i had to look through my photos at some point today, so why not do it while i'm still only half-focused? sorted, uploaded, linked. now time to walk to john stone hall for my greek test
Showing posts with label philanthropy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label philanthropy. Show all posts
on spontaneity
so, the jackson event ended up being a bust...so now it is new orleans or bust. this is so much bigger than me, than all of us...and i have to be a part of it. sue carrie and i will be driving down, following webb and lloyd, and we are leaving at eight tomorrow. the anticipation is killing me, and i can't sleep. i'm printing out my three pictures right now and trying to get my things together....i can't wait for this. i'm really glad i'm doing this, though it feels a little rash considering the fact that i have two finals on monday. is it bad that i don't really care?
it makes me weak...
...thinking about how badly i want to be a part of this, and how badly i want all of you to be a part of this. if i didn't have two finals on monday, i would drop everything i'm doing and drive to one of these cities and be a part of the real deal. even though jackson is just a drop in the bucket, every bit counts...so please, please, please help make this event successful. this is SO much bigger than all of us, so get up, get out, make a difference.
Rescue Riders from Jason Russell on Vimeo.
thinking about all of this makes me cry. i wish i were exaggerating, but i'm not. i....i don't have words.
Rescue Riders from Jason Russell on Vimeo.
thinking about all of this makes me cry. i wish i were exaggerating, but i'm not. i....i don't have words.
do more than just watch
this saturday, there is going to be a worldwide demonstration held by invisible children called the rescue. there are events happening everywhere, so get involved !
for more information, visit this site -
therescue.invisiblechildren.com/
or RSVP to the facebook event here -
www.facebook.com/home.php#/event.php?eid=78535706990
GOOD NEWS
that's right, i used all caps. for those of you who know me or read this regularly, you should already know that i don't capitalize anything (including things that should be capitalized...such as god, i, chris, sam, etc.), so if something is worthy of all caps, it must be pretty damn exciting. AND IT IS!
the jackson rescue event had been canceled, but have no fear! there are people putting together an event at mississippi college and guess what - YOU SHOULD ALL BE THERE. they are meeting tonight to get together more details, but i am going and so should you. it is this saturday and it will be amazing! for those of you who don't know what the rescue is, it is the big invisible children event for the year and it is a great way for your voice to be heard in the community. if you remember the displace me event, this is the equivalent for 2009!
if you are going, or if not, do this! contact people, get individuals motivated and be a part of the change. get up, enact the ideals you stand for, and make a difference! this is such a huge deal, and even if there aren't a lot of people at the event (which you can change by coming, too!) you are still a part of this simultaneous event that is happening all over the country and all over the world! don't believe me? go to facebook, search the rescue and filter by events. there are hundreds of people rsvped to events (561 in melbourne, australia...617 in salt lake city....1496 in chicago...1134 in boston...and countless others. austin has 825! and these are just the people with facebooks you guys!) and YOU can be a part of it!
here is an instructional video, and be sure to check back here for more information about the event once i hear back from the wonderful individuals at MC. also, if you want to see some fun examples of the youtube shout out videos, i have one a couple of entries back. get excited people :) make a difference, enact change in yourself, your peers, and the world. fight apathy and get out for this.
and, as a last thought, i will leave you with some parting words from a man i love dearly, bryce avary, the singer of this great band the rocket summer.
the jackson rescue event had been canceled, but have no fear! there are people putting together an event at mississippi college and guess what - YOU SHOULD ALL BE THERE. they are meeting tonight to get together more details, but i am going and so should you. it is this saturday and it will be amazing! for those of you who don't know what the rescue is, it is the big invisible children event for the year and it is a great way for your voice to be heard in the community. if you remember the displace me event, this is the equivalent for 2009!
if you are going, or if not, do this! contact people, get individuals motivated and be a part of the change. get up, enact the ideals you stand for, and make a difference! this is such a huge deal, and even if there aren't a lot of people at the event (which you can change by coming, too!) you are still a part of this simultaneous event that is happening all over the country and all over the world! don't believe me? go to facebook, search the rescue and filter by events. there are hundreds of people rsvped to events (561 in melbourne, australia...617 in salt lake city....1496 in chicago...1134 in boston...and countless others. austin has 825! and these are just the people with facebooks you guys!) and YOU can be a part of it!
here is an instructional video, and be sure to check back here for more information about the event once i hear back from the wonderful individuals at MC. also, if you want to see some fun examples of the youtube shout out videos, i have one a couple of entries back. get excited people :) make a difference, enact change in yourself, your peers, and the world. fight apathy and get out for this.
and, as a last thought, i will leave you with some parting words from a man i love dearly, bryce avary, the singer of this great band the rocket summer.
i'm thinking 'bout other things i heard about today
all this week and tomorrow
and how these hands can create some better things for bettering. . .
do you feel
the weight of the world singing sorrow
or to you is it just not real
cause you got your own things
yeah we all have our things i guess
i guess my mind wanders off
from time to time
sometimes i convince myself
that all is fine in the world
it's not mine
why should i
have to try
to fix things i didn't create or contrive
. . . can you feel the souls behind what's going on
all this week and tomorrow
and how these hands can create some better things for bettering. . .
do you feel
the weight of the world singing sorrow
or to you is it just not real
cause you got your own things
yeah we all have our things i guess
i guess my mind wanders off
from time to time
sometimes i convince myself
that all is fine in the world
it's not mine
why should i
have to try
to fix things i didn't create or contrive
. . . can you feel the souls behind what's going on
and for good measure, since i love TRS so much, here is a cool in-studio version of so much love
one of my kind
this film is really stunning, and i loved it. i am going to watch it again later and really give it the attention it deserves, but cinematically it is so engaging and beautiful. there is something so beautiful about the simplicity of it all. there were two little quotes at the end that really struck home for me, so i typed them up. while you still have the chance though, you should go download it for yourself and donate to a good cause (if you are so inclined), but otherwise it is free for the time being.
this run that we're on...it's going to end and it is never going to be the same. everything is life is like that. like if you hang out with a person for a week, it is never going to be like that again. the next time you see them, it's not going to be the same, you know? it's maybe going to be awesome in a different way or worse or whatever but its not going to be like that. so, we've been going for so long and like on one kind of vibe, i mean it changes but it's had it's ups and downs but once this record is over and we leave this studio...it's over. we'll get back together and it will be sweet then, too, but this is over. - jason boesel
i try not to hold on too tight to anything, really. there's a time and place for everything. - conor oberst
this run that we're on...it's going to end and it is never going to be the same. everything is life is like that. like if you hang out with a person for a week, it is never going to be like that again. the next time you see them, it's not going to be the same, you know? it's maybe going to be awesome in a different way or worse or whatever but its not going to be like that. so, we've been going for so long and like on one kind of vibe, i mean it changes but it's had it's ups and downs but once this record is over and we leave this studio...it's over. we'll get back together and it will be sweet then, too, but this is over. - jason boesel
i try not to hold on too tight to anything, really. there's a time and place for everything. - conor oberst
rescue
also, i appreciate the fact that they used passion pit in this video :) i still get chills thinking about invisible children....bring me back here. i wish i was good enough, or whatever, to be a roadie.
envelopes stuffed with feelings found, to write this down as means to reconcile.
we ask to look past life as it goes by.
i know you have sacrificed time,
life, love, time to fly. . .
i know to have something like this
broken is hard to fix.
i know you have sacrificed time,
life, love, time to fly. . .
i know to have something like this
broken is hard to fix.
i can barely type or text since my right hand is barely functioning. trying to track down my uncle to get some pain pills since my knuckle is definitely broken. first broken bone i've ever had. lame :(
i didn't get the invisible children position. i'm going back to millsaps in the fall. i guess i can't run away from my past. i know if i go back i'm not going to move forward in my life. i'm scared. i'm not ready. i wanted this so bad. words can't even describe.
the alcohol only smudges the pain around the edges. false pretenses. leading on. unfair. the pain continues to grow, the dullness ebbs and fades but grows larger and more imminent in the back of my mind. uncertainty creeps forward and takes away every hint of reason. someone make it better. i can't make it better. not once, but twice the rejection. inadequacy and failure flit around my thoughts making clarity impossible. this was my answer. this was everything i hoped and dreamed about. i've talked my friends' ears off about this, hope was instilled in me from every angle and again that flicker of promise is taken from my eyes the moment it is clearly in focus. one beacon of better circumstance, making a difference...yes there are other ways, but not ways that mean something to me like this does. this was the last chance, and again i do not live up to the standards of those around me. it is hard enough to fail to live up to my own, but to not be good enough for others is unbearable as well. i need solace, and the only person physically here and willing to be that for me...i don't even want to see. hopefully my panic will subdue in no time...but until then - this throbbing, pulsating pain blinds me and clouds my judgment.
i didn't get the invisible children position. i'm going back to millsaps in the fall. i guess i can't run away from my past. i know if i go back i'm not going to move forward in my life. i'm scared. i'm not ready. i wanted this so bad. words can't even describe.
----
the alcohol only smudges the pain around the edges. false pretenses. leading on. unfair. the pain continues to grow, the dullness ebbs and fades but grows larger and more imminent in the back of my mind. uncertainty creeps forward and takes away every hint of reason. someone make it better. i can't make it better. not once, but twice the rejection. inadequacy and failure flit around my thoughts making clarity impossible. this was my answer. this was everything i hoped and dreamed about. i've talked my friends' ears off about this, hope was instilled in me from every angle and again that flicker of promise is taken from my eyes the moment it is clearly in focus. one beacon of better circumstance, making a difference...yes there are other ways, but not ways that mean something to me like this does. this was the last chance, and again i do not live up to the standards of those around me. it is hard enough to fail to live up to my own, but to not be good enough for others is unbearable as well. i need solace, and the only person physically here and willing to be that for me...i don't even want to see. hopefully my panic will subdue in no time...but until then - this throbbing, pulsating pain blinds me and clouds my judgment.
how long will it take you to wake up?
. . .before you go will you wake me?
or i'll sleep all day
miss everything
or i'll sleep all day
miss everything
i'm so bad at this updating thing now. i feel like my life is so busy and the only way to keep my sanity is to spend hours not doing anything, or filling my spare time with sleep instead of trying to document my rambling mind. kirt and i had our first real fight on monday, mostly because i was tired and had no way to call him or get in touch with him to let him know that i really just wanted to spend the day alone. everything ended up working out in the end, but it was upsetting to say the least.
all of my health stuff came through, once and for all monday morning. i am completely healthy. clean slate. start again. if i were atlas, i have finally shrugged off the weight i was forced to carry and i can finally breathe free again. all i wanted to do was sit in reverie, have coffee, watch the sun shine, feel unafraid to let people in - but to just be alone. and i couldn't have that, which led to my mini-meltdown. nothing that a few hours at a record store could not solve.
i don't remember what i did tuesday. wednesday, i worked from 5 to close, had coffee with jess, watched bones with my mom, ate some homemade chili, then headed to kasbah. i got there at 1130, had a beer, and then casey and thomas took me down to hole in the wall for my first legal drink. maya was pulling up as we were walking out, so she joined us. shots that were supposed to put hair on my chest, dos equis pitchers, and a song (aptly named grain alcohol. . .?) dedicated to me by the live jug band and i was drunk. i got a little ill and made kirt drive me back to his apartment - there was no way i was making it down the street, nonetheless back to cedar park.
woke up at 730, went back up to cedar park and tried to sleep for a little more than the three or four hours of drunk slumber i had from the night before. my mom got home at noon from work and took me to the olive garden for lunch. it is always a trip to go back there after working there as long as i did. soup, salad, and breadsticks galore, followed by a strawberry bellini. my mom is so absurd when it comes to alcohol. went and got my hair cut then waited a few minutes for chris to get home to do presents and cake. went and got coffee, then headed down to kirts to go to dinner. i was not hungry at all, however, so we just smoked some hookah at his place, then went to cuatros for drinks. longhorn iced tea, a hesitant sip of kirt's snakebite, a pitcher of woodchuck amber, and some mystery tequila shot from the bar, then over to kasbah. i sobered up and then went over to true blue for my tattoo a couple hours later.
i was also being a bit demanding, and forced kirt to play the beatles instead of country. i guess i was abusing my birthday privileges. i was at true blue for quite a bit, simply because i was not in a rush and neither was my artist. mike wasn't working, but jon reed did it for me. if i'm not lazy, i will take a picture of it tomorrow. short, simple, sweet - i love it. i can't wait to get my next piece done, i just haven't put the time into planning the exact execution of the design yet. went back to kasbah and nic, zoe, liz, kyle, austin, gary, and kadie were all there. it was cold as hell, so i kind of rotated groups, but i was so so tired, i went back to kirts place at around 1230. fell asleep around 1, and woke up at 2 to go back and pick him up. i felt great before i went to sleep, completely sobered up, and then when i woke up i felt like hell. i couldn't throw up, but i would have felt better if i could have and i could not go to sleep either - i was miserable and shaking. i guess that is what i get for a getting a tattoo on an empty stomach. ultimately, that is the only explanation that is in any way rational.
woke up at 1030 the next day, went home, read harry potter for a few hours, then went to work at 5, still not feeling great. i had a lot of fun working with kait and jess, and then we all headed to trudy's after work. we got there and there was a bit of a wait, so we just went to chili's for some girly drinks instead. it was better off that way after all, considering jess and i were with liz and kait who are both clearly under age. i just had a strawberry daquiri, then got suckered into this huge margarita that our cute waiter convinced me would be a good idea to have. way bigger in real life than it was in the picture - and i'm not one for tequila, particularly on the rocks. everything i drank, including some kick ass whiskey later that night still tasted of tequila. went up to kasbah and just chilled - it was super crowded because everyone and their mom decided to come into town.
i left at about half past one to drive home and get some rest before i had to open in the morning. there was stupid construction on the toll road that stopped traffic dead for twenty minutes (i was being paranoid and thought it was a road block for a little while) and finally i had to go five miles out of the way to get back to my house since they closed exits without any kind of notice.
work was kind of busy and went by pretty fast. ian brought me coffee, which pepped me up substantially, and i had a nice, hearty serving of breakfast pizza that morning (crescent roll crust, no sauce, eggs, sausage, and cheese for those of you not well-versed in the awesome buckler family tradition) and got my last, and best, present from my dad since he finally made it back down from dallas. i have my own gps now, which is the amazing - i get lost every where i go if i am going off memory or gut instinct. i'm so stoked about it :)
i came home from work and tried to dig through my winter clothes to find something acceptable to wear in this crazy, freakishly cold weather that has recently invaded central texas. took a shower, then went to outback with my family. ate way too much, like always, came home and took a forty five minute nap, then headed to kasbah to meet up with jamey and casey and head downtown. we ended up heading out around midnight after chilling and smoking for a while. again, it was packed with people and there wasn't anywhere to sit. i was definitely the odd one out - the only girl in a room of at least a dozen guys, and it wasn't much different when we headed out. we took two cars, listened to nofx as casey drove and i snooped through his cds - a favorite pastime of mine in anyone's car. we started off at maggie mae's which was pretty cool. i am definitely not into the bar scene by any means, so it was different but fun. thomas and everyone he was with took a bit longer to get there, so they played catch up and then we headed over to fuel.
fuel was an experience. i was a little tipsy by the time we got there, but the guys knew someone who works there from kasbah, who let us in and got us drinks. fuel is kind of a seedy, ghetto, predominantly hispanic hangout and what was playing when we walked in? lil wayne of course. everyone in this place would have fit in perfectly with the crowd at voodoo. i braved the bathroom, which was an experience, and then we headed to the blind pig. we only stayed for a little while, waited for everyone else to meet up with us, then headed to the aquarium to grab a drink before last call. i ran into alexis neal of all people there, which was a trip. we took a picture together, which hopefully will surface at some point.
i refused about half the beer and shots that i was offered during the night, did not pay for a thing, and was still sufficiently intoxicated. went back to kasbah, hung out for what little time was left before close and just acted a fool. i had some good conversation, though brief in most cases, with sam, michelle, and cody during the night which definitely brightened my day. definitely a great night all and all though - and way more fun than i expected my first downtown experience to be.
jamey and his roommate came back to kirts place afterwards, and we had a great time hanging out, listening to music, chatting, and drawing on the couch. they smoked, i didn't, and we had a good time all and all. really interesting conversation about religion and particularly about the finer points of synchronicity versus fate, which made me very happy. . i can't help but smile thinking about jamey following my train of though differentiating between the two. that conversation was in and of itself one of the greater moments where things just click, and it was a great way to pass the time. if you want to hear about this conversation, let me know and i will type up what i remember of it tomorrow - i think it is riveting stuff, but i am not going to spend the time if you aren't interested.
we ended the night with some quality eurovision videos, which was definitely a new experience for jamey, and then went to bed some time between 6 and 7 or so. we started napoleon dynamite, but i fell asleep almost instantly. i woke up at around 10 of my own accord and decided to leave shortly thereafter. i talked to arthur on msn most of the way home, which was especially not wise considering the fog *cough*reignofdementorsdescendinguponaustin*cough* that was hanging in the air, but i enjoyed it.
read a bit, watched tv, slept a tiny bit, then went to lunch at chili's near the outlet mall. i got very ill from the food i ate, and i think i must have been allergic to something in the food i had. went and saw twilight with my sister sarah, and then barely made it home without getting sick again. i spent the rest of the evening trying unsuccessfully to recover from my nausea, slipping in and out of awareness and falling asleep off and on. watched the two hour 24 event, had some pizza, read some more, and here i am. it is time for a shower though, so that's the end of the update for now.
all and all - amazing, amazing, amazing birthday weekend. every night has been phenomenal. i could only ask that i had been able to spend some of that time with my good friends who aren't here in austin. some other time though, soon hopefully. oh, and thank you to the three people who donated money to invisible children for my birthday - $63 just for putting a little application on my page - i highly recommend each of you do the same thing for your own respective birthdays :) good night, and peace.
all of my health stuff came through, once and for all monday morning. i am completely healthy. clean slate. start again. if i were atlas, i have finally shrugged off the weight i was forced to carry and i can finally breathe free again. all i wanted to do was sit in reverie, have coffee, watch the sun shine, feel unafraid to let people in - but to just be alone. and i couldn't have that, which led to my mini-meltdown. nothing that a few hours at a record store could not solve.
i don't remember what i did tuesday. wednesday, i worked from 5 to close, had coffee with jess, watched bones with my mom, ate some homemade chili, then headed to kasbah. i got there at 1130, had a beer, and then casey and thomas took me down to hole in the wall for my first legal drink. maya was pulling up as we were walking out, so she joined us. shots that were supposed to put hair on my chest, dos equis pitchers, and a song (aptly named grain alcohol. . .?) dedicated to me by the live jug band and i was drunk. i got a little ill and made kirt drive me back to his apartment - there was no way i was making it down the street, nonetheless back to cedar park.
woke up at 730, went back up to cedar park and tried to sleep for a little more than the three or four hours of drunk slumber i had from the night before. my mom got home at noon from work and took me to the olive garden for lunch. it is always a trip to go back there after working there as long as i did. soup, salad, and breadsticks galore, followed by a strawberry bellini. my mom is so absurd when it comes to alcohol. went and got my hair cut then waited a few minutes for chris to get home to do presents and cake. went and got coffee, then headed down to kirts to go to dinner. i was not hungry at all, however, so we just smoked some hookah at his place, then went to cuatros for drinks. longhorn iced tea, a hesitant sip of kirt's snakebite, a pitcher of woodchuck amber, and some mystery tequila shot from the bar, then over to kasbah. i sobered up and then went over to true blue for my tattoo a couple hours later.
i was also being a bit demanding, and forced kirt to play the beatles instead of country. i guess i was abusing my birthday privileges. i was at true blue for quite a bit, simply because i was not in a rush and neither was my artist. mike wasn't working, but jon reed did it for me. if i'm not lazy, i will take a picture of it tomorrow. short, simple, sweet - i love it. i can't wait to get my next piece done, i just haven't put the time into planning the exact execution of the design yet. went back to kasbah and nic, zoe, liz, kyle, austin, gary, and kadie were all there. it was cold as hell, so i kind of rotated groups, but i was so so tired, i went back to kirts place at around 1230. fell asleep around 1, and woke up at 2 to go back and pick him up. i felt great before i went to sleep, completely sobered up, and then when i woke up i felt like hell. i couldn't throw up, but i would have felt better if i could have and i could not go to sleep either - i was miserable and shaking. i guess that is what i get for a getting a tattoo on an empty stomach. ultimately, that is the only explanation that is in any way rational.
woke up at 1030 the next day, went home, read harry potter for a few hours, then went to work at 5, still not feeling great. i had a lot of fun working with kait and jess, and then we all headed to trudy's after work. we got there and there was a bit of a wait, so we just went to chili's for some girly drinks instead. it was better off that way after all, considering jess and i were with liz and kait who are both clearly under age. i just had a strawberry daquiri, then got suckered into this huge margarita that our cute waiter convinced me would be a good idea to have. way bigger in real life than it was in the picture - and i'm not one for tequila, particularly on the rocks. everything i drank, including some kick ass whiskey later that night still tasted of tequila. went up to kasbah and just chilled - it was super crowded because everyone and their mom decided to come into town.
i left at about half past one to drive home and get some rest before i had to open in the morning. there was stupid construction on the toll road that stopped traffic dead for twenty minutes (i was being paranoid and thought it was a road block for a little while) and finally i had to go five miles out of the way to get back to my house since they closed exits without any kind of notice.
work was kind of busy and went by pretty fast. ian brought me coffee, which pepped me up substantially, and i had a nice, hearty serving of breakfast pizza that morning (crescent roll crust, no sauce, eggs, sausage, and cheese for those of you not well-versed in the awesome buckler family tradition) and got my last, and best, present from my dad since he finally made it back down from dallas. i have my own gps now, which is the amazing - i get lost every where i go if i am going off memory or gut instinct. i'm so stoked about it :)
i came home from work and tried to dig through my winter clothes to find something acceptable to wear in this crazy, freakishly cold weather that has recently invaded central texas. took a shower, then went to outback with my family. ate way too much, like always, came home and took a forty five minute nap, then headed to kasbah to meet up with jamey and casey and head downtown. we ended up heading out around midnight after chilling and smoking for a while. again, it was packed with people and there wasn't anywhere to sit. i was definitely the odd one out - the only girl in a room of at least a dozen guys, and it wasn't much different when we headed out. we took two cars, listened to nofx as casey drove and i snooped through his cds - a favorite pastime of mine in anyone's car. we started off at maggie mae's which was pretty cool. i am definitely not into the bar scene by any means, so it was different but fun. thomas and everyone he was with took a bit longer to get there, so they played catch up and then we headed over to fuel.
fuel was an experience. i was a little tipsy by the time we got there, but the guys knew someone who works there from kasbah, who let us in and got us drinks. fuel is kind of a seedy, ghetto, predominantly hispanic hangout and what was playing when we walked in? lil wayne of course. everyone in this place would have fit in perfectly with the crowd at voodoo. i braved the bathroom, which was an experience, and then we headed to the blind pig. we only stayed for a little while, waited for everyone else to meet up with us, then headed to the aquarium to grab a drink before last call. i ran into alexis neal of all people there, which was a trip. we took a picture together, which hopefully will surface at some point.
i refused about half the beer and shots that i was offered during the night, did not pay for a thing, and was still sufficiently intoxicated. went back to kasbah, hung out for what little time was left before close and just acted a fool. i had some good conversation, though brief in most cases, with sam, michelle, and cody during the night which definitely brightened my day. definitely a great night all and all though - and way more fun than i expected my first downtown experience to be.
jamey and his roommate came back to kirts place afterwards, and we had a great time hanging out, listening to music, chatting, and drawing on the couch. they smoked, i didn't, and we had a good time all and all. really interesting conversation about religion and particularly about the finer points of synchronicity versus fate, which made me very happy. . i can't help but smile thinking about jamey following my train of though differentiating between the two. that conversation was in and of itself one of the greater moments where things just click, and it was a great way to pass the time. if you want to hear about this conversation, let me know and i will type up what i remember of it tomorrow - i think it is riveting stuff, but i am not going to spend the time if you aren't interested.
we ended the night with some quality eurovision videos, which was definitely a new experience for jamey, and then went to bed some time between 6 and 7 or so. we started napoleon dynamite, but i fell asleep almost instantly. i woke up at around 10 of my own accord and decided to leave shortly thereafter. i talked to arthur on msn most of the way home, which was especially not wise considering the fog *cough*reignofdementorsdescendinguponaustin*cough* that was hanging in the air, but i enjoyed it.
read a bit, watched tv, slept a tiny bit, then went to lunch at chili's near the outlet mall. i got very ill from the food i ate, and i think i must have been allergic to something in the food i had. went and saw twilight with my sister sarah, and then barely made it home without getting sick again. i spent the rest of the evening trying unsuccessfully to recover from my nausea, slipping in and out of awareness and falling asleep off and on. watched the two hour 24 event, had some pizza, read some more, and here i am. it is time for a shower though, so that's the end of the update for now.
all and all - amazing, amazing, amazing birthday weekend. every night has been phenomenal. i could only ask that i had been able to spend some of that time with my good friends who aren't here in austin. some other time though, soon hopefully. oh, and thank you to the three people who donated money to invisible children for my birthday - $63 just for putting a little application on my page - i highly recommend each of you do the same thing for your own respective birthdays :) good night, and peace.
don't aim without a target
so, as most of you know that i turn twenty one on thursday. hooray :)
facebook has this cool application, causes, where instead of sending funny, not meaningless bumper stickers, flair, or growing fake plants and fighting ninjas, you actually show your support for different philanthropic endeavors. i only have a few on my page, and the one nearest and dearest to my heart is, of course, invisible children.
don't think that this is my brilliant idea or anything, the application suggested it, but i think you should all consider helping out. since i'm not going to see almost any of you, and i know that you would have at least coughed up money for a cheesy greeting card or at least treated me to coffee, i challenge you to donate a few dollars you would have otherwise blown on me to help this worthwhile cause.
the official goal is to have you guys donate $21 since it is my 21st birthday, but anything you are willing to donate would be greatly appreciated. the only thing i want for my birthday is to spend time with my good, dear friends, but since i am several states (or even an ocean) away from most of you, do the next best thing - prove to everyone else just how amazing each and every one of you are.
i already have one pledge from heather phillips, a mere acquaintance, and i know she would otherwise leave my birthday unacknowledged if it were not for this great cause. so show your love for me and this momentous occasion (of possible shenanigans and maybe a bit of debauchery) by showing your compassion.
the link is up on my profile, but here it is if you are as lazy as i am -
also, in other invisible children related charity causes - check out the online store for some cool new merch and great gift ideas for the holidays. i bought myself the gun camera scarf this evening and it is pretty rad if i do say so myself.
here is the blurb taken from the official IC myspace -
facebook has this cool application, causes, where instead of sending funny, not meaningless bumper stickers, flair, or growing fake plants and fighting ninjas, you actually show your support for different philanthropic endeavors. i only have a few on my page, and the one nearest and dearest to my heart is, of course, invisible children.
don't think that this is my brilliant idea or anything, the application suggested it, but i think you should all consider helping out. since i'm not going to see almost any of you, and i know that you would have at least coughed up money for a cheesy greeting card or at least treated me to coffee, i challenge you to donate a few dollars you would have otherwise blown on me to help this worthwhile cause.
the official goal is to have you guys donate $21 since it is my 21st birthday, but anything you are willing to donate would be greatly appreciated. the only thing i want for my birthday is to spend time with my good, dear friends, but since i am several states (or even an ocean) away from most of you, do the next best thing - prove to everyone else just how amazing each and every one of you are.
i already have one pledge from heather phillips, a mere acquaintance, and i know she would otherwise leave my birthday unacknowledged if it were not for this great cause. so show your love for me and this momentous occasion (of possible shenanigans and maybe a bit of debauchery) by showing your compassion.
the link is up on my profile, but here it is if you are as lazy as i am -
http://apps.facebook.com/causes/birthdays/21729?m=7e55cb87
also, in other invisible children related charity causes - check out the online store for some cool new merch and great gift ideas for the holidays. i bought myself the gun camera scarf this evening and it is pretty rad if i do say so myself.
here is the blurb taken from the official IC myspace -
"This Holiday, Give 100% -
As the year's winding down, we're just getting started. First up, a whole new store for the holiday season, where 100% of the proceeds go straight into our programs. Check out our new products (including hoodies!!), new deals (like a free gold pin for buying over $30 and free shipping on orders over $100), and a lot of new functionality including the ability to create wish lists. This holiday, give 100%."
As the year's winding down, we're just getting started. First up, a whole new store for the holiday season, where 100% of the proceeds go straight into our programs. Check out our new products (including hoodies!!), new deals (like a free gold pin for buying over $30 and free shipping on orders over $100), and a lot of new functionality including the ability to create wish lists. This holiday, give 100%."
take only what you need from me
so, i have been having a massive struggle going back and forth about reapplying to be a roadie for invisible children in the spring...after i was cut in the final round for the fall.
and i just worked up the nerve to send an email to julie. i feel like i just put my heart out on the line....im so afraid of rejection.
I had applied for the roadie position during May/June of this year for the fall tour, and I am thoroughly interested in reapplying for the same position for the upcoming spring tour. When I last spoke to Julie, and she informed me that I had not been selected, we had mentioned the prospect of reapplying. At the time I was somewhat hesitant, just out of sheer disappointment, but I realize that hesitation was in error. I continued to work with Invisible Children during the three Texas dates of Warped Tour this summer, despite receiving the news about the roadie position on my first day as a volunteer, and though it was probably one of the hardest things to do - to be so close to something I wanted so, so badly in the days directly following this news - it was still one of the most rewarding experiences of my life, thus far.
Any doubt that had been in my mind about wanting to pursue this position was completely erased in the presence of these passionate people. Even now, reflecting on those few days, being close to something resembling my ultimate goal with Invisible Children, makes me realize that this is something that I still desperately want to pursue. I am not afraid to admit that for a bit of time, it was almost like an open wound to think of the position, not of the cause, and I fell out of touch following up with upcoming deadlines. I would be lying to say that I am not afraid of rejection, and I have been fighting an inner struggle back and forth in the past twenty four hours on whether or not I should even write this e-mail, or make a phone call.
I realize, however, that I will be making a grave mistake if I pass up this opportunity again. This is something that I want to do, more than anything else in my life right now, and I am willing to put myself out there again in the hopes of maybe coming one step closer this time. If not, I will try again, but this is a goal that I will not let slip into the back of my mind - it is impossible to suppress my passion, and I would like the opportunity to pursue this position as a roadie once again. I realize that the deadline for the written application is today, and if you would like me to resubmit a new application, I gladly will.
Thank you for your time, I know how busy you all always are in the office, and I look forward to hearing from you soon. And again, I would like to thank you for your consideration and your patience.
Sincerely,
Brandi Buckler
and i just worked up the nerve to send an email to julie. i feel like i just put my heart out on the line....im so afraid of rejection.
----
I had applied for the roadie position during May/June of this year for the fall tour, and I am thoroughly interested in reapplying for the same position for the upcoming spring tour. When I last spoke to Julie, and she informed me that I had not been selected, we had mentioned the prospect of reapplying. At the time I was somewhat hesitant, just out of sheer disappointment, but I realize that hesitation was in error. I continued to work with Invisible Children during the three Texas dates of Warped Tour this summer, despite receiving the news about the roadie position on my first day as a volunteer, and though it was probably one of the hardest things to do - to be so close to something I wanted so, so badly in the days directly following this news - it was still one of the most rewarding experiences of my life, thus far.
Any doubt that had been in my mind about wanting to pursue this position was completely erased in the presence of these passionate people. Even now, reflecting on those few days, being close to something resembling my ultimate goal with Invisible Children, makes me realize that this is something that I still desperately want to pursue. I am not afraid to admit that for a bit of time, it was almost like an open wound to think of the position, not of the cause, and I fell out of touch following up with upcoming deadlines. I would be lying to say that I am not afraid of rejection, and I have been fighting an inner struggle back and forth in the past twenty four hours on whether or not I should even write this e-mail, or make a phone call.
I realize, however, that I will be making a grave mistake if I pass up this opportunity again. This is something that I want to do, more than anything else in my life right now, and I am willing to put myself out there again in the hopes of maybe coming one step closer this time. If not, I will try again, but this is a goal that I will not let slip into the back of my mind - it is impossible to suppress my passion, and I would like the opportunity to pursue this position as a roadie once again. I realize that the deadline for the written application is today, and if you would like me to resubmit a new application, I gladly will.
Thank you for your time, I know how busy you all always are in the office, and I look forward to hearing from you soon. And again, I would like to thank you for your consideration and your patience.
Sincerely,
Brandi Buckler
hey, give me space so i can breathe
ugh, weirdness. i just realized that my ex-boyfriend looks exactly like my favorite musician/hero...and acts like him too - except less mature. it is seriously creeping me out. i like ~dated one of my idols without knowing it for a year. totally taints my perspective on things.
bored bored bored. anyone want to do something this weekend? because friday through sunday = nothing for me to do. maybe i'll go to jackson...or elsewhere...? i mean, i lay out by the pool for a couple hours every day now...so its not like i can just do that all weekend either, so enticing as that sounds. truth of the matter is i will turn into a lobster if i keep that up...i hate being fair-skinned. well, minus the freckles. i like the freckles.
okay, so my laptop is officially frustrating me now. first, it is constantly buzzing - maybe because my memory is almost full from music/photos? idk. i mean i have an external and i have dumped all my archives and a lot of stuff i don't listen to on it (like i'm talking over 300 gig...i mean, over a period of time but you get the point) and there really isn't much for me to move off because i'm constantly working with or using what's on here. oh, and my computer almost ate shit a couple of weeks ago because i got a virus (the long and the short of it, i'm an idiot) and i had to try and keep it on until my dad could work on it so that it wouldn't further embed itself, etc. etc. and i changed my power settings to save battery.
which leads to frustration #2 - now my computer screen goes darker whenever i'm running on battery, and brighter when it's plugged in...but the problem is, my charger is ghetto-tastic and you have to plug it in just right for it to charge now - so if i move at all or the charger shifts, my screen toggles back and forth between light and dark. and if you didn't put two and two together that means it is happening all. the. time. and since all my work and meaningless time wasting is based around the computer, it is annoying the shit out of me.
so i gave up on the fountainhead for the time being. switched over to middlesex, which is much less tasking. i don't have the will-power to voluntarily conquer another book over 700 pages at the moment.
oh, word of caution. unless you really really want to get my latest piercing, don't do it. it hurts. all the time. and is swollen. all the time. i always hate myself for getting cartilage piercings and end up cursing my stupidity, but this one is by far the worst. my fucking industrial was a walk in the park compared to this shit. go get an industrial, not a snug. seriously.
one thing i did accomplish today, beyond my inane, mind-numbing data entry and research at TCB, was finally sending out some of the "I Will Fight" wristbands. some people were asking around about where they could find one since they have lost or snapped their old ones, but they have been out of production for a few years now. but some nice people made another lot for me to sell at millsaps for a fundraiser, and we had some left over so i got around to dealing with orders/sending them out today. yay for raising more money for cancer research :) nothing is more satisfying than helping a cause, even if it is only a few bucks.
"Then she moved to LA with her firefly stare,
So why do you leave these questions unanswered?
[. . .]
Where can I go that your pictures won't haunt me?
bored bored bored. anyone want to do something this weekend? because friday through sunday = nothing for me to do. maybe i'll go to jackson...or elsewhere...? i mean, i lay out by the pool for a couple hours every day now...so its not like i can just do that all weekend either, so enticing as that sounds. truth of the matter is i will turn into a lobster if i keep that up...i hate being fair-skinned. well, minus the freckles. i like the freckles.
okay, so my laptop is officially frustrating me now. first, it is constantly buzzing - maybe because my memory is almost full from music/photos? idk. i mean i have an external and i have dumped all my archives and a lot of stuff i don't listen to on it (like i'm talking over 300 gig...i mean, over a period of time but you get the point) and there really isn't much for me to move off because i'm constantly working with or using what's on here. oh, and my computer almost ate shit a couple of weeks ago because i got a virus (the long and the short of it, i'm an idiot) and i had to try and keep it on until my dad could work on it so that it wouldn't further embed itself, etc. etc. and i changed my power settings to save battery.
which leads to frustration #2 - now my computer screen goes darker whenever i'm running on battery, and brighter when it's plugged in...but the problem is, my charger is ghetto-tastic and you have to plug it in just right for it to charge now - so if i move at all or the charger shifts, my screen toggles back and forth between light and dark. and if you didn't put two and two together that means it is happening all. the. time. and since all my work and meaningless time wasting is based around the computer, it is annoying the shit out of me.
so i gave up on the fountainhead for the time being. switched over to middlesex, which is much less tasking. i don't have the will-power to voluntarily conquer another book over 700 pages at the moment.
oh, word of caution. unless you really really want to get my latest piercing, don't do it. it hurts. all the time. and is swollen. all the time. i always hate myself for getting cartilage piercings and end up cursing my stupidity, but this one is by far the worst. my fucking industrial was a walk in the park compared to this shit. go get an industrial, not a snug. seriously.
one thing i did accomplish today, beyond my inane, mind-numbing data entry and research at TCB, was finally sending out some of the "I Will Fight" wristbands. some people were asking around about where they could find one since they have lost or snapped their old ones, but they have been out of production for a few years now. but some nice people made another lot for me to sell at millsaps for a fundraiser, and we had some left over so i got around to dealing with orders/sending them out today. yay for raising more money for cancer research :) nothing is more satisfying than helping a cause, even if it is only a few bucks.
"Then she moved to LA with her firefly stare,
and you loved sunset strip when it sparkled,
you grew up and you sparkled but why don't you care?[. . .]
So why do you leave these questions unanswered?
The circus awaits and you're already gone.
My Cheshire cat doorstop with fear in your smile, what makes it so easy for you to be walking by?
[. . .]
Where can I go that your pictures won't haunt me?
What makes it so easy for you to be walking by?"
i've got a feeling, it's not the safest place to start
at work right now, listening to Lord T and Eloise...i love this shit, it's hilarious. I've missed quiddity and i'm glad to be back even though Memphis is lonely. i feel so unproductive lately, and i really feel like my life is lacking direction...i need something to revive this mundane life.
so, i'm going to try and update fairly ~frequently... let's see how long that lasts.
i mentioned warped in my last post, but here is a breakdown of the good and the bad
- being set up next to the douche bag from animals for action tent in SA and Houston
- long days of driving
+ meeting Adam and some cool kids at 11:11 am
+ all the kids who would come up and tell us how much IC means to them and how they are trying to help/have helped the cause
+ getting kids excited about social justice
- not being a roadie in the fall
-/+ only being on warped tour three days...I'm not sure how i feel about it
+ finally seeing WTK and cobra...haha. cobra is such a guilty pleasure
+ dancing and singing at the top of my lungs with complete strangers
- storm in San Antonio
+ being surrounded by passionate people
- really bad sunburn
+ new music from The Glass Passenger
I finally finished reading Atlas Shrugged at the end of June and it was a-m-a-z-i-n-g. I started it before I left for Greece, but I ended up reading three other books before finishing it. The plot was interesting, don't get me wrong, but it was super dense and it took a lot of effort to get through all thousand something pages. I highly suggest it...just be prepared to devote a lot of time to it. I just finished High Fidelity, also fabulous.
I just started The Fountainhead yesterday, so that is my next big undertaking. Hopefully I will be able to get through it a lot quicker than my last Ayn Rand attempt.
I was glad to see some Millsaps people day before yesterday...I really would have missed more people than I thought. I'm glad that we all went to Sal and Mookie's...it really showed me why I fell in love with some people at Millsaps in the first place.
Blah, that's all I have for now.
so, i'm going to try and update fairly ~frequently... let's see how long that lasts.
i mentioned warped in my last post, but here is a breakdown of the good and the bad
+ hang out with some bad ass people from IC
- listening to terrible music, particularly from the Kevin says so stage
- being set up next to the douche bag from animals for action tent in SA and Houston
- long days of driving
+ lots of CDs in the car...love it
- sweat, sweat, and more sweat
+ meeting Adam and some cool kids at 11:11 am
+ all the kids who would come up and tell us how much IC means to them and how they are trying to help/have helped the cause
+ getting kids excited about social justice
- not being a roadie in the fall
-/+ only being on warped tour three days...I'm not sure how i feel about it
+ finally seeing WTK and cobra...haha. cobra is such a guilty pleasure
+ dancing and singing at the top of my lungs with complete strangers
- storm in San Antonio
+ being surrounded by passionate people
+ new music from The Glass Passenger
I'm sure there is more...but that is what comes to mind at the moment.
I finally finished reading Atlas Shrugged at the end of June and it was a-m-a-z-i-n-g. I started it before I left for Greece, but I ended up reading three other books before finishing it. The plot was interesting, don't get me wrong, but it was super dense and it took a lot of effort to get through all thousand something pages. I highly suggest it...just be prepared to devote a lot of time to it. I just finished High Fidelity, also fabulous.
I just started The Fountainhead yesterday, so that is my next big undertaking. Hopefully I will be able to get through it a lot quicker than my last Ayn Rand attempt.
I was glad to see some Millsaps people day before yesterday...I really would have missed more people than I thought. I'm glad that we all went to Sal and Mookie's...it really showed me why I fell in love with some people at Millsaps in the first place.
Blah, that's all I have for now.
i swim to brighter days despite the absence of sun
"It seems to be that if you place music (and books, probably, and films, and plays, and anything that makes you feel) at the center of your being, then you can't afford to sort out your love life, start to think of it as the finished product. You've got to pick at it, keep it alive and in turmoil, you've got to pick at it and unravel it until it all comes apart and you're compelled to start all over again. Maybe we all live life at too high a pitch, those of us who absorb emotional things all day, and as a consequence we can never feel merely content: we have to be unhappy, or ecstatically, head-over-heels happy, and those states are difficult to achieve within a stable, solid relationship." - Nick Hornby, High Fidelity.
I love flying. I have felt kind off all day, but at least I got some reading in. I finished High Fidelity, and it was wonderful. I bought it on a whim in Dallas and I loved it. The ending was kinda blah, but otherwise it was great.
I flew home to Austin on June 31st and just got back to Jackson today. I am pretty certain that this is the longest period of time, consequentially, that I have spent at home since I left for college...and I wasn't even home the whole time. I went to Dallas to donate blood for Music Saves Life and worked for Invisible Children all three Texas dates (Dallas, San Antonio, Houston...which works out to a little over 15 hours of travel back and forth from Austin) which was amazing. I don't feel like I have any direction in my life right now...and I thought that being a roadie and moving to San Diego and then going...who knows where...was what I needed, but I guess fate has something else in mind On the bright side, I will be at the Jack's/Paramore/Phantom Planet/Paper Route show in Memphis, working at the Elvis festival, and at ACL and Voodoo fest this fall.
I didn't think I would ever reach the point in my life where I thought I was one of those people who did not belong in school, but that is where I am. I don't know where I belong, or what I should be doing, or how to approach to. I try to drown out the world in music, philanthropy, books, movies...but I can't escape my own self-deprecating and self-loathing mentality at the end of the day. I feel inadequate no matter what I do, and fate seems to be dealing me a hand that I'm certain to fail with...or that's how I feel. I wish I could really believe with 100% certainty that this all happens for a reason, but I have my reservations about it all. Something heavy weighs down upon me landing in Jackson and I don't know how I am going to face Memphis either. I want to be in Austin, not doing a thing but just being. I feel like I am just fulfilling what society defines as the proper way to live my life and not doing what I want to...but can I even succeed doing what I want to do? Some days I feel like I don't know enough about music, or my tastes aren't up to par, or I won't be able to cut it. I wish there were some easy, definitive answer.
There is this boy. I don't know hardly anything about him, but I like him. I have no idea if he feels the same. I am insecure, and worry, and I don't know that I can even be myself around him. I saw him tonight and my heart skipped a beat...I feel like a teenager all over again. I don't know the first thing about him...what music he likes, what he dislikes, what he believes...I don't even his last name. I just have a feeling, and I like it. I wish I could articulate it, but it is the only thing that feels...positive...right now. I don't have anything to base that on, but it feels like something, and I hope I am not disappointed yet again. Maybe I am supposed to be in Jackson for a reason after all.
I'm slightly buzzed and I don't know what else to say right now...I'll probably write in the morning. Screw livejournal, hello new blog.
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