i don't feel any different

Those who crafted me, be they gods or demons, crafted this mind that shapes my resistance to their schemes. Surely they were wise enough, at the wheel where I was thrown, to anticipate further resistance in the heart they were abuilding

 - Tom Robbins

I don't have any resolutions this year. I hadn't really thought about it, it kind of sneaked up on me. Even when I was celebrating new year's eve with Sarah and some new friends, it didn't seem real at all and the ball drop didn't really phase me. Maybe it was because I wasn't anticipating it, maybe it was because I finished my applications and that felt more final than the first minute, the first day of the new year, maybe it was because I didn't have someone to ring in the new year with. I'm trying to worry less - that is the goal. Now it is just time to wait.

This is the year of waiting. Waiting for application confirmations. Waiting for responses, hopefully for offers. Waiting for my departure (finally) from Millsaps. Waiting for this summer. I don't know where I will be traveling, but I'm just waiting. More importantly, waiting to start the next phase of my life. I will end up somewhere in this country from Denver to Nashville to Ithaca or a number of cities in between and this is what I've been anticipating for years now. A fresh beginning. A chance to do it right and to study and spend my time the way I see fit. My own apartment. My own life. My own place. No more wandering and searching for answers somewhere halfway across the world, and hopefully the only frequent flyer miles I will be acquiring will be in the process of returning home - be it Jackson or Austin. I'm not sure what to expect, but all I can do is wait. Wait and hope.

chemistry on ice

08.17.2010
visingsö

i'm so excited about leaving, about only having four nights left at the cottage that i actually started to pack up my things. dresses are rolled, work clothes put away, travel clothes neatly folded to the side in my dresser. i have a meeting with the curator at the jönköping museum tomorrow to collect and document my samples for my REU research project, so my turquoise striped ralph lauren polo, a white undershirt, and my black skinny jeans are sitting in another pile. my levi's and two t-shirts to switch between make up the rest of the outfits for my stay here. all of the souvenirs at risk of being broken are wrapped, secured, and tucked away in my suitcase. my toiletries that meet airline regulations are tucked away in my TSA-approved quart-sized container. billy's cable knit sweater is sitting in the bottom of my book sack for the plane. four more nights here, and i may be overzealous, but it is comforting, reassuring, and somehow a bit of a grounding in reality to watch my belongings find their place in my black rolling duffel. i'm so glad that i'm not living out of a backpack this time around. finished the remaining, crumbled bits of the bottom of the special k red berries box for breakfast, glass of orange juice and my routine cup of coffee and gave myself thirty minutes to read before heading to the big house for work. a long morning of chemistry, but without a lab partner, my ipod kept me company - a morning full of conor oberst. outer south to start the day, then i'm wide awake, it's morning followed by fever and mirrors. back to the cottage for lunch, tomato and cheese panini with a side of peach and passionfruit yogurt topped off with a fresh banana. after lunch, tina was back from dropping mike off at the bus station and helped me out for the afternoon. jessie wanted to help out, too, so she sat in a chair directly behind tina and i at the lab table, constantly glancing over my shoulder and doing menial jobs such as breaking apart dirt while it was still in the sample bag and holding open the grocery bag as i dumped in my finished samples. she wants to be an archaeologist because it is 'fun' and noted that she felt like we were in a stadium. let me explain: the floor lamp lighting the work table reminder her of spotlights at the hockey arena and she was in the 'second row.' apparently since she was in the audience, that meant we were on the ice, so of course it became an afternoon of 'chemistry on ice' for the imaginative six-year old. a stressful mix up with doubling and overlapping numbers in the next bag that i tried to sort, exacerbated by awful handwriting from a full-grown boy. nutella and banana toast and then i cozied up in my bed to watch true blood season two. tina brought over groceries, i took a luke-cold shower, then a nap before dinner. veggie burgers with dijon while listening to blonde redhead. starting a new book now - here's to hoping i can read all 664 pages before i leave for stockholm.

an american encounter

08.16.2010
visingsö

finally a day off! last week, i really wasn't able to sleep past nine, but today i was hard-pressed to roll out of bed when my alarm went off at ten despite the blindingly bright light outside my window. started to get dressed before heading down for breakfast and then realized i was not in a rush - why get dressed when there is no hurry? omelet in my pajamas, a slowly sipped cup of coffee over a chapter of the two towers and then i got dressed to face the day. katie and i rode our bikes down to the harbor and waited twenty minutes for the next ferry. left our bikes near the vättern fisk stand and walked across in passenger hold. as we were sitting on the dock waiting to board i heard the familiar but seldom-heard cadence of english speakers behind us, looked at katie and we asked under our breath - americans? that's odd. this is a tourist place that swedish people visit, not other nationalities. how odd. spread out on two benches in the pedestrian quarters and then, after a few minutes delay, the half dozen benches around us all filled up. in a content silence, we looked at the visingsö advertisements lining the walls, then i start to hear the same two guys behind me starting to talk about pitchfork and then fleet foxes of all bands. not two minutes latter, this guy (whose name turned out to be brendan) asked, so are you girls american or canadian? the banter continued on about the island, sweden, why we were here, where each of us was from, what we are/were studying. lars used to live in portland and now lives elsewhere in oregon. brendan lives in montreal, studied computer science and now has a 'real job.' both were surprised that i was from texas but didn't have an accent. what charmers. they, along with everyone else who had flooded the cabin, were on the island for a family reunion. as we were leaving the ferry, the guys invited us for a drink if we ran into each other again in gränna (which was inevitable) and i subsequently lead katie and myself away on a roundabout path to get to the main drag. priced lingonsylt and near beer (less than 4% alcohol per volume, which means it doesn't have to be bought or have its price marked up by the state systembolaget) at the konsum and then went in search of souvenirs. lots of indecisiveness and slowly made purchases, interspersed with coffee breaks from our thermos, free biscotti from the bakery, packed peanut butter and jordgubbsylt sandwiches, and a photo opp with a troll.

as soon as we got to the first gift shop, it was swarming with people, so i stepped outside while katie made her purchases. lo and behold, who was there on the bench outside but lars. it took katie a few minutes to complete her transaction and rescue me, but i had no intention of getting a drink with these random guys in the bustling village of gränna. finally bought some polkagris for the family and rounded out the souvenir shopping with the exception of something 'viking' for my dad. i'm hopeful that i will find something in stockholm, though. came back, loaded down with gift bags, carlsberg near beer, groceries and candy and took the 3:45 ferry back to the island.

the ride back was much less eventful and much less social, but the choppy waters were lulling me to sleep. once we docked, we realized it was raining outside and were going to have to bike back, soaking wet, extra baggage and all. luckily, the forest road kept us mostly dry and the most rain damage came in the form of wet bike seats. had some remnants of our morning coffee heated up and i watched mad men while resisting the urge to nap. as soon as i started the latest episode of true blood, mike showed up so we decided to cook dinner ahead of schedule. katie attempted the stir fry and then we supplemented the sesame nuggets with a side of mashed potatoes with veggies. whiskey and apple juice followed by lindt caramel intense (i even let me southern accent slip in front of everyone when i said caramel) for dessert then said goodbye to mike. tried to finish true blood but talked to billy instead, then finally wrapped up the episode over tea. i've been writing and talking to jess ever since, but now it is time to read and attempt to fall asleep.

when i'm with you

08.15.2010
visingsö

the pages remaining in this slim folio are slowly dwindling down and the end of this journey seems imminent. the days seem less and less eventful as they pass by and the sand is picking up speed falling into the hour glass, counting down my time. i can almost catch hold of each individual grain as it passes by. a restless night, awoken by the early scandinavian sunrise. the island is becoming increasingly desolate as tourist season winds down. fewer and fewer tourists litter the well-trodden paths and a silence hangs in the air - even the horses outside seem to be coming to terms with the calm of autumn setting in. the weather has shifted since my initial arrival and marks a distinct break between the two halves of this adventure. a slight unease coursing through my veins this morning as i stirred and started into my morning routine. a quiet, contemplative morning and i realized that i am actually going to miss the act of making my own meal as i start each new day. there is something so satisfying about accomplishing even a small, mundane task when facing the day. i'm finally getting to relish in normal, everyday tasks for a change. i can definitely find happiness in these things, once i have the luxury of indulging in them. endless repetition of ordering soil sample bags, counting out groups of twenty, setting up sample strips, running a series, recording, repeat. i have an incredible sense of what three and a half minutes feels like now. when the edges of my consciousness start to lose focus, go numb, i would stop for a cup of coffee, a break in the cycle. torrential rain came and went and the outlook for an enjoyable evening outing was dim at best. before i leave, i want to bike back down to näs at the far south end of the island and read, laying on the smooth sand stones, lost in another's story while simultaneously living out my own. waited for tina to come back with groceries after work ended at 4:30 and cut myself with the cheese slicer fixing myself a snack. between my clumsiness this morning at work, the cheese slicer cut, and tom's insistence that my nausea was the result of lyme disease, i was not a happy camper. nota bene: katie and i inspected my body for the red ring of death, but i'm all clear! no (deadly) tick problems for me. mike cooked pasta at the big house and we discussed the arrangements for our day off tomorrow. tina invited to visit the museum excavation outside of jönköping, but today is day seven with no break, so i wasn't ready to sacrifice my one day of freedom. katie and i are going to bike down to the harbor and spend some time in gränna to run our last set of errands, tying up loose ends before we leave. i'm not sure what work will be filling our days once (and if) we finish chemistry, but this is our last hurrah. after dinner, all of us staying at the cottage went for a walk to the mulberry orchard despite the ominous clouds rolling in - it was our first time doing something all together not work-related in a while. we all came back smiling and in good spirits. got online and caught up with an old friend, saw more e-mails filling my inbox serving as more reminders that there are only nine more days standing between me and the start of classes. time for skype with various parties scattered across the southern states - texas, mississippi, alabama - and then off to bed.

promise and precision

08.14.2010
visingsö

eight days left in sweden. where has all of this time gone? it still felt like a lifetime laid ahead of me here, but suddenly the days are flying by. woke up this morning, relieved. i haven't been sleeping well lately and i've had to resort to taking benedryl to sleep at all and my nights have been plagued with dreams and misgivings, but this morning i woke up with no recollection of the preceding eight hours of sleep. eggs and toast then over to the ad hob lab in the living room at the big house. tina, nez, and jessie took a ferry around eleven to go check out a house on the mainland they are looking into renting for the project next summer and mike tagged along to get more internet time in gränna. with mike gone and the rest of the team paired up, i was left to work on my own which was fine by me - i like working alone and i was still going as quick as the other pairs working together. apple and cinnamon oatmeal at lunch while uploading photos - some of which turned out neat with the mist. more chemistry and mike was back by the afternoon work session, so our collaborative efforts continued until a bit past four. oh, and billy gave me the mix he made this morning over skype! he tagged me in a post on facebook talking about it but hadn't uploaded it until i was heading to work, so i started to listen to it over lunch once it finished downloading and then finished it out after work. now i'm halfway through my third listen and i live it. such a great addition to my day. this is how i fell in love with this boy in the first place - that first mix stole my heart and he has had it in his possession ever since. on a different note, today was a bit frustrating because, well, some adults wouldn't act like adults. it isn't even important or interesting enough to elaborate on, but people never cease to amaze me with their lack of reason and rationality. there is no explaining or understanding this kind of thing, however, so i'm not going to bother. i was in a bit of a funk after work, probably due to my lack of exercise, the mediocre weather, and the immaturity of some of those around me, but against my better (financial) judgment, i went to dinner with tom, gisela, katie, and mike. katie and i split a margherita pizza again at solbacken and i skipped on the $8 beer, so i really only spent a little under $5. we started to head back once this awful "tex mex band" known as the carlssonz started covering CCR. katie and mike got ice cream and we all walked down by the harbor toward the base of the castle while they ate their cones. spirits rising, we headed home and i turned on billy's mix and caught up on some things online and got in touch with some people who i was long overdue in responding to. as this mix winds down once aain, i'm off to write a few e-mails and read, waiting for billy to get online. pretty mundane saturday, but i'll take it.

on chemistry

8.13.2010
visingsö

friday the thirteenth and i didn't even realize it. woke up this morning hoping it was going to rain so that we could start chemistry according to plan. still wore field clothes because i wasn't sure if we would go out if the weather cleared up, but it turns out that we will be doing chemistry for days on end. the procedure is incredibly easy and horribly simplistic - kid's stuff compared to the kind of chemistry to which i was formerly accustomed. the warnings about 6N HCL were laughable at best - if that is the most dangerous thing on the table, there is definitely no reason to fuss. lunch at the cottage and a little coffee - now instead of curbing my caffeine to spare my bladder, i'm cautious so that my hands don't shake when i'm running tests. finished at a little past four and headed back to the cottage. the rain let up for a bit but i didn't want to try my luck so i just took a quick ride to the mulberry orchard and back. shower and then watched some old episodes of dexter because i was bored and lethargic.

made pad thai for dinner which ended up being amazing and then headed over to the big house to make bus reservations with tina for stockholm. luckily, she was able to get a reservation to bring her car over on the ferry despite the going-ons of the island on our departure date (there is a jousting tournament that is supposed to be a big deal), which will save us two connections - i'm tired of traveling at this point. i've been on the go for three months to the day and i don't feel like making things any more complicated than they need to be. after making the reservations, jessie (tina's daughter) woke up from her nap and told me that she was going to give me her bracelet that she had made at a craft exhibit at the museum because she was worried i would be gone before she had a chance to make another one - so sweet!  mike talked katie and i into a walk as we were leaving, which ultimately turned into a two and a half hour affair. no rain, but lots of eerie mist which was at moments all-encompassing but never quite off putting. walked all the way down to the southern burial mounds and then headed back - had a scoop of blarbar/vanilj (blueberry vanilla) and chocolate ice cream with mike and then came back to the house and had a great conversation with billy. i need more days like today! it is too late to do photos tonight, but knowing that i only have chemistry to face tomorrow and my time here is drawing to an end, i couldn't be in better spirits. i'm an emotional yo yo.

meet me in the middle

08.12.2010
visingsö

talking to billy before writing makes this a little weird - i already feel redundant. today is the first day in a while that the sun prevailed from morning until evening; only now are the clouds rolling in. went . out with tina again, but that is to be expected at this point. continued working in the crops near the johansson farm. the unobstructed sun in conjunction with shoulder-high stalks retaining heat (damn you, photosynthesis) made today a bit toasty. wore tina's rain pants until i couldn't stand the heat anymore, but luckily by that point most of the crops had dried out from the day before so i had no need to be concerned with water-repelling gear anymore. i really need to invest in waterproofing my boots if i ever do this again - i'm tired of squishy toes and soggy socks. i wasn't feeling all that well this morning so i stuck to special k red berries in place of my standard two scrambled eggs, two pieces of toast with strawberry jam. gave in and had eggs at lunch, though - i was too tired to consider skipping protein today. two eggs, an apple with peanut butter, and a slice of cinnamon sugar toast with a glass of apple juice. with a full stomach and a bit of caffeine coursing through my veins, i was half-ready to head back into the field. thirty one holes by myself this morning, another twenty one this afternoon. we drove down a tractor trail that crosses the cow pasture this afternoon to save us from the same tired half kilometer walk down from the tempelgården. we have made that same trek so many times during the last three days there is actually a clear, well-trodden path through two adjoining clover fields we always cross en route. a change of pace was definitely in order.

as we passed through the cow pasture, the farm dog decided to follow us throughout the afternoon, turning our duo into a trio. he would run with tina while i sampled and then run back to me and lead me to tina when i finished and started moving on to the next hole. he even ran down to the shore and grabbed a rock to try to get us to play with him, it was adorable. he stayed with us the whole afternoon which was definitely a morale booster - it was almost like the universe said, 'look - shit sucks, but here is a dog to keep you company in the meantime.' waited for jess and mike to meet us at the car and then made it back to the house at 4:35. i wanted to make it to this cafe near the small grocery store in kumlaby before it closed at 5, so i changed at lightning-fast speed and threw together my purse and peddled off as quick as possible. got there with eight minutes to spare and they had already closed up. basically, i hauled ass for nothing. it was definitely harder to bike right after work, especially a day of trudging through downed  crops. i finally understand why people work out - it lifted my mood, at least momentarily. lord knows how sad i would be right now if i was just sitting on my ass all day. came back dejected and pastry-less, but at least there was a cup of coffee with my name on it once i got out of the shower.

i talked to my mom for thirty minutes before dinner. ian was there, too, and hunted down each of the dogs in turn so that i could seem them. i wish one of the puppies could make the trip with me - it is going to break my heart to have them for one night just to leave them in the morning. veggie burgers on toast with avocado, spicy mustard, cheese and tomato with instant (but good) mashed potatoes on the side. all of that and it was still only seven o'clock. watched an episode of lie to me, skyped with billy and he is the cutest human being on the planet. i still worry that the attentiveness, or lack thereof, will ever change...but i'm holding out hope. he says he loves me, but sometimes it is hard for me to believe i could be that lucky - i've been treated well. i just want something real. i've been playing the format all day - i can't dwell on soco or my melancholy will never pass. no more tears in the rain, only straining in the sun. there may still light outside in every direction, but it is time for bed. goodnight.

and you could still get sleep

08.11.2010
visingsö

ten days until stockholm, eleven days until austin, twelve days until jackson. unreal. school is starting so soon and i am still sitting here in swden. i'm sure this feeling will just be mounting as the days go on. started reading euripides' hippolytus today and i'm having flashbacks to seneca. intertextuality, folks - gotta love it. i am a little worried about jumping back into latin and greek (especially as a tutor) because, well, i haven't read all summer. on friday i will have been traveling for three months. today over coffee after we got back from the field, we started talking about high school and i brought up marching band and i realized that i really haven't given myself a break since sophomore year of high school - it has always been go, go, go. maybe even before that - in middle school i was doing band and playing soccer...for three separate teams. facing down this coming year, i'm worried and tired, but i guess i've been putting myself in the same situation for years and years - committing every moment of every day to something. at least i have the practice of taking the sat and acct during marching season because i will be doing the same with taking the gre this year, amidst myriad things i barely have time to do on their own. had falafel for dinner and the rain that had rolled in around three this afternoon started to dissipate. watched true blood and then got in touch with billy. some things never do change. katie and jess went on a walk and when they got back i went for a ride - down to kumlaby then torp and back - a whopping twelve plus kilometers round trip. listened to played in space and tried to sort things out with the mindless peddling and the burn of my muscles starting to feel the faint pull of exertion. shower, tea to settle my nerves, finished catching up on true blood season three and now off to bed even though i'm not tired. maybe i'll never be happy.

there's no antidote for irony -

you say that you have, 

when you know that you don't
and you say that you can, 

when you know that you won't

a day just like any other

08.10.2010
visingsö

the sun finally came out and it woke me up around five this morning. i still haven't been sleeping well which is making each day increasingly difficult. i really want to go home at this point - i'm just beat and these long, sleepless nights aren't alleviating any of this growing unease. anna and jorgen from the jönköping museum went out with myself, tina and mike, though jorgen didn't arrive until a little bit later in the day. this morning really t is making my sook it out of me and my left arm is hurting a little - i think my lethargy is making my sampling technique sloppy and i've hurt myself as a result. grilled cheese and a granny smith apple for lunch and i'm starting true blood season two. i finished reading the private patient around 11:15 last night and i don't know what i will move on to tonight - i really don't know if i can make myself do work knowing all of the work that will be facing me on the first day of class, two weeks from today. working in the department, layout editing for the purple and white, teaching assistant for greek two, greek and latin tutor, french 1000, latin 4000, greek 4000, methods and statistics, working in the keck lab for the albanian project and writing my reu paper/doing the mass spec and research on the pottery sherds i will be bringing back. oh, and grad school applications, study and take the gre, get my homer paper up to conference presentation level, and visit schools. maybe this is where the unease is stemming from.

this morning we worked near the east coast and there was the incentive to finish each row to see the coast. such a breath of fresh air, such a relief.

in the afternoon, tina and i split off and went to work in a cloverfield near the theosophist's tempelgården. never before have i seen a greco-roman temple (or an attempt at one) with a swedish flag flying over it - that is probably a once in a lifetime kind of deal.

the field was awful and almost as unforgiving as pasture, so the afternoon was arduous to say the least. at least tina and i were afforded two brief respites under tree cover in some small forested patches on the land.

i was glad to have the sun shining, though - heat, sweat, and all. had some tea and a small bowl of special k red berries and watched a bit of the third season of true blood (trying to catch up) before heading out for a ride at about five - i was hoping the number of tourists would dwindle as the afternoon wore on so i could enjoy my ride in peace. they were out in droves when we brought anna back to her car at the harbor and i wanted a little peace while i was out. the wait made a big difference. rode to the coop nara and dropped off my postcards, round two, then headed all the way down to kumlaby. it is amazing how my stamina is building up  so quickly. stopped a dozen or so times to get photos of some of my favorite passenger-side drive-by haunts.

took a detour through rökinge and by the russokyrkagården (the russian graveyard) where we saw the gpr demonstration earlier on - i don't know when exactly that was anymore, to be honest. i listened to everything in transit on the way out, but by the time i got to the graveyard i hadn't realized i was already on the last track. switched over to the glass passenger, coasting home over the last refrain of the chorus in what gets you off.

shower, painted my toenails, and then headed downstairs to get started on dinner (hands were washed between those last two activities, i assure you). made pasta - broccoli, garlic, mushrooms, and slices of veggie dogs in a red sauce, wheat penne. i was ravenous but wasn't really satisfied once i started eating, even though it was delicious - i felt like i was eating just to eat. maybe it is partly jess' hyper-awareness of food rubbing off on me, but i'm thinking about what i'm eating now more than ever. now i'm off to sort through my photos over some lavender tea, then skype date with my fella. nothing all that proud, nothing all that new - but still, today was a good day.

half-awake

08.09.2010
visingsö

it is the second week and i still can't believe that it is august. billy is starting to feel more and more like a distant memory and i don't have much to keep me grounded anymore. it rained until about three this afternoon, so no field work after all. nez, jessi and tina all went to jönköping, tom was recovering from his eye problem and gisela felt ill, so the students had the run of data entry for the day. stopped at 12:20 to go eat lunch at the cottage with jess and it was good to come unglued from my self-assigned leather armchair which i was occupying in a state of semi-hibernation. read to page 400 of the private patient, listened to tom's soil lecture and then headed back to the house to get my bike for some much needed exercise. listened to the everglow while i biked in the mist down to the harbor to buy new postcards - i learned today that i had sent all my postcards with the wrong postage, as per the grocery store attendant's directions. so, all the time i spent on my first round is wasted and they are stuck in mail limbo. spent 100 SEK on new cards and proper postage and rode back through the forest as the rain picked up again. rewrote the postcards while watching the lost epilogue and the new mad men episode and surfed around on the internet. vegetarian chili (with lots of tabasco to make up for the lack of spice) at the big house, then mike came over for ice cream and screwdrivers. had a nice venting chat over best coast's crazy for you and checked the weather forecast for the rest of the week - not promising. forty-five minute chat with my fella, shower, and now off to finish the remaining chapters of the 496-page book i started just yesterday. tired and a bit sad, but in some ways - this is heaven.

lazy day

i miss the days when my writing was inspiring, where has my voice gone? i want to write something insightful, but maybe that isn't possible when i'm actually happy most of the time. day off today and the weather is awful - a haze covered the lake and the fields so densely that it was impossible to see to the end of the pasture or across the lake to gränna. the visibility came and went during the day, but the mist never waned so i remained indoors until the afternoon, which always puts a damper on my spirits. started the pd james book that jess just finished the private patient, and read the first nine chapters. i got tired of reading this awful verse version of medea, but i will finish it tomorrow. got back on jm.org for a while, but no one else was on - i guess i will see how it goes for the next few weeks. once i get back to jackson, i won't be able to write every day or get online the way i am now, but at least i can make an effort to keep in touch in the meantime. had lots of coffee, a spinach and mushroom omelet for breakfast. stayed in until around 3:45 finishing true blood season one, then headed out for a ride with katie in search of pastries. tina said everything should be open since sunday is such a big tourist day on the island but due to the weather, most of the cafes closed early and even the coop nara was sold out of their baked goods. we headed to the harbor, hoping for better luck. on the western road i lost control of my bike in the water as a car was passing us and with no shoulder on the narrow road, i ate the asphalt and almost katie's front tire. my leg is a little worse for wear now and my ankle is a little off, but all should be better come morning. it looks like the weather may hold, so it seems like maybe tina moved the day off in vain. went back to the pizza restaurant as last week and ran into the tina in the parking lot as they were leaving an early dinner. got a fresh danish and a half liter of mariastads and headed out to the patio, sans american cover band. we were given spendrups emblazoned blankets by our waitress to stave off the cold. on the way back, we took the forest road and started to get wet. it wasn't clear if it was from the trees or if the rain had picked up, but once we cleared the canopy cover it was clear that the precipitation had in fact picked up and that it was only the trees that had kept us relatively dry up until that point. mike was over at the house when we got back and kept us company over veggie dogs and coffee as we warmed back up. showered and then started to watch eastern promises. billy called halfway through the movie and it was good to hear his voice after yesterday's uncertainty. finished the movie and i don't know how i really felt about it. time to curl up with the private patient and see what tomorrow brings. a wasted day, but this might be may last chance to truly squander my time for months to come.

split down the middle

08.06.2010
visingsö

today has been really trying and my energy level and emotions have been all over the place. since tina drove hans over into jönköping today, we only had one car to take everyone out to the field, and with tom driving it was a fiasco. confusion about maps and not really paying attention led to almost an hour of mindlessly driving around before ultimately being dropped of at a field for the whole morning work period when there were only a dozen holes left to do. waited on the side of the road for ages - mike drew, i read, and katie seemed to nap a little. tom ended up parking and waiting for us to come to him instead of him looking for us, but never told us that was his plan, so we wasted an extra half an hour waiting, which made me cranky because i was starving by that point. tomato and cheese panini and an apple with peanut butter, followed by some much needed coffee. well, by the time we left for the field with tina, i was actually starting to come down from my caffeine buzz. tom had driven off with all the samplers, so we were delayed yet again. i hate inefficiency, i hate ignorance, i hate poor work ethic. this is all getting a little ridiculous. finished the bottom half of the field from yesterday and then the clouds started to roll in, so tina came to pick us up.

that makes today the second day where we got rained out in the afternoon, but at least yesterday was productive. the storm definitely cooled things off though, which was nice after a sweltering afternoon in high crops. came home and kept reading - i guess that was the one upside of this lazy day, i got to read a ton, much more than a normal day. plus, i had a goal of finishing the fellowship of the ring before the end of the week, so here it is, friday, and i'm done. the rain held out for a while, so i took the opportunity to go out for a bike ride and brought my camera with me - got some neat shots in the woods.

went for about twice the distance as my last ride, so i'm slowly working my way up. i'm keeping the bike over here all the time now, so i will always have it sitting there as a reminder. plus, i won't have to walk to the other house to get the bike to ride, to bring it back and walk home again - that is somehow a bit more daunting than just paddling away. had a veggie hot dog with dijon and some oatmeal with fresh apples, cinnamon, and yogurt mixed in for dinner - i'm really digging jess' oatmeal kick. went through all the magazines and brochures i had accrued for scrapbooking and snipped and whiddled them all down to ziploc sized bag. downloaded photos, had some lavender tea and then talked to billy for an hour, but i was basically asleep on my feet. i'll have to start some kind of work or reading tomorrow now that i've met my goal with the lord of the rings, so we'll see. a half-productive day isn't half bad though, right?