hardly golden: lyrics

Showing posts with label lyrics. Show all posts

with lantern dreams

everyone grows old on the gold coast
it takes a lot of hope to grieve
everyone gets dark and the worst part
is the way those thoughts can please you
personality like a split screen
see yourself down on your knees

hold out your hand, darling
say please

everyone gives up down on hard luck
on hope aint enough it seems
everyone gets lost in their own fog
have to wonder on with lantern dreams
say please, please
just say something
speak up, please
if its what youre looking for

hold out your hand, darling
say please

dear thomas,

The Fall Of Troy, originally uploaded by alex batten.

why do i adore you so? let's see each other again soon.

love, me.

08.08.2009

Berlin, Germany

on the train again, and now it seems like this is the only time i actually find to write. there are these really nice spanish kids in my compartment with me, but at the same time they are really depressing me. i'm so tired of being alone, not just on this trip, but in life. i'm tired of the transient, impermanent nights that are punctuated only by regret. i wish i had someone to share my life with. yesterday at the hamburger bahnhof i had one of the lowest points of trip. unlike in copenhagen, this moment was inspired by a seemingly inane act, not a mounting, growing, inevitable breakdown. i was leaving the beuys exhibit to go upstairs to the rest of the collection and sitting on the stairs was this striking scene - a very attractive, thin, tattooed man (who reminded me a lot of cody)...a man out of my dizziest daydream, sitting with his wife and his daughter. nothing breaks my heart more than to see my ideal manifested right in front of my eyes.

i just had to take a break from writing, it was causing me to relive the moment and it was getting a bit overwhelming. i just lost myself for a moment in the passing landscapes until the monotony lulled me to sleep. as i started to close my eyes, however, the sun started to break from behind the passing trees and fields. i closed my eyes, despite the glare, and all i got were passing sun flares in my eyes learned i only see some memory but all i see is red small orange sunbursts that flash into my vision in frequent consistent intervals, constant flinches reminding me of the inevitable pain to come. my only choices were to either embrace the pain, or to open my eyes only to be blinded by the reality, or else to hesitantly avert my eyes right below the source, the blazing heat of this brilliant light, illuminating the days ahead of me. and what do i do? instead of choosing any of the above, i curtly excuse myself from this suffocating compartment to pace the halls and absorb the satisfying hiss of the opening doors between each new car

i swear it's different because i'm lonely. i can't stop listening to barcelona. there is something horribly haunting about them, but so poignant and beautiful. it is something about the pull between the sadness and allure of it all on the edge of night we look down. . . if we got back to start(stars) we won't need any money. what would it be like to be eighteen again? to just be worried about jim and alaric, moving away and resenting my family and direction in life, fretting about cymbal line, standardized tests and dorm shopping. yet, here are some eighteen year old kids from barcelona, living parallel lives halfway across the globe and they are traveling the world, or at least germany. i wish i had that. i really think i need to come to europe, at least after my post-bacc program. maybe do my masters in the uk? i don't know. i know it is just another excuse to run away and shirk off responsibilities, social or otherwise, break ties without goodbyes, it is always easier that way after all. i find a way to run away, but there really isn't any way to actually escape anything at the end of the day, just put off the inevitable.

overarching rules have told me not to think about 'who am i?'. . . i'm searching desperate this hole is getting deeper by the hour, my hands are bleeding, i spin around. . . you're nowhere my only plans are too tired to push me anywhere but down. . .so who am i?. . .i'm searching, i'm desperate.

i can't think of anything clever

close reading music

there is a project on campus that is led by the philosophy department called hooks, where they ask for submissions about why songs/literature/movies/art are compelling, and why you find a particular work compelling. some cool examples from the past? the vocal line in "twist and shout" or the bass line in "i will possess your heart." i am more of a "big picture" kind of person, which is reflected in what i talk about (i think). these are the hooks that i wrote last night. download links in the titles, and videos at the end. if you haven't heard the song before or aren't very familiar with it, i suggest listening to the song, reading, and then listening again.

Band of Horses, “The Funeral”

A simple ethereal vocal line drifts in alongside the tentatively slurring guitar line, setting the stage. Isolated and mournful harmonies add to the somber tone that meanders before ultimately reaching the jarring full-band unison of the first chorus. The bottom suddenly drops out and the subsequent crescendo of the drums, halfway through the chorus, lends itself to the growing grief elicited from the reminiscent nature of the lyrics. The recurrent ebb and flow of volume, contrasting drastically between verse and chorus, mirrors the dynamic nature of the singer’s emotional response to the matter at hand. A false hope of resolution and finality occurs at the 2:45 mark, only to be followed by the most heart-wrenching thirty seconds of the song, the one exception to the lull of the troughs and peaks preceding it, with the only verse that maintains the same level of emotional anguish through to the raucous chorus. The grief hangs static over the full sound of the entire band, with vocals, spoken expression straining to be heard over the instrumental strife beneath.

Neutral Milk Hotel, “Holland, 1945”

The opening measures start out in a stereotypically rock and roll fashion, raspy voice counting off “two, one, two, three, four” over a metrically driven instrumental line. With abrupt lyrical phrases that do not necessarily match breaks in thought or expression, the first line is misleadingly turning the listener’s expectations on their heads. “The only I girl I ever loved,” despite expected genre-based conventions is not introducing a love song, as the listener would anticipate, but rather a grotesque scene where our subject is “born with roses in her eyes.” Though this line is still somewhat cryptic and could be construed as merely symbolic, the subsequent line “but then they buried her alive - one evening, 1945” removes any remaining doubt that the nature of the subject matter at hand is steeped in morbidity. The persistent muted trumpets add an element of frivolity in opposition to the severe, macabre imagery, thus creating a backdrop of flighty irreverence in response to the somber nature of the lyrical composition. This interplay of expectations and execution adds to the mounting discomfort that is instilled in the listener as the final measures are passed back and forth between voices. As the instrumental lines amble around a resolution, they finally grow into an almost imperceptibly off-kilter final chord, leaving the listener with a sense of unease.

a lot of strange videos came up with this song as the background, but i thought it was important to have a studio version of the song, not a live one, for reference.

Manchester Orchestra, “I Can Feel A Hot One”

Simple, repeating guitar progressions carry on beneath Andy Hull’s tenuous and hesitant voice, a voice which feels more spoken than it does contrived or produced. As the uncertainty in his words begins to clear and acceptance that “I’ll face the fact that I’m just fine” rises to the surface, the complexity of the composition parallels the increasing complexity of his interplaying emotions. As increasing levels of intricacy compound, different trains of thought existing alongside one another, the vocals begin to layer in over one another in harmony. The addition of sorrowful strings, a few stray hi-hats and the occasional drum pedal later, the composition blossoms into a complicated landscape of weaving vocals and increasing instrumental involvement out of what had started out as a simple dialogue. The lyrical styling offers a dimension of vulnerability that is often lost in studio renditions or that is found only in intimate, live performances. The candid nature of the song creates a sense that the listener is eavesdropping, as if listening in on someone’s private thoughts, full of inner dialogue that riddled with retrospective musings such as “[if] enough is never quite enough, what’s enough?” As realizations mount, harmonies become more adventurous before being shaken off in favor of a sing-along worthy final reprise, quelling all of the variances into simple, straightforward succession.

this embedding on this video is disabled, but it is worth seeing - so go watch!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5i01O0wMCr0

on influence

if you didn't already figure it out, music defines me. or maybe i define myself by music. one or the other. i always go through phases, in and out, up and down, never knowing where my taste will lead me next. there are some albums, however, that have been better friends, better outlets than any real person in my life has ever been. the more i think about it, the more i realize that every state of mind, every period of my life, every transition...there is a soundtrack for that moment. though there are dozens more that have their moment, that left their mark, these are twenty five albums that have changed my life, saved my life, or opened my mind. most of these don't exactly boost my ~cred, but they all mean a lot to me in some regard. note: these are not in any kind of order...if anything, the last album pictured here has arguably been the most influential.

the postal service, "give up"

waking ashland, "composure"

panic at the disco, "a fever you can't sweat out"

circa survive, "juturna"

band of horses, "cease to begin"

neutral milk hotel, "in the aeroplane over the sea"

the mars volta, "de-loused in the comatorium"

cartel, "chroma"

manchester orchestra, "i'm like a virgin losing a child"

be your own pet, "be your own pet"

brand new, "the devil and god are raging inside me"

dashboard confessional, "the places you have come to fear the most"

weezer, "weezer"/the blue album

the rocket summer, "do you feel"

this providence, "our world's divorce"

the starting line, "direction"

something corporate, "north"

the hush sound, "so sudden"

fall out boy, "take this to your grave"

mae, "the everglow"

panic at the disco, "pretty. odd."

death cab for cutie, "plans"

all-american rejects, "when the world comes down"

the format, "interventions and lullabies"

jack's mannequin, "everything in transit"

on live shows

there's no comparison. lots of live videos for all of you that are out there procrastinating as much as i am, in typical sunday fashion.

habits

i recently realized i have an addiction. okay, maybe this revelation wasn't all the recent, but it has been slowly edging it's way up into my consciousness. i'm addicted to sound, to noise, to anything that can fill my head and drown out my thoughts. tv on at night, music streaming into my mind, coloring my vision and perception. feet in step with the beat dictating my thoughts and emotions. i can use music to harness my frame of mind. tired? electronic, dance, albums that are older friends than most people. bitter? let's hear about someone else's angst. depressed? power pop. happy? keep the ephemeral elation floating high with orchestration to match. contemplative? let's focus my thoughts on some problem other than my own. i can't have the answer for everything, so why push myself further down into melancholy by putting the weight of the world back behind my eyes.

anything to not face my own thoughts, to not let my mind run in it's usual circles that never quite meet where they should. noise numbs the perpetual desire of my brain to keep working overtime. right now, my heart is still racing thinking about what i've created, what is to come, and i should be napping but it is the last thing that i can consider. all i can consider is what i want, and making it a reality. i want this to work. i'm upset about some of the events of this weekend, but at the end of the day, as my roommate astutely realized, i was much more upset when i thought i had lost you, not him. maybe you are an idea to me, just like i am to you, but it is an idea that i don't want to drown out. i want to say it over and over, through other's words...try to drown out your thoughts with my ability to harness my emotions. maybe that's too personal. maybe i am over estimating the value that my music, the words of others have for me (and hopefully for you) but i want a way to quantify how i feel. something tangible in the meantime. i just want something real.

a guide

it's all kind of a mess and bit haphazard, but i already spent way too much time on this. sometimes its literal, sometimes its not. sometimes the lines i picked below are all that i mean, sometimes it is much much more. it's about time. for you.

http://sendspace.com/file/uxgzbj

1. It started out as a feeling which then grew into a hope

2. I've been extra careful with the words that I say

3. One more time could be time enough to think about it.

4. Now, I'm wanting this for sure and I'll beg for nothing more.

5. Will I know when it can be us?

6. But my life is such a mess, and we've already been through this.

7. And not a soul sleeps, another heart skips a beat

8. They can't love me, they can't love what I don't show

9. So if you want to be with me with these things, there's not telling we just have to wait and see

10. Got you laying up nights just waiting for the music to start

11. There’s only room for you and me and what we’ve left to try

12. Goes right through you, but knotted up in my mind

13. Oh baby don’t you know I suffer…you set my soul alight

14. Do you believe you're missing out, that everything good is happening somewhere else?

15. I am taking you with me where we can contemplate our chemistry

16. Look at the time, we’re always waiting

17. They'll find a way to pull stars down

18. Every now and again sometimes I get lost on the wind of a dream

19. Im trying to find truth in words, in rhymes, in notes, in all the things i wish id wrote

20. Mixin’ up adjectives, like jealous and sweet

21. If you like to think out loud it might really help me out

22. It looks like the worst is over, blue eyes when the wind was here

23. I want to go where everyone goes, I want to know what everyone knows, I want to go where everyone feels the same

24. I don't get it, I'm not asking for much, but everybody wants to just have something

25. The next time I’m in town...

all the best intentions

this could be my last cigarette
no, this could be my last regret
i sat and watched the matches burn down
down down down down to my fingertips
i sat and thought of you
a thought or two and i, and i can't resist.

and the lights, they dim like i knew they would
when it gets dark i start to think of you
'cause friends don't even compare to you
i just want something i can hold on to
when times get bad, my habit just got worse

this could be my last cigarette
no, this could be my last regret
i sat and watched the matches burn down
down down down down to my fingertips
i sat and thought of you
a thought or two and i, and i can't resist.

and the lights, they dim like i knew they would
when it gets dark I start to think of you
'cause friends don't even compare to you
i just want something I can hold on to
when times get bad, my habit just got worse

1, 2 i love the way you kiss me
you know we're never gonna get it right
i need something to hold me
i need something for the winter time
we sat inside the headlights
you laughed about the life i talked about the dreams
and now i know you're on your way
you're leaving with all the best intentions
and you're all buttoned up
slam the door
you leave the car
you take a walk i used to walk you on
i walk i used to oh

when it gets dark i start to think of you
'cause friends don't even compare to you
i just want something i can hold on to
when times get bad, my habit just got worse

this could be my last cigarette
this could be my last cigarette
this could be my last cigarette

i fooled the crowd

forgive me, you cut out again - it seems so easy just to blame the reception
but theres something wrong and i dont know why
Why you, you never say goodbye so please just leave,
you dont mean that much to me you keep the ring,
ill take those saturdays in bed
cause i know you need them
as for me its nothing new just another two years
i wish we'd always wake up new,
refreshed and born again with nothing left to lose
but we dream too much and who needs a crutch?
pull off the bandage, theres no wound
so please just leave, you dont mean that much to me
give back the ring, keep all those summers with your friends
cause you know you need them
as for me its nothing new just another two years
that im here losing sleep
your sore thumb,
your best defense is miles from home
oh and it reads like a letter, with the words all broken
erased them with a razorblade
cause youre gone i was lost then i found you
but im breaking down now that...

---

im nicotine , im coming clean
i fooled the crowd
when i made it sound like i was more than ready
strike up the band, deprive my sleep
cause there’s no love like apathy
the bell that tolls rings loud enough
that it should have woke us up
im trying to find truth
in words, in rhymes, in notes
in all the things i wish i’d wrote
cause I feel like i’ve been losing you
i read your last entry
over-privileged kids keep crying
the need to fit in gets harder
when living life from a screen
old classmates please drop all your pens
don’t write a word cause i won't reply
and I’m not bitter, no, it's just i’ve passed that point in my life
im trying to find truth
in words, in rhymes, in notes
in all the things i wish id wrote
cause i feel like ive been losing you
each night it ends too soon
you dont hold me like you used to
and your eyes look like theyve seen too much
'cause it's always some excuse
too tired, too obtuse
you look so far removed
this time i fear i’m losing you for good
im nicotine, im a cash machine
im the color green
and you should've seen the looks I just received
i need a reason to let go
an intervention, or a lullaby
something to cure me, please believe me--
im trying to find truth
in words, in rhymes, in notes
in all the things i wish id wrote
cause i feel like ive been losing you
each night it ends too soon
you dont hold me like you used to
and your eyes look like they’ve seen too much but
it's always some excuse
too tired, too obtuse
you look so far removed
this time I fear I’m just not getting through

at least im not as sad as i used to be

Fun!, originally uploaded by sea legs snapshots.

dear nate,

get out of my head
and into my life.

love,
me.

Fun. - Nate Ruess, originally uploaded by TheUniversalCynic.

i've got this now, my legs are steady now

i just watched grey's anatomy for the first time in a long time, and at the end there was a preview for the season finale. then i recognized the song...or at least the voice of the guy singing, and after a few seconds i was like holy shit, that sounds like barcelona. i go find the preview on youtube to hear it again (since the DVR cut it short) and i was convinced. after looking at barcelona's myspace, my suspicion was confirmed - its them. so great. have a listen -

also, it's small and insubstantial, but one of my pictures in my flickr photostream was picked to be put up on the schmap austin city guide. voila -

you pick up the phone and im so relieved

animal collective on letterman? that's unexpected. check it out.

i long for this mirrored perspective

i can't sleep. i haven't gone through a whole album in a while. this is the result.

i wish i could convey in words the way that parts of this record make me feel, but that is obviously impossible. i was never really a death cab fan, but narrow stairs made me a believer again. that and the fact that ben gibbard thoroughly surprised me when i finally gave in and saw him live a few weeks ago.

and the silence; it became so very clear
that you had long ago disappeared.
i cursed myself for being surprised
that this didn't play like it did in my mind.
. . .and it's hard to want to stay awake
when everyone you need, they all seem to be asleep.
and you wonder if you missed your dream.
you just can't see a dream.
. . .and then it started getting dark.
i trudged back to where the car was parked
no closer to any kind of truth

---

how i wish you could see the potential,
the potential of you and me.
it's like a book elegantly bound but,
in a language that you can't read.
[note, i love this whole song...but it does kind across as kind of creepy, so i'll skip the rest]

---

with every year that came to pass
more clouds appear until the sky went black
and now there's
no sunlight, no sunlight
. . .you disappeared with the same speed
the idealistic things i believed
the optimist died inside of me

---

and soon everybody will ask what became of you
and your heart was dying fast, and you didn't know what to do
cath, it seems that you live in someone else's dream
. . .where the things that could have been are oppressed

---

the longer you think, the less you know what to do.

---

i've been slipping through the years
my old clothes don't fit like they once did
so they hang like ghosts
of the people i've been

---

the firemen worked in double shifts,
with prayers of rain on their lips
and they knew it was only a matter of time.

---

you look so defeated lying there in your new twin size bed.
with a single pillow underneath your single head.
. . .you used to think that someone would come along.
and lay beside you in a space that they belong.
but the other side of the mattress and box springs stayed like new.
what's the point of holding onto what never gets used?
other than a sick desire for self-abuse.

---

his head was a city of paper buildings
and the echoes that remained.
of old friends and lovers,
their features bleeding together in his brain.
once it starts, it's harder to tell them apart.
. . .and they carried on like long division
'cause it was clear with every page.
oh, that they were further away
from the solution that would play

---

with no words, a clean escape, no promises or messes made
and chops it all up to mistake, mistake, mistake
. . .a storm at sea the bow cracked and i was capsizing
and i sunk below where i swore i would never go

---

we're not the same, dear, as we used to be.
the seasons have changed and so have we.
there was little we could say, and even less that we could do
to stop the ice from getting thinner under me and you.

hatching from the seed of your thin mind

the door slammed loud and rose up a cloud of dust on us

footsteps follow, down through the hollow sound, torn up. . .

and you will go to mykonos
with a vision of a gentle coast
and a sun to maybe dissipate
shadows of the mess you made

. . .you go
wherever you go today
you go today

mykonos, may 2008.