i haven't blogged in a while and i'm currently doing everything in my power to stay awake, so now is as good a time as ever, right? well, honestly i'm a little wired at the moment, but i know i'm going to crash soon. hospital coffee will only last me so long before i start getting sick to my stomach. i woke up this morning really nauseous and even more unwilling to pry myself out of bed. luckily this trip to the hospital isn't because of me, but rather for billy's mom. this trip has been everything but what i expected, and i know the next 48 hours are going to be the hardest yet because my departure is imminent and the time i have with billy will be even less than the last few days.
i can't possibly have enough time with this boy, my fella, my love. he makes me say the most outrageous things and i mean every one of them, which scares me half to death. i mean, i love this boy enough to wake up an hour before sunrise to make small talk with his mom and spend the day at the hospital with her. the anthropologist in me just keeps screaming "affines, affines!" but i'm biting my tongue. i really want to like her, and she's great, but i have my moments while my misanthropic side still gets the best of me. my mind has no tolerance for redundancy, inflexibility, or illogical actions, but i'm doing my best. its hard to believe that his mom is closer in age to my grandparents than to my parents and reminding myself of that definitely makes me more fond of her. she really is a great lady but the circumstances under which im being forced to get to know her are far from ideal. here's to the worst preceding the best. i hope.
last night has left me giddy. something about being around him rejuvenates me and energizes me like no other. i was exhausted and half-asleep driving to pick him up from work, but the moment i was back in his arms, looking in his eyes, there isn't a thing in the world that can keep me from him. i'm sure as time goes on, some of the impractical aspects will fade away (i can't stay up until 3 or 4 or 5 every night and remain a functioning member of society for much longer) but i know my love for him is not fading. impossibly, it is growing stronger and i'm so glad there is no expiration date. oh, i guess that leads me to my good news. two things, one related to this train of thought and one not. i guess i'll follow the logical path first.
news bulletin! there is nothing standing in the way of my happiness any longer (at least until june). no surgery in my imminent future and biopsies that are miraculously clean. yesterday morning was the best morning i can remember and i know that waking up isn't a chore knowing that the (potentially bad) news isn't looming over me. this is the first good news about my health i have received in three years, post-surgery excluded, and it couldn't have come at a better time. no more obstacles, no more hurdles. just me, my fella, and a future brighter than my dizziest daydream. let's be honest, there weren't even daydreams. or hopes. or a future. all these delusional conceptions of dying young and never growing old seem silly now that i have him in my life. he gives me hope and meaning and a reason for a future. he is my future, and all of hesitance and misgivings that i may have seem meaningless and trivial in the shadow of the light he has brought into my life. three cheers to good health, good love, good mornings.
other good news! i managed to get a set of perfectly balanced grades. B+, B+, A-, A, A in my classes. high Bs in my translation courses are better than i could ask for, A- in faulkner (slightly disappointing, but probably deserved) and two As otherwise. never again will i deal with this silly 20 hour nonsense. two more semesters until i'm free from millsaps myself. i'm sure what exactly my future holds, but i know teaching and school will define and shape my path. all i know is that my path no longer has an end in sight and i will have someone with me every step of the way. there is nothing more a girl could ask for.
...okay, i don't really want to end my blog with a line like that. it makes me sound silly and antiquated. i never thought i would be that girl. i'm so unequivocally his, however, i don't really care how silly and demeaning it sounds. for now it is time for more coffee and (seemingly) endless hours of waiting. until next time
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
we must be guided by circumstances
i finally finished that hideous strength today. i need to type up my favorite quotes from the first two books in the series, so look for perelandra and out of the silent planet soon. definitely worth reading, i was just taking it way too slow. enjoy.
---
youth and age touch only the surface of our lives
isn't seeing believing?
it may be - for children or beasts.
the sadness that came over him had novelty in it
her actual state of mind was one she could not analyze. her expectation was strung up to the height; something that would have been terror but for the joy, and joy but for the terror, possessed her - an all-absorbing tension of excitement and obedience. everything else in her life seemed small and commonplace compared with this moment.
...that when you mean well, he always takes you to have meant better than you knew. it will not be enough for always. he is very jealous. he will have you for no one but himself in the end. but for tonight, it is enough.
[one] who could enjoy things for their own sake
have you ever noticed, said dimble, that the universe, and every little bit of the universe, is always hardening and narrowing and coming to a point?. . .you always find that there was a time before that point when there was more elbow room and contrasts weren't quite so sharp; and that there's going to be a time after that point when there is even less room or indecision and choices are even more momentous. good is always getting better and bad is always getting worse.
i'm afraid there's no niche in the world for people that won't be either pagan or christian. just imagine a man who was too dainty to eat with his fingers and yet wouldn't use forks!
now the suspicion dawn upon her that there might be differences and contrasts all the way up, richer, sharper, even fiercer, at every rung of the ascent.
in its light you could understand them; but from them you could know nothing of it. there was nothing, and never had been anything, like this. and now there was nothing except this. yet also, everything had been like this; only by being like this had anything existed.
words take too long. to be aware of all this and to know that it had already gone made one single experience.
it was well that both men had some knowledge of poetry. the doubling, spilitting, and recombining of thoughts which now went on in them would have been unendurable for one whom that art had not already instructed in the counterpoint of the mind, the mastery of doubled and trebled vision.
they could not bear that it continue. they could not bear that it should cease.
they were laughing again, but it was a different kind of laughter. their love for one another became intense. each, looking on all the rest, thought, i'm lucky to be here. i could die with these.
they felt themselves taking their places in the ordered rhythm of the universe, side by side with punctual seasons and patterned atoms. . .under the immense weight of their obedience their wills stood up straight and untiring like caryatids.
it was also strong like a mountain; its age was no mere morass of time where imagination can sink in reverie, but a living, self-remembering duration which repelled lighter intelligences from its structure as granite flings back waves, itself unwithered and undecayed but able to wither any who approach it unadvised.
before the other angels a man might sink: before this he might die, but if he lived at all, he would laugh. . .unquenchable laughter
it was like the first beginning of music in the halls of some king so high and at some festival so solemn that a tremor akin to fear runs through young hears when they hear it
but the realisation that he had forgotten trouble him more than it would have troubled another. it was like the first cold breath of winter - the first little hint of a crack in that great seconday self or mental machine which he had built up to carry on the business of living
nothing but nonsense syllables would occur to his mind
if i take a step in any direction, he thought, i may step over a precipice
christianity was a fable. it would be ridiculous to die for a religion one did not believe. this man himself [christ], on that very cross, had discovered it to be a fable, and had died complaining that the god in whom he trusted had forsaken him - had, in fact, found the universe a cheat. but this raised a question that mark had never thought of before. was that the moment at which to turn against the man? if the universe was a cheat, was that a good reason for joining its side? supposing the straight and normal was utterly powerless, always and everywhere certain to be mocked, tortured, and finally killed by the crooked, what then? why not go down with the ship? he began to be frightened by the very fact that his fears seemed to have momentarily vanished. they had been a safeguard . . .they had prevented him, all his life, from making mad decisions like that which he was now making.
this, combined with an inarticulate want for the human companionship to which he was accustomed, gradually plunged him into depression. sorrow such as only animals know - huge seas of disconsolate emotion with not one little raft of reason to float on - drowned him fathoms deep. in his own fashion he lifted up his voice and wept.
often the man knows with perfect clarity that some still possible action of his own will could yet save him. but he cannot make this knowledge real to himself.
increasingly, his actions had been without motive. he did this and that, he said thus and thus, and did know why. his mind was a mere spectator. he could not understand why that spectator should exist at all.
he half saw: he wholly hated.
as he now saw, one might as well have thought one could buy a sunset by buying the field from which one had seen it.
but now that it's so very nearly time for me to go, all this begins to feel like a dream. a happy dream, you understand: all of it, even the pain. i want to taste every drop. i feel as though it would be dissolved if i talked much.
isn't seeing believing?
it may be - for children or beasts.
the sadness that came over him had novelty in it
her actual state of mind was one she could not analyze. her expectation was strung up to the height; something that would have been terror but for the joy, and joy but for the terror, possessed her - an all-absorbing tension of excitement and obedience. everything else in her life seemed small and commonplace compared with this moment.
...that when you mean well, he always takes you to have meant better than you knew. it will not be enough for always. he is very jealous. he will have you for no one but himself in the end. but for tonight, it is enough.
[one] who could enjoy things for their own sake
have you ever noticed, said dimble, that the universe, and every little bit of the universe, is always hardening and narrowing and coming to a point?. . .you always find that there was a time before that point when there was more elbow room and contrasts weren't quite so sharp; and that there's going to be a time after that point when there is even less room or indecision and choices are even more momentous. good is always getting better and bad is always getting worse.
i'm afraid there's no niche in the world for people that won't be either pagan or christian. just imagine a man who was too dainty to eat with his fingers and yet wouldn't use forks!
now the suspicion dawn upon her that there might be differences and contrasts all the way up, richer, sharper, even fiercer, at every rung of the ascent.
in its light you could understand them; but from them you could know nothing of it. there was nothing, and never had been anything, like this. and now there was nothing except this. yet also, everything had been like this; only by being like this had anything existed.
words take too long. to be aware of all this and to know that it had already gone made one single experience.
it was well that both men had some knowledge of poetry. the doubling, spilitting, and recombining of thoughts which now went on in them would have been unendurable for one whom that art had not already instructed in the counterpoint of the mind, the mastery of doubled and trebled vision.
they could not bear that it continue. they could not bear that it should cease.
they were laughing again, but it was a different kind of laughter. their love for one another became intense. each, looking on all the rest, thought, i'm lucky to be here. i could die with these.
they felt themselves taking their places in the ordered rhythm of the universe, side by side with punctual seasons and patterned atoms. . .under the immense weight of their obedience their wills stood up straight and untiring like caryatids.
it was also strong like a mountain; its age was no mere morass of time where imagination can sink in reverie, but a living, self-remembering duration which repelled lighter intelligences from its structure as granite flings back waves, itself unwithered and undecayed but able to wither any who approach it unadvised.
before the other angels a man might sink: before this he might die, but if he lived at all, he would laugh. . .unquenchable laughter
it was like the first beginning of music in the halls of some king so high and at some festival so solemn that a tremor akin to fear runs through young hears when they hear it
but the realisation that he had forgotten trouble him more than it would have troubled another. it was like the first cold breath of winter - the first little hint of a crack in that great seconday self or mental machine which he had built up to carry on the business of living
nothing but nonsense syllables would occur to his mind
if i take a step in any direction, he thought, i may step over a precipice
christianity was a fable. it would be ridiculous to die for a religion one did not believe. this man himself [christ], on that very cross, had discovered it to be a fable, and had died complaining that the god in whom he trusted had forsaken him - had, in fact, found the universe a cheat. but this raised a question that mark had never thought of before. was that the moment at which to turn against the man? if the universe was a cheat, was that a good reason for joining its side? supposing the straight and normal was utterly powerless, always and everywhere certain to be mocked, tortured, and finally killed by the crooked, what then? why not go down with the ship? he began to be frightened by the very fact that his fears seemed to have momentarily vanished. they had been a safeguard . . .they had prevented him, all his life, from making mad decisions like that which he was now making.
this, combined with an inarticulate want for the human companionship to which he was accustomed, gradually plunged him into depression. sorrow such as only animals know - huge seas of disconsolate emotion with not one little raft of reason to float on - drowned him fathoms deep. in his own fashion he lifted up his voice and wept.
often the man knows with perfect clarity that some still possible action of his own will could yet save him. but he cannot make this knowledge real to himself.
increasingly, his actions had been without motive. he did this and that, he said thus and thus, and did know why. his mind was a mere spectator. he could not understand why that spectator should exist at all.
he half saw: he wholly hated.
as he now saw, one might as well have thought one could buy a sunset by buying the field from which one had seen it.
but now that it's so very nearly time for me to go, all this begins to feel like a dream. a happy dream, you understand: all of it, even the pain. i want to taste every drop. i feel as though it would be dissolved if i talked much.
---
as for me, it's nothing new just another two years
but he understood at last what dumbledore had been trying to tell him. it was, he thought, the difference between being dragged into the arena to face a battle to the death and walking into the arena with your head held high. some people, perhaps, would say that there was little to choose between the two ways, but dumbledore knew - and so do i, thought harry, with a rush of fierce pride, and so did my parents - that there was all the difference in the world.
i remember when i read this in the fall, and this passage really struck me. it still does. children's fiction or not, it is always the simplest words that really resonate the most.
its a picture of perfection
left rome today, now greece.
crete friday, island hopping tuesday through friday, back to rome, then off to berlin. maybe amsterdam at the end? depends on how late i can push back my flight.
anyone want to teach me german? that is the one thing that terrifies me...i at least had a little spanish/italian to fall back on, and i can at least read greek...what am i going to do in germany? yeah, yeah...most people speak english, too, but it is still kind of frightening.
til next time.
crete friday, island hopping tuesday through friday, back to rome, then off to berlin. maybe amsterdam at the end? depends on how late i can push back my flight.
anyone want to teach me german? that is the one thing that terrifies me...i at least had a little spanish/italian to fall back on, and i can at least read greek...what am i going to do in germany? yeah, yeah...most people speak english, too, but it is still kind of frightening.
til next time.
on being lost in an endless sea
of information. there is never any way to ever take everything in, and some days i get really frustrated with the enormity of it all. i was reading a book on photography, and there are so many different treatments, approaches, aesthetics...and i really see the merits, or potential merits, of all of them. there is no way to ever know it all, afford it all, apply it all. it is so overwhelming...and it makes me feel like everything i have done in my life is just a drop in the bucket, but not a revolutionary or substantial drop...or one that even breaks the surface, leaving behind any residual ripples or even a sign that i had been there.
additionally, i read this magazine i picked up on a whim at barnes and noble. i hadn't seen it before (i don't really read magazines, music or otherwise) and between the names on the cover and the art (which really reminds me of my friend rand's work...more an acquaintance than a friend, but we had classes together in high school), i was sold. i really like this magazine, but in searching for a jpeg of the cover, i found this -
http://www.readjunk.com/news/music/skyscraper-magazine-stops-print-production/
damn. that aside, a learned so much from this magazine...and it took me hours to "skim." there were endless pages of album reviews, but not with arbitrary ratings or stars...just simply statement of the facts, background information on the artists (i had NO idea that mstrkrft included jesse keeler), and opinions. no listing, comparing to other artists above or below that album listing, no categorizing, just simple facts. i love that.
i don't want to know who the reviewer thinks i will like if i happen to like this one band they are covering...i want to know what this band is about, or if this is the side project of so-and-so from (insert band name), or how it compares to that bands other albums. the reviewers are honest "i had to tie myself down to listen to this" because they "hadn't liked anything" that band put out since 1995, or whatever. things are "elliot smithian" or "i don't know what this is, it left me confused, but i like it." honesty, people. so refreshing. cold hard facts juxtaposed with (gasp!) personal opinions! not what a blog influenced them to say, or what people in this 'scene' or that 'scene' think, or how pitchfork influenced the buzz around them. i hate that they won't be printing the magazine anymore, but at least it will live on in cyberspace, among the countless other digital sources that are just a few keystrokes away.
so much new music to check out. so much to get ready for the trip.
went to see star trek at the bob bullock museum in imax today. so good. i don't know what i was expecting, really, but it was very entertaining...and the special effects were mindblowing. plus, there was a trailer for the next harry potter movie (which will also be in imax) and i'm so stoked.
somehow i keep fucking things up with you, and i know by the time i get back you won't even remember me. i wish it weren't going to be that way. maybe it won't, but i don't have hope for any other result.
additionally, i read this magazine i picked up on a whim at barnes and noble. i hadn't seen it before (i don't really read magazines, music or otherwise) and between the names on the cover and the art (which really reminds me of my friend rand's work...more an acquaintance than a friend, but we had classes together in high school), i was sold. i really like this magazine, but in searching for a jpeg of the cover, i found this -
http://www.readjunk.com/news/music/skyscraper-magazine-stops-print-production/
damn. that aside, a learned so much from this magazine...and it took me hours to "skim." there were endless pages of album reviews, but not with arbitrary ratings or stars...just simply statement of the facts, background information on the artists (i had NO idea that mstrkrft included jesse keeler), and opinions. no listing, comparing to other artists above or below that album listing, no categorizing, just simple facts. i love that.
i don't want to know who the reviewer thinks i will like if i happen to like this one band they are covering...i want to know what this band is about, or if this is the side project of so-and-so from (insert band name), or how it compares to that bands other albums. the reviewers are honest "i had to tie myself down to listen to this" because they "hadn't liked anything" that band put out since 1995, or whatever. things are "elliot smithian" or "i don't know what this is, it left me confused, but i like it." honesty, people. so refreshing. cold hard facts juxtaposed with (gasp!) personal opinions! not what a blog influenced them to say, or what people in this 'scene' or that 'scene' think, or how pitchfork influenced the buzz around them. i hate that they won't be printing the magazine anymore, but at least it will live on in cyberspace, among the countless other digital sources that are just a few keystrokes away.
so much new music to check out. so much to get ready for the trip.
went to see star trek at the bob bullock museum in imax today. so good. i don't know what i was expecting, really, but it was very entertaining...and the special effects were mindblowing. plus, there was a trailer for the next harry potter movie (which will also be in imax) and i'm so stoked.
somehow i keep fucking things up with you, and i know by the time i get back you won't even remember me. i wish it weren't going to be that way. maybe it won't, but i don't have hope for any other result.
sorry that i'm taken aback
i woke up with the sun today...what a great way to start off the daunting day i have ahead of me. i'm back in jackson now, wasting time until i have to take my greek test this afternoon. i should start studying for my latin final, or my roman legacy final for that matter, since i have to take both tomorrow, but i'm still sitting here on my bed, fighting sleep. i keep throwing out the word surreal to try and describe the last few days, but i don't think there is any one adjective that can truly encapsulate what i have experienced. unlike the last few weeks that have been full of all-nighters and scrambling to put together term papers, my lack of sleep this past week has been punctuated by experiences i never would have expected. i'm trying to let myself be more spontaneous, live more in the moment, and it is hard...but worthwhile. i used to calculate every moment of every day, trying to thwart the unexpected with thought-out reason and definitive answers and plans so that i didn't have to face whatever chance, fortune, fate (whatever you believe in) threw my way. articulating that makes me feel like i was trying to be a stoic...a hyper-productive stoic, but still, that makes me sound like i could be in league with seneca, or someone of the like.
i can feel the weight of my sleep deprivation right behind my eyes, struggling to remain alert...but i feel the weight of my actions and the bigger issues at hand in my (insert some cliche here...heart, chest, soul).
beyond the rescue, invisible children, road trips and this growing sense of community, something else really unexpected came my way yesterday as well. i love beginnings, even if they are in medias res, and the excitement they incite. this quote reminds me a lot of my dear you (though i swear it was written before i ever read this) from a little while ago. those days are long past, but on the conceptual level it still rings true. i wish i could have some consistency in my life, but the thrill of starting something new and uncertain is more than enough. i just need to stop being so damn awkward. i can't help it...i can get a bit flustered when i have a bit of a crush.
i am in the mood for this is me smiling. obviously, i am "so excited to sleep"...but they feel like a good complement to the tone of the day.
on spontaneity
so, the jackson event ended up being a bust...so now it is new orleans or bust. this is so much bigger than me, than all of us...and i have to be a part of it. sue carrie and i will be driving down, following webb and lloyd, and we are leaving at eight tomorrow. the anticipation is killing me, and i can't sleep. i'm printing out my three pictures right now and trying to get my things together....i can't wait for this. i'm really glad i'm doing this, though it feels a little rash considering the fact that i have two finals on monday. is it bad that i don't really care?
it makes me weak...
...thinking about how badly i want to be a part of this, and how badly i want all of you to be a part of this. if i didn't have two finals on monday, i would drop everything i'm doing and drive to one of these cities and be a part of the real deal. even though jackson is just a drop in the bucket, every bit counts...so please, please, please help make this event successful. this is SO much bigger than all of us, so get up, get out, make a difference.
Rescue Riders from Jason Russell on Vimeo.
thinking about all of this makes me cry. i wish i were exaggerating, but i'm not. i....i don't have words.
Rescue Riders from Jason Russell on Vimeo.
thinking about all of this makes me cry. i wish i were exaggerating, but i'm not. i....i don't have words.
do more than just watch
this saturday, there is going to be a worldwide demonstration held by invisible children called the rescue. there are events happening everywhere, so get involved !
for more information, visit this site -
therescue.invisiblechildren.com/
or RSVP to the facebook event here -
www.facebook.com/home.php#/event.php?eid=78535706990
GOOD NEWS
that's right, i used all caps. for those of you who know me or read this regularly, you should already know that i don't capitalize anything (including things that should be capitalized...such as god, i, chris, sam, etc.), so if something is worthy of all caps, it must be pretty damn exciting. AND IT IS!
the jackson rescue event had been canceled, but have no fear! there are people putting together an event at mississippi college and guess what - YOU SHOULD ALL BE THERE. they are meeting tonight to get together more details, but i am going and so should you. it is this saturday and it will be amazing! for those of you who don't know what the rescue is, it is the big invisible children event for the year and it is a great way for your voice to be heard in the community. if you remember the displace me event, this is the equivalent for 2009!
if you are going, or if not, do this! contact people, get individuals motivated and be a part of the change. get up, enact the ideals you stand for, and make a difference! this is such a huge deal, and even if there aren't a lot of people at the event (which you can change by coming, too!) you are still a part of this simultaneous event that is happening all over the country and all over the world! don't believe me? go to facebook, search the rescue and filter by events. there are hundreds of people rsvped to events (561 in melbourne, australia...617 in salt lake city....1496 in chicago...1134 in boston...and countless others. austin has 825! and these are just the people with facebooks you guys!) and YOU can be a part of it!
here is an instructional video, and be sure to check back here for more information about the event once i hear back from the wonderful individuals at MC. also, if you want to see some fun examples of the youtube shout out videos, i have one a couple of entries back. get excited people :) make a difference, enact change in yourself, your peers, and the world. fight apathy and get out for this.
and, as a last thought, i will leave you with some parting words from a man i love dearly, bryce avary, the singer of this great band the rocket summer.
the jackson rescue event had been canceled, but have no fear! there are people putting together an event at mississippi college and guess what - YOU SHOULD ALL BE THERE. they are meeting tonight to get together more details, but i am going and so should you. it is this saturday and it will be amazing! for those of you who don't know what the rescue is, it is the big invisible children event for the year and it is a great way for your voice to be heard in the community. if you remember the displace me event, this is the equivalent for 2009!
if you are going, or if not, do this! contact people, get individuals motivated and be a part of the change. get up, enact the ideals you stand for, and make a difference! this is such a huge deal, and even if there aren't a lot of people at the event (which you can change by coming, too!) you are still a part of this simultaneous event that is happening all over the country and all over the world! don't believe me? go to facebook, search the rescue and filter by events. there are hundreds of people rsvped to events (561 in melbourne, australia...617 in salt lake city....1496 in chicago...1134 in boston...and countless others. austin has 825! and these are just the people with facebooks you guys!) and YOU can be a part of it!
here is an instructional video, and be sure to check back here for more information about the event once i hear back from the wonderful individuals at MC. also, if you want to see some fun examples of the youtube shout out videos, i have one a couple of entries back. get excited people :) make a difference, enact change in yourself, your peers, and the world. fight apathy and get out for this.
and, as a last thought, i will leave you with some parting words from a man i love dearly, bryce avary, the singer of this great band the rocket summer.
i'm thinking 'bout other things i heard about today
all this week and tomorrow
and how these hands can create some better things for bettering. . .
do you feel
the weight of the world singing sorrow
or to you is it just not real
cause you got your own things
yeah we all have our things i guess
i guess my mind wanders off
from time to time
sometimes i convince myself
that all is fine in the world
it's not mine
why should i
have to try
to fix things i didn't create or contrive
. . . can you feel the souls behind what's going on
all this week and tomorrow
and how these hands can create some better things for bettering. . .
do you feel
the weight of the world singing sorrow
or to you is it just not real
cause you got your own things
yeah we all have our things i guess
i guess my mind wanders off
from time to time
sometimes i convince myself
that all is fine in the world
it's not mine
why should i
have to try
to fix things i didn't create or contrive
. . . can you feel the souls behind what's going on
and for good measure, since i love TRS so much, here is a cool in-studio version of so much love
so here i am
i want to drive right now, so badly. just get in the car, stop at the gas station to fill up, and not look back. too bad i can't see straight through this haze of congestion and the dizziness of this headache, or else i would consider it. listening to music, that is all i want right now. an escape, an adventure, a new destination - destination, anywhere. anywhere but here. time for a lukewarm shower, and a handful of nyquil to ease my aching body into some semblance of sleep.
an afternoon of tranquility
somehow greek doesn't seem as daunting when completed in this environment. the sun was out a good bit of the day, it was warm yet windy, and the flowers started blooming this morning. i gauge the time of year, and my hope, on this one tree in the bowl. right as you walk past sullivan harrell, coming out of the caf, there is one tree right off the sidewalk. when it blooms, it is time for change. today was the day.
love is a many-splendored thing
i finally got a message back from keiko, so i should be having some of these fantastic hearts coming my way at some point this semester. i stumbled upon the love project on flickr, and now hopefully i will get to be a part of it. http://www.flickr.com/groups/love_project/erin, this is what i was talking about.
"your heart is in the right place - and that's what matters. you can't help who you love no matter what. do what makes you happy....and it seems like you are happy right now, which is all that matters. we are all connected in strange, inexplicable ways...but at the end of the day - the way that we feel about ourselves and about our relationships with others...and preserving those that really, truly fulfill our lives...that is what is worth saving. do what makes you happy....thats all that matters in the world, and you are truly blessed to have someone and something in your life that makes you smile. not everyone can find that, in a traditional way or otherwise, so you are very, very blessed."
the air drowsy
i got this great, old book of irish folk tales for christmas. here are some fun parts i truly enjoyed.
for some it lies no farther than the bend of the road; and there are others who much retrace their steps to glimpse it with longing through a weariness of years.
the closed flowers nod on slender stems, dew-wet and languid in the green gloom. . .deep and harmonious
. . .there was a magic in his music. lilting over the hills would sound the silver clamour of his reeds, and all the birds of the air would know to answer him.
he had walked sightless all his days, so music was his life and all of beauty in the sounds that came to him.
but sure there is always the music and a power to be dreaming!
where the long sun rays felling slanting
held fast in a spell of wonder
the morrow's still another day - and maybe the slower the you travel the more you'll be seeing.
shining through the darkness like a tethered star.
the chasm that yawned before him
knocked out his clay pipe on the door-post, finding the comfort gone from it.
the deep pools hold the shadow of flying cloud
their length of days; knowing a lost loveliness
when stars are strung and moonbeam drench the hill.
the old happiness and tranquility seemed as a dream in the ever-present reality of their distress
it chanced on a day when her trouble seemed sorest
thinking to busy her hands and ease the sad burden of her thoughts
but better than the fairy dowry she brought to him was the golden worth and treasure of her own true heart.
but for all her dejection there lingered a trace of gallantry
and may you hear my music in your heart when your strength gives out on you
and there was no laughter in him now, nor joy in simple things.
and only the magic of love, dear, can ever turn the key.
the closed flowers nod on slender stems, dew-wet and languid in the green gloom. . .deep and harmonious
. . .there was a magic in his music. lilting over the hills would sound the silver clamour of his reeds, and all the birds of the air would know to answer him.
he had walked sightless all his days, so music was his life and all of beauty in the sounds that came to him.
but sure there is always the music and a power to be dreaming!
where the long sun rays felling slanting
held fast in a spell of wonder
the morrow's still another day - and maybe the slower the you travel the more you'll be seeing.
shining through the darkness like a tethered star.
the chasm that yawned before him
knocked out his clay pipe on the door-post, finding the comfort gone from it.
the deep pools hold the shadow of flying cloud
their length of days; knowing a lost loveliness
when stars are strung and moonbeam drench the hill.
the old happiness and tranquility seemed as a dream in the ever-present reality of their distress
it chanced on a day when her trouble seemed sorest
thinking to busy her hands and ease the sad burden of her thoughts
but better than the fairy dowry she brought to him was the golden worth and treasure of her own true heart.
but for all her dejection there lingered a trace of gallantry
and may you hear my music in your heart when your strength gives out on you
and there was no laughter in him now, nor joy in simple things.
and only the magic of love, dear, can ever turn the key.
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