i spent the rest of the evening trying unsuccessfully to recover from my nausea, slipping in and out of awareness and falling asleep off and on. watched the two hour 24 event, had some pizza, read some more, and here i am. it is time for a shower though, so that's the end of the update for now.
all and all - amazing, amazing, amazing birthday weekend. every night has been phenomenal. i could only ask that i had been able to spend some of that time with my good friends who aren't here in austin. some other time though, soon hopefully. oh, and thank you to the three people who donated money to invisible children for my birthday - $63 just for putting a little application on my page - i highly recommend each of you do the same thing for your own respective birthdays :) good night, and peace.
so what's the point in sleeping
monday october 20th.
i worked from five to nine thirty, came home and changed, then headed down to kasbah. chris and jess both came and met up with me, which was cool. chris got there a bit later, differential equations homework in hand, and i think he ended up having a good time. of course everyone was trying to milk embarassing stories out of him since he is my brother and all, but he didn't really budge. quite the night of revelations.
at one point chris and gary started geeking out about math, physics, and all kinds of science fiction-esque implications. i tried to tune it out but it was difficult. jessica only stayed for a little while, she had a lot of work to do, which is understandable. sometimes i forget that i am the only one with a seemingly indefinite amount of free time...that i somehow manage to waste away on nonsense or sleep most of the time.
i used to blame my constant comatose state on my medication, which certainly didn't help, but i have no energy. ever. i'm sure becoming dependent on caffeine doesn't help the good fight, but it is frustrating. i could sleep all day, wake up for an hour, be tired, and sleep another day away. it is unbelievable. sometimes i wonder if it is neurological. it doesn't get any better, even when i am not sleep deprived for weeks on end. it is perplexing.
went to kerbey lane, but it was closed for cleaning or some nonsense. since when is kerbey lane ever closed? so we drove through whataburger instead, which of course reminded me of sam. mmmm honey butter chicken biscuits. the best late night snack, ever. you take what you can get in jackson. not too many choices or options around late at night when you are in desperate need of something to eat.
friday night a bunch of people came in town, so i met a ton of kirt's friends, which was kind of overwhelming. jess and i stayed for a bit, but we ducked out pretty soon after the party had moved back to kirt's place. i have never seen so many people in such a small place. crazy. it has really been too long to recall individual conversations, but i instantly hit it off with jamey and we chatted about music and whatnot.
oh man, this is all blending together...i dont remember one night from the other. i guess this is what i get for procrastinating. every night involved some form of not getting enough sleep, being downtown, and probably kirts place.
one night we busted out the external hard drive, which was sweet. lots of good music. almost an infinite number of choices.
i also don't think i ever wrote about seeing the rocket summer. it blew my mind. i have reached a point where the rocket summer means more to me than jack's mannequin. i can listen to any song on do you feel ad nauseam...without ever reaching the getting sick part. as sam so eloquently put it "i love andrew and he's fabulous but he appeals to people who need justification for a depressing time. he tells them its okay and that good times are coming. bryce is just like shut up and quit whining! happy is the ONLY way to be." which is so true.
i'm going to get a new tattoo somehow incorporating the line "the colors my eyes have never seen, well, i am seeing now" and cherry blossoms. placement and design aren't definitive yet, but i'm working on it.
i really can't untangle each night from the next. oh well. it was all happiness interspersed with the occasional change in scenery. that is all that matters.
i worked from five to nine thirty, came home and changed, then headed down to kasbah. chris and jess both came and met up with me, which was cool. chris got there a bit later, differential equations homework in hand, and i think he ended up having a good time. of course everyone was trying to milk embarassing stories out of him since he is my brother and all, but he didn't really budge. quite the night of revelations.
at one point chris and gary started geeking out about math, physics, and all kinds of science fiction-esque implications. i tried to tune it out but it was difficult. jessica only stayed for a little while, she had a lot of work to do, which is understandable. sometimes i forget that i am the only one with a seemingly indefinite amount of free time...that i somehow manage to waste away on nonsense or sleep most of the time.
i used to blame my constant comatose state on my medication, which certainly didn't help, but i have no energy. ever. i'm sure becoming dependent on caffeine doesn't help the good fight, but it is frustrating. i could sleep all day, wake up for an hour, be tired, and sleep another day away. it is unbelievable. sometimes i wonder if it is neurological. it doesn't get any better, even when i am not sleep deprived for weeks on end. it is perplexing.
went to kerbey lane, but it was closed for cleaning or some nonsense. since when is kerbey lane ever closed? so we drove through whataburger instead, which of course reminded me of sam. mmmm honey butter chicken biscuits. the best late night snack, ever. you take what you can get in jackson. not too many choices or options around late at night when you are in desperate need of something to eat.
friday night a bunch of people came in town, so i met a ton of kirt's friends, which was kind of overwhelming. jess and i stayed for a bit, but we ducked out pretty soon after the party had moved back to kirt's place. i have never seen so many people in such a small place. crazy. it has really been too long to recall individual conversations, but i instantly hit it off with jamey and we chatted about music and whatnot.
oh man, this is all blending together...i dont remember one night from the other. i guess this is what i get for procrastinating. every night involved some form of not getting enough sleep, being downtown, and probably kirts place.
one night we busted out the external hard drive, which was sweet. lots of good music. almost an infinite number of choices.
i also don't think i ever wrote about seeing the rocket summer. it blew my mind. i have reached a point where the rocket summer means more to me than jack's mannequin. i can listen to any song on do you feel ad nauseam...without ever reaching the getting sick part. as sam so eloquently put it "i love andrew and he's fabulous but he appeals to people who need justification for a depressing time. he tells them its okay and that good times are coming. bryce is just like shut up and quit whining! happy is the ONLY way to be." which is so true.
i'm going to get a new tattoo somehow incorporating the line "the colors my eyes have never seen, well, i am seeing now" and cherry blossoms. placement and design aren't definitive yet, but i'm working on it.
i really can't untangle each night from the next. oh well. it was all happiness interspersed with the occasional change in scenery. that is all that matters.
i watched your face age backwards, changing shape in my memory
monday 9.29
like i said in my acl day 3 blog, no work today. it is nice to not have any worries...but without structure my life is becoming one meaningless night that i am stretching into day. i stayed up until past 4 last night, so i definitely got a late start. i spent a good majority of my afternoon sorting through photos and organizing them by day/set and then started editing...contrast, hue, saturation, cropping, the works...for all the decent ones. all of the dust in the air made flash impossible, which was a pain in my ass. i was in no state or position to hold my camera steady, but i got a good number of day shots when i actually remembered to take pictures.i watched reign of fire, featuring one of my favorite actors, christian bale. speaking of, i really need to rewatch american psycho when i'm not intoxicated. it doesn't make for an enjoyable experience haha.
unlike my usual laziness, it was kind of justified for me to be a bum today. i got little to no sleep this weekend, so i played catch up a little bit. i am starting to feel the anticipation for tomorrow, tgp day if you will - the day that the jack's mannequin album is finally dropping.
i spent a lot of time this weekend thinking about my type of guy...maybe i'll look for pictures later. i've gotten to the point where i realize that some cookie cutter guy is not going to cut it for me. i don't want a guy that is perfect, or a status symbol, or something to display as a trophy. i want a guy that drives me crazy and someone as broken as i am. i can't do perfection anymore - i'm too far from it.
today was st. jude day at chili's, so i called my dad up in st. louis and made him bring out his clients for dinner, and the rest of the family went to the chili's up on lakeline for dinner and dessert. my mom also bought me one of the blank keys with the chili's and st. jude logo on it. there is no way to describe the actual st. jude campus to anyone that hasn't been there...it is such an experience. this would be the point at which i would include some pictures or something, but since i'm not on my computer, i don't have anything to pull from. just trust me when i say it is amazing. it is also days like today that i am proud to be a delta delta delta.
i let my brother drive me home from chili's, which was really strange. my siblings are not allowed to grow up - ever. i also taught him how to pump gas, which was cute. i'm sure he found it really demeaning for his sister to teach him these ~manly things, but i think he was grateful for the opportunity. let's just say that he could use the practice.
came home, watched heroes. i didn't watch any of last season, so it is hard to keep up sometimes, but it is really cool. i love how they are messing with the preconceptions of certain characters and kind of skewing our understanding of each of their roles in the greater scheme of things. i also love peter petrelli...i still can't get over how much justin burns looks like him sometimes, but i lust over this guy - for real. not justin, milo. just to clarify.
i stayed up until 3 chatting with arthur on msn...until he had to go to school over there in sheffield. i love that boy, but he needs to realize i'm a lost cause. despite his valiant efforts, there is no chance of mending the broken shards of my mind and heart, all the linger in the wake of my life.
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tuesday 9.30
today is the day. the glass passenger is finally out, and i did my best to keep up with the online explosion in response to its release. i love jm.org...and i have made some irreplacable friends on there. it is amazing how one group of artists can pull in so many people from different places and walks of life together so thoroughly. it is an online community of confidants and companions...and it goes without saying that our compassion for this music draws us all together. every now and then i feel extraordinarily old around a good number of them, but they don't treat me any differently for being an old woman, haha.
left the house around noon. grabbed a smoothie at sonic and then met up with kevin, who followed me downtown to true blue. when we got down there, the parking was crazy and both lots under the overpass were completely full, which was strange. kevin got lucky and found somebody leaving, and parked over there, then hopped in the car with me and we drove over to a lot off 8th to park. went and paid for the parking, and for some reason the concept of putting money into a drop box was a foreign concept to kevin. it is really quite common...but apparently he doesn't park downtown that often.
mike was already there when we got there, and had some print outs of fonts to choose from. we decided not to go with some completely over the top typewriter font, but something clean and round. our biggest argument was on spacing and alignment. the two lines aren't equal so the issue was whether to center, condense/expand, or left align them. ultimately, we settled on centering, and as he was getting the stencil ready i decided to add some eighth notes to fill in the gaps at either end of the top line.
let me take this moment to say that the kind of tattoo someone picks tells you a lot about a person. i have had enough work done to see a good number of people come in and consult with various artists about the tattoos they want...and certain kinds of people always go for certain types of tattoos. it can be really revealing, to say the least.
this piece was particularly painful, and the last hour or so absolutely killed me. the first two hours were exceedingly awkward, seeing as how kevin was there and really did not say a word. apparently the fact that i didn't cry or visibly react to the process was surprising to him, and i think the only time he actually said anything was when he asked, "doesn't that hurt?" as if i was acting otherwise.
after a while, i found my center, like always, and it was extremely zen. i actually almost fell asleep for a while. certain parts were difficult just because i am extremely ticklish, but other parts were so easy...i swear, if i couldn't hear the needle vibrating i would have sworn it wasn't touch my body. i even twisted to watch for a while because i couldn't believe that i was really being tattooed.
the further up the work was, however, the harder it was to tell exactly how far the progress was. just like forearm game where it is next to impossible to tell the bend of your elbow from halfway down your forearm just by touch, not sight, it was impossible for me to tell the middle of my ribcage to the top.
i came home, took a nap. woke up, downloaded doris day but didn't get around to listening to it forever. the synth really reminds me of something, but i can't quite place it. i finally took some pictures of my old tattoo, along with my new tattoo, and posted them here and a couple other places. the response was really good, and despite my undying love for them, it is nice to know that others find them as beautiful as i do.
took a shower, cleaned it for the first time...and lord did it burn. i thought i must have accidentally had some shampoo on my hands or my normal body wash had gotten onto it, but really, it was just how sensitive that part of my body was. it burnt for five minutes straight, and no combination of hot or cold could really alleviate the excrutiating fire raging down my side.
my skin is still crisp from my fresh sunburn, and my eyes are still dry from their exhaustive exposure to dust and the elements. i did not receive my physical copy of the glass passenger, so my park plan and further exposure to the elements will have to wait. i want to listen to the album again, start to finish with the proper tracklisting with a set of virgin ears. i can't wait.
i was also supposed to get my new phone today, but it did not come in. the mail seems so unreliable. in a simliar vein, all of my mail that is being forwarded from school is being hand-addressed. how ridiculous is that? sometimes millsaps can be so illogical.
the economy is scaring the shit out of me at the moment. as mike, my artist so eloquently put it - heads should roll. this country can be so...ignorant, and i wish it were possible to just talk sense to all of the millions who do not have a clue.
my computer is literally dying, and there is a shrill, piercing buzz that rings in my ears every time i have it going. i am surprised it has lasted this long. there is also next to no virtual memory so it is hard to be patient while my computer puts every effort into the simplest of functions.
i talked to kent for a while, about seeing janet, going to south by southwest, etc. apparently onge and kent will be at voodoo for a last hoorah...i will have to see if i can work it in somehow.
watched csi miami, fringe, and house. i remember when i wanted to be a crime scene investigator...thats what my high school biotechnology class did to me. i can still geek out and talk to you about how much i loved that class, but i know that i was not meant to spend the rest ofmy life in a lab.
i talked to michelle on msn for a long time. i feel so old sometimes...but still so young. i am caught at the crossroads of adulthood, but still no respect. i can't wait for the ambiguity to end, but i also know that one arbitrary date will not change this in a blink of an eye....which is how it plays out in my mind.
my sister left the n on tv...and as i was reading, i swear i thought i was hallucinating. maybe it was a lucid dream? no, i was awake. get ready, off of jonezetta's last record popularity, was on the commercial for degrassi. apparently i was really late realizing this, since the commercial had been out for a long time, but it was still a really strange moment.
left the house around noon. grabbed a smoothie at sonic and then met up with kevin, who followed me downtown to true blue. when we got down there, the parking was crazy and both lots under the overpass were completely full, which was strange. kevin got lucky and found somebody leaving, and parked over there, then hopped in the car with me and we drove over to a lot off 8th to park. went and paid for the parking, and for some reason the concept of putting money into a drop box was a foreign concept to kevin. it is really quite common...but apparently he doesn't park downtown that often.
mike was already there when we got there, and had some print outs of fonts to choose from. we decided not to go with some completely over the top typewriter font, but something clean and round. our biggest argument was on spacing and alignment. the two lines aren't equal so the issue was whether to center, condense/expand, or left align them. ultimately, we settled on centering, and as he was getting the stencil ready i decided to add some eighth notes to fill in the gaps at either end of the top line.
let me take this moment to say that the kind of tattoo someone picks tells you a lot about a person. i have had enough work done to see a good number of people come in and consult with various artists about the tattoos they want...and certain kinds of people always go for certain types of tattoos. it can be really revealing, to say the least.
this piece was particularly painful, and the last hour or so absolutely killed me. the first two hours were exceedingly awkward, seeing as how kevin was there and really did not say a word. apparently the fact that i didn't cry or visibly react to the process was surprising to him, and i think the only time he actually said anything was when he asked, "doesn't that hurt?" as if i was acting otherwise.
after a while, i found my center, like always, and it was extremely zen. i actually almost fell asleep for a while. certain parts were difficult just because i am extremely ticklish, but other parts were so easy...i swear, if i couldn't hear the needle vibrating i would have sworn it wasn't touch my body. i even twisted to watch for a while because i couldn't believe that i was really being tattooed.
the further up the work was, however, the harder it was to tell exactly how far the progress was. just like forearm game where it is next to impossible to tell the bend of your elbow from halfway down your forearm just by touch, not sight, it was impossible for me to tell the middle of my ribcage to the top.
i came home, took a nap. woke up, downloaded doris day but didn't get around to listening to it forever. the synth really reminds me of something, but i can't quite place it. i finally took some pictures of my old tattoo, along with my new tattoo, and posted them here and a couple other places. the response was really good, and despite my undying love for them, it is nice to know that others find them as beautiful as i do.
took a shower, cleaned it for the first time...and lord did it burn. i thought i must have accidentally had some shampoo on my hands or my normal body wash had gotten onto it, but really, it was just how sensitive that part of my body was. it burnt for five minutes straight, and no combination of hot or cold could really alleviate the excrutiating fire raging down my side.
my skin is still crisp from my fresh sunburn, and my eyes are still dry from their exhaustive exposure to dust and the elements. i did not receive my physical copy of the glass passenger, so my park plan and further exposure to the elements will have to wait. i want to listen to the album again, start to finish with the proper tracklisting with a set of virgin ears. i can't wait.
i was also supposed to get my new phone today, but it did not come in. the mail seems so unreliable. in a simliar vein, all of my mail that is being forwarded from school is being hand-addressed. how ridiculous is that? sometimes millsaps can be so illogical.
the economy is scaring the shit out of me at the moment. as mike, my artist so eloquently put it - heads should roll. this country can be so...ignorant, and i wish it were possible to just talk sense to all of the millions who do not have a clue.
my computer is literally dying, and there is a shrill, piercing buzz that rings in my ears every time i have it going. i am surprised it has lasted this long. there is also next to no virtual memory so it is hard to be patient while my computer puts every effort into the simplest of functions.
i talked to kent for a while, about seeing janet, going to south by southwest, etc. apparently onge and kent will be at voodoo for a last hoorah...i will have to see if i can work it in somehow.
watched csi miami, fringe, and house. i remember when i wanted to be a crime scene investigator...thats what my high school biotechnology class did to me. i can still geek out and talk to you about how much i loved that class, but i know that i was not meant to spend the rest ofmy life in a lab.
i talked to michelle on msn for a long time. i feel so old sometimes...but still so young. i am caught at the crossroads of adulthood, but still no respect. i can't wait for the ambiguity to end, but i also know that one arbitrary date will not change this in a blink of an eye....which is how it plays out in my mind.
my sister left the n on tv...and as i was reading, i swear i thought i was hallucinating. maybe it was a lucid dream? no, i was awake. get ready, off of jonezetta's last record popularity, was on the commercial for degrassi. apparently i was really late realizing this, since the commercial had been out for a long time, but it was still a really strange moment.
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wednesday 10.1
talked to kevin for a while, until the wee hours of the morning, while he was at work. i also talked to arthur again. i wish i could give something back to him for all of the compassion that he shows to me...but there isn't. hopefully he will find happiness, like he deserves.
apparently orphans was on one tree hill. not that i watch one tree hill....but i love orphans. and it makes me think of my sam...who i miss dearly.
went to lunch at jason's deli with my mom and dad, and put a good dent in new moon. i was finally picking up the momentum to finish the book, so we stopped by wal-mart on the way home to pick up eclipse. they were sold out of it, however, and i was not about to go out of my way to pick it up elsewhere. we got some groceries, cut the blank chili's/st. jude key so that i had my own working house key again, and headed home.
read for a bit at home, updated blog and tried to get through the dense work of recounting austin city limits. i was about to fall asleep, so i decided to take the dogs for a walk instead. i have four dogs, if you didn't know, so it is impossible to walk them all at once. so, two rounds of walking later, i had taken all of them. i just walked block after block with the puppies, listening to the across the universe soundtrack on my zen...until it froze.
the wireless on my computer started acting up when i got back, so it was next to impossible to keep working on my blog. there isn't exactly a hard line to connect to in my house, and the wireless router was being stupid, so that was the source of a great bit of frustration. just another sign that my computer is reaching the end of it's life...because apparently my computer turned out to be the source of the problems, not the router.
went to get coffee for myself and jess before work, and talked to kevin for a bit. apparently he knows this girl brittany, who i used to work with at old navy, because she was in front of me in line a couple of people and they bantered a bit. apparently kevin is blowing off her attempts to hang out. really trustworthy, eh?
jess wasn't feeling well and had wanted me to cover her shift, but unfortunately i was already scheduled for that night, so she had to come in anyway. the night absolutely flew by, and some friend of sara was one of our last customers. he was really cute, and completely fits my type. it is nice to see that guys i desire exist, besides the ones i had and couldn't keep.
kaitlin stopped by we chatted for a while. that girl is too damn cute for her own good, and i'm sure all of her guy issues will resolve themselves soon enough. shawn took forever getting back form his last delivery, and we couldn't close up until he got back. kaitlin, jess, and myself were going to hit up starbucks once we closed, but between shawn's lethargic behavior and the register being short, we didn't finish until 10. jess and i weren't ready to go home, but kaitlin had a curfew, so she had to head back. i called kevin to get him to join jess and i to kasbah, and then waited for big josh to finish closing at randalls. we ended up taking separate cars so that i could leave early, which turned out to be a waste.
i had a nice heart to heart with josh, and i realized that i have much more in common with him than with kevin. actually articulating my hesitance and misgivings about kevin was cathartic, and i really figured things out in that ride. listened to at the drive-in for the first time in a long time, and was in a great mood getting to kasbah.
there were a ton of people out on the porch, even more than normal. i had a great time, particularly with this girl tricia who i met. we shared the couch with her, and she was sarcastic, funny, and witty as hell. we really got along well, and it was nice to have a strong female dynamic instead of being completely overrun by testosterone and douche bag-ness like it usually is. i texted kyle and cody for a while...and i had a smile on my face for a good deal of the night. shisha always makes me really lightheaded, and i was feeling great. i ended up staying until they closed, despite promising myself i would leave by 1, just because i was enjoying myself that much. i also love hanging out with jess...i'm going to legitimately miss her once i go back to school.
apparently orphans was on one tree hill. not that i watch one tree hill....but i love orphans. and it makes me think of my sam...who i miss dearly.
went to lunch at jason's deli with my mom and dad, and put a good dent in new moon. i was finally picking up the momentum to finish the book, so we stopped by wal-mart on the way home to pick up eclipse. they were sold out of it, however, and i was not about to go out of my way to pick it up elsewhere. we got some groceries, cut the blank chili's/st. jude key so that i had my own working house key again, and headed home.
read for a bit at home, updated blog and tried to get through the dense work of recounting austin city limits. i was about to fall asleep, so i decided to take the dogs for a walk instead. i have four dogs, if you didn't know, so it is impossible to walk them all at once. so, two rounds of walking later, i had taken all of them. i just walked block after block with the puppies, listening to the across the universe soundtrack on my zen...until it froze.
the wireless on my computer started acting up when i got back, so it was next to impossible to keep working on my blog. there isn't exactly a hard line to connect to in my house, and the wireless router was being stupid, so that was the source of a great bit of frustration. just another sign that my computer is reaching the end of it's life...because apparently my computer turned out to be the source of the problems, not the router.
went to get coffee for myself and jess before work, and talked to kevin for a bit. apparently he knows this girl brittany, who i used to work with at old navy, because she was in front of me in line a couple of people and they bantered a bit. apparently kevin is blowing off her attempts to hang out. really trustworthy, eh?
jess wasn't feeling well and had wanted me to cover her shift, but unfortunately i was already scheduled for that night, so she had to come in anyway. the night absolutely flew by, and some friend of sara was one of our last customers. he was really cute, and completely fits my type. it is nice to see that guys i desire exist, besides the ones i had and couldn't keep.
kaitlin stopped by we chatted for a while. that girl is too damn cute for her own good, and i'm sure all of her guy issues will resolve themselves soon enough. shawn took forever getting back form his last delivery, and we couldn't close up until he got back. kaitlin, jess, and myself were going to hit up starbucks once we closed, but between shawn's lethargic behavior and the register being short, we didn't finish until 10. jess and i weren't ready to go home, but kaitlin had a curfew, so she had to head back. i called kevin to get him to join jess and i to kasbah, and then waited for big josh to finish closing at randalls. we ended up taking separate cars so that i could leave early, which turned out to be a waste.
i had a nice heart to heart with josh, and i realized that i have much more in common with him than with kevin. actually articulating my hesitance and misgivings about kevin was cathartic, and i really figured things out in that ride. listened to at the drive-in for the first time in a long time, and was in a great mood getting to kasbah.
there were a ton of people out on the porch, even more than normal. i had a great time, particularly with this girl tricia who i met. we shared the couch with her, and she was sarcastic, funny, and witty as hell. we really got along well, and it was nice to have a strong female dynamic instead of being completely overrun by testosterone and douche bag-ness like it usually is. i texted kyle and cody for a while...and i had a smile on my face for a good deal of the night. shisha always makes me really lightheaded, and i was feeling great. i ended up staying until they closed, despite promising myself i would leave by 1, just because i was enjoying myself that much. i also love hanging out with jess...i'm going to legitimately miss her once i go back to school.
thursday 10.2
i worked from 1030 to 5 and it was extraordinarily slow. some days hot wok feels like torture.
watched supernatural and then pushing daisies. it was my first time seeing pushing daisies, and the show in its entirety is just as visually captivating as the commercials make it out to be. it is such a fairy tale and the color and composition of the set is absolutely breathtaking and arresting. jack's played on jay leno and then ben folds on conan. good performances all and all.
i tried to fix my computer, but it completely died. i asked my dad to look at it, but of course he put it off. i started to use my mom's laptop, which was frustrating, but i wasn't really left with much choice. my computer won't even turn on, so i am shit out of luck for the time being.
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friday 10.3
i finished reading new moon while attempting to go to sleep and failing miserably. it is hard for me to read about love, even in something as fantastical and unrealistic as the twilight series. there is twinge of regret and pain stabbing through my very being every time i see the word or read about someone else's happiness.
i have an increasing anxiety thinking about school and my incompletes...and i am terrified yet exhilarated thinking about it.
i had a really hard time getting out of bed, mostly because of my late night reading session. went and had lunch at the chick-fil-a at the mall with my mom and dad, and then went to go see blindness.
i was so excited about that movie...and it completely lived up to my expectations. it was visually arresting and deeply moving. it is terrifying to think about what people, as a group not as individuals, are capable of, and this movie really captured some of the worst of humanity in a very believable way.
went to wolf camera to pick up a new lens cover for my rebel...i managed to lose it on sunday, and i was terrified of scratching the lense. they didn't have an covers the right size though, so we ordered a couple of spares. in the meantime i picked up a filter so that if it gets scratched, its just $30 worth of damage, not several hundred.
i was scheduled to work from 530 to 830 to cashier during the rush, but it did not get as busy as it was supposed to. i left at 730 when we had no more customers.
came home and talked to .org people all night. i am really happy for arthur...this is just what i wanted for him, but it kind of cements the idea in my head that i will never find someone. if someone can so serendipitously walk into arthur's life...but not mine, it seems a bit pointless.
i have an increasing anxiety thinking about school and my incompletes...and i am terrified yet exhilarated thinking about it.
i had a really hard time getting out of bed, mostly because of my late night reading session. went and had lunch at the chick-fil-a at the mall with my mom and dad, and then went to go see blindness.
i was so excited about that movie...and it completely lived up to my expectations. it was visually arresting and deeply moving. it is terrifying to think about what people, as a group not as individuals, are capable of, and this movie really captured some of the worst of humanity in a very believable way.
went to wolf camera to pick up a new lens cover for my rebel...i managed to lose it on sunday, and i was terrified of scratching the lense. they didn't have an covers the right size though, so we ordered a couple of spares. in the meantime i picked up a filter so that if it gets scratched, its just $30 worth of damage, not several hundred.
i was scheduled to work from 530 to 830 to cashier during the rush, but it did not get as busy as it was supposed to. i left at 730 when we had no more customers.
came home and talked to .org people all night. i am really happy for arthur...this is just what i wanted for him, but it kind of cements the idea in my head that i will never find someone. if someone can so serendipitously walk into arthur's life...but not mine, it seems a bit pointless.
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saturday 10.4work from 1030 to 5. during my shift kaitlin texted me and asked if i could work sunday morning for her since she wouldn't be getting in my boa arlington until 3 or 4 in the morning, and since i did not have any definitive plans i said i could do it. i really did not want to...but there was really no reason for me not to.
chris called mid-afternoon to let me know that uncle david wasn't able to go to the carlos mencia show in san antonio that he had bought tickets for. he and his roommate were already planning on going, and he offered to meet up with me when i got off work. i ducked out of work a few minutes early, gave some money to chris to go grab us some coffee, and then ran home to change out of my clothes that reeked of chinese food.
the show went on for an eternity, and i did not think it would ever end. he had four opening acts, and then went on for two and a half hours instead of the forty five he was scheduled for. the humor was particularly awkward with the company and it was really not my style or in line with my sensibilities. it was cool to actually go to a big comedy show, but like i said, not really my thing.
i talked to jim on the drive home, which was nice. sometimes i wonder if that kid is even alive, but he talks to me whenever it is convenient for him. same old jim. oh, and alex texted me early in the afternoon to let me know that he would be passing through on thursday. sarah won't be able to come since she is headed to new orleans for katie's bacholerette party, which is a drag.
blake was also texting me a lot, which is kind of awkward considering he is my brother's roommate. he is really funny and cool though. went to sleep texting, and ended up sleeping through some interesting stuff. oh well....it happens. i was so exhausted...it was definitely the longest time (consequetively) that i had spent awake in a long time.
sunday 10.5chris called mid-afternoon to let me know that uncle david wasn't able to go to the carlos mencia show in san antonio that he had bought tickets for. he and his roommate were already planning on going, and he offered to meet up with me when i got off work. i ducked out of work a few minutes early, gave some money to chris to go grab us some coffee, and then ran home to change out of my clothes that reeked of chinese food.
the show went on for an eternity, and i did not think it would ever end. he had four opening acts, and then went on for two and a half hours instead of the forty five he was scheduled for. the humor was particularly awkward with the company and it was really not my style or in line with my sensibilities. it was cool to actually go to a big comedy show, but like i said, not really my thing.
i talked to jim on the drive home, which was nice. sometimes i wonder if that kid is even alive, but he talks to me whenever it is convenient for him. same old jim. oh, and alex texted me early in the afternoon to let me know that he would be passing through on thursday. sarah won't be able to come since she is headed to new orleans for katie's bacholerette party, which is a drag.
blake was also texting me a lot, which is kind of awkward considering he is my brother's roommate. he is really funny and cool though. went to sleep texting, and ended up sleeping through some interesting stuff. oh well....it happens. i was so exhausted...it was definitely the longest time (consequetively) that i had spent awake in a long time.
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went to work from 1030 to 300. kevin and i arent talking at all now...i told him i didnt want to be in a relationship, and that wasn't okay with him. i guess he isn't mature enough to talk to me if he isn't going to get what he wants, but whatever. just more proof that i do not want to be with him...or anyone like him. my brother brought me coffee mid-morning, which was awesome. kevin came in, but we were really busy so i didn't chat with him at all. cory and i had some good conversation though
called my mom to let her know i got off work, and my family was just sitting down for lunch at chili's - so i headed over to join. my dad let me know that he had looked at my computer, and that he would have to send it off to get fixed. i realllllly need a new computer. i guess i'm stuck using my mom's until at least saturday though. my dad left for st. louis, which i did not know about until he headed for the airport after lunch. i came back and read some ayn rand and took a nap. lots of texting, internet, and the like. some stimulating conversation ended the night and i fell asleep smiling.
called my mom to let her know i got off work, and my family was just sitting down for lunch at chili's - so i headed over to join. my dad let me know that he had looked at my computer, and that he would have to send it off to get fixed. i realllllly need a new computer. i guess i'm stuck using my mom's until at least saturday though. my dad left for st. louis, which i did not know about until he headed for the airport after lunch. i came back and read some ayn rand and took a nap. lots of texting, internet, and the like. some stimulating conversation ended the night and i fell asleep smiling.
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monday 10.6
went to work from 1030 to 5...it is really starting to feel like the daily grind. nothing eventful happened. came home and didn't really have anything to watch on tv. since kxan went off the air on time warner, all of the channels have been kind of messed up. i watched casper though, for the first time in ages. it feels like eternity ago when that movie came out.
spent the whole night on the computer...chatting with .org people and the like. ended up facing down a hugeeee mind fuck. i talked to jeff for the first time and he is cool as shit. we had some really interesting conversation, and i love his company. we definitely hit it off. let's just say that the internet got a lot more interesting for me. ironically, he is from st. louis which is just where my dad went for work.
took a nap, and then went down to kasbah to meet up with kyle. austin was supposed to join but ended up staying at the dorm and doing homework. then kyle's friend sean came, but he was really quiet. kirt ended up joining us and we talked about tattoos for a long time. sean left and then the three of us had some good conversation. kirt had the night off, so we just waited for zoe and nick to show up and then headed back to kirt's place to smoke and chill. it started raining and the sound was beautiful. we just chilled and listened to music for a while and listened to the rain, which was really relaxing. a bit of discussion about piercings and horoscopes and i really enjoyed the company.
kyle and i left around 3, and the roads were so slick on the way back. luckily, it had stopped raining, so no visibility issues driving back. picked up whataburger on the way back and called it a night. good day overall though - a bit more eventful than i had been expecting.
spent the whole night on the computer...chatting with .org people and the like. ended up facing down a hugeeee mind fuck. i talked to jeff for the first time and he is cool as shit. we had some really interesting conversation, and i love his company. we definitely hit it off. let's just say that the internet got a lot more interesting for me. ironically, he is from st. louis which is just where my dad went for work.
took a nap, and then went down to kasbah to meet up with kyle. austin was supposed to join but ended up staying at the dorm and doing homework. then kyle's friend sean came, but he was really quiet. kirt ended up joining us and we talked about tattoos for a long time. sean left and then the three of us had some good conversation. kirt had the night off, so we just waited for zoe and nick to show up and then headed back to kirt's place to smoke and chill. it started raining and the sound was beautiful. we just chilled and listened to music for a while and listened to the rain, which was really relaxing. a bit of discussion about piercings and horoscopes and i really enjoyed the company.
kyle and i left around 3, and the roads were so slick on the way back. luckily, it had stopped raining, so no visibility issues driving back. picked up whataburger on the way back and called it a night. good day overall though - a bit more eventful than i had been expecting.
----
tuesday 10.7
took the dogs for a walk and listened to the glass passenger. i broke the promise i had made to myself to wait until i had the physical copy...because it has still been a week and not one of my three pre-orders is here. hopefully they will be in within the next week or so, but it is pointless to torture myself in anticipation, so i listened to the digital download on my zen.
fell asleep trying to watch heroes online, and woke up around 630. my mom went to the booster meeting at the high school and left me money to buy dinner for myself and sarah. then ian called and needed a ride, it was some kind of disconnect. went and picked up some food at bush's chicken, came home and enjoyed dinner with sarah and ian. actually watched heroes from start to end, and then some episodes of 30 rock.
went to get coffee at starbucks for the four of us that were home, and came back to more episodes of 30 rock and life. i really should have watched the debate...but i wasn't in the mood for it at all. then updated the blog which has led me up until now...5 am. am now i am caught up, finally. woohoo :)
you've gotta swim, swim for your life. . .
. . .swim for the music that saves you
when you're not so sure you'll survive.
You've gotta swim
And swim when it hurts
The whole world is watching
You haven't come this far to fall off the earth
The currents will pull you
Away from your love
Just keep your head above
I found a title wave begging to tear down the dawn
Memories like bullets they fired at me from a gun
A crack in the armor
I swim for brighter days
Despite the absence of sun
Choking on saltwater
I'm not giving in
I swim
You've gotta swim
Through nights that won't end
Swim for your families
Your lovers
Your sisters and brothers
And friends
You've gotta swim
Through wars without cause
Swim for the lost politicians
Who don't see their greed as a flaw
The currents will pull us
Away from our love
Just keep your head above
I found a tidal wave begging to tear down the dawn
Memories like bullets they fired at me from a gun
A crack in the armor
I swim for brighter days
Despite the absence of sun
Choking on saltwater
I'm not giving in
I swim
You've gotta swim
Swim in the dark
There's no shame in drifting
Feel the tide shifting
And wait for the spark
You've gotta swim
Don't let yourself sink
Just find the horizon
I promise you it's not as far as you think
The currents will drag us
Away from our love
Just keep your head above
when you're not so sure you'll survive.
You've gotta swim
And swim when it hurts
The whole world is watching
You haven't come this far to fall off the earth
The currents will pull you
Away from your love
Just keep your head above
I found a title wave begging to tear down the dawn
Memories like bullets they fired at me from a gun
A crack in the armor
I swim for brighter days
Despite the absence of sun
Choking on saltwater
I'm not giving in
I swim
You've gotta swim
Through nights that won't end
Swim for your families
Your lovers
Your sisters and brothers
And friends
You've gotta swim
Through wars without cause
Swim for the lost politicians
Who don't see their greed as a flaw
The currents will pull us
Away from our love
Just keep your head above
I found a tidal wave begging to tear down the dawn
Memories like bullets they fired at me from a gun
A crack in the armor
I swim for brighter days
Despite the absence of sun
Choking on saltwater
I'm not giving in
I swim
You've gotta swim
Swim in the dark
There's no shame in drifting
Feel the tide shifting
And wait for the spark
You've gotta swim
Don't let yourself sink
Just find the horizon
I promise you it's not as far as you think
The currents will drag us
Away from our love
Just keep your head above
another lonely night in amsterdam. . .
. . .the stars are coming out in waves
And I miss my Miss America from Park Hotel
But I'm too stoned to call it a day
When everything you wanted
Is hard to hide behind your lies
And I'm locked in my hotel room
Turning over our goodbyes
I will write this down for you
So you can read it
I will hold my breath for you
Till I can't feel it
Another lonely night in Amsterdam
The water's moving through the sound
The blood is boiling in my veins
and the food I can't keep down
And I don't care if you don't love me
And I don't care if you don't change
And I could live inside the shadow that I cast for you
If it meant that you would stay
And I'll be home before the morning comes,
You won't have to be alone
I will write this down for you
So you can read it
I will hold my breath for you
Till I can't feel it
You don't have to see me this way,
'Cause this way I'm okay
I will write this down,
I will write this down
Oh love, I'm tangled up again
Oh love, when does this twisting end?
When does this twisting end?
I will write this down for you
So you can read it
I will hold my breath for you
Till I can't feel it
You won't have to see me this way
Cause this way I'm okay
I will write this down for you,
So you can read it...
And I miss my Miss America from Park Hotel
But I'm too stoned to call it a day
When everything you wanted
Is hard to hide behind your lies
And I'm locked in my hotel room
Turning over our goodbyes
I will write this down for you
So you can read it
I will hold my breath for you
Till I can't feel it
Another lonely night in Amsterdam
The water's moving through the sound
The blood is boiling in my veins
and the food I can't keep down
And I don't care if you don't love me
And I don't care if you don't change
And I could live inside the shadow that I cast for you
If it meant that you would stay
And I'll be home before the morning comes,
You won't have to be alone
I will write this down for you
So you can read it
I will hold my breath for you
Till I can't feel it
You don't have to see me this way,
'Cause this way I'm okay
I will write this down,
I will write this down
Oh love, I'm tangled up again
Oh love, when does this twisting end?
When does this twisting end?
I will write this down for you
So you can read it
I will hold my breath for you
Till I can't feel it
You won't have to see me this way
Cause this way I'm okay
I will write this down for you,
So you can read it...
and even when your voice comes back again, maybe there'll be no one listening.
and even if i find the strength to stand...
today is the day. the glass passenger is officially out. unfortunately...i won't be getting a physical copy for a while. i've already listened to the leak, but as soon as i get the cd itself, i am going to get some coffee, a pack of camel lights and go sit in a park somewhere downtown in the middle of the afternoon...and just listen. i can't wait.
less than twelve hours until i get my swim tattoo. i have been planning it since...may...and now it is finally going to happen.
the internet is going crazy, and i feel so much love towards all the people who are listening for the first time. i can't wait to sit and talk to everyone about it without any judgment, and with all the initial excitement all over again. i have abstained from listening all this week, and will continue to do so until i have my afternoon in the park.
today is the day. the glass passenger is officially out. unfortunately...i won't be getting a physical copy for a while. i've already listened to the leak, but as soon as i get the cd itself, i am going to get some coffee, a pack of camel lights and go sit in a park somewhere downtown in the middle of the afternoon...and just listen. i can't wait.
less than twelve hours until i get my swim tattoo. i have been planning it since...may...and now it is finally going to happen.
the internet is going crazy, and i feel so much love towards all the people who are listening for the first time. i can't wait to sit and talk to everyone about it without any judgment, and with all the initial excitement all over again. i have abstained from listening all this week, and will continue to do so until i have my afternoon in the park.
i've never been so lost, i've never felt so much at home.
somehow, in the time between being in my car until i get to my laptop, i lose all desire to write a blog. i'm trying to make myself do this everyday. consider this my threesixtyfive that all the trendy kids are doing on flickr. except, more candid. less editing. completely bare - no lens to capture a moment, just my thoughts.
i love austin. i forget that i have a past here. it is slowly coming back to me...the problems and the history seem like a lifetime ago. somehow, the same anxieties keep resurfacing.
fuck not being 21. everyone treats me like i'm a kid...what can you do? at least people think i'm older...even though i look about ten. a bit of a paradox, i know.
went to see alex tonight. the meg and dia/jonezetta/ danger radio show passed through austin today, and i was able to work the morning and afternoon shift at hot wok, so i was free. sarah and i took our precious time a bit too much, but it was great. i got to see eileen and allie....for the first time in a very long time. it was great. i could totally be a south austin kid...if only i wasn't committed to a job. then i would just move downtown, and just exist. i really think i could thrive there.
the show was at emos...i have so much history there. plus, makes me want to hit up true blue when i pass it. maybe i'll take a picture of my tattoo tomorrow? i think i might get my drop shadow added this weekend and finish up the piece. then moving on to the work i want done on my ribs. fuck. yeah.
i was wrong. i am not as far in as i thought with him. ghosts tend to haunt me, even ones that never even truly manifested themselves to begin with. just little gusts of something behind the veil, prickling anticipation building in every inch of skin - but once you turn to face what causes this elation, there is nothing but the weight in the air of what you cannot reach or really see.
i'm in love with the idea of someone. people pass judgment when a woman marries for a money, a man marries for beauty, a fan marries for celebrity, anyone marries for appearances. but we are all in love with ideas. maybe we put ourselves on a pedestal above these people, or think we are superior, but it is just because we are able to justify to ourselves that our idea is what everyone should commonly aim for. a preconceived notion of society of who would be a fitting mate or spouse or companion. but we are in love with the idea of this is who we should be with. or the idea that we have to find our soul mate. or ourself in someone else. or everything we can't be in our counterpart. these are still ideas. coming down from the "event" i was still in love with the idea of who i could be with him, of who i was in relation to him, and him to me. i am still in love with that idea, which is why i can't let go. why i thought he was the end-all, be-all for me. he succeeded in making me move past him...as he wanted...but he couldn't make me let go of the idea of him. no one can, except for me. even knowing that is what i'm in love with this idea, since i can't truly love someone who does not love me, i don't know that i can let go. but i have let go of him.
and i know- i dont think, i know- that my ideal, my idea, my happiness is not contained within one person and one person alone. he was not the only one who i will ever let in, or who i could ever let in.
i know that this crush, this breath of fresh air that has been lingering near for weeks, still has a place. not necessarily in my heart, but at least here in my mind.
i love austin. i forget that i have a past here. it is slowly coming back to me...the problems and the history seem like a lifetime ago. somehow, the same anxieties keep resurfacing.
fuck not being 21. everyone treats me like i'm a kid...what can you do? at least people think i'm older...even though i look about ten. a bit of a paradox, i know.
went to see alex tonight. the meg and dia/jonezetta/ danger radio show passed through austin today, and i was able to work the morning and afternoon shift at hot wok, so i was free. sarah and i took our precious time a bit too much, but it was great. i got to see eileen and allie....for the first time in a very long time. it was great. i could totally be a south austin kid...if only i wasn't committed to a job. then i would just move downtown, and just exist. i really think i could thrive there.
the show was at emos...i have so much history there. plus, makes me want to hit up true blue when i pass it. maybe i'll take a picture of my tattoo tomorrow? i think i might get my drop shadow added this weekend and finish up the piece. then moving on to the work i want done on my ribs. fuck. yeah.
i was wrong. i am not as far in as i thought with him. ghosts tend to haunt me, even ones that never even truly manifested themselves to begin with. just little gusts of something behind the veil, prickling anticipation building in every inch of skin - but once you turn to face what causes this elation, there is nothing but the weight in the air of what you cannot reach or really see.
i'm in love with the idea of someone. people pass judgment when a woman marries for a money, a man marries for beauty, a fan marries for celebrity, anyone marries for appearances. but we are all in love with ideas. maybe we put ourselves on a pedestal above these people, or think we are superior, but it is just because we are able to justify to ourselves that our idea is what everyone should commonly aim for. a preconceived notion of society of who would be a fitting mate or spouse or companion. but we are in love with the idea of this is who we should be with. or the idea that we have to find our soul mate. or ourself in someone else. or everything we can't be in our counterpart. these are still ideas. coming down from the "event" i was still in love with the idea of who i could be with him, of who i was in relation to him, and him to me. i am still in love with that idea, which is why i can't let go. why i thought he was the end-all, be-all for me. he succeeded in making me move past him...as he wanted...but he couldn't make me let go of the idea of him. no one can, except for me. even knowing that is what i'm in love with this idea, since i can't truly love someone who does not love me, i don't know that i can let go. but i have let go of him.
and i know- i dont think, i know- that my ideal, my idea, my happiness is not contained within one person and one person alone. he was not the only one who i will ever let in, or who i could ever let in.
i know that this crush, this breath of fresh air that has been lingering near for weeks, still has a place. not necessarily in my heart, but at least here in my mind.
yeah, i'm always coming down but i'm doing my best to get caught
alright, last couple of days have been pretty boring but wonderful. my boo sara moved into her dorm today :( i'm going to miss her like crazy but at least she's close by.
saturday was really chill. hippie party at jessica's apartment. i saw a bunch of people that i graduated with but never really knew. jessica, sara, and i picked on john, this guy who also graduated 06 and apparently works at wok express. so of course the hot wok people ganged up on him. i got majorly hit on by this super sketchy dealer...while the party was getting busted. who tries to impress someone with drugs when the cops are busting up the party? oh well. people were being reckless and there were a shit ton of people around. there was also a party in the apartment building right next to us, and they got in much more serious shit. we got lucky when they started arresting people there instead. lots of stupid people vomiting /passing out during the night. some good antics though all and all.
sunday was pretty uneventful day. sara had to meet up with her day at 830 so we left jessica's at 8. went back home intending just to go to bed, but stayed up reading most of the day. finally finished middlesex. i think i should do a comprehensive list of all the books i've read this summer/this year or something. i've been reading like a mad woman. i went to the mall with my dad and brothers and then saw the animated star wars movie - clone wars or whatever. it was pretty lame. don't get me wrong, i love me some star wars, but i didn't dig this at all :/ then work from 430 to close. i was feeling really ill, i think i caught whatever ian had :( it only lasted a few days though. went to chilis with the family once sarah and mom got back from out of town soccer stuff.
monday, day off. started unpacking...to no avail. there's no place to put my stuff. i need an apartment like woah. i guess i should go looking this weekend or something. went and got my soco tattoo :) i got these lyrics from "miss america" on north added to my stars - "the stars are coming out in waves" on top and then ". . . when does this twisting end?" on the bottom. it looks amazing but is a little sore. the guy who ended up doing the tattoo at true blue, mike, was awesome. i know i'm not an easy client to tattoo...especially when it's on my rib cage to begin with...but he did an amazing job. sara and i were there for over three hours...including sterilizing, sketching, stenciling, the works. it was only $150, but totally should have been more, so i left at $50 tip. he said he would add a drop shadow for me for free whenever this healed up, and i would recommend his work to anyone. he's so nice...no blow outs, not heavy handed, but still a very quick artist. he also has a really good eye for flow and direction.
then sara and i hit up kerbey lane on guadalupe. mmmm pancakes :) we ended up seeing alyx walk by while we were waiting for our food and decided to drop by and see her and the twins and some other people at kasbah when we finished up. stuck around kasbah for like fifteen minutes, talked about invisible children and this semester a lot - the twins leave for chicago friday, which is exciting. i remember when i was excited about going to school haha.
tuesday, bummed around all morning trying to find my missing copy of the fountainhead. worked from 330 to 930. came back and really tried to consolidate all my stuff down/organize my boxes. it is such an undertaking...ugh. jack's leaked early this morning/late monday night so i listened to it nonstop nonstop nonstop. a lot of people on the boards are saying that if you listen to it you are being a disloyal fan...and once i heard andrew was upset about it i felt real guilty, but i support them like crazy. i was really hesitant about this album, but all of my worries are gone - so now i'm even more motivated to push it to everyone like crazy. review coming soon - it has blown my mind though. i can't wait to see all of this performed live :) headlining tour better come to texas.
today, i watched the new episode of weeds from this week online. went to say bye to sara and gave her some vitamin c and my chair for her dorm for the semester. uploaded a ton of pictures to facebook. i still need to scan in my fisheye film, but i guess thats a project for tomorrow. caught up on project runway, unpacked more, drank lots of coffee. . .now i'm watching greek. idk, i like this show. my sister always records it for me and somehow i got suckered into it. she also got me liking the jonas brothers a little bit. i never got into hanson, but i can totally dig me some jonas brothers. went to bush's chicken for lunch with the family and ran into mr. san luis who i hadn't seen in ages. spent way to much time on jm.org trying to stay caught up and listened to the album at least four more times. that's all for now i guess :)
saturday was really chill. hippie party at jessica's apartment. i saw a bunch of people that i graduated with but never really knew. jessica, sara, and i picked on john, this guy who also graduated 06 and apparently works at wok express. so of course the hot wok people ganged up on him. i got majorly hit on by this super sketchy dealer...while the party was getting busted. who tries to impress someone with drugs when the cops are busting up the party? oh well. people were being reckless and there were a shit ton of people around. there was also a party in the apartment building right next to us, and they got in much more serious shit. we got lucky when they started arresting people there instead. lots of stupid people vomiting /passing out during the night. some good antics though all and all.
sunday was pretty uneventful day. sara had to meet up with her day at 830 so we left jessica's at 8. went back home intending just to go to bed, but stayed up reading most of the day. finally finished middlesex. i think i should do a comprehensive list of all the books i've read this summer/this year or something. i've been reading like a mad woman. i went to the mall with my dad and brothers and then saw the animated star wars movie - clone wars or whatever. it was pretty lame. don't get me wrong, i love me some star wars, but i didn't dig this at all :/ then work from 430 to close. i was feeling really ill, i think i caught whatever ian had :( it only lasted a few days though. went to chilis with the family once sarah and mom got back from out of town soccer stuff.
monday, day off. started unpacking...to no avail. there's no place to put my stuff. i need an apartment like woah. i guess i should go looking this weekend or something. went and got my soco tattoo :) i got these lyrics from "miss america" on north added to my stars - "the stars are coming out in waves" on top and then ". . . when does this twisting end?" on the bottom. it looks amazing but is a little sore. the guy who ended up doing the tattoo at true blue, mike, was awesome. i know i'm not an easy client to tattoo...especially when it's on my rib cage to begin with...but he did an amazing job. sara and i were there for over three hours...including sterilizing, sketching, stenciling, the works. it was only $150, but totally should have been more, so i left at $50 tip. he said he would add a drop shadow for me for free whenever this healed up, and i would recommend his work to anyone. he's so nice...no blow outs, not heavy handed, but still a very quick artist. he also has a really good eye for flow and direction.
then sara and i hit up kerbey lane on guadalupe. mmmm pancakes :) we ended up seeing alyx walk by while we were waiting for our food and decided to drop by and see her and the twins and some other people at kasbah when we finished up. stuck around kasbah for like fifteen minutes, talked about invisible children and this semester a lot - the twins leave for chicago friday, which is exciting. i remember when i was excited about going to school haha.tuesday, bummed around all morning trying to find my missing copy of the fountainhead. worked from 330 to 930. came back and really tried to consolidate all my stuff down/organize my boxes. it is such an undertaking...ugh. jack's leaked early this morning/late monday night so i listened to it nonstop nonstop nonstop. a lot of people on the boards are saying that if you listen to it you are being a disloyal fan...and once i heard andrew was upset about it i felt real guilty, but i support them like crazy. i was really hesitant about this album, but all of my worries are gone - so now i'm even more motivated to push it to everyone like crazy. review coming soon - it has blown my mind though. i can't wait to see all of this performed live :) headlining tour better come to texas.
today, i watched the new episode of weeds from this week online. went to say bye to sara and gave her some vitamin c and my chair for her dorm for the semester. uploaded a ton of pictures to facebook. i still need to scan in my fisheye film, but i guess thats a project for tomorrow. caught up on project runway, unpacked more, drank lots of coffee. . .now i'm watching greek. idk, i like this show. my sister always records it for me and somehow i got suckered into it. she also got me liking the jonas brothers a little bit. i never got into hanson, but i can totally dig me some jonas brothers. went to bush's chicken for lunch with the family and ran into mr. san luis who i hadn't seen in ages. spent way to much time on jm.org trying to stay caught up and listened to the album at least four more times. that's all for now i guess :)
if you'd just trust in me, you know i trust you.
recap? i'm back in austin. i've withdrawn from school from the semester. surgery a week from today. i'm ready...for the breakdown. i will fill in with more details but not at this exact moment. here's a rough outline of my life, a swift arc through the past two-three weeks of my life. i feel my strength coming back with every day i'm away from my meds.
july 31st - 2nd day in birmingham. wait for sam to get off work. drive around. go get pizza with chris. go to this cool record store. chris and sam find some amazing records at check-out. go to the india shoppe and piece shopping. go over to mitch's to drink. apples to apples. drinking with jesus. purp. vinyl. beer. good conversation. sigur ros cd. sam and i bail because she has to go to work. i text mitch and sam ends up bringing me back. awkward trying to stay awake with caleb, chris, and mitch listening to steely dan until i'm about to pass out. conversation about the spiritual meaning of my relapse. fate. how things happen for a reason, ie. invisible children. more awkwardness and more amazingness. more good music. top of the world. piercings, tattoos, soul, spirit. everything bared. ripped wide open, swept off my feet. looking into someones eyes and seeing myself. no sleep.
august 1st- sushi. coffee at barnes and noble. salvation army. sitting in lawn furniture trying to think of something to do. hot as balls.
august 2nd- sat at barnes and noble. iced tea and carmel frapp. two copies of ap, hm, blender, spin. analyzing every ad, article, opinion, picture, review. good, bad, in between. looked at a bunch of ayn rand, inspirational, and spiritual stuff. talked about narnia on the way to see prince caspian at the dollar theater. candid talk about being medicated, being sick. prince caspian was just as good the second time. shocked that he made a reference to the resemblance of the actor playing prince caspian and william beckett of the academy is. singing along to our worlds' divorce. lunch was at some mexican restaurant if i remember correctly. moved out of sams. show at cave 9. red dog alley cd release.
august 3rd- .picking up his guitar and playing along to the everglow. the dark knight. pizza. barnes and noble, shopping, while he is at work earlier that day. too tired to head over to coreys. no answer from sam. called it a night...kinda. very chill day.
august 4th- started requiem for a dream while napping. bad choice. planet smoothie. be here now. umphree's mcgee. starbucks. african red bush, mae, and a pad of paper. bought refills for my coach planner, underwear at victorias secret. i always imagined underwear shopping would be embarassing with a guy, but it is so much worse when all the clerks know the guy and not you. moe and the best smoothie of my life. sam and chris flake out on dinner. purple onion with corey and mitch. lots of conversation about greece, europop, and pop punk music. listen to driver f, we the kings, this providence. go back to mitchs to change for the party. bits and pieces of what comes next remain, but no clear picture. me changing into my swimsuit. him on the bed with his guitar. my anxiety about the ex coming in town. the one he told me he thought he was going to marry....the one i caused him to change his mind about. accusations thrown. tears. crying. the seriousness of the situation pressing down upon us. reality finally setting in.
august 5th- finish requiem for a dream after being released. slept through a lot of arguing apparently. moved back to sams until i was well enough to drive early the next morning.
august 6th- birmingham to memphis. bullshit with being on the list for jacks....dinner with grant.
tried to find tattoo parlor but failed.
august 7th- another failed attempt at getting my tattoo done. packing. dinner and beale with phoebe. paper route, phantom planet, jack's mannequin and paramore at mud island amphitheater. saw mandy, alex, and a bunch of phoebe's friends. sat next to some cool ass kids, who unfortunately had never heard of jack's. poop on them. they loved their set though, so right on. paramore put on a good show. swim instead of the resolution. synchronicity?
august 8th- packed in memphis, drove from memphis to jackson and then packed in jackson.
august 9th- drove from jackson to austin. got in town around....6. gotta love 600 miles of driving.
august 10th- the morning light. steel train. the cab. the hush sound.
august 11th- first day of work. cashier/server at hot wok cafe. ma li is the shit. sara trained me.
august 12th- second day of work. 10:30-2:30. 5:00-9:00. pineapple express with chris.
august 13th- day off. tropic thunder with chris and patrick. watched gladiator. in the land of women. hollywoodland.
august 14th- work from 10:30-2:30, 4:00-7:45. met up with kel and john. steiner for the first time in a long long time. mcdonalds. fnmtv on dvr.
august 15th- work today from noon to 7:30. was supposed to be 11:30-2:30 but missy called in sick so i got to cover the whole day basically.
"It's tragic," she says to me.
A song in the air, we're together floating.
What I miss everyday since our goodbye
was enough for me to realize.
Woah woah, I'm waiting for the breakdown.
Well, nothing feels good being under the gun.
Woah oh, I'm waiting for the breakdown.
Is it ever gonna come?"
A song in the air, we're together floating.
What I miss everyday since our goodbye
was enough for me to realize.
Woah woah, I'm waiting for the breakdown.
Well, nothing feels good being under the gun.
Woah oh, I'm waiting for the breakdown.
Is it ever gonna come?"
july 31st - 2nd day in birmingham. wait for sam to get off work. drive around. go get pizza with chris. go to this cool record store. chris and sam find some amazing records at check-out. go to the india shoppe and piece shopping. go over to mitch's to drink. apples to apples. drinking with jesus. purp. vinyl. beer. good conversation. sigur ros cd. sam and i bail because she has to go to work. i text mitch and sam ends up bringing me back. awkward trying to stay awake with caleb, chris, and mitch listening to steely dan until i'm about to pass out. conversation about the spiritual meaning of my relapse. fate. how things happen for a reason, ie. invisible children. more awkwardness and more amazingness. more good music. top of the world. piercings, tattoos, soul, spirit. everything bared. ripped wide open, swept off my feet. looking into someones eyes and seeing myself. no sleep.
august 1st- sushi. coffee at barnes and noble. salvation army. sitting in lawn furniture trying to think of something to do. hot as balls.
august 2nd- sat at barnes and noble. iced tea and carmel frapp. two copies of ap, hm, blender, spin. analyzing every ad, article, opinion, picture, review. good, bad, in between. looked at a bunch of ayn rand, inspirational, and spiritual stuff. talked about narnia on the way to see prince caspian at the dollar theater. candid talk about being medicated, being sick. prince caspian was just as good the second time. shocked that he made a reference to the resemblance of the actor playing prince caspian and william beckett of the academy is. singing along to our worlds' divorce. lunch was at some mexican restaurant if i remember correctly. moved out of sams. show at cave 9. red dog alley cd release.
august 3rd- .picking up his guitar and playing along to the everglow. the dark knight. pizza. barnes and noble, shopping, while he is at work earlier that day. too tired to head over to coreys. no answer from sam. called it a night...kinda. very chill day.
august 4th- started requiem for a dream while napping. bad choice. planet smoothie. be here now. umphree's mcgee. starbucks. african red bush, mae, and a pad of paper. bought refills for my coach planner, underwear at victorias secret. i always imagined underwear shopping would be embarassing with a guy, but it is so much worse when all the clerks know the guy and not you. moe and the best smoothie of my life. sam and chris flake out on dinner. purple onion with corey and mitch. lots of conversation about greece, europop, and pop punk music. listen to driver f, we the kings, this providence. go back to mitchs to change for the party. bits and pieces of what comes next remain, but no clear picture. me changing into my swimsuit. him on the bed with his guitar. my anxiety about the ex coming in town. the one he told me he thought he was going to marry....the one i caused him to change his mind about. accusations thrown. tears. crying. the seriousness of the situation pressing down upon us. reality finally setting in.
august 5th- finish requiem for a dream after being released. slept through a lot of arguing apparently. moved back to sams until i was well enough to drive early the next morning.
august 6th- birmingham to memphis. bullshit with being on the list for jacks....dinner with grant.
tried to find tattoo parlor but failed.
august 7th- another failed attempt at getting my tattoo done. packing. dinner and beale with phoebe. paper route, phantom planet, jack's mannequin and paramore at mud island amphitheater. saw mandy, alex, and a bunch of phoebe's friends. sat next to some cool ass kids, who unfortunately had never heard of jack's. poop on them. they loved their set though, so right on. paramore put on a good show. swim instead of the resolution. synchronicity?
august 8th- packed in memphis, drove from memphis to jackson and then packed in jackson.
august 9th- drove from jackson to austin. got in town around....6. gotta love 600 miles of driving.
august 10th- the morning light. steel train. the cab. the hush sound.
august 11th- first day of work. cashier/server at hot wok cafe. ma li is the shit. sara trained me.
august 12th- second day of work. 10:30-2:30. 5:00-9:00. pineapple express with chris.
august 13th- day off. tropic thunder with chris and patrick. watched gladiator. in the land of women. hollywoodland.
august 14th- work from 10:30-2:30, 4:00-7:45. met up with kel and john. steiner for the first time in a long long time. mcdonalds. fnmtv on dvr.
august 15th- work today from noon to 7:30. was supposed to be 11:30-2:30 but missy called in sick so i got to cover the whole day basically.
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