07.24.2010
visingsö, sweden
Showing posts with label movies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label movies. Show all posts
new arrival
on fairy tales
miss rosa may have had her ogre-tales shaping her narrative in absalom, absalom, but my theme is much happier for once. no dark twisted images, just childish (though maybe in the sense of being delusional) dreams and a smile despite all the obstacles in my path. i'm just waiting for the happy ending. a modern day romance.
articulated through texts, telephones, and twitter...and punctuated by mixes lovingly crafted, uploaded, and reduced to a web address. by leaks and blogs and pitchfork news, by pirated movies and tv online. trying to convey physical energy and desire, human inertia across a static phone line...then failing to put my fingers to the keys in a pattern that makes any more sense that my ever-increasing sighs and smiles, unseen four hundred miles away.
you're cute, amazing, and i appreciate everything you do. all the tears you've already heard, and the weaknesses that you not only see past, but somehow turn into something admirable. i've liked you for far too long... i can't believe you're mine. you, the person i never thought i would have.
so much for ambiguity, so much for pretense. for once in my life, i'm sure. no regrets, no lies, no facades, just a few worries about what may keep us apart. you're the one that i want.
articulated through texts, telephones, and twitter...and punctuated by mixes lovingly crafted, uploaded, and reduced to a web address. by leaks and blogs and pitchfork news, by pirated movies and tv online. trying to convey physical energy and desire, human inertia across a static phone line...then failing to put my fingers to the keys in a pattern that makes any more sense that my ever-increasing sighs and smiles, unseen four hundred miles away.
you're cute, amazing, and i appreciate everything you do. all the tears you've already heard, and the weaknesses that you not only see past, but somehow turn into something admirable. i've liked you for far too long... i can't believe you're mine. you, the person i never thought i would have.
so much for ambiguity, so much for pretense. for once in my life, i'm sure. no regrets, no lies, no facades, just a few worries about what may keep us apart. you're the one that i want.
on being lost in an endless sea
of information. there is never any way to ever take everything in, and some days i get really frustrated with the enormity of it all. i was reading a book on photography, and there are so many different treatments, approaches, aesthetics...and i really see the merits, or potential merits, of all of them. there is no way to ever know it all, afford it all, apply it all. it is so overwhelming...and it makes me feel like everything i have done in my life is just a drop in the bucket, but not a revolutionary or substantial drop...or one that even breaks the surface, leaving behind any residual ripples or even a sign that i had been there.
additionally, i read this magazine i picked up on a whim at barnes and noble. i hadn't seen it before (i don't really read magazines, music or otherwise) and between the names on the cover and the art (which really reminds me of my friend rand's work...more an acquaintance than a friend, but we had classes together in high school), i was sold. i really like this magazine, but in searching for a jpeg of the cover, i found this -
http://www.readjunk.com/news/music/skyscraper-magazine-stops-print-production/
damn. that aside, a learned so much from this magazine...and it took me hours to "skim." there were endless pages of album reviews, but not with arbitrary ratings or stars...just simply statement of the facts, background information on the artists (i had NO idea that mstrkrft included jesse keeler), and opinions. no listing, comparing to other artists above or below that album listing, no categorizing, just simple facts. i love that.
i don't want to know who the reviewer thinks i will like if i happen to like this one band they are covering...i want to know what this band is about, or if this is the side project of so-and-so from (insert band name), or how it compares to that bands other albums. the reviewers are honest "i had to tie myself down to listen to this" because they "hadn't liked anything" that band put out since 1995, or whatever. things are "elliot smithian" or "i don't know what this is, it left me confused, but i like it." honesty, people. so refreshing. cold hard facts juxtaposed with (gasp!) personal opinions! not what a blog influenced them to say, or what people in this 'scene' or that 'scene' think, or how pitchfork influenced the buzz around them. i hate that they won't be printing the magazine anymore, but at least it will live on in cyberspace, among the countless other digital sources that are just a few keystrokes away.
so much new music to check out. so much to get ready for the trip.
went to see star trek at the bob bullock museum in imax today. so good. i don't know what i was expecting, really, but it was very entertaining...and the special effects were mindblowing. plus, there was a trailer for the next harry potter movie (which will also be in imax) and i'm so stoked.
somehow i keep fucking things up with you, and i know by the time i get back you won't even remember me. i wish it weren't going to be that way. maybe it won't, but i don't have hope for any other result.
additionally, i read this magazine i picked up on a whim at barnes and noble. i hadn't seen it before (i don't really read magazines, music or otherwise) and between the names on the cover and the art (which really reminds me of my friend rand's work...more an acquaintance than a friend, but we had classes together in high school), i was sold. i really like this magazine, but in searching for a jpeg of the cover, i found this -
http://www.readjunk.com/news/music/skyscraper-magazine-stops-print-production/
damn. that aside, a learned so much from this magazine...and it took me hours to "skim." there were endless pages of album reviews, but not with arbitrary ratings or stars...just simply statement of the facts, background information on the artists (i had NO idea that mstrkrft included jesse keeler), and opinions. no listing, comparing to other artists above or below that album listing, no categorizing, just simple facts. i love that.
i don't want to know who the reviewer thinks i will like if i happen to like this one band they are covering...i want to know what this band is about, or if this is the side project of so-and-so from (insert band name), or how it compares to that bands other albums. the reviewers are honest "i had to tie myself down to listen to this" because they "hadn't liked anything" that band put out since 1995, or whatever. things are "elliot smithian" or "i don't know what this is, it left me confused, but i like it." honesty, people. so refreshing. cold hard facts juxtaposed with (gasp!) personal opinions! not what a blog influenced them to say, or what people in this 'scene' or that 'scene' think, or how pitchfork influenced the buzz around them. i hate that they won't be printing the magazine anymore, but at least it will live on in cyberspace, among the countless other digital sources that are just a few keystrokes away.
so much new music to check out. so much to get ready for the trip.
went to see star trek at the bob bullock museum in imax today. so good. i don't know what i was expecting, really, but it was very entertaining...and the special effects were mindblowing. plus, there was a trailer for the next harry potter movie (which will also be in imax) and i'm so stoked.
somehow i keep fucking things up with you, and i know by the time i get back you won't even remember me. i wish it weren't going to be that way. maybe it won't, but i don't have hope for any other result.
talk - action = shit
"i honestly don't know what would happen to him if he were successful and stopped having things to battle against."
i just watched this great documentary, dig, on hulu (you can watch it here if you are interested) about the dandy warhols and the brian jonestown massacre. these two bands started out as friends, ended up as enemies. the dandy warhols ultimately succeeded, but the brian jonestown massacre has constantly been falling apart because of the singer, anton, and his self-destructive nature. anton is so crazy, it makes parts of the film really hard to swallow...but the reality of it all is mind boggling. it is really easy for us, the listeners, to assume that everything is this perfect ideal behind the scenes with musicians...or to assume that maybe people writing revolutionary music are doing mind-opening drugs from time to time (maybe even habitually)...but to see them strung out, kicking audience members in the head and burning every bridge they ever are able to construct...it is really hard to take. does writing a good album or building up your own ego ever compensate for not being able to see your own son?
it is also interesting to see how chance and fortune brought two bands together and through a few simple choices, led them down two very different paths. what role do we really play in our own lives?
any one with potential can identify with anton, and i think that is what is so powerful about this documentary - it is a lesson in unfulfilled potential. what could we really be if we weren't holding ourselves back?
on nature
this looks so. cool. i wish i were able to get shots like this (at least at some point in my life). unbelievably beautiful.
no need to say goodbye
It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word
And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry
I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye
Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to the war
Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye
Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget
Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes
You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye
You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye
thursday december eleventh
it is supposed to be a pretty mild day, so i decide to head to the zoo, as per jeff's suggestion. it turned out to be the perfect day to go. no one was there, it was just cold enough to still be tolerable to a wimpy texan like myself, and just warm enough for a good number of animals to be out. i about had a heart attack driving there though, which was no good. besides all of the crazy drivers and my rental car manuevering like a tank, i had put some diet dr peppers in the fridge for the week, and apparently the person who had last occupied my room had set the fridge to maximum cold....so the sodas froze. i opened it in the car, and it continued to fizz and bubble and ultimately explode. awesome. for some reason, my mind was truly hazy as i was driving around and everything felt kind of distant.
i got some good shots, which is what i was hoping for...i also saw a lion in a tree, which kind of made it worth it. again with the surreal thing. i parked a bit away from the zoo, so i got a nice walk in while i was there. it was really beautiful, and nice to just walk around with the cold air filling my lungs. the landscape was pretty as well, which helped.
i left the zoo around 2:30 or 3 and went in search of lunch. i ended up downtown near a hospital with a lot of one way streets and impatient drivers. i gave up on stopping for food when i saw this beautiful church over the tops of some houses i was passing by as i circled around the block. i decided, fuck it, i'm going to go check out this cool church. it turned out to be the cathedral basicilia of st. louis, which was on my list of things to see. it was really beautiful, and there was a neat statue, the angel of harmony, in a small garden right next to it. the sun made for some hindering shadows and then overpowering glares as i walked around the building, but it was still beautiful. it is really simplistic considering it is catholic and fairly modern, but still interesting architecturally. i was really hoping for more stained glass and sculptural/relief depiction, but alas, i was greeted with the more surprising, and dominant, islamic overtones with primarily domed roofs, reiterated by the almost complete lack of iconography.
i decided to pass on lunch, and headed over to the st. louis university museum of art before it closed at 4.
i missed art museums. i am very glad that i got to ease myself back into galleries with these smaller collections as opposed to jumping straight into the st louis art museum (slam). not as many big names, but the galleries were really well-thought out and many of the pieces were very interesting. my time there was somewhat rushed, but i was eager to get back to the hotel and out for dinner. a beautiful sunset kept me company on the drive back.
jeff and i went to blueberry hill for dinner, which was cute and quirky - i liked it. then jeff went back and i walked up and down the loop people-watching and taking photos. i had an hour and a half to kill until my movie, so i sat and starbucks and wrote for a bit, kind of observing those around me, then walked around for a bit more. the two tall statues near the city hall always remind me of the neverending story for some reason that i can't shake. i'll try to find pictures later.
i love holiday times when everything is so cheery and bright. no, not bright...but cheery, in a dull inviting way. just enough to be encouraging. muted reds, yellows and blues litter every block and somehow they bring an easy comfort.
i went to the tivoli to see milk, which i was very excited about. blue moon in hand, a half-empty theater from days long gone and a great movie. i am not one to cry at movies, but this movie brought me to tears again and again. i left heartbroken but so happy at the same time. as if this transient life was to be embraced as fleeting, but we all still stood a chance despite this hindrance. it was a great feeling - not a top of the mountain moment, but climbing a summount with an indeterminent incline and reaching that moment when the peak is just beyond the horizon. my first full day in st. louis, and i felt fantastic.
the truth is hiding in your eyes
i honestly really like this song. i remember putting paramore on mix cd's my junior and senior year in high school....i'm not really a fan anymore, maybe a guilty pleasure kind of thing every now and again. this video is kinda bleh, but still....i like the song.
Decode from Paramore Spain on Vimeo.
thanks fbr_trash. i appreciate that you posted this before paramore communities.
note: the fact that an edwardandbella.net exists is one of the many things that is wrong with the world.
Decode from Paramore Spain on Vimeo.
thanks fbr_trash. i appreciate that you posted this before paramore communities.
note: the fact that an edwardandbella.net exists is one of the many things that is wrong with the world.
you are at the top of my lungs
first, the new harry potter trailer. enjoy :) i'm stoked. forget twilight, harry potter is still where it is at.
and panic at the disco put out a new video for northern downpour...i wish behind the sea had been their next single. oh well, i guess thirteen year old girls don't really get into trippy, psychedelic throw-back songs.
and panic at the disco put out a new video for northern downpour...i wish behind the sea had been their next single. oh well, i guess thirteen year old girls don't really get into trippy, psychedelic throw-back songs.
when the first baby laughed for the first time, the laugh broke into a thousand pieces and they all went skipping about. . .
. . . that was the beginning of fairies.
i love hook. my movie recorded it on the dvr in the living room, so im sipping some tea watching it with my mom. this was probably my favorite movie as a child. well, up there at least. the little mermaid, labyrinth, fern gully, the dark crystal, rikki-tikki-tavi, darby o'gill and the little people, the velveteen rabbit, bambi, chitty chitty bang bang, and some random fifteen minute dinosaur safety video were my favorites.
shit, and bed knobs and broomsticks. i loved bed knobs and broomsticks.
fraggle rock. mary poppins. jem. strawberry shortcake. sleeping beauty. cinderella. i think thats about all. well, at least all of the movies and shows i was infatuated with.
i was planning on writing, but i am kind of upset. i need to collect my thoughts. i will get everything together during work tomorrow.
i love hook. my movie recorded it on the dvr in the living room, so im sipping some tea watching it with my mom. this was probably my favorite movie as a child. well, up there at least. the little mermaid, labyrinth, fern gully, the dark crystal, rikki-tikki-tavi, darby o'gill and the little people, the velveteen rabbit, bambi, chitty chitty bang bang, and some random fifteen minute dinosaur safety video were my favorites.
shit, and bed knobs and broomsticks. i loved bed knobs and broomsticks.
fraggle rock. mary poppins. jem. strawberry shortcake. sleeping beauty. cinderella. i think thats about all. well, at least all of the movies and shows i was infatuated with.
i was planning on writing, but i am kind of upset. i need to collect my thoughts. i will get everything together during work tomorrow.
i watched your face age backwards, changing shape in my memory
monday 9.29
like i said in my acl day 3 blog, no work today. it is nice to not have any worries...but without structure my life is becoming one meaningless night that i am stretching into day. i stayed up until past 4 last night, so i definitely got a late start. i spent a good majority of my afternoon sorting through photos and organizing them by day/set and then started editing...contrast, hue, saturation, cropping, the works...for all the decent ones. all of the dust in the air made flash impossible, which was a pain in my ass. i was in no state or position to hold my camera steady, but i got a good number of day shots when i actually remembered to take pictures.i watched reign of fire, featuring one of my favorite actors, christian bale. speaking of, i really need to rewatch american psycho when i'm not intoxicated. it doesn't make for an enjoyable experience haha.
unlike my usual laziness, it was kind of justified for me to be a bum today. i got little to no sleep this weekend, so i played catch up a little bit. i am starting to feel the anticipation for tomorrow, tgp day if you will - the day that the jack's mannequin album is finally dropping.
i spent a lot of time this weekend thinking about my type of guy...maybe i'll look for pictures later. i've gotten to the point where i realize that some cookie cutter guy is not going to cut it for me. i don't want a guy that is perfect, or a status symbol, or something to display as a trophy. i want a guy that drives me crazy and someone as broken as i am. i can't do perfection anymore - i'm too far from it.
today was st. jude day at chili's, so i called my dad up in st. louis and made him bring out his clients for dinner, and the rest of the family went to the chili's up on lakeline for dinner and dessert. my mom also bought me one of the blank keys with the chili's and st. jude logo on it. there is no way to describe the actual st. jude campus to anyone that hasn't been there...it is such an experience. this would be the point at which i would include some pictures or something, but since i'm not on my computer, i don't have anything to pull from. just trust me when i say it is amazing. it is also days like today that i am proud to be a delta delta delta.
i let my brother drive me home from chili's, which was really strange. my siblings are not allowed to grow up - ever. i also taught him how to pump gas, which was cute. i'm sure he found it really demeaning for his sister to teach him these ~manly things, but i think he was grateful for the opportunity. let's just say that he could use the practice.
came home, watched heroes. i didn't watch any of last season, so it is hard to keep up sometimes, but it is really cool. i love how they are messing with the preconceptions of certain characters and kind of skewing our understanding of each of their roles in the greater scheme of things. i also love peter petrelli...i still can't get over how much justin burns looks like him sometimes, but i lust over this guy - for real. not justin, milo. just to clarify.
i stayed up until 3 chatting with arthur on msn...until he had to go to school over there in sheffield. i love that boy, but he needs to realize i'm a lost cause. despite his valiant efforts, there is no chance of mending the broken shards of my mind and heart, all the linger in the wake of my life.
----
tuesday 9.30
today is the day. the glass passenger is finally out, and i did my best to keep up with the online explosion in response to its release. i love jm.org...and i have made some irreplacable friends on there. it is amazing how one group of artists can pull in so many people from different places and walks of life together so thoroughly. it is an online community of confidants and companions...and it goes without saying that our compassion for this music draws us all together. every now and then i feel extraordinarily old around a good number of them, but they don't treat me any differently for being an old woman, haha.
left the house around noon. grabbed a smoothie at sonic and then met up with kevin, who followed me downtown to true blue. when we got down there, the parking was crazy and both lots under the overpass were completely full, which was strange. kevin got lucky and found somebody leaving, and parked over there, then hopped in the car with me and we drove over to a lot off 8th to park. went and paid for the parking, and for some reason the concept of putting money into a drop box was a foreign concept to kevin. it is really quite common...but apparently he doesn't park downtown that often.
mike was already there when we got there, and had some print outs of fonts to choose from. we decided not to go with some completely over the top typewriter font, but something clean and round. our biggest argument was on spacing and alignment. the two lines aren't equal so the issue was whether to center, condense/expand, or left align them. ultimately, we settled on centering, and as he was getting the stencil ready i decided to add some eighth notes to fill in the gaps at either end of the top line.
let me take this moment to say that the kind of tattoo someone picks tells you a lot about a person. i have had enough work done to see a good number of people come in and consult with various artists about the tattoos they want...and certain kinds of people always go for certain types of tattoos. it can be really revealing, to say the least.
this piece was particularly painful, and the last hour or so absolutely killed me. the first two hours were exceedingly awkward, seeing as how kevin was there and really did not say a word. apparently the fact that i didn't cry or visibly react to the process was surprising to him, and i think the only time he actually said anything was when he asked, "doesn't that hurt?" as if i was acting otherwise.
after a while, i found my center, like always, and it was extremely zen. i actually almost fell asleep for a while. certain parts were difficult just because i am extremely ticklish, but other parts were so easy...i swear, if i couldn't hear the needle vibrating i would have sworn it wasn't touch my body. i even twisted to watch for a while because i couldn't believe that i was really being tattooed.
the further up the work was, however, the harder it was to tell exactly how far the progress was. just like forearm game where it is next to impossible to tell the bend of your elbow from halfway down your forearm just by touch, not sight, it was impossible for me to tell the middle of my ribcage to the top.
i came home, took a nap. woke up, downloaded doris day but didn't get around to listening to it forever. the synth really reminds me of something, but i can't quite place it. i finally took some pictures of my old tattoo, along with my new tattoo, and posted them here and a couple other places. the response was really good, and despite my undying love for them, it is nice to know that others find them as beautiful as i do.
took a shower, cleaned it for the first time...and lord did it burn. i thought i must have accidentally had some shampoo on my hands or my normal body wash had gotten onto it, but really, it was just how sensitive that part of my body was. it burnt for five minutes straight, and no combination of hot or cold could really alleviate the excrutiating fire raging down my side.
my skin is still crisp from my fresh sunburn, and my eyes are still dry from their exhaustive exposure to dust and the elements. i did not receive my physical copy of the glass passenger, so my park plan and further exposure to the elements will have to wait. i want to listen to the album again, start to finish with the proper tracklisting with a set of virgin ears. i can't wait.
i was also supposed to get my new phone today, but it did not come in. the mail seems so unreliable. in a simliar vein, all of my mail that is being forwarded from school is being hand-addressed. how ridiculous is that? sometimes millsaps can be so illogical.
the economy is scaring the shit out of me at the moment. as mike, my artist so eloquently put it - heads should roll. this country can be so...ignorant, and i wish it were possible to just talk sense to all of the millions who do not have a clue.
my computer is literally dying, and there is a shrill, piercing buzz that rings in my ears every time i have it going. i am surprised it has lasted this long. there is also next to no virtual memory so it is hard to be patient while my computer puts every effort into the simplest of functions.
i talked to kent for a while, about seeing janet, going to south by southwest, etc. apparently onge and kent will be at voodoo for a last hoorah...i will have to see if i can work it in somehow.
watched csi miami, fringe, and house. i remember when i wanted to be a crime scene investigator...thats what my high school biotechnology class did to me. i can still geek out and talk to you about how much i loved that class, but i know that i was not meant to spend the rest ofmy life in a lab.
i talked to michelle on msn for a long time. i feel so old sometimes...but still so young. i am caught at the crossroads of adulthood, but still no respect. i can't wait for the ambiguity to end, but i also know that one arbitrary date will not change this in a blink of an eye....which is how it plays out in my mind.
my sister left the n on tv...and as i was reading, i swear i thought i was hallucinating. maybe it was a lucid dream? no, i was awake. get ready, off of jonezetta's last record popularity, was on the commercial for degrassi. apparently i was really late realizing this, since the commercial had been out for a long time, but it was still a really strange moment.
left the house around noon. grabbed a smoothie at sonic and then met up with kevin, who followed me downtown to true blue. when we got down there, the parking was crazy and both lots under the overpass were completely full, which was strange. kevin got lucky and found somebody leaving, and parked over there, then hopped in the car with me and we drove over to a lot off 8th to park. went and paid for the parking, and for some reason the concept of putting money into a drop box was a foreign concept to kevin. it is really quite common...but apparently he doesn't park downtown that often.
mike was already there when we got there, and had some print outs of fonts to choose from. we decided not to go with some completely over the top typewriter font, but something clean and round. our biggest argument was on spacing and alignment. the two lines aren't equal so the issue was whether to center, condense/expand, or left align them. ultimately, we settled on centering, and as he was getting the stencil ready i decided to add some eighth notes to fill in the gaps at either end of the top line.
let me take this moment to say that the kind of tattoo someone picks tells you a lot about a person. i have had enough work done to see a good number of people come in and consult with various artists about the tattoos they want...and certain kinds of people always go for certain types of tattoos. it can be really revealing, to say the least.
this piece was particularly painful, and the last hour or so absolutely killed me. the first two hours were exceedingly awkward, seeing as how kevin was there and really did not say a word. apparently the fact that i didn't cry or visibly react to the process was surprising to him, and i think the only time he actually said anything was when he asked, "doesn't that hurt?" as if i was acting otherwise.
after a while, i found my center, like always, and it was extremely zen. i actually almost fell asleep for a while. certain parts were difficult just because i am extremely ticklish, but other parts were so easy...i swear, if i couldn't hear the needle vibrating i would have sworn it wasn't touch my body. i even twisted to watch for a while because i couldn't believe that i was really being tattooed.
the further up the work was, however, the harder it was to tell exactly how far the progress was. just like forearm game where it is next to impossible to tell the bend of your elbow from halfway down your forearm just by touch, not sight, it was impossible for me to tell the middle of my ribcage to the top.
i came home, took a nap. woke up, downloaded doris day but didn't get around to listening to it forever. the synth really reminds me of something, but i can't quite place it. i finally took some pictures of my old tattoo, along with my new tattoo, and posted them here and a couple other places. the response was really good, and despite my undying love for them, it is nice to know that others find them as beautiful as i do.
took a shower, cleaned it for the first time...and lord did it burn. i thought i must have accidentally had some shampoo on my hands or my normal body wash had gotten onto it, but really, it was just how sensitive that part of my body was. it burnt for five minutes straight, and no combination of hot or cold could really alleviate the excrutiating fire raging down my side.
my skin is still crisp from my fresh sunburn, and my eyes are still dry from their exhaustive exposure to dust and the elements. i did not receive my physical copy of the glass passenger, so my park plan and further exposure to the elements will have to wait. i want to listen to the album again, start to finish with the proper tracklisting with a set of virgin ears. i can't wait.
i was also supposed to get my new phone today, but it did not come in. the mail seems so unreliable. in a simliar vein, all of my mail that is being forwarded from school is being hand-addressed. how ridiculous is that? sometimes millsaps can be so illogical.
the economy is scaring the shit out of me at the moment. as mike, my artist so eloquently put it - heads should roll. this country can be so...ignorant, and i wish it were possible to just talk sense to all of the millions who do not have a clue.
my computer is literally dying, and there is a shrill, piercing buzz that rings in my ears every time i have it going. i am surprised it has lasted this long. there is also next to no virtual memory so it is hard to be patient while my computer puts every effort into the simplest of functions.
i talked to kent for a while, about seeing janet, going to south by southwest, etc. apparently onge and kent will be at voodoo for a last hoorah...i will have to see if i can work it in somehow.
watched csi miami, fringe, and house. i remember when i wanted to be a crime scene investigator...thats what my high school biotechnology class did to me. i can still geek out and talk to you about how much i loved that class, but i know that i was not meant to spend the rest ofmy life in a lab.
i talked to michelle on msn for a long time. i feel so old sometimes...but still so young. i am caught at the crossroads of adulthood, but still no respect. i can't wait for the ambiguity to end, but i also know that one arbitrary date will not change this in a blink of an eye....which is how it plays out in my mind.
my sister left the n on tv...and as i was reading, i swear i thought i was hallucinating. maybe it was a lucid dream? no, i was awake. get ready, off of jonezetta's last record popularity, was on the commercial for degrassi. apparently i was really late realizing this, since the commercial had been out for a long time, but it was still a really strange moment.
----
wednesday 10.1
talked to kevin for a while, until the wee hours of the morning, while he was at work. i also talked to arthur again. i wish i could give something back to him for all of the compassion that he shows to me...but there isn't. hopefully he will find happiness, like he deserves.
apparently orphans was on one tree hill. not that i watch one tree hill....but i love orphans. and it makes me think of my sam...who i miss dearly.
went to lunch at jason's deli with my mom and dad, and put a good dent in new moon. i was finally picking up the momentum to finish the book, so we stopped by wal-mart on the way home to pick up eclipse. they were sold out of it, however, and i was not about to go out of my way to pick it up elsewhere. we got some groceries, cut the blank chili's/st. jude key so that i had my own working house key again, and headed home.
read for a bit at home, updated blog and tried to get through the dense work of recounting austin city limits. i was about to fall asleep, so i decided to take the dogs for a walk instead. i have four dogs, if you didn't know, so it is impossible to walk them all at once. so, two rounds of walking later, i had taken all of them. i just walked block after block with the puppies, listening to the across the universe soundtrack on my zen...until it froze.
the wireless on my computer started acting up when i got back, so it was next to impossible to keep working on my blog. there isn't exactly a hard line to connect to in my house, and the wireless router was being stupid, so that was the source of a great bit of frustration. just another sign that my computer is reaching the end of it's life...because apparently my computer turned out to be the source of the problems, not the router.
went to get coffee for myself and jess before work, and talked to kevin for a bit. apparently he knows this girl brittany, who i used to work with at old navy, because she was in front of me in line a couple of people and they bantered a bit. apparently kevin is blowing off her attempts to hang out. really trustworthy, eh?
jess wasn't feeling well and had wanted me to cover her shift, but unfortunately i was already scheduled for that night, so she had to come in anyway. the night absolutely flew by, and some friend of sara was one of our last customers. he was really cute, and completely fits my type. it is nice to see that guys i desire exist, besides the ones i had and couldn't keep.
kaitlin stopped by we chatted for a while. that girl is too damn cute for her own good, and i'm sure all of her guy issues will resolve themselves soon enough. shawn took forever getting back form his last delivery, and we couldn't close up until he got back. kaitlin, jess, and myself were going to hit up starbucks once we closed, but between shawn's lethargic behavior and the register being short, we didn't finish until 10. jess and i weren't ready to go home, but kaitlin had a curfew, so she had to head back. i called kevin to get him to join jess and i to kasbah, and then waited for big josh to finish closing at randalls. we ended up taking separate cars so that i could leave early, which turned out to be a waste.
i had a nice heart to heart with josh, and i realized that i have much more in common with him than with kevin. actually articulating my hesitance and misgivings about kevin was cathartic, and i really figured things out in that ride. listened to at the drive-in for the first time in a long time, and was in a great mood getting to kasbah.
there were a ton of people out on the porch, even more than normal. i had a great time, particularly with this girl tricia who i met. we shared the couch with her, and she was sarcastic, funny, and witty as hell. we really got along well, and it was nice to have a strong female dynamic instead of being completely overrun by testosterone and douche bag-ness like it usually is. i texted kyle and cody for a while...and i had a smile on my face for a good deal of the night. shisha always makes me really lightheaded, and i was feeling great. i ended up staying until they closed, despite promising myself i would leave by 1, just because i was enjoying myself that much. i also love hanging out with jess...i'm going to legitimately miss her once i go back to school.
apparently orphans was on one tree hill. not that i watch one tree hill....but i love orphans. and it makes me think of my sam...who i miss dearly.
went to lunch at jason's deli with my mom and dad, and put a good dent in new moon. i was finally picking up the momentum to finish the book, so we stopped by wal-mart on the way home to pick up eclipse. they were sold out of it, however, and i was not about to go out of my way to pick it up elsewhere. we got some groceries, cut the blank chili's/st. jude key so that i had my own working house key again, and headed home.
read for a bit at home, updated blog and tried to get through the dense work of recounting austin city limits. i was about to fall asleep, so i decided to take the dogs for a walk instead. i have four dogs, if you didn't know, so it is impossible to walk them all at once. so, two rounds of walking later, i had taken all of them. i just walked block after block with the puppies, listening to the across the universe soundtrack on my zen...until it froze.
the wireless on my computer started acting up when i got back, so it was next to impossible to keep working on my blog. there isn't exactly a hard line to connect to in my house, and the wireless router was being stupid, so that was the source of a great bit of frustration. just another sign that my computer is reaching the end of it's life...because apparently my computer turned out to be the source of the problems, not the router.
went to get coffee for myself and jess before work, and talked to kevin for a bit. apparently he knows this girl brittany, who i used to work with at old navy, because she was in front of me in line a couple of people and they bantered a bit. apparently kevin is blowing off her attempts to hang out. really trustworthy, eh?
jess wasn't feeling well and had wanted me to cover her shift, but unfortunately i was already scheduled for that night, so she had to come in anyway. the night absolutely flew by, and some friend of sara was one of our last customers. he was really cute, and completely fits my type. it is nice to see that guys i desire exist, besides the ones i had and couldn't keep.
kaitlin stopped by we chatted for a while. that girl is too damn cute for her own good, and i'm sure all of her guy issues will resolve themselves soon enough. shawn took forever getting back form his last delivery, and we couldn't close up until he got back. kaitlin, jess, and myself were going to hit up starbucks once we closed, but between shawn's lethargic behavior and the register being short, we didn't finish until 10. jess and i weren't ready to go home, but kaitlin had a curfew, so she had to head back. i called kevin to get him to join jess and i to kasbah, and then waited for big josh to finish closing at randalls. we ended up taking separate cars so that i could leave early, which turned out to be a waste.
i had a nice heart to heart with josh, and i realized that i have much more in common with him than with kevin. actually articulating my hesitance and misgivings about kevin was cathartic, and i really figured things out in that ride. listened to at the drive-in for the first time in a long time, and was in a great mood getting to kasbah.
there were a ton of people out on the porch, even more than normal. i had a great time, particularly with this girl tricia who i met. we shared the couch with her, and she was sarcastic, funny, and witty as hell. we really got along well, and it was nice to have a strong female dynamic instead of being completely overrun by testosterone and douche bag-ness like it usually is. i texted kyle and cody for a while...and i had a smile on my face for a good deal of the night. shisha always makes me really lightheaded, and i was feeling great. i ended up staying until they closed, despite promising myself i would leave by 1, just because i was enjoying myself that much. i also love hanging out with jess...i'm going to legitimately miss her once i go back to school.
thursday 10.2
i worked from 1030 to 5 and it was extraordinarily slow. some days hot wok feels like torture.
watched supernatural and then pushing daisies. it was my first time seeing pushing daisies, and the show in its entirety is just as visually captivating as the commercials make it out to be. it is such a fairy tale and the color and composition of the set is absolutely breathtaking and arresting. jack's played on jay leno and then ben folds on conan. good performances all and all.
i tried to fix my computer, but it completely died. i asked my dad to look at it, but of course he put it off. i started to use my mom's laptop, which was frustrating, but i wasn't really left with much choice. my computer won't even turn on, so i am shit out of luck for the time being.
----
friday 10.3
i finished reading new moon while attempting to go to sleep and failing miserably. it is hard for me to read about love, even in something as fantastical and unrealistic as the twilight series. there is twinge of regret and pain stabbing through my very being every time i see the word or read about someone else's happiness.
i have an increasing anxiety thinking about school and my incompletes...and i am terrified yet exhilarated thinking about it.
i had a really hard time getting out of bed, mostly because of my late night reading session. went and had lunch at the chick-fil-a at the mall with my mom and dad, and then went to go see blindness.
i was so excited about that movie...and it completely lived up to my expectations. it was visually arresting and deeply moving. it is terrifying to think about what people, as a group not as individuals, are capable of, and this movie really captured some of the worst of humanity in a very believable way.
went to wolf camera to pick up a new lens cover for my rebel...i managed to lose it on sunday, and i was terrified of scratching the lense. they didn't have an covers the right size though, so we ordered a couple of spares. in the meantime i picked up a filter so that if it gets scratched, its just $30 worth of damage, not several hundred.
i was scheduled to work from 530 to 830 to cashier during the rush, but it did not get as busy as it was supposed to. i left at 730 when we had no more customers.
came home and talked to .org people all night. i am really happy for arthur...this is just what i wanted for him, but it kind of cements the idea in my head that i will never find someone. if someone can so serendipitously walk into arthur's life...but not mine, it seems a bit pointless.
i have an increasing anxiety thinking about school and my incompletes...and i am terrified yet exhilarated thinking about it.
i had a really hard time getting out of bed, mostly because of my late night reading session. went and had lunch at the chick-fil-a at the mall with my mom and dad, and then went to go see blindness.
i was so excited about that movie...and it completely lived up to my expectations. it was visually arresting and deeply moving. it is terrifying to think about what people, as a group not as individuals, are capable of, and this movie really captured some of the worst of humanity in a very believable way.
went to wolf camera to pick up a new lens cover for my rebel...i managed to lose it on sunday, and i was terrified of scratching the lense. they didn't have an covers the right size though, so we ordered a couple of spares. in the meantime i picked up a filter so that if it gets scratched, its just $30 worth of damage, not several hundred.
i was scheduled to work from 530 to 830 to cashier during the rush, but it did not get as busy as it was supposed to. i left at 730 when we had no more customers.
came home and talked to .org people all night. i am really happy for arthur...this is just what i wanted for him, but it kind of cements the idea in my head that i will never find someone. if someone can so serendipitously walk into arthur's life...but not mine, it seems a bit pointless.
----
saturday 10.4work from 1030 to 5. during my shift kaitlin texted me and asked if i could work sunday morning for her since she wouldn't be getting in my boa arlington until 3 or 4 in the morning, and since i did not have any definitive plans i said i could do it. i really did not want to...but there was really no reason for me not to.
chris called mid-afternoon to let me know that uncle david wasn't able to go to the carlos mencia show in san antonio that he had bought tickets for. he and his roommate were already planning on going, and he offered to meet up with me when i got off work. i ducked out of work a few minutes early, gave some money to chris to go grab us some coffee, and then ran home to change out of my clothes that reeked of chinese food.
the show went on for an eternity, and i did not think it would ever end. he had four opening acts, and then went on for two and a half hours instead of the forty five he was scheduled for. the humor was particularly awkward with the company and it was really not my style or in line with my sensibilities. it was cool to actually go to a big comedy show, but like i said, not really my thing.
i talked to jim on the drive home, which was nice. sometimes i wonder if that kid is even alive, but he talks to me whenever it is convenient for him. same old jim. oh, and alex texted me early in the afternoon to let me know that he would be passing through on thursday. sarah won't be able to come since she is headed to new orleans for katie's bacholerette party, which is a drag.
blake was also texting me a lot, which is kind of awkward considering he is my brother's roommate. he is really funny and cool though. went to sleep texting, and ended up sleeping through some interesting stuff. oh well....it happens. i was so exhausted...it was definitely the longest time (consequetively) that i had spent awake in a long time.
sunday 10.5chris called mid-afternoon to let me know that uncle david wasn't able to go to the carlos mencia show in san antonio that he had bought tickets for. he and his roommate were already planning on going, and he offered to meet up with me when i got off work. i ducked out of work a few minutes early, gave some money to chris to go grab us some coffee, and then ran home to change out of my clothes that reeked of chinese food.
the show went on for an eternity, and i did not think it would ever end. he had four opening acts, and then went on for two and a half hours instead of the forty five he was scheduled for. the humor was particularly awkward with the company and it was really not my style or in line with my sensibilities. it was cool to actually go to a big comedy show, but like i said, not really my thing.
i talked to jim on the drive home, which was nice. sometimes i wonder if that kid is even alive, but he talks to me whenever it is convenient for him. same old jim. oh, and alex texted me early in the afternoon to let me know that he would be passing through on thursday. sarah won't be able to come since she is headed to new orleans for katie's bacholerette party, which is a drag.
blake was also texting me a lot, which is kind of awkward considering he is my brother's roommate. he is really funny and cool though. went to sleep texting, and ended up sleeping through some interesting stuff. oh well....it happens. i was so exhausted...it was definitely the longest time (consequetively) that i had spent awake in a long time.
----
went to work from 1030 to 300. kevin and i arent talking at all now...i told him i didnt want to be in a relationship, and that wasn't okay with him. i guess he isn't mature enough to talk to me if he isn't going to get what he wants, but whatever. just more proof that i do not want to be with him...or anyone like him. my brother brought me coffee mid-morning, which was awesome. kevin came in, but we were really busy so i didn't chat with him at all. cory and i had some good conversation though
called my mom to let her know i got off work, and my family was just sitting down for lunch at chili's - so i headed over to join. my dad let me know that he had looked at my computer, and that he would have to send it off to get fixed. i realllllly need a new computer. i guess i'm stuck using my mom's until at least saturday though. my dad left for st. louis, which i did not know about until he headed for the airport after lunch. i came back and read some ayn rand and took a nap. lots of texting, internet, and the like. some stimulating conversation ended the night and i fell asleep smiling.
called my mom to let her know i got off work, and my family was just sitting down for lunch at chili's - so i headed over to join. my dad let me know that he had looked at my computer, and that he would have to send it off to get fixed. i realllllly need a new computer. i guess i'm stuck using my mom's until at least saturday though. my dad left for st. louis, which i did not know about until he headed for the airport after lunch. i came back and read some ayn rand and took a nap. lots of texting, internet, and the like. some stimulating conversation ended the night and i fell asleep smiling.
----
monday 10.6
went to work from 1030 to 5...it is really starting to feel like the daily grind. nothing eventful happened. came home and didn't really have anything to watch on tv. since kxan went off the air on time warner, all of the channels have been kind of messed up. i watched casper though, for the first time in ages. it feels like eternity ago when that movie came out.
spent the whole night on the computer...chatting with .org people and the like. ended up facing down a hugeeee mind fuck. i talked to jeff for the first time and he is cool as shit. we had some really interesting conversation, and i love his company. we definitely hit it off. let's just say that the internet got a lot more interesting for me. ironically, he is from st. louis which is just where my dad went for work.
took a nap, and then went down to kasbah to meet up with kyle. austin was supposed to join but ended up staying at the dorm and doing homework. then kyle's friend sean came, but he was really quiet. kirt ended up joining us and we talked about tattoos for a long time. sean left and then the three of us had some good conversation. kirt had the night off, so we just waited for zoe and nick to show up and then headed back to kirt's place to smoke and chill. it started raining and the sound was beautiful. we just chilled and listened to music for a while and listened to the rain, which was really relaxing. a bit of discussion about piercings and horoscopes and i really enjoyed the company.
kyle and i left around 3, and the roads were so slick on the way back. luckily, it had stopped raining, so no visibility issues driving back. picked up whataburger on the way back and called it a night. good day overall though - a bit more eventful than i had been expecting.
spent the whole night on the computer...chatting with .org people and the like. ended up facing down a hugeeee mind fuck. i talked to jeff for the first time and he is cool as shit. we had some really interesting conversation, and i love his company. we definitely hit it off. let's just say that the internet got a lot more interesting for me. ironically, he is from st. louis which is just where my dad went for work.
took a nap, and then went down to kasbah to meet up with kyle. austin was supposed to join but ended up staying at the dorm and doing homework. then kyle's friend sean came, but he was really quiet. kirt ended up joining us and we talked about tattoos for a long time. sean left and then the three of us had some good conversation. kirt had the night off, so we just waited for zoe and nick to show up and then headed back to kirt's place to smoke and chill. it started raining and the sound was beautiful. we just chilled and listened to music for a while and listened to the rain, which was really relaxing. a bit of discussion about piercings and horoscopes and i really enjoyed the company.
kyle and i left around 3, and the roads were so slick on the way back. luckily, it had stopped raining, so no visibility issues driving back. picked up whataburger on the way back and called it a night. good day overall though - a bit more eventful than i had been expecting.
----
tuesday 10.7
took the dogs for a walk and listened to the glass passenger. i broke the promise i had made to myself to wait until i had the physical copy...because it has still been a week and not one of my three pre-orders is here. hopefully they will be in within the next week or so, but it is pointless to torture myself in anticipation, so i listened to the digital download on my zen.
fell asleep trying to watch heroes online, and woke up around 630. my mom went to the booster meeting at the high school and left me money to buy dinner for myself and sarah. then ian called and needed a ride, it was some kind of disconnect. went and picked up some food at bush's chicken, came home and enjoyed dinner with sarah and ian. actually watched heroes from start to end, and then some episodes of 30 rock.
went to get coffee at starbucks for the four of us that were home, and came back to more episodes of 30 rock and life. i really should have watched the debate...but i wasn't in the mood for it at all. then updated the blog which has led me up until now...5 am. am now i am caught up, finally. woohoo :)
i'm not looking for forgiveness
i'm excited about this movie -
...oh, and i'm also in love with gael garcia bernal. this trailer was before blindess...so not two completely unrelated thoughts.
if you'd just trust in me, you know i trust you.
recap? i'm back in austin. i've withdrawn from school from the semester. surgery a week from today. i'm ready...for the breakdown. i will fill in with more details but not at this exact moment. here's a rough outline of my life, a swift arc through the past two-three weeks of my life. i feel my strength coming back with every day i'm away from my meds.
july 31st - 2nd day in birmingham. wait for sam to get off work. drive around. go get pizza with chris. go to this cool record store. chris and sam find some amazing records at check-out. go to the india shoppe and piece shopping. go over to mitch's to drink. apples to apples. drinking with jesus. purp. vinyl. beer. good conversation. sigur ros cd. sam and i bail because she has to go to work. i text mitch and sam ends up bringing me back. awkward trying to stay awake with caleb, chris, and mitch listening to steely dan until i'm about to pass out. conversation about the spiritual meaning of my relapse. fate. how things happen for a reason, ie. invisible children. more awkwardness and more amazingness. more good music. top of the world. piercings, tattoos, soul, spirit. everything bared. ripped wide open, swept off my feet. looking into someones eyes and seeing myself. no sleep.
august 1st- sushi. coffee at barnes and noble. salvation army. sitting in lawn furniture trying to think of something to do. hot as balls.
august 2nd- sat at barnes and noble. iced tea and carmel frapp. two copies of ap, hm, blender, spin. analyzing every ad, article, opinion, picture, review. good, bad, in between. looked at a bunch of ayn rand, inspirational, and spiritual stuff. talked about narnia on the way to see prince caspian at the dollar theater. candid talk about being medicated, being sick. prince caspian was just as good the second time. shocked that he made a reference to the resemblance of the actor playing prince caspian and william beckett of the academy is. singing along to our worlds' divorce. lunch was at some mexican restaurant if i remember correctly. moved out of sams. show at cave 9. red dog alley cd release.
august 3rd- .picking up his guitar and playing along to the everglow. the dark knight. pizza. barnes and noble, shopping, while he is at work earlier that day. too tired to head over to coreys. no answer from sam. called it a night...kinda. very chill day.
august 4th- started requiem for a dream while napping. bad choice. planet smoothie. be here now. umphree's mcgee. starbucks. african red bush, mae, and a pad of paper. bought refills for my coach planner, underwear at victorias secret. i always imagined underwear shopping would be embarassing with a guy, but it is so much worse when all the clerks know the guy and not you. moe and the best smoothie of my life. sam and chris flake out on dinner. purple onion with corey and mitch. lots of conversation about greece, europop, and pop punk music. listen to driver f, we the kings, this providence. go back to mitchs to change for the party. bits and pieces of what comes next remain, but no clear picture. me changing into my swimsuit. him on the bed with his guitar. my anxiety about the ex coming in town. the one he told me he thought he was going to marry....the one i caused him to change his mind about. accusations thrown. tears. crying. the seriousness of the situation pressing down upon us. reality finally setting in.
august 5th- finish requiem for a dream after being released. slept through a lot of arguing apparently. moved back to sams until i was well enough to drive early the next morning.
august 6th- birmingham to memphis. bullshit with being on the list for jacks....dinner with grant.
tried to find tattoo parlor but failed.
august 7th- another failed attempt at getting my tattoo done. packing. dinner and beale with phoebe. paper route, phantom planet, jack's mannequin and paramore at mud island amphitheater. saw mandy, alex, and a bunch of phoebe's friends. sat next to some cool ass kids, who unfortunately had never heard of jack's. poop on them. they loved their set though, so right on. paramore put on a good show. swim instead of the resolution. synchronicity?
august 8th- packed in memphis, drove from memphis to jackson and then packed in jackson.
august 9th- drove from jackson to austin. got in town around....6. gotta love 600 miles of driving.
august 10th- the morning light. steel train. the cab. the hush sound.
august 11th- first day of work. cashier/server at hot wok cafe. ma li is the shit. sara trained me.
august 12th- second day of work. 10:30-2:30. 5:00-9:00. pineapple express with chris.
august 13th- day off. tropic thunder with chris and patrick. watched gladiator. in the land of women. hollywoodland.
august 14th- work from 10:30-2:30, 4:00-7:45. met up with kel and john. steiner for the first time in a long long time. mcdonalds. fnmtv on dvr.
august 15th- work today from noon to 7:30. was supposed to be 11:30-2:30 but missy called in sick so i got to cover the whole day basically.
"It's tragic," she says to me.
A song in the air, we're together floating.
What I miss everyday since our goodbye
was enough for me to realize.
Woah woah, I'm waiting for the breakdown.
Well, nothing feels good being under the gun.
Woah oh, I'm waiting for the breakdown.
Is it ever gonna come?"
A song in the air, we're together floating.
What I miss everyday since our goodbye
was enough for me to realize.
Woah woah, I'm waiting for the breakdown.
Well, nothing feels good being under the gun.
Woah oh, I'm waiting for the breakdown.
Is it ever gonna come?"
july 31st - 2nd day in birmingham. wait for sam to get off work. drive around. go get pizza with chris. go to this cool record store. chris and sam find some amazing records at check-out. go to the india shoppe and piece shopping. go over to mitch's to drink. apples to apples. drinking with jesus. purp. vinyl. beer. good conversation. sigur ros cd. sam and i bail because she has to go to work. i text mitch and sam ends up bringing me back. awkward trying to stay awake with caleb, chris, and mitch listening to steely dan until i'm about to pass out. conversation about the spiritual meaning of my relapse. fate. how things happen for a reason, ie. invisible children. more awkwardness and more amazingness. more good music. top of the world. piercings, tattoos, soul, spirit. everything bared. ripped wide open, swept off my feet. looking into someones eyes and seeing myself. no sleep.
august 1st- sushi. coffee at barnes and noble. salvation army. sitting in lawn furniture trying to think of something to do. hot as balls.
august 2nd- sat at barnes and noble. iced tea and carmel frapp. two copies of ap, hm, blender, spin. analyzing every ad, article, opinion, picture, review. good, bad, in between. looked at a bunch of ayn rand, inspirational, and spiritual stuff. talked about narnia on the way to see prince caspian at the dollar theater. candid talk about being medicated, being sick. prince caspian was just as good the second time. shocked that he made a reference to the resemblance of the actor playing prince caspian and william beckett of the academy is. singing along to our worlds' divorce. lunch was at some mexican restaurant if i remember correctly. moved out of sams. show at cave 9. red dog alley cd release.
august 3rd- .picking up his guitar and playing along to the everglow. the dark knight. pizza. barnes and noble, shopping, while he is at work earlier that day. too tired to head over to coreys. no answer from sam. called it a night...kinda. very chill day.
august 4th- started requiem for a dream while napping. bad choice. planet smoothie. be here now. umphree's mcgee. starbucks. african red bush, mae, and a pad of paper. bought refills for my coach planner, underwear at victorias secret. i always imagined underwear shopping would be embarassing with a guy, but it is so much worse when all the clerks know the guy and not you. moe and the best smoothie of my life. sam and chris flake out on dinner. purple onion with corey and mitch. lots of conversation about greece, europop, and pop punk music. listen to driver f, we the kings, this providence. go back to mitchs to change for the party. bits and pieces of what comes next remain, but no clear picture. me changing into my swimsuit. him on the bed with his guitar. my anxiety about the ex coming in town. the one he told me he thought he was going to marry....the one i caused him to change his mind about. accusations thrown. tears. crying. the seriousness of the situation pressing down upon us. reality finally setting in.
august 5th- finish requiem for a dream after being released. slept through a lot of arguing apparently. moved back to sams until i was well enough to drive early the next morning.
august 6th- birmingham to memphis. bullshit with being on the list for jacks....dinner with grant.
tried to find tattoo parlor but failed.
august 7th- another failed attempt at getting my tattoo done. packing. dinner and beale with phoebe. paper route, phantom planet, jack's mannequin and paramore at mud island amphitheater. saw mandy, alex, and a bunch of phoebe's friends. sat next to some cool ass kids, who unfortunately had never heard of jack's. poop on them. they loved their set though, so right on. paramore put on a good show. swim instead of the resolution. synchronicity?
august 8th- packed in memphis, drove from memphis to jackson and then packed in jackson.
august 9th- drove from jackson to austin. got in town around....6. gotta love 600 miles of driving.
august 10th- the morning light. steel train. the cab. the hush sound.
august 11th- first day of work. cashier/server at hot wok cafe. ma li is the shit. sara trained me.
august 12th- second day of work. 10:30-2:30. 5:00-9:00. pineapple express with chris.
august 13th- day off. tropic thunder with chris and patrick. watched gladiator. in the land of women. hollywoodland.
august 14th- work from 10:30-2:30, 4:00-7:45. met up with kel and john. steiner for the first time in a long long time. mcdonalds. fnmtv on dvr.
august 15th- work today from noon to 7:30. was supposed to be 11:30-2:30 but missy called in sick so i got to cover the whole day basically.
don't go wasting your emotion
" You've heard me saying that smoking was my only vice, but now it isn't true"
I forgot how much I loved ABBA as a child. At least Eurovision brought fame to one artist, Celine Dion aside, who is good for more than just a good laugh. As much as I love Kalomira and "Baila El ChickiChicki"....most Eurovision bands don't amount to much.
Well....I do like Boaz, Laka, and Sebastien Tellier for real, but you still get the picture.
I just saw Mamma Mia with my dad and my little sister, and it makes me uncomfortable to sit next to a twelve year old listening to/seeing all those sexual references. She will always be my baby sister to me, and I don't think I will ever be comfortable with that haha. The movie was cheesy, and over the top, and Pierce Brosnan should have just stood there and looked nice with his mouth closed, but I still left with a smile.
ABBA really does remind me of my childhood, and to quote This Providence -
"I miss the days when we were young, innocent, and so naive"
I waste too much time on lost causes. I get my hopes up too much. I'm not asking for anything impossible, I promise I'm not demanding - I just want a chance. My desire is simple, but I think I love beating myself down. Why do I want to know him so much? I really don't know if he could even care less.
I'm going back to Jackson in the morning, I don't know how long I'm going to stick around. I'm supposed to have a hair appointment on Wednesday (I'm going to do something crazy-ish like big blonde chunks or something) but I think I might push it back.
On that girlie note, I really need to get my nails filled. I keep getting solars to try and break my nervous habit of biting my nails, and well, because they look nice, but I have super-human nail growing abilities. My solars are halfway up my real nail now and I got them...not even three weeks ago. Imagine your fingernails getting half their length longer in under three weeks - that's just weird.
I feel like I'm finding my center a little more - maybe it's all the sleep and my I-don't-give-a-shit attitude at the moment, but it's nice. I just don't know how I feel about finding peace when faced with adversity - can I only find solace in my own self-destruction, be it conscious or be it uncontrollable? If so, that's a scary thought.
Oh, I was also disappointed in myself when I realized I know Mobile like the back of my hand...I shouldn't know my way around a town like this. I need a real place to call home, and soon.
P.S. - I changed my song on Myspace again, don't judge me. This song is popping up everywhere in commercials, ads, etc. and I don't know what it is but it just...strikes a chord in me, resonates. I don't like the Bravery, I don't like their music, and they are douche-y coke heads (okay, maybe not all of the members of the band, I was generalizing based on a few of their actions) but I love this song. So sue me.
i'm alone but i aint lonely, for a dreamer night's the only time of day
so nothing too interesting to update - this is my last night of internet access for a couple of days though, i'm about to head out to my family's beach house on dauphin island in the morning.
right now i'm in mobile, which isn't exactly ideal but i'll take what i can get. i left memphis wednesday morning, doctor, met up with rachel, took a 2.5 second nap in galloway. p.s. that construction is freaking annoying. glad i'm not on campus all summer - sorry to those of you who are. we got sal and mookie's take out for dinner after i picked her up from work, then we came back and watched an episode or two or weeds.
oh yeah, that's what i've done this week. watch tv online - all. week. tuesday i watched the entire season of dirty sexy money, because my mom of all people suggested i see it. wednesday, season one and half of season two of weeds. thursday, finished season two and halfway through season three. and then last night i caught up in season four. needless to say, i'm hooked. nancy is way too precious for her own good, i have a girl crush on her. oh, but way too much sex on that show though... just saying.
wednesday night i had dinner with phoebe at young avenue, and it was nice to spend some time with her - it had been way too long. however, we had our hopes up that some decent band was going to be playing since they showed up with legit merch and everything....not exactly what we were expecting, only to be disappointed. it was this random band that i had seen play at naca (all of you who know what naca is or have ever been....you should understand) which was kinda funny, but definitely not worth sitting through.
backtrack earlier that day. jager called me - talk about a blast from the past. my mom had actually mentioned him before we went to the warhol exhibit at the brooks and then just a few days later i get a call from him. it was only slightly suspect when he mentioned that he was single again, but we had a good heart to heart. we really did always get along well, and i truly think we are platonically drawn to one another - it was really good for life to come full circle like that at this particular juncture.
friday, i got the chance to sleep in, then headed over to the doctor for my biopsy with rach. i'm really glad she came with me - i'm not letting myself do this alone again. needless to say, rachel and i have now brought our friendship to a whole new level - but i wouldn't have it any other way (rachel, if you're reading this don't find that creepy. i mean, you saw me grow green for god's sake). i don't know what the deal was but i was about to fucking kick my doctor in the head because either she wasn't doing a good job or she was using bad instruments and kept taking bad samples. as much as i LOVE being awake while getting tissue samples cut out and all...three should be enough to deal with, but no. i must have done something to have such terrible karma, because an extra three or four samples is not something anyone deserves to go through.
oh, and liquid eyeliner is a bad choice when getting a biopsy. crying will ensue. i looked like an idiot. i'm also glad rach dealt with me being a big baby
we got coffee, picked up her car, and then my aunt came to pick me up and drive me down to mobile. we did some shopping today, but power outages were pretty annoying. i just got back from seeing x-files with my dad, i was uber disappointed. i mean...it was disturbing and all, but not what i was expecting at all.
i'm watching this documentary on the history channel about batman right now - and all i can do when i see christian bale is think of newsies. has anyone else ever seen this? i was obsessed with this musical from the day it came out. i can probably still quote it from beginning to end, and i still love it. starr, andy, and i used to watch it after school when we were supposed to be studying for latin in high school. so lame, i know, but i totally embrace it. btw, christian bale plays jack kelly, a runaway cowboy newsboy in turn of the century new york, with full dance and music numbers and a horrible new york accent. love it. check that shit out.
vs. 
well, dauphin island in the morning - let's hope all the peace holds out with this much of my family in one place at one time. btw - my sister is the sweetest and most adorable thing in the world.
right now i'm in mobile, which isn't exactly ideal but i'll take what i can get. i left memphis wednesday morning, doctor, met up with rachel, took a 2.5 second nap in galloway. p.s. that construction is freaking annoying. glad i'm not on campus all summer - sorry to those of you who are. we got sal and mookie's take out for dinner after i picked her up from work, then we came back and watched an episode or two or weeds.
oh yeah, that's what i've done this week. watch tv online - all. week. tuesday i watched the entire season of dirty sexy money, because my mom of all people suggested i see it. wednesday, season one and half of season two of weeds. thursday, finished season two and halfway through season three. and then last night i caught up in season four. needless to say, i'm hooked. nancy is way too precious for her own good, i have a girl crush on her. oh, but way too much sex on that show though... just saying.
wednesday night i had dinner with phoebe at young avenue, and it was nice to spend some time with her - it had been way too long. however, we had our hopes up that some decent band was going to be playing since they showed up with legit merch and everything....not exactly what we were expecting, only to be disappointed. it was this random band that i had seen play at naca (all of you who know what naca is or have ever been....you should understand) which was kinda funny, but definitely not worth sitting through.
backtrack earlier that day. jager called me - talk about a blast from the past. my mom had actually mentioned him before we went to the warhol exhibit at the brooks and then just a few days later i get a call from him. it was only slightly suspect when he mentioned that he was single again, but we had a good heart to heart. we really did always get along well, and i truly think we are platonically drawn to one another - it was really good for life to come full circle like that at this particular juncture.
friday, i got the chance to sleep in, then headed over to the doctor for my biopsy with rach. i'm really glad she came with me - i'm not letting myself do this alone again. needless to say, rachel and i have now brought our friendship to a whole new level - but i wouldn't have it any other way (rachel, if you're reading this don't find that creepy. i mean, you saw me grow green for god's sake). i don't know what the deal was but i was about to fucking kick my doctor in the head because either she wasn't doing a good job or she was using bad instruments and kept taking bad samples. as much as i LOVE being awake while getting tissue samples cut out and all...three should be enough to deal with, but no. i must have done something to have such terrible karma, because an extra three or four samples is not something anyone deserves to go through.
oh, and liquid eyeliner is a bad choice when getting a biopsy. crying will ensue. i looked like an idiot. i'm also glad rach dealt with me being a big baby
we got coffee, picked up her car, and then my aunt came to pick me up and drive me down to mobile. we did some shopping today, but power outages were pretty annoying. i just got back from seeing x-files with my dad, i was uber disappointed. i mean...it was disturbing and all, but not what i was expecting at all.
i'm watching this documentary on the history channel about batman right now - and all i can do when i see christian bale is think of newsies. has anyone else ever seen this? i was obsessed with this musical from the day it came out. i can probably still quote it from beginning to end, and i still love it. starr, andy, and i used to watch it after school when we were supposed to be studying for latin in high school. so lame, i know, but i totally embrace it. btw, christian bale plays jack kelly, a runaway cowboy newsboy in turn of the century new york, with full dance and music numbers and a horrible new york accent. love it. check that shit out.
vs. well, dauphin island in the morning - let's hope all the peace holds out with this much of my family in one place at one time. btw - my sister is the sweetest and most adorable thing in the world.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)