on catching up

07.26.2010-07.28.2010
visingsö and jönköping

okay, so today is actually the 27th and i'm actually really drunk (okay, not in the process of typing this now, just writing it initially). i just got off of a forty-one minute skype conversation with billy after five glasses of wine and a lot of drunken rambling with mike, hans, and katie. katie has been quiet and a little strange all day - i can't quite put my finger on it, but i have my theories. anyway, i'm basically a misanthrope in any situation - i find myself wanting to spend more and more time alone as the days pass on. after a while, most people seem to become a one-note tune to me after i spend time with them for more than a few days. there are definitely people in every situation who don't fit into that category, particularly those who are a bit more reserved, but they are generally the exception rather than the rule. enough of that, though...i have some catching up to do. it is now wednesday night, not tuesday and i already feel the slowly spreading ease of sleep slipping into my limbs, so i need to move quickly before i have to add another day to the tally of days i'm behind. monday was our day off, but katie and i weren't able to find out what time we would be heading into the city because the ferry office wasn't open to take reservations. woke up at 9:20 instead of 8:20 and found out that we were leaving at 10:40. broccoli and mushroom omelets and apelsinjuice (orange juice) with a pot of coffee that seemed to take forever to heat up. just as we were pouring our first mugs, hans came to the door and insisted that we were already late (we had twenty-five minutes, but tina was worried we would still be asleep or hadn't received her e-mail about the ferry reservation at 11). a slow, relaxing day off just turned into a frantic frenzy in a hurry. got into the car with tina, jessie, and nez and talked about the plan for the day. ferry to grånna then thirty minute ride to jönköping. they dropped us off at the museum and city bibliotek and said they would pick us back up to go to the A6 shopping center together in four hours. we walked around the library, but skipped on the museum since we will be going for free in the near future (theoretically).

headed towards the walking streets and tried to scope out a good cafe to make a game plan. went for espresso at coffeehouse by george on the far side of the canal, passing some roma street performers wailing a duet of "the winner takes it all" on an accordian and a trumpet. decided to find the h&m and just explore the maze of pedestrian zones and walking streets. went to a pretty neo-gothic church a little off the beaten track and then passed a tex-mex market (of all things to see) on the way back to the main drag. went into gina tricot where they were having a 49/99 SEK sale. picked up two adorable dresses, two clutches, and some other accessories for less than $20. got a turquoise belt at h&m for less than $2, but i was generally unenthusiastic about their sale. went to the swedish equivalent of a claire's, ur and penn (though they sell many more watches than you would see at an equivalent store stateside) and another cute boutique, where i added three or four pairs of earrings and four necklaces to my haul. there is something about the thrill of a bargain hunt! then we rushed to the museum, worrying that we would be late because we had been waiting in line to check out at ur and penn, but we were fine. i'm so glad katie has her own watch now, so it was worth the stress of trying to beat the clock to make it back to the museum on time. drove to the A6 center and went to the systembolaget for box wine to get us through the week, while tina, nez, and jessie wen to the bookstore. oh! i thought it was strange, but there was actually a game stop...in sweden! came back and hans came over shortly after we got settled back in at the cottage. made veggie burgers and drank wine. hans gave me a few movies and we talked about film, tv shows, and a little bit about music. listened to robyn and talked about pop music more than anything. i was too tired to update my journal after billy and i skyped, plus my finger was killing me. i really need to lay off the keyboard but that won't happen, i'm sure. it keeps swelling up immensely with next to no notice...i guess i just need to get over it and work through the pain.

tina didn't want me to work the next morning, but i was stubborn. it has warmed up substantially and i thought that was why my finger was feeling better on tuesday, so i worked through it. i went out into the field with tina and hans and we are dangerously efficient together. ended with 73 holes at 3:30, at which point we went to pick up mike from the harbor. came back and took a much needed shower, then headed over for dinner duty at the other house. we made veggie lasagna - spinach noodles, broccoli, artichokes, tomatoes, more spinach, and onions. hans made a salad and his own homemade salad dressing. went back to the house and had an hour to start going through pictures and e-mails before mike and hans made their way over. they hung out while i finished my master promissory note and loan entrance counseling online. why i had to do it again is beyond me, but whatever. we talked about loans and copenhagen, where in the world we would like to travel. i can't wait to travel with someone i love. had five glasses of wine (which i already mentioned) and ended up drunk-skyping for far too long, though it was worth it. love of my life. yet again, not enough time to write (hence why it was far too long of a conversation). finger was fucked up again on wednesday morning, so my weather theory is blown to hell. same teams as yesterday (tuesday), finished 92 holes. cleaned the house and took out the trash during lunch so that our new roommate wouldn't be too repulsed when she arrive. katie is going to have to start cleaning up after herself more - i always do the dishes and cook for both of us more often than not. she needs to pick up the slack a little...or a lot. did laundry and uploaded photos from jönköping and continued my e-mail discussion with holly about grad school. i lack the specificity to find a program that is right for me - why do i have to be a part of a discipline that demands you know what your dissertation will be about six years in advance? damnit. she is helping thought, i just have to figure shit out. made dinner (wheat penne with fresh veggies) and organized music on my computer. made sure my downloads of mad men and fantastic mr. fox worked (they did!) and then skyped before starting this update. now time to cozy up with my digital copy of lord of the rings on my e-reader - the perfect end to a long day.

a note of pessimists

last night was not exactly what i would call a sound night's rest. i woke up around four in the morning and my middle finger was completely locked in place. i tore my tendon during a hiking in albania about seven weeks ago and reinjured it when i was at home in austin between my two trips. when it got cold four days ago, it started to get a little stiff but the only problem was bending it if i was trying to clench or form a fist, little things of that nature. in the middle of the night, however, it just decided to lock and keep me awake and fill my dreams with images of injuries and flashes of pain. i woke up at 8:20, like normal, and tried to go about my routine, but as soon as i went to open my dresser, the pain brought tears to my eyes. starting to cry, i hurried down our precarious stairs to down some ibuprofen and use katie's homeopathic ointment. my finger was twice the size of my others and the was radiating throughout my palm. i couldn't straighten it out at all. katie helped me fumble through breakfast despite my insistence that i could manage, then she chimed in, "well, the good news is, it doesn't look like we will be soil sampling today." i hadn't even thought twice about it, but as soon as i looked outside i saw the mud-soaked ground and the persistent beating of sheets of rain against the pond. no e-mails from tina or gisela to support our theory, but the rain was torrential, and as we learned on our walk over, bitingly cold. got to the house, drenched and hand aching to see everyone sitting around, warm and cozy, insisting that they could have come to pick us up. too late. a month of backlogged phosphate data and some of tom's lectures and powerpoints filled the rest of our day. tina gave me a heating pack which helped with the pain, but not the swelling. the data entry numbed my mind enough to at least forget about my finger during the process. a couple of depressing but enlightening conversations about gre testing, admissions, and grad schools later, coupled with the zombie-inducing repetition of our work, my mood was left in a state not to be desired. all of these archaeologists make me doubt myself! they make it seem like i have no future, but i just need to stand up on my own two feet and ignore the dissenters. i can do it. it may kick my ass, but this is what i'm supposed to be doing - i can't let these little hiccups discourage me. some of these people only dwell on the negative and as pessimistic as i can be, there is no reason to bring others down and fixate on the weaknesses of others. maybe i'm judging too harshly, but i don't like contagious pessimists (only the introspective ones). i just need to buckle down and kick some ass. spinach and cheese tortellini with garlic bread for dinner served with a side of strange conversations at the big house, followed by hours of boredom dulled with a glass of straight whiskey, some beck and some ben folds. it looks like the weather is going to prevent bjorn and rachel from making it to jönköping tomorrow, but if nothing else, katie and i will have a change of scenery! let's hope it isn't a rain-filled excursion.

new arrival

07.24.2010

visingsö, sweden

today is the definition of lackadaisical. when we were eating breakfast i noticed that the kitchen clock has started running slower than both my watch and my computer, which i should have taken as a forewarning of the odd way that time would pass today. forget consistency or structure. downing my still scalding coffee, i made the walk to the other house. i talked to tina about the possibility of bjorn and rachel coming to visit the island and she proposed an even better idea - she offered to drive katie and i to jönköping on monday during our day off. so, as long as they can get to the city as well, it should be a better way to get together - hopefully cheaper for both concerned parties and a bit more convenient. we don't have a car to drive around on the island and the few things to see and do aren't necessarily the most riveting or easy to get to. the prospect of this working out is really exciting! i know i won't be able to see mathilde, but hopefully i can see some familiar (and much loved) faces. there is something so surreal about seeing a person you know when you are out of the country - it finally stirs you have this strange experience of traveling and reminds you that things are in fact not quite normal, you really are in a strange, foreign country. once i was at the house, tom and gisela weren't downstairs yet, so katie and i sat around for a little while waiting for them to get ready and finish doing laundry. we drove out to the pea field (all four of us went together while tina went to pick up hans from jönköping) and as soon as we got our equipment out, it started raining. gisela needed to talk to a landowner to get permission to work on their property, but she didn't feel like it, so we sat in the car for about twenty minutes waiting for the rain to let up. it never did, so she finally realized that she would have to stop putting it off. we waited in the car while she talked to the man (who happened to live on the other side of the island) and tom, katie, and i just talked for a little while. all of the sitting around and listening to katie's loud, repetitive storytelling was giving me a headache. i just keep telling myself that she is from new york, not the slow, mildly spoken south. drove back to the pea field because the rain was letting up, got out of the car and it started raining again. drove to the forest where we would hopefully have some canopy cover and then it was only an hour until lunch. took an hour and fifteen minute lunch even though they said they would be back in thirty, and of course as soon as they drove to pick us up, it started raining again. they sent us back inside and said they would pick us up if the rain let up. well, two hours later they came back, drove us to the forest where it started raining, surprise surprise. it was like the weather was consciously taunting us. came back around five and i've been scattered ever since - starting things but not finishing. i don't like starting and stopping or being unproductive, so it really left me feeling in a funk. the wind is still roaring outside and it sounds like tornado sirens, which puts me a bit ill at ease. i was putting photos in with my entries and nadia messaged me on facebook. i admire that girl so much, there aren't words. we talked about albania, sweden, jordan, and made a date before she leaves. she is one of the few people i have met who is like me - the traveling, the independence, the disenchantment with 'normal' social interactions (to a certain extent). it is refreshing to actually have someone who understands what traveling is for me, what these long summers are like. it is an awful mixture of excitement and regret all mingled together. i think the internet complicates things as much as it simplifies them - it allows me to peer into what it is like on the other side - what it would be like to have a normal summer, to have friends i'm never separated from, to stay in one place, to relish the simplicity of those long summer weeks. hell, it sounds enticing to be among the masses, but at the same time i know that it just isn't me. all that to say, nadia kind of made my day. skyped with my sister and parents - my dad just got back from detroit so it was nice to hear from him. he called me yesterday but i don't even bother carrying my phone on me anymore so i didn't see his missed call for four hours. we talked for under two minutes with a promise of skyping today, so i'm glad it worked out. after those frantic, exciting conversations, i told katie how discombobulated i was, just as she pointed out that tina and hans were walked up the porch steps. so much for regaining my composure. even in sweden (as in bulgaria), i still can't escape the hipsters it seems. hans is a bit shy, but maybe reserved is the better word for it. we talked about typical niceties and the project, tattoos and travel. things didn't revolve around the university of buffalo for a change, which was nice. i hope he doesn't act all reclusive because he seems pretty fucking cool - i just want to pick his brain. we were supposed to have the veggie version of pea soup at the other house for dinner, but the store was sold out, so leftover pasta with fresh veggies and one ballerina cookie with the last of our coffee rounded off my night, or so i thought. right as i got dressed for bed, hans came back over and gave me some movies and the first season of true blood to watch. we talked about films and tv shows for a while which was nice. katie is really disconnected from pop culture so it was nice to have someone to talk with about normal conversational topics i carry on about at home. as i was closing the window to the howling wind, i saw a double rainbow outside the window and hans, without skipping a beat was double rainbow, what does it mean?!' went and took some photos and then called it a night. not too shabby, but still a fairly slow going day. oh! i also found out that janelle monae and of montreal are playing the lyric in oxford in november! i'm going to have billy order tickets once he gets back from phoenix so that we can make sure we have them before they sell out. i would order them, but i'm afraid i would be subjected to those pesky international service surcharges. i wish billy had time between sessions to set my nerves at ease, but maybe more sleep and a fresh start tomorrow will be enough to do the trick. it's the same ol' drag.

i mean, seriously.

double rainbow, all the way.

the lighting here is crazy - every night is completely different. what does it mean?!?

power

07.23.2010
visingsö, sweden

so, i must have jinxed myself - when we woke up this morning, all of the power was out in stigby, the region of the island that we stay on. no power means no light and a defrosting fridge, but even worse than that - it means no coffee. we went to try to talk to our landlord to see what the deal was (ideally, we would like for all of our food to remain unspoiled when we come back form the field) and he said he didn't know when it would come back on. damn wind power and all that nonsense...kidding. apparently this has happened one other time while lauren was here and suddenly sweden is starting to feel a lot more like albania. tina went to the store for bottled water, but i think it was just an excuse to wait for power to come back on so that coffee could be made before we had to go into the field. katie and i weren't about to tell anyone, but we had instant coffee from my private stash before we came over, made with lukewarm tap water from the tap. it wasn't quite as satisfying as a whole pot, but it at least got my blood flowing before we went to work.

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tina and i went into the field together today. it is kind of weird that there are only five of us now, but it sounds like more people will be coming and going as the days pass on. after we got back from the field, i got up to date on my photos, uploaded them to facebook and waited for katie to get back. we had more coffee and then took the bikes out to the south end of the island, stopping at landmarks as we went.


we ended up riding for an hour and a half, covering the whole end of the island closest to the house. we took a short break at both the pebble beach and the lighthouse on the peninsula before heading back, uphill against the winds coming in with the clouds.

the weather changes so rapidly here - two days ago it was scorc will hing, then it rained yesterday, and today it was cold. one minute it will be perfectly clear and the next moment the sky will be covered in looming, menacing clouds. the work is becoming more and more routine and i barely know what to do with my free time - there is way too much of it. tonight i made a veggie melt for dinner - fresh onions, peppers, tomatoes, corn, peas, mushrooms, and broccoli (all of which i diced and prepared myself!) served on toasted whole wheat bread with freshly grated cheese. talked to billy during his break at the conference and then screwed around on the internet while drinking a whiskey and coke. i hate that alcohol is so expensive -there is nothing to do on this island most of the day (and night) but drink. i'm going to call it a night early even though the sun is still out (it is 10:30), but maybe tomorrow will bear more interesting developments.

rainy days and thursdays

07.22.2010

visingsö, sweden

another day, another page. already this is starting to feel routine, but unlike albania this is the kind of routine i could get used to. tina told us there was a chance of rain, but it probably wouldn't amount to anything. lo and behold, it started drizzling on us on the walk over to the big house. drove out to the field anyway, went under three fences - two electrified and one barbed wire - to soil sample a cow pasture full of fresh cow patties (and irritated cows) only to take two samples before it started coming down. so to get back to the car, what did we have to do? cross those same three fences...electrified fences + rain = a bit nerve-wracking. we tried to sit it out but the rain wasn't giving up so we headed back to the house. tom and gisela dropped me at the cottage and i tried to get on the internet during the downtime before the other team came back...and it wouldn't work. i panicked and tried everything i could think of, but ultimately uninstalling/reinstalling later that night work. here's to hoping my prepaid one-month refill will work. katie came back and quelled my panic with coffee, cheese and crackers, and then we headed back over, sat around for a while and then went back to the field. i love working with those two - we had some good conversations about grad school and they both seem really interested in my research. they keep giving me little bits of advice, which is so nice. came back, made pasta, opened our bottle of portugeuse wine and had a long dinner. went to say goodbye to lauren who leaves for states via copenhagen early tomorrow morning. well, she wanted to take pictures, so we went for a walk that ended up turning into an hour and a half affair. the great part? it didn't even come close to making me tired or sore. maybe i will be able to lose some weight on this trip. plus, when it isn't raining, the sun reflecting off the lake is actually pretty brutal, so my tan is slowly working back up to my mid-albania peak. skinny, tan, fit, and confident - that is how i'm going to leave sweden. and to think i was worried about coming here...this place is paradise.

flying solo...kind of

07.21.2010

visingsö, sweden

i'm sitting at the big house where everyone else is staying, waiting for our lunch break to end so that we can head back into the field. we are sampling on this huge fallow field which is almost impossible break ground on. even tom, who is easily twice my size, is barely getting 3-5 cm of soil (we are expected to sample 10 cm increments of soil). it was quite hot and we covered a lot of land - i didn't realize we had been steadily going down an incline until we started to head back to the car, but we actually walked halfway across the island's width just to get from the car to where we had stopped sampling. the extra tough soil is particularly brutal since my hands and ribs are black and blue and i'm exhausted. i'm glad i packed a lunch today - since we came back before the other team and katie has the key, it wasn't possible to get into our house to make lunch. oops, we are about to leave! more later

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back from the field and it is only 4:25. i'm sitting on the porch waiting for katie to come back from the field with tina, lauren, and mike.we are really going to have to figure out some kind of system with the key if we will be going on separate teams. i was really worried about the field today since i was going to be working tom and gisela, but i ended up enjoying it a lot. i mean, tina and mike weren't there to help if i couldn't break ground, but i made it work. plus, there was no excessive chatter, just stimulating, relevant conversations and silent, efficient work. not the kind of people i would to just hang out or chill with, but definitely my kind of people to work with. oh, and i made falafel for dinner tonight! maybe i can do this cooking thing after all! only time will tell...

reservations

07.20.2010

visingsö, sweden

today was the first day of work! it is a little difficult for me to use the sample because of my height and weight. if i hadn't lost weight in albania and during my backpacking trip, i would at least have more cushion to insulate the blows of throwing my body to force the sampler into the ground, but unfortunately that is not the case. i ahve bruised on my ribs and hands, but i think that the more i get the hang of it, the better it will be. i had a hard time the firs tfew samples, but after two or three katie and i just picked it up and it clicked. i worked with tina after lunch, which was nice - i get along with her really well. she is really into music and actually used to bartend at cbgb's! (i had to resist being all ''oh my god, it was one of my life goals to visit there before it closed! ahhh!!") dinner had a few tense moments over at the main house, but lunch at our house with just katie was awesome - fresh swiss cheese and tomato paninis with a pot of coffee. after dinner we went for bike rides on the busted bikes they have at the main house which was so pleasant. i want to bring my bike back to campus, i think. not to use on campus, but maybe to go around belhaven, but at the same time, it might get stolen...i don't know if it is worth the risk for occassional use. oh! katie and i looked at graduate programs for classics and classical archaeology and i feel a bit better - i know much more than i give myself credit for. i need to study and register for the gre, but there are still tons of open seats at the jackson testing center. i'm thinking mid-october, but i need to decide (officially) which programs i will apply for to know what the deadline is to receive gre scores - apparently they take a while to actually reach the schools. all of this nonsense is just staring to sound like high school again, but at the same time, i couldn't be more excited about it. i'm ready to move to the next phase of my life, i think. i look forward to my future now i have at least a vague sense of direction and my motivation is at an all-time high. on a related note - lauren and mike came over for drinks again tonight and we started talking about ub and their undergrad/grad programs....and it is so different. i think the page requirements for one of my courses in one semester is more than their's for their entire year and entire courseload. fifteen page honors theses? are you kidding? i could churn out four of those in a week. automatic as and t.a. graded homework assignments and tests...it is just crazy millsaps still isn't challenging enough for me, but at least it is more of a challenge than that. at millsaps, the only thing that really can internet with on-time graduation and proper advisement is apathy, indecisiveness or procrastination, while at ub, even the most diligent people (such as katie) get screwed because advisors don't care or don't even know what is necessary. she works so hard (relatively) and has made it so far, ut it is the professors apathy that has set her up for disappointment with graduate school. i'm really glad i, as a younger, more naive version of myself knew that at the very least a liberal arts degree would be a bit more fulfilling. i mean, in my core ten paper i say that millsaps is what you make of it - but really, it is so much better than the majority of schools. after mike and lauren left, i skyped with billy and it was much better than yesterday. i almost forgot that he was leaving for general assembly this week and i don't look forward to going a few days without talking again. i got so paranoid about pitchfork - i wish i had been there so bad. sometimes i wish that i hadn't billy the ticket so that he couldn't go without me, but that is just stupid and childish. i'm just so jealous that he had the most fun of his life and i wasn't there - but more than that, i enabled him to have that experience without me. it is kind of heartbreaking. i worry about how much he is concerned about dyer's business...it has been ten months since they broke up, nine months since we have been together. i just really need him to move on for my own sanity. i hate that he is going to think back about his favorite weekend of his life and dyer will be there, not me. i love him so much, i just want to make him as happy as he makes me...that's all. amo te.

day off

07.19.2010

visingsö, sweden

so, our day was supposed to start at eleven, but actually did not until two. i set an alarm for 8:30 (katie doesn't have an alarm clock...which is going to get really old really fast) and fell back asleep until noon. woke up, had muesli and jordgubb (strawberry) yogurt and made an actual pot of coffee (as in, we made it in boiling water in a pot). three cups of coffee later, we are ready to head over to the other house, we talked to tina for a while and then went over to grunna with lauren and mike for errands. bought liquor (229 SEK for a fifth of canadian whisky) and i got my modem for 548 SEK (about $76). i must really want to talk to my boyfriend or something. then we came back and tina took us to a 12th century castle that has fallen off the end of the island. i learned a lot about the people of småland and some of the history of visingsö and then we hoped back in the car, drove along the west side of the island to go grocery shopping. on the way back, tina and i talked about u2 and then we stopped to look at an iron age graveyard. we got back , unloaded groceries and walked over to the other house for towels and sugar. came back and i installed my modem while katie cooked, then lauren and mike joined us for drinks. i really like both of them - i really have that they are leaving this weekend for copenhagen, especially since i just really want to go see mathilde (but time probably won't allow it). a lot of gossip about the university of buffalo all the time, which i'm sure will get old, but i'm just enjoying the company. tomorrow is the first day int he field, which makes me really nervous, but i'll do fine. i at least have some experience auguring with stan, so i'm not too concerned. plus, i feel like a huge weight has been lifted now that i know that no one really has any idea what their research will be. hell, lauren is heading home in four days and she still doesn't know. i'm exhausted, but excited. who knows what tomorrow will be like but i at least feel at ease here now.

first impressions

07.18.2010

stockholm, sweden

i'm starting to do that thing where i will be reading and my eyes start going a bit out of focus as i start to unintentionally fall asleep. in theory, katie should be here, well, either now or very shortly. our ride still won't be here until eleven at the earliest, so i need to snap out of it and wake up. i'm still feeling more than a bit ill, but at least my hands have stopped shaking and hurling doesn't feel imminent. on the flight, they served me a spicy pseudo-indian dish and it basically destroyed me. that coupled with a particularly small plane that was actually hot not cold for a change did not make for a pleasant seven plus hours. i was at the window, however, so that helped a little - i could just turn my head toward the window, away from the people and lose myself in the clouds, at least affording myself a breather from my stuffy surroundings. i still feel nauseous just thinking about it, to be honest. customs went relatively quickly and very smoothly, but i was sweating and ill to my stomach so i was over-anxious. the luggage did take quite a while to come out, just as tina had warned, but i couldn't quite put down the rising panic of my luggage not making it until i saw that pink luggage tag making its way around the carousel. let's rewind to the flight - once i got to my row, i wasn't very enthused...i was going to be sitting next to an older looking couple and somehow even in transit i was having flashbacks to being a third wheel like i was for so long, so many times. i told myself to just stay quiet, nonchalant and maybe i won't be in for a two-for-one- special on single-serving friends. no such luck - "so why are you headed to stockholm?" ...and so it begins. their names were terry and ted, early 50s, both semi-recently divorced (but not from each other) from cleveland. terry was really sweet - she has a fourteen year old son, sarah's age, and all she wants in the world is for him to be happy and to succeed (even though his passion is snakes). we talked a lot about travel, and despite the fact that (in theory) her age should make her more jaded than me, she was a breath of fresh air. she made me feel like everything i was going was moving towards something, even if i don't know exactly what that something is. we reminisced about greece and italy (i have to go up north the next chance i get - i am really missing out from the sounds of it) and i told her all about berlin; she told me all about southeastern asia. i watched my big fat greek wedding, only because mike talked about it so much, listened to pet sounds as i drifted off to sleep. breakfast with hall and oates on the continental jukebox, then an episode of the office as we headed into our final descent. with the exception of exchanging money, changing shirts and envying all the hip european children who keep walking by me, that pretty much catches me up to the present. katie is late or didn't see me and i can't seem to spot her either. i've been sitting at this cafe table, too ill to drink coffee for over two hours, just perusing tourist pamphlets, magazines, and brochures. reading about stockholm makes me really want to explore it - i wonder how much of it i will get to see. it seems like such a hip, cool, interesting (aesthetically and historically) city - and looking at regional maps, it is crazy seeing how close i am to helsinki! just thinking about it is making my pulse rise just a little. i've seen a good number of backpackers which means i'm back in the developed world during high season, but i really wonder how they afford it. i really wish that money wasn't a factor. not because i want money to be no object, but rather that i would like to have just enough to not be concerned, to not just scrape by. now that i have been to other parts of the world, however, it is clear that it is all just relative. i've seen more of the world than a good chunk of any given population, but i just want more. maybe that is the american coming out in me, but i just can't get enough. i want to see more, i want to do it right, whatever that means. the more i see, the more i realize how much is out there and i really do have an insatiable desire for knowing it all; it being some indefinite something, all-encompassing, interdisciplinary, cultural, experiential understanding of everything. i really hope this trip turns out well - nothing too ambitious, no added stress outside of the project, and once i have a person who i can speak to face to face and get some real answers, i will feel so much better. not seeing katie isn't really setting my nerves in order.

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as i was writing those last words, i saw katie walk by - her flight was about thirty minutes delayed and then customs, baggage, blah blah blah. she has a pack, about as big as the one i brought last summer and i feel guilty for bringing a suitcase - i just didn't want to live out of a backpack for another month, nor did i want to scrape by from laundry load to load, especially since i don't know if will we have a machine (note: we do). if anything, i'm overprepared, but hopefully that will save me money. i didn't bring a towel and i can't find any, which blows. katie let me borrow hers so i could take a much needed shower, but i will just have to sort it all out tomorrow. tom finally showed up at noon, but the time went by so quickly - partly because of the espresso and partly because of the good conversation. katie is a classicist/anthropologist who is obsessed with the romans, though i think she would like greeks more if she had more than her self-taught ancient greek course in her background (though that is still really a work in progress). she smokes, swears, is a little rough around the edges and a self-proclaimed 'dirty hippie.' plus, she is a vegetarian to boot. tom brought us to the car where gisela was waiting and the drive began. we had to do some paperwork at the car rental place and then started our drive. once we passed through stockholm proper, we stopped at a highway-side cafe that reminded me of corinth. katie and i opted for cheap wafers for lunch, which i offset with a $3 coke. i still wasn't feeling too well and we had three hours on the road ahead of us - it was almost worth spending that much on it. as we were leaving the restaurant, gisela got a call from tina saying that one of the only two ferries that passes from grunna to visingso had crashed into the dock, so we might not even be able to get to the island. we finally got there, expecting the worse (and skipping the stop for a G3 modem so i could have internet on my computer to ensure we got on a ferry eventually), but we were actually able to put the car in line for the ferry that left in an hour, no problem. the little village was bustling, maybe because people were fighting off the lines for transport to and from the area, but i was still surprised. extremely quaint and charming, developed without feeling the least bit contribed, i already had a good feeling. they weren't trying to be anything other than themselves, and i love that. we opted for ice cream to pass the time and i got pistachio and strawberry. we talked about classics, comps, research interests, grad schools, jobs, and a bit about art. i fond out that i'm going to be missing the terracotta army exhibit by five days - damnit. so close, but yet so far - its just my luck. the ferry was invigorating and the island is gorgeous (though the ride on the ferry was a bit, uh, damp). the island is actually about the size of santorini, just flat because of glacial plains leveling the topography about 10,000 years ago. oh, i have spent all day trying to figure out who tom sounds like and i've decided it is a cross between michael mohr and phil ewbank. it was irking me all day! we got to our house, a small 'apartment,' more aptly called a cottage, and it is precious! i don't get my own room, but it so homey and welcoming, i'm looking forward to my time here. katie and i settled in after meeting our landlords and tina, unpacked, claimed beds (i get a queen!) and walked over to the other big house for dinner. no awkward conversations, no odd pauses, just a jovial, convivial family-like dynamic. tina is here with her husband and daughter, who katie and i spent a lot of time talking to and helping/watching her play games. apparently it isn't going to be as easy to get internet as i thought but tina let me send e-mail on her computer, so as long as billy actually checks his e-mail on either account, i should have been able to get in touch with him, in addition to my family. veggie burgers and pasta, then back to the cottage, listening to the sunlandic twins while i finished unpacking and making up my bed. shower and now time for some much needed sleep - see you tomorrow, sweden.

---

having katie as a roomate is going to be awesome. she and i seem to have a lot in common and we get along really well. this is the antithesis of albania...i have the best possible companion, and not the worst possible company (no exaggeration necessary). all is well here!

purgatory

07.17.2010

newark, new jersey

so, i still have four hours to kill. i got to newark two hours ago, still groggy from the flight. i was able to sleep a little, but it was more of a fever dream than actual sleep. i haven't had much of a chance to rest...around 10:30 last night i realized i only had six hours until i had to head out to austin bergstrom and i still hadn't showered or finished up typing my journal entries from my last trip. i typed another three pages and said forget it, i'll just bring this other journal with me, too, even though it is riddled with field notes, bus schedules, and haphazard directions to various hostels across the balkans. finally climbing into bed at a quarter past midnight and i'm exhausted, ready to catch despite my nerves. i usually had a hard time shutting off my mind the night before a trip - did i pack enough? too much? did i remember (insert item here)? don't forget your phone charger in the morning! - but i was ready to compartmentalize my ocd in lieu of some shut eye. and then i reached for my nightguard, opened my case and it was empty. i vaguely remember it being next to the case but not in it when i woke up yesterday, so maybe it fell under the bed or by the nightstand. flashlight out, no luck. sarah helped move the mattress, still no luck. pull out the mattress support, completely disassembling the bed, still no luck. woke up my mom who also helped look, still nothing. theory? cocoa hasn't gone to the bathroom all day, it is acrylic but only big enough to cover two of my teeth so it is still small enough to swallow, and it smells like me. cocoa used to chew up clothes that i had worn, so this wouldn't be unprecedented. my mom drove to the 24-hour walgreens and bought some disposable mouthguards, but i can't get a replacement made until december since it was made in-office at my dentist, not from a mold. damn. needless to say, this delayed my sleep even more and just added to my anxiety. finally nodding off, i don't remember dreaming, just waking with a start. usually when that happens, i still have time to go back to sleep, but my mid-slumber awakening was only three minutes before my 4:15 alarm. double damn. i was in good spirits but once i got to newark, a soulless, lifeless limbo between two ends with six hours to spare, well, i started to despair. to add insult to injury, not only was my departure in the same terminal that i had just arrived in, it was only a handful of gates away - C84 to C92. not exactly a six hour transit time. i wanted to go into the city, but even if i took the train/bus to penn station, what would i do? i don't know where anything is and i have a backpack stuffed full of electronics that i wouldn't really want to subject to the new york subway system. all i would really want to do would be to go to the met, but it would take at least a day to do that right, not just a few rush hours racing the clock to get back through security. i just didn't really plan for this, which i kind of regret, but all of my zeal to squeeze every last drop of adventure out of every possible opportunity is starting to wane - for the time being. i'm still at the lone starbucks in the c terminal, sipping my last skinny vanilla latte excruciatingly slow, partly to enjoy every drop of it and partly to pass the time. i'm sitting next to a german couple who keep eyeing my 'german made simple' textbook in my purse. they just took the place of a swedish family that i will surely see again on the flight to stockholm. i talked to billy for a little while, which always lifts my spirits (as well as raising my heartrate). none of this feels like real life - it never does. plus, when i am alone, it feels more like a daydream. my feet never quite touch the ground and it is only the weight of my backpack and the weight of the ineviable that really grounds me. i'm the one static entity in a changing cast of characters, a rotating group of strangers everywhere from texas to scandanavia to romania and back.

a beginning

07.17.2010
austin, texas

day one, sort of. i'm resolved to do this right and actually write. my heart is battling my mind right now it won't stop racing from the thermos of slightly watered down coffee i downed during the quiet, oddly serene drive to the airport, yet somehow i'm still only half awake. i can feel the askance glance of my neighbor burning into me...maybe that means i'm gaining my confidence back. not that i care about this guy, whatever his story is, but something about my vibe is making him pay attention. most of the time i'm so ill at ease that i try to blend into the walls, but today i feel comfortable in my own skin. i already have one regret rising - that i only brought this one slim volume to fill with my thoughts. so much is bound to happen from now until august 22nd, i don't know if these pages can hold it all. my hand is slowly starting to pick up momentum, fueled by a hazy mix of nostalgia, anxiety, and anticipation. as much as i want to be in chicago right now, it is time for an adventure, a chance to grow - a month to shake off the resentment and ill will. i'm no longer afraid of my research - i always do fine. if i want to stay afloat in grad school i need to stop doubting myself. maybe it is my temperament, or maybe it is a result of my upbringing but i am incapable of letting a day go by without doubting myself - maybe that doesn't always show, maybe people aren't as astute at noticing the slight hesitation that marks every word and movement, the subtle calculation of it all, but every minute of every one of my days is filled with some sort of misgiving. when i traveled last summer, i came back on top of the world, at the top of my game. how would things have been if i hadn't had that confidence? would billy and i have even talked? eastern europe opened my eyes in a very different way, but hopefully sweden will add another dimension to my experiences. i want to be interesting, a compelling character in my own life's narrative, but more importantly i just want to learn. what do i want to learn? everything. everywhere i look, something else catches my eye and diverts my focus. maybe it is stems from my own misgivings about my skills, my limits, but i get equally excited and terrified at every new intellectual stimulus, every new prospect. tell me how anybody thinks under this condition. it is still morning but it feels like i have yet to truly wake up. maybe once i'm in the air everything will start to shift into focus, but i'm not holding my breath or anything. i want to have a clear aim, a focus - not just on this page or in my mind, but in my life. what should my specialty be? why do i want to travel so badly? why can't my past experiences be enough - what keeps driving me? i'm a hypocritical mix of apathy and enthusiasm but something about the balance of the two leaves me perpetually off-kilter. i am a top that is slowly starting to bobble and i never quite know where i'm going to rest, stop this momentum. i like to think that i'm moving towards something, but even this entry is meandering around in time with my thoughts and emotions. i lack specificity, or perhaps i crave too much. am i making any sense? is anyone even listening? staring down my future, i'm scared to death but i want it so bad. i've never wanted a future before, never thought that my life would extend past this over-heightened, somewhat accelerated narrative arc that has already crested its denouement, but maybe i'm in for a cycle, not a single rise and fall. for once in my life i have true hope thanks to a charming boy who swept me off my feet and opened my eyes to reality, shook me from this self-constructed false sense of identity that i had been banking on. all bets are off, the future is uncertain in almost every regard, but now i know (whether or not he will continue to have me) what it is like to not be alone in this inconsistent, unpredictable, ever-changing milieu.

looking back

06.14.2010 continued

Dubrovnik, Croatia

I listened to a fever you can’t sweat out, pretty odd, mr. bad guy, I’m like a virgin losing a child and some other album which is escaping me at the moment. Got through border control, bought our tickets to split for tomorrow, took out a bunch of kuna, bought our local bus tickets and waited for the first bus to the pile gate. A friend of the bus driver helped us to the hostel, we checked in, changed, and headed into grad, the old city around eleven. We wandered the labyrinthine streets until 2:30, drank peach tea and split a fresh cheese pie before heading back for a much needed nap. We slept for two and a half hours until our roommates finally arrived. We thought it was going to be a group of high schoolers (since that is what we were told when we checked in), but it turned out that we were staying with a couple who recently graduated from duke. I’ve met so many Americans! It is crazy, I’ve never met this many Americans before, and so many are from the south. I wonder if it is a regional pattern or simply a result of the economy…? Either way, I think I am going to start taking notes so that maybe I can write some kind of ethnography on backpackers once we actually get on the road.

06.15.2010

Split, Croatia

So, we are now in split. I love Croatia, but I can’t wait to get away from the coast…well, mainly the ferries. I guess I didn’t realize that split was such a party city, but the disco trains to Zagreb should have been an indication. I wish I could meet other backpackers without embarrassing conversations. I wish I was traveling alone, with billy, or not at all. I just want to save money at this point, which maybe will be easier once we get out of Croatia, but it is hard right now. I feel like I am spending money for nothing. Maybe I should stick to cruises from now on – you always know where you are going to sleep, you can bring all the clothes that you want and you don’t have to do any of the planning. I don’t have the nerves or the heart to lose myself in traveling anymore…not like I used to. Traveling used to be an escape, a way to suspend reality, but I am finally happy with my reality - why would I want to suspend it? There is a street performer by the port right now, between the shops and the water and he is awful, but he started and ended his performance with ‘all you need is love.’ Maybe I’m getting soft in my old age, but I just want to be with my fella. I don’t care about getting wasted and flirting with random foreign guys, no strings attached. I’m tired of settling, fighting the future, trying to forget who I am and where I’ve been. I don’t want to fit into some mold or be the perfect backpacker, or rack up another seventy facebook friends – I want to comit to my life and actual invest in it for a change. I am done running away and this is the last time to take a trip like this. I will have another eight stamps on my passport, a list of experiences with no one in particular to impress and not much else to show for it. I am excited about some of the things we will see, but I am more worried than ever and it is all because I have someone I’m obligated to look out for, someone who is also holding me back. Maybe a small part of me still wants to be self-destructive, but I don’t even have the freedom to indulge that side anymore. I guess I am finally growing up…this is it. There is a little children’s choir singing ‘we are the world’ right now which is making it increasingly hard to focus. Until tomorrow, journal.

06.16.2010

Split, Croatia

So, the days are starting to flying by again. I can’t believe that yesterday I spent the morning Dubrovnik, took a bus through Bosnia and Croatia to get to split and then spent the evening exploring . after we check in at split hostel siesta fiesta, I got on skype with billy and talked about all my concerns: I guess I can’t help but get depressed even when I’m in fucking Croatia. It comes and goes in waves and I guess I distance myself from my own emotions a little, the waves of sadness can be cathartic. There isn’t a thing I can do about the, but at least they allow me the cycling of seeing things anew. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be a dullard, but then I realize that my character, my individuality and my intellect are all a package deal – the clarity, the connections wouldn’t exist without the counterbalance of the sadness. We are laying on some rocks on some beach the woman running the hostel recommended to us, staring out at the crystal clear water. It is so quiet and so peaceful, finally away from the city. The water is a perfectly transparent turquoise and I can see down to the rocks with the same clarity of looking into a mirror.

06.17.2010

Sarajevo, Bosnia and Herzegovina

We arrived in Sarajevo about an hour and a half ago. The bus from split took seven and a half hours and about ten minutes in I was already hating it. I sipped on water and tried to eat an apple and ended up throwing up said apple into a quart-sized ziplock bag after we passed the Bosnian border an hour and a half into the trip. I really thought I was going to hurl on the borders officer, but luckily I had the nerve to hold it back. We kept having to stop because the traffic cops didn’t want anyone on the roads in the rain so it took longer than it should have, but I have a good feeling about this city. Sometimes, there is something inexplicable and magical (that is so cheesy, but it just…elicits this feeling I can’t quite explain) about a city, a place that transcends a two-dimensional representation on a map and this is one of those places. Good morning, Sarajevo.

06.19.2010

Belgrade, Serbia

Between keeping notes on the backpackers I’ve been meeting, trying to plan and coordinate plans and babysitting, I still haven’t had time to write. Maybe next time.

06.20.2010

Belgrade, Serbia

I’m stuck inside a hazy dream and I can’t wake up. I know people go away for longer than this all the time, but I can’t do it. I’m not programmed for this, not built to these specifications. Home is feeling less and less like reality, but none of this feels any more real than home. I’m stuck somewhere in the middle and my feet are propelling me but they don’t feel like my own. My stomach is suspended and uneasy and my heart is tens of thousands of miles away. I miss my home, whatever that means, maybe I don’t have a home anymore, but I am ready to snap back into reality if that is the case. I am sitting next to the st. sava temple in Belgrade, Serbia and it doesn’t seem real. This kind of thing used to make me feel alive, but lately it just leaves me feeling empty.

glimpses

05.13.2010

Jackson, MS

i was hoping to be writing this from atlanta, not jackson, but what can you do? a few rude individuals and hours of delay aside, i'm in the best of spirits that could be expected. i would kill for some coffee or lunch right about now, or at least the ability to rest against the window. . . but i have to be grateful for at least having a seat at all - people have been trying to get on a plane to atlanta for the last six hours. it is strange writing, i need to find my voice again. the words don't come as easily anymore and i am still in a state of disbelief. maybe it was the mad dash to get prepared or the fact that these flights are now becoming routine, but this doesn't feel like it is really happening. am i really going to be in albania within the next twenty four hours? really? i mean, maybe i won't be with these delays.

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05.14.2010

descent into Milan

nine hours later and i still feel like this flight just started. mike and kailey are both here, though they are each six or seven rows away. i kind of like the distance, though - lord knows i will have plenty of time with them over the next six weeks. i can't believe that i'm going to be gone for forty-six days. that feels like a lifetime that i'm staring down. six weeks ago i was thinking that i was going to be starting comps, worried about the ever-eroding relationship between myself, sam, and james, and whether or not i was going to be walking across the stage at graduation last saturday. so much has changed since then, so many endless days, so many sleepless nights. i'm still worried about the backpacking trip at the end of the project, but for now let's just hope that i can hold my own in albania. apparently, mike is a big support of the 'figure it out' school of thought, while i sit in the 'give me precise details' camp. at least i have the reassurance that kailey is just as inexperienced as i am, but i'm going to try not to worry. billy wouldn't want me to worry. i have everything with me now and there is no turning back until june 28th, like it or not, so there is no real reason to fret. i kind of hate that we are connecting in italy...all of these americans sitting nearby are staying in milan, reading their rick steves' guides and lonely planets, while some individuals like my neighbor are just italians going home. i can't help but wonder what everyone's stories are...where they are coming from, why they are traveling. as nervous as i am, i would like nothing more than to have this feeling again and again - i want to travel all my life. i want to have the means to travel all my life - not for the shopping or the glitz or the glamour, just a step above roughing it and as often as possible. can someone make that happen? i sure hope so. well, our landing is imminent so until next time...

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05.14.2010

Milan, Italy

duty-free stores aside, milan isn't as glamorous as i thought it would be. maybe its because all of the glamorous people are already here in milan or maybe they just don't need to wait for their connecting flight, but either way it is pretty dull. i mean, i'm not going to complain about seeing dolce ads around every corner, but that is about as high fashion as it gets. my sanuks and pink jansport don't stand out too much, to be honest. mike is kinda quiet and kailey is much more talkative and, well, younger, than i had been expecting. she is really, really doe-eyed about a lot of simple things and i'm a little worried (it has been, like, two hours and i'm already worrying...i know, i know) about the backpacking portion even more. she is already prone to wandering off and i dont know if she has the discipline or the attention span to really make it through. i mean, she will have to, but i don't want to have to drag her every step of the way. hopefully she's a quick learner! i'm sure she is...her experience is just limited, however, so it adds to my apprehension. i really want an espresso, on a different note, but it isn't worth changing over to euros to spend 0.70 euro on a solo shot. i want one so bad though...how can i be in italy and not drink espresso?! i will have to indulge myself during my layover in fiumicino on the way back, i suppose. this doesn't feel real. at all. the panic is rising just a little, but for now i'll try to quell it with some music and more mcsweeneys.

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05.15.2010

tirana, albania

-tour of the city with mike

-byrek with sylvia and mike near mother teresa square

-coffee/frappes with sylvia, mike, and kailey

-drinks...and more drinks

-dinner at lion park near the university of tirana

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05.16.2010

tirana, albania

-breakfast

-historical museum and photos

-got a little bit lost in the city on the way back

-went to the university, couldn't find lorenc

-back to hotel, took a nap

-drinks with john, a fulbright scholar

-dinner with ols and aredita at shakesbeer

-drinks at charles bar and lizard

-italian music showcase and dancing

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05.17.2010

tirana, albania

-breakfast at 8:30

-packed up the truck, walked to the university in the rain

-packed up the vehicles with equipment and luggage

-met the albanian students

-drove to shkodra

-checked into hotel meteor

-lunch at the hotel

-back to the city center to shkodra historical museum, met zamir

-basic survey training

-coffee and shopping near colosseo and the pedestrian mall

-dinner at the hotel

-talked about music with the albanian team

-skype with dad and billy

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05.18.2010

shkodra, albania

-breakfast at 7, left for the field 7:30

-met up with the 'mayor' of postribe

-went to the ura e mesit, an ottoman bridge built in the 18th century that connects shkodra with drisht

-headed out to shkoj for field training

-snack, kailey got sick, hanging out while they decide the starting location

-met with some field owners to begin survey, but couldn't survey plowed fields due to weather conditions -however, mike found lithic by the side of the road

-had coffee in town while we waited for team b

-lunch then a nap and shower

-cleaned and assessed the few artifacts we picked up

-learned our way around the lab, data entry training

-dinner, skype with dad and mom

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05.19.2010

shkodra, albania

-breakfast, left ten minutes late for site

-started in fields, first field of poppies up to our chests (a bit scary...no visibility to avoid snakes)

-found a roman/hellenistic cemetary, multiple tumuli, covered twelve tracts today, finally got into a groove

-found a few lithics and amphora rims

-the hotel is giving me too much food; showered then english/albanian practice and a fifteen minute nap

-translating in data entry is extremely frustrating, a lot of artifacts to wash today

-talked with billy for 45 minutes, now i'm in much better spirits

---

05.20.2010

shkodra, albania

-running late this morning

-found my first tumulus! did sixteen tracts today

-better spirits; lunch, shower, reading, nap

-work for a bit, early dinner and then worked until 10

-more frustration, the language barrier and time management is awful

-bad connection with billy and sylvia didn't return my adaptor so only a brief conversation; dreamt that i was surveying, didn't rest well

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05.30.2010

shkodra, albania

it has been ten days since i even listed my daily events and that is probably because they are all starting to blend together. everything is monotonous and only a few hours are free, most of which i'm too exhausted to stay awake. been doing grad school research lately and planning for sweden

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06.13.2010

theth, albania

i'm really starting to lose a conception of time. today we are in theth and i want to stay forever. this is why people fall in love with this country...i finally get it. it is perfectly preserved and a little piece of heaven. everywhere you turn, it s another moment to have your breath taken away. at this point, i can't believe that i have been away for four weeks. i miss billy like crazy and my family, the comforts of home as well. i hate living out of a backpack and worrying about running out of toiletries or how to ask the cost of an item at the store. i hate worrying about how we will get to the next place and i know that the next two weeks are my 'vacation,' but kailey can't put one foot in front of the other on her own. i did not sign up for a babysitting trip and i already resent her naivety. every day is so arduous, yet they all blend into one. the project is over, but it just feels like a blind, jagged stab in the dark without any real clear aim. maybe that is how the first year of a project always is, but everything was so rushed at the end, it was more frantic than really moving towards any kind of fruition. there are things to be excited about, but it is a bit difficult to sort out the fine print. i have really enjoyed getting to know sylvia and i really dread her departure tomorrow. today we woke up for breakfast at eight, left for our hike at nine fifteen. we parked by the church, stopped by jovelene's for a ten in the morning birra and then headed over to the grunez waterfall, slowly by steadily. i really don't think i'm cut out for this whole outdoor adventuring thing, but i can definitely see the appeal. the waterfall was breathtaking and finally acquiring my hiking confidence skipping across the rivers on stones staring down the precipice you are perched upon is equally liberating. not a sound in the world except the crunch of gravel beneath your boots, the whisper of brush against your skin and the faint melody of wind cutting through the landscape around you. a true escape.

06.14.2010

shkodra, albania

still in shkodra yet another day. i wish i had been privileged enough to spend all of my time in theth. every time i come to this city it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. i was loving the views (but not the roads) on the way down from the mountains and now i am in a piss poor mood again. when i am here, the city drowns out any memory of a great, beautiful albania right from my mind. i wish i were going on this trip alone. i get waves of excitement, but they are quickly quelled by the imminent babysitting.

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right about now, i could about kill mike and sylvia. getting out of albania was awful and now we are going to be set back about $120 just for the next twenty four hours. we waited for a furgon at the cafe that sylvia left us at for about two hours before the furgon driver showed up, had a beer, and then told us he didn't have room for us in the bus because we were american. by this point we were stranded and alone with a reservation to make in ulcinj. no buses or other furgons out and none of the taxi drivers were still around. we take a 25 euro taxi (instead of a 5 euro furgon) and get to our accomodations. lay on the beach, spirits a little higher, only to find out that we are in for a 5 am bus to dubrovnik that costs 22.50 euro each. goddamn. i wish we could just call it quits. we have to try and save money somehow now, so maybe we will skip bulgaria and macedonia or something. this is so shitty. kailey is handling it alright. i was finally able to get on the internet again and billy is so cute. his messages brighten my day so much...he has my heart and soul.

06.14.2010

okay, so now it is the real june 14th! i have been here for too long...i have no concept of time at all anymore. we are in dubrovnik now, sitting at the art cafe on the main road into grad, the old city. right now jeeves and wooster is on and i have actually seen this episode before, just not dubbed in croatian. today has been exhausting but it is slowly starting to feel like it is worth it. i am afraid i won't be able to find wireless to talk to billy tonight. i hope he doesn't get too upset. we started our day at 4 am after a whopping five hours of sleep. it wasn't too hard getting up...it didn't really feel all that real. we walked the 2.5 kilometers across town to the bus station and listened to ke$ha and owl city, kailey's favorites full volume through the one headphone that still works on my ipod. the ride was incredible...the views over the ionian and dalmatian coasts were to die for.

to be continued...in real time, i leave for airport in five hours, so i need to try to sleep - i'll try to update from newark.