visingsö
talking to billy before writing makes this a little weird - i already feel redundant. today is the first day in a while that the sun prevailed from morning until evening; only now are the clouds rolling in. went . out with tina again, but that is to be expected at this point. continued working in the crops near the johansson farm. the unobstructed sun in conjunction with shoulder-high stalks retaining heat (damn you, photosynthesis) made today a bit toasty. wore tina's rain pants until i couldn't stand the heat anymore, but luckily by that point most of the crops had dried out from the day before so i had no need to be concerned with water-repelling gear anymore. i really need to invest in waterproofing my boots if i ever do this again - i'm tired of squishy toes and soggy socks. i wasn't feeling all that well this morning so i stuck to special k red berries in place of my standard two scrambled eggs, two pieces of toast with strawberry jam. gave in and had eggs at lunch, though - i was too tired to consider skipping protein today. two eggs, an apple with peanut butter, and a slice of cinnamon sugar toast with a glass of apple juice. with a full stomach and a bit of caffeine coursing through my veins, i was half-ready to head back into the field. thirty one holes by myself this morning, another twenty one this afternoon. we drove down a tractor trail that crosses the cow pasture this afternoon to save us from the same tired half kilometer walk down from the tempelgården. we have made that same trek so many times during the last three days there is actually a clear, well-trodden path through two adjoining clover fields we always cross en route. a change of pace was definitely in order.
as we passed through the cow pasture, the farm dog decided to follow us throughout the afternoon, turning our duo into a trio. he would run with tina while i sampled and then run back to me and lead me to tina when i finished and started moving on to the next hole. he even ran down to the shore and grabbed a rock to try to get us to play with him, it was adorable. he stayed with us the whole afternoon which was definitely a morale booster - it was almost like the universe said, 'look - shit sucks, but here is a dog to keep you company in the meantime.' waited for jess and mike to meet us at the car and then made it back to the house at 4:35. i wanted to make it to this cafe near the small grocery store in kumlaby before it closed at 5, so i changed at lightning-fast speed and threw together my purse and peddled off as quick as possible. got there with eight minutes to spare and they had already closed up. basically, i hauled ass for nothing. it was definitely harder to bike right after work, especially a day of trudging through downed crops. i finally understand why people work out - it lifted my mood, at least momentarily. lord knows how sad i would be right now if i was just sitting on my ass all day. came back dejected and pastry-less, but at least there was a cup of coffee with my name on it once i got out of the shower.
i talked to my mom for thirty minutes before dinner. ian was there, too, and hunted down each of the dogs in turn so that i could seem them. i wish one of the puppies could make the trip with me - it is going to break my heart to have them for one night just to leave them in the morning. veggie burgers on toast with avocado, spicy mustard, cheese and tomato with instant (but good) mashed potatoes on the side. all of that and it was still only seven o'clock. watched an episode of lie to me, skyped with billy and he is the cutest human being on the planet. i still worry that the attentiveness, or lack thereof, will ever change...but i'm holding out hope. he says he loves me, but sometimes it is hard for me to believe i could be that lucky - i've been treated well. i just want something real. i've been playing the format all day - i can't dwell on soco or my melancholy will never pass. no more tears in the rain, only straining in the sun. there may still light outside in every direction, but it is time for bed. goodnight.
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