Showing posts with label art. Show all posts
Showing posts with label art. Show all posts
new twists
07.30.2010 - 07.31.2010
visingsö
so, my health is starting to weight on me more and more. i know it isn't good to dwell and i haven't really been fixated on it lately, partly because of my more imminent issues with my finger. i can't help but let it slowly slip back in my consciousness. maybe it is the bleak weather, the long days with nothing to do but face my own thoughts, but the fear is slowly seeping back in. i didn't receive my latest test results before i left, but the last thing that i want to see when i turn my phone back on is a voicemail telling me that i have to come back for the next battery of tests. i already postponed surgery in january, so this is really all dramatic tension leading up to the inevitable. i just don't really care about this anymore - i'm never going to be healthy. i wish i could live a normal life, have my carefree twenties but i guess that is luxury that i won't be afforded. i don't think about the ramifications as much as before, what the future holds or more importantly, what futures aren't even possible. oh well, not the kind of thing i should be thinking about as i wait to load into the car and head out into the field. now it is time to face the bleakness of the landscape instead of the dull gray of the uncertain future.
hans went into the forest with tom, gisela, and katie, while mike went back to the tage karlsson fields with myself and tina. i thought it was going to be a long day of high winds, but the winds kept shifting and started to bring in rain from the impending clouds. the wind would shift, then back again and we were able to prolong the inevitable return to the car. headed back around 11:45 and hung out at the big house, waiting for the other team to arrive. i didn't want to go back to the cottage because the details were a bit fuzzy about what the rest of the day would hold. had a veggie burger - i don't think i have ever eaten veggie burgers this frequently in my life. at ten til one, we found out that we should have already left to go meet up with a GPR specialist who was visiting from the jönköping museum. drove down to the harbor and followed he and klaus to the russian graveyard. klaus and his family joined - they are bit odd. they went around picking up frogs and mushrooms, but they did afford me at least one funny photo in the process.
apparently, russian and polish prisoners of war were held on the island at the brahe castle by the harbor and then buried at this graveyard in the forest and now the russian government wants to know how many russians died. last year was some kind of anniversary and the russian government came in and symbolifcally covered the graves with soil from "the motherland" and now they want some kind of scientific proof of the history and extent of those who were held and died on the island. after the graveyard, they brought to the gpr to the st. laurenti chapel to see if the structure extends beyond the excavated chapel and if any graves are in the vicinity. after that, tome drove us to the brahekyrkan - a gaudy, baroque church, complete with the brahe crest on the outside of the church and a family tree inside. nothing like trying to buy your salvation, huh?
i was intrigued by the strange bell tower, so mike and i walked across the cemetery to see it while we waited for katie to emerge from the 'beauty' of the brahe church. i am becoming increasingly intrigued by the scandanavian variations of latin - i'll have to find that article i saw on jstor to learn a few of the differences.
visingsö
so, my health is starting to weight on me more and more. i know it isn't good to dwell and i haven't really been fixated on it lately, partly because of my more imminent issues with my finger. i can't help but let it slowly slip back in my consciousness. maybe it is the bleak weather, the long days with nothing to do but face my own thoughts, but the fear is slowly seeping back in. i didn't receive my latest test results before i left, but the last thing that i want to see when i turn my phone back on is a voicemail telling me that i have to come back for the next battery of tests. i already postponed surgery in january, so this is really all dramatic tension leading up to the inevitable. i just don't really care about this anymore - i'm never going to be healthy. i wish i could live a normal life, have my carefree twenties but i guess that is luxury that i won't be afforded. i don't think about the ramifications as much as before, what the future holds or more importantly, what futures aren't even possible. oh well, not the kind of thing i should be thinking about as i wait to load into the car and head out into the field. now it is time to face the bleakness of the landscape instead of the dull gray of the uncertain future.
---
hans went into the forest with tom, gisela, and katie, while mike went back to the tage karlsson fields with myself and tina. i thought it was going to be a long day of high winds, but the winds kept shifting and started to bring in rain from the impending clouds. the wind would shift, then back again and we were able to prolong the inevitable return to the car. headed back around 11:45 and hung out at the big house, waiting for the other team to arrive. i didn't want to go back to the cottage because the details were a bit fuzzy about what the rest of the day would hold. had a veggie burger - i don't think i have ever eaten veggie burgers this frequently in my life. at ten til one, we found out that we should have already left to go meet up with a GPR specialist who was visiting from the jönköping museum. drove down to the harbor and followed he and klaus to the russian graveyard. klaus and his family joined - they are bit odd. they went around picking up frogs and mushrooms, but they did afford me at least one funny photo in the process.
apparently, russian and polish prisoners of war were held on the island at the brahe castle by the harbor and then buried at this graveyard in the forest and now the russian government wants to know how many russians died. last year was some kind of anniversary and the russian government came in and symbolifcally covered the graves with soil from "the motherland" and now they want some kind of scientific proof of the history and extent of those who were held and died on the island. after the graveyard, they brought to the gpr to the st. laurenti chapel to see if the structure extends beyond the excavated chapel and if any graves are in the vicinity. after that, tome drove us to the brahekyrkan - a gaudy, baroque church, complete with the brahe crest on the outside of the church and a family tree inside. nothing like trying to buy your salvation, huh?
i was intrigued by the strange bell tower, so mike and i walked across the cemetery to see it while we waited for katie to emerge from the 'beauty' of the brahe church. i am becoming increasingly intrigued by the scandanavian variations of latin - i'll have to find that article i saw on jstor to learn a few of the differences.
after the church, we headed down to the castle near the harbor and explored, though the wind and near constant mist made it not as pleasant as i would have liked.
headed back around three and had a long break before the guys came over for dinner. i finally watched the mad men season premiere and started the first hour or so of inception - so good on both counts. betty is a dreadful human being, but i will be interested to see what the season holds. i didn't have enough time to finish inception, but maybe on monday or a future rain day. made falafel for everyone, traded more movies and music with hans and played half-remembered card games until 11:30. wine, gin, and some whiskey later, i was definitely a little drunk. we finally went upstairs, leaving the door open for jess, but i didn't hear her come in - we were both out cold. her alarm went off at 4:40, which woke me up but at least i knew that she made it in. woke up for good at eight, made eggs and talked with her a little - her short hair really makes me want to cut my hair again! i've come this far, though, so i should just keep growing it out...for now. i'm looking forward to getting bangs when i go home, though. went out into the field with jess, tina, and mike. tina paired me up to teach her how to sample and i was glad to have the chance to teach! it isn't that complicated, but i do love teaching just about anything. she learned really quickly and i'm glad she started on an easy field- hitting subsoil every sample on the first day should definitely be a confidence booster. we talked about how she grew up as a foreign service kid, about our boyfriends, about graduate schools...and then it got a little weird. i expressed confidence and certainty that i would be going even though i hadn't applied yet, and she snapped back, "why are you so sure?" i started to list off bullets from my CV and suddenly i become a braggart as a result of what was probably a defense mechanism or some other kind of impulse reaction. i felt bad and apologized if i came off as aloof, but it kind of unsettled me. split up into two teams after lunch and went with tina back to the far end of the field, while mike and jess went out into the petterson pasture. we talked about working in the music industry and about statements of purpose, ways to present yourself professionally. she found the earlier break in conversation a bit odd, too, but what can you do. i need the confidence, i need to know and make sure everyone knows i'm good enough to do this. tina has confidence in me, which is another little boost. i don't want to go to a place like michigan where i have to be reactionary, always on edge. i want a healthy, slightly competitive environment, not a survival of the fittest, cutthroat free-for-all. after the field, i took a shower, had my regular cheese and crackers, then cleaned up for the gallery talk over at persgarden.
roman ended up talking about 'the beauty in contemporary art,' not just rothko. he had some interesting personal insights about beuys and rothko, but once he turned from the first half of his presentation on the american school to their european contemporaries, including keifer and beuys, it got a bit depressing. we went down to the harbor for dinner after that and tried to invite jess, but she had gone out for a walk. there was an american cover band playing at the pizza place, so we just sat by the harbor listening to out of tune, slurred english coveres, eating margherita pizza and drinking mariastad's. we walked back to the house along the coast, which was beautiful. there is something so enchanting about walking in the woods in perfect silence, an eerie scandanavian dusk looming through the breaks in the canopy you.
we bought ice cream before the walk since it was going to take about an hour - i got knäck and brownie glass (ice cream), both of which were delicious. i'm still not quite sure what knäck is, but i sure did enjoy it. came back and checked my e-mail - the contact is coming slower and slower now and it has been about a week since i talked to my family for more than a few minutes. i feel a little bad that i missed ian's birthday but was there fore chris', but at least i got in touch with him briefly. talked to billy for about ten minutes, but i was falling asleep with my eyes open so i called it a night. i'm glad to have had something do outside of the house for a change, but it sure did do a number on my energy level. i'll be glad to have jess stick around in the house - it is a little bit more crowded, but maybe i will actually manage to have some time on my own. katie doesn't have a lot to do and gets a little bit moppy if i'm doing things on my own when she is bored, so maybe having someone else to talk to will enable me to take advantage of more introspective time.
burdens
07.29.2010
visingsö
another rainy day, another update. today tina tried to make katie do more data entry than hans and i since we did almost all of it ourselves last time around, but somehow she still managed to do just barely as much as everyone else. she is a really sweet girl, but her work ethic is going to kill me. talked to nez about art - apparently he grew up with de kooning's daughter in east new york back in the 70s. i mean, holy shit. i went on about my contradictory draw to extremely formal and extremely abstract art and he told me that someone is going to be giving a talk on rothko this weekend on the island! perfection. he said he finds rothko depressing, which i kind of understand - the passion and emotion of his warm palette can be extremely intense...the imperfection and the weight, a weight too great to really be held on a simple canvas. i kind of get it now that i think about it - i've always been drawn to the gravity of his work, but never really associated a particular emotion with my impressions - maybe that is just symptomatic of the perpetual weight i feel; it is never here nor there to assign an emotional value to an ever-present constant.
more lessons about grad school littered throughout the day, along with stories about millsaps past and present. it seems like everyone is colluding to make me an archaeologist...i think i just need to give it some time. i don't have that much time, but some long days of contemplating the advantages and disadvantages of both "separate" careers is in order. plus, i should i talk to mike. being a classical archaeologist would be hard, but if anyone could do it, it would be me. just thinking about summer after summer for the rest of my life being like this one makes me cringe. if anything i should pursue cultural anthropology, not archaeology. just because i am a bright, quick learner and hard worker doesn't mean that what i'm doing at the moment is my calling. i just need to find my place for me.
visingsö
another rainy day, another update. today tina tried to make katie do more data entry than hans and i since we did almost all of it ourselves last time around, but somehow she still managed to do just barely as much as everyone else. she is a really sweet girl, but her work ethic is going to kill me. talked to nez about art - apparently he grew up with de kooning's daughter in east new york back in the 70s. i mean, holy shit. i went on about my contradictory draw to extremely formal and extremely abstract art and he told me that someone is going to be giving a talk on rothko this weekend on the island! perfection. he said he finds rothko depressing, which i kind of understand - the passion and emotion of his warm palette can be extremely intense...the imperfection and the weight, a weight too great to really be held on a simple canvas. i kind of get it now that i think about it - i've always been drawn to the gravity of his work, but never really associated a particular emotion with my impressions - maybe that is just symptomatic of the perpetual weight i feel; it is never here nor there to assign an emotional value to an ever-present constant.
close reading music
there is a project on campus that is led by the philosophy department called hooks, where they ask for submissions about why songs/literature/movies/art are compelling, and why you find a particular work compelling. some cool examples from the past? the vocal line in "twist and shout" or the bass line in "i will possess your heart." i am more of a "big picture" kind of person, which is reflected in what i talk about (i think). these are the hooks that i wrote last night. download links in the titles, and videos at the end. if you haven't heard the song before or aren't very familiar with it, i suggest listening to the song, reading, and then listening again.
A simple ethereal vocal line drifts in alongside the tentatively slurring guitar line, setting the stage. Isolated and mournful harmonies add to the somber tone that meanders before ultimately reaching the jarring full-band unison of the first chorus. The bottom suddenly drops out and the subsequent crescendo of the drums, halfway through the chorus, lends itself to the growing grief elicited from the reminiscent nature of the lyrics. The recurrent ebb and flow of volume, contrasting drastically between verse and chorus, mirrors the dynamic nature of the singer’s emotional response to the matter at hand. A false hope of resolution and finality occurs at the 2:45 mark, only to be followed by the most heart-wrenching thirty seconds of the song, the one exception to the lull of the troughs and peaks preceding it, with the only verse that maintains the same level of emotional anguish through to the raucous chorus. The grief hangs static over the full sound of the entire band, with vocals, spoken expression straining to be heard over the instrumental strife beneath.
Neutral Milk Hotel, “Holland, 1945”
The opening measures start out in a stereotypically rock and roll fashion, raspy voice counting off “two, one, two, three, four” over a metrically driven instrumental line. With abrupt lyrical phrases that do not necessarily match breaks in thought or expression, the first line is misleadingly turning the listener’s expectations on their heads. “The only I girl I ever loved,” despite expected genre-based conventions is not introducing a love song, as the listener would anticipate, but rather a grotesque scene where our subject is “born with roses in her eyes.” Though this line is still somewhat cryptic and could be construed as merely symbolic, the subsequent line “but then they buried her alive - one evening, 1945” removes any remaining doubt that the nature of the subject matter at hand is steeped in morbidity. The persistent muted trumpets add an element of frivolity in opposition to the severe, macabre imagery, thus creating a backdrop of flighty irreverence in response to the somber nature of the lyrical composition. This interplay of expectations and execution adds to the mounting discomfort that is instilled in the listener as the final measures are passed back and forth between voices. As the instrumental lines amble around a resolution, they finally grow into an almost imperceptibly off-kilter final chord, leaving the listener with a sense of unease.
a lot of strange videos came up with this song as the background, but i thought it was important to have a studio version of the song, not a live one, for reference.
Manchester Orchestra, “I Can Feel A Hot One”
Simple, repeating guitar progressions carry on beneath Andy Hull’s tenuous and hesitant voice, a voice which feels more spoken than it does contrived or produced. As the uncertainty in his words begins to clear and acceptance that “I’ll face the fact that I’m just fine” rises to the surface, the complexity of the composition parallels the increasing complexity of his interplaying emotions. As increasing levels of intricacy compound, different trains of thought existing alongside one another, the vocals begin to layer in over one another in harmony. The addition of sorrowful strings, a few stray hi-hats and the occasional drum pedal later, the composition blossoms into a complicated landscape of weaving vocals and increasing instrumental involvement out of what had started out as a simple dialogue. The lyrical styling offers a dimension of vulnerability that is often lost in studio renditions or that is found only in intimate, live performances. The candid nature of the song creates a sense that the listener is eavesdropping, as if listening in on someone’s private thoughts, full of inner dialogue that riddled with retrospective musings such as “[if] enough is never quite enough, what’s enough?” As realizations mount, harmonies become more adventurous before being shaken off in favor of a sing-along worthy final reprise, quelling all of the variances into simple, straightforward succession.
this embedding on this video is disabled, but it is worth seeing - so go watch!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5i01O0wMCr0
07.30.2009
København, Denmark
so, i have been really awful about updating...surprise, surprise. all that i'm doing today, however, is writing. well, at least until i meet up with mathilde and go to this farewell party tonight. im going to try and recount the nine days since i left the states, but im not sure how well im going to do. first day in amsterdam...coffeeshop (easy times) and then checked into the hostel to leave my bag. then i wandered around museumplein, went to the rijksmuseum (high) which was really disappointing and way too expensive for what it was, then i went to the van gogh museum, which was worth every penny. the steidlijk museum (aka the bath tub) is undergoing renovations, so they temporarily moved two avant-garde modern art exhibits to the van gogh museum, the twenties and the sixities, which i adored.
then i went back to the room for a nap, met stephen and then we went out for a drink. we got a pint in leidseplein, then richard met up with us (note:this part is all repetitive if you read the journal entry from amsterdam) and we decided to head to soundgarden since they were supposed to be showing a movie, which was a bust, but the bar was good. oh, and we went to maos for falafel. yum. met his finnish friends, who were a bit mean, and then we went ot this kind of seedy, dark club. i'm realizing how that i have already written about this. oh well. eventually stephan and i made it all the way back to the hostel, then i crashed hard. i woke up in time for breakfast, somehow, and stephen and i agreed to meet up for dinner after i got back. he had to meet up with his new landlord and start moving into his apartment in amsterdam, so this was the perfect opportunity to go exploring. i walked to centraal station, then out past the windmill, then back west through spuistraat and bit further north behind centraal station itself. it was nice to just walk around and try to absorb the city. oh, i also went into st. nicholaas and found a really cool flea market. i'm really glad i did it, but by the end of the day my feet were dead. i had taken some time to rest in vondelpark before i headed back to the hostel, then stephen and i went to a chinese restaurant and i have some amazing teriyaki tofu. then i came back and stephan went to meet richard.
i got back to the room and was coerced into going on a pub crawl in the red light district with mathilde and daniel, whom i had met briefly that morning, and then we subsequently convinced ben and dimitri to come along as well. we got dressed, walked over to the players club in the red light district, where the crawl started, and lo and behold michael was there by himself, who was also staying in our room in the hostel! it was one big party. we got free jager shots at every bar and club we went to, and there was always some kind of drink special. i told myself i was going to avoid the jager, but who says no to free shots? i couldn't help but think of andrew and all those awful nights on the bus or in hal and mals, but it was fun. the third shot almost got me, but it was all downhill from there, and by downhill i mean a lot of good fun. ben was really into me, and apparently ranted and raved about me to daniel later, but i wasn't really looking for anything. mathilde and i ended up leaving the last club a little after four, and then we ran into zach and some random asian danish guys (i know, right?) at the tram stop. mathilde left with the asian guys (i never got their names!) and i went with zach.
i got to ride a bike in the traditional 'dutch way' and then saw some of the more authentic parts of amsterdam. i took the metro back at around eleven the next morning, showered, and went to the royal palace in dam square, after missing the free New Europe tour yet again. the palace was really cool and i loved all the mythological references and motifs. i walked around a little, and then went to dinner with daniel, ben and mathilde at a random italian restaurant near the hostel in leidseplein. ben went back to the hostel and then mathilde, daniel and i went to the bulldog (well, one of them) in the red light district, had a coffee, smoked, and then wandered around the canals and the western part of the city until around two, then headed back.
i finally went on the free tour the next day after moving to hotel anne-marie that morning. i walked through rembrandtplein for the first time, and then finally made it all the way to dam square. the weather was absolutely awful and i got horrible blisters from my tevas. after the free tour i tried, on a whim, to ring whitney at her hotel since i ended up near the train station, and she was there! we went to the grasshopper, enjoyed northern lights and then agreed to meet back up that night with sarah beck at abraxas if i didn't end up at matthias' birthday party with stephen. well, my phone stopped working and i think whitney's canal tour ended late, along with the fact that she was confused about where it was (not spuistraat but the street directly behind dam square down the street from the albert). long story short, she wasn't there when i got there. i got a fanta and then headed back to the hostel and fell asleep around one. woke up the next day and had absolutely no plan. whitney and i were supposed to meet up at one or two and go to the jewish quarter, so i had a few hours to kill.
i woke up late and headed to centraal station to get my reservation for the train to copenhagen, which took forever and was a bit frustrating. i had to go out of my way to berlin, and then back again. it all worked out in the end, though. after that i tried to get a hold of whitney, but i couldn't. i walked around waterlooplein, found another flea market, and then i decided to find a coffee to ward off the bad day and then go back down spuistraat. i wanted to take pictures of the things i had missed when i didn't have my camera on me the night before, anyway. i ended up passing a small bulldog that was a bit out of the way, and decided to stop for a cappuccino.
i ended up chatting with two americans who were also there, lily and chris, and we decided to spend the rest of the day hanging out. we went for more coffee and lunch at bagel and beans, then went to rokin to go shopping at the big h&m, where i bought a really affordable (and cute) red shoulder bag. we went for a pint on the canal after that, and then set off in search of the tapas bar that lily's friend works at. we found it eventually, and a few appetizers and more than a few pitchers of sangria later, the bar was closing. lily left with robin and chris agreed to walk me back to the hostel. i got back in one piece, and crashed, yet again. checked out the next morning and left my bag at the annemarie. i walked around waterlooplein and found a flea market, and then eventually made it all the way to jordaan, where i went to the anne frank huis. it was a much more powerful experience than i was expecting, and after that back to the annemarie, pack strapped on, one last internet session before leaving amsterdam.
tram to centraal station, only the second time i had taken transportation (other than one foot in front of the other) since i had been in amsterdam. got ot my platform with an hour to kill before the train left, made friends with an old, local man who offered me his beach house to use at my leisure, and then boarded the train in a bit of a stupor. i met two really cool guys, brian from the states and eric from rotterdam, and we spoke for a few hours, which was really more fun than i was expecting. eventually we pulled into berlin at 4:20 in the morning, in theory, which turned out to be 5 and i literally just caught my train to hamburg as it was pulling out of the station.
got to hamburg, transferred again to the train bound for copenhagen, and slept like a baby after my heart stopped racing from all of the trying to stay awake, get to the right platforms, compartments, and seats. i was more than a bit confused by the train/ferry thing on the last leg of the trip, but i got to copenhagen (in one piece) around 12:30 in the afternoon, but without a functioning phone. in panic mode, i start to go up the stairs to the main station to hear my name 'Brandi! Brandi!' because mathilde was there waiting for me! well, that brings me up to denmark, but my hand needs a break, so until the next coffeeshop...
so, i have been really awful about updating...surprise, surprise. all that i'm doing today, however, is writing. well, at least until i meet up with mathilde and go to this farewell party tonight. im going to try and recount the nine days since i left the states, but im not sure how well im going to do. first day in amsterdam...coffeeshop (easy times) and then checked into the hostel to leave my bag. then i wandered around museumplein, went to the rijksmuseum (high) which was really disappointing and way too expensive for what it was, then i went to the van gogh museum, which was worth every penny. the steidlijk museum (aka the bath tub) is undergoing renovations, so they temporarily moved two avant-garde modern art exhibits to the van gogh museum, the twenties and the sixities, which i adored.
then i went back to the room for a nap, met stephen and then we went out for a drink. we got a pint in leidseplein, then richard met up with us (note:this part is all repetitive if you read the journal entry from amsterdam) and we decided to head to soundgarden since they were supposed to be showing a movie, which was a bust, but the bar was good. oh, and we went to maos for falafel. yum. met his finnish friends, who were a bit mean, and then we went ot this kind of seedy, dark club. i'm realizing how that i have already written about this. oh well. eventually stephan and i made it all the way back to the hostel, then i crashed hard. i woke up in time for breakfast, somehow, and stephen and i agreed to meet up for dinner after i got back. he had to meet up with his new landlord and start moving into his apartment in amsterdam, so this was the perfect opportunity to go exploring. i walked to centraal station, then out past the windmill, then back west through spuistraat and bit further north behind centraal station itself. it was nice to just walk around and try to absorb the city. oh, i also went into st. nicholaas and found a really cool flea market. i'm really glad i did it, but by the end of the day my feet were dead. i had taken some time to rest in vondelpark before i headed back to the hostel, then stephen and i went to a chinese restaurant and i have some amazing teriyaki tofu. then i came back and stephan went to meet richard.
i got back to the room and was coerced into going on a pub crawl in the red light district with mathilde and daniel, whom i had met briefly that morning, and then we subsequently convinced ben and dimitri to come along as well. we got dressed, walked over to the players club in the red light district, where the crawl started, and lo and behold michael was there by himself, who was also staying in our room in the hostel! it was one big party. we got free jager shots at every bar and club we went to, and there was always some kind of drink special. i told myself i was going to avoid the jager, but who says no to free shots? i couldn't help but think of andrew and all those awful nights on the bus or in hal and mals, but it was fun. the third shot almost got me, but it was all downhill from there, and by downhill i mean a lot of good fun. ben was really into me, and apparently ranted and raved about me to daniel later, but i wasn't really looking for anything. mathilde and i ended up leaving the last club a little after four, and then we ran into zach and some random asian danish guys (i know, right?) at the tram stop. mathilde left with the asian guys (i never got their names!) and i went with zach.
i got to ride a bike in the traditional 'dutch way' and then saw some of the more authentic parts of amsterdam. i took the metro back at around eleven the next morning, showered, and went to the royal palace in dam square, after missing the free New Europe tour yet again. the palace was really cool and i loved all the mythological references and motifs. i walked around a little, and then went to dinner with daniel, ben and mathilde at a random italian restaurant near the hostel in leidseplein. ben went back to the hostel and then mathilde, daniel and i went to the bulldog (well, one of them) in the red light district, had a coffee, smoked, and then wandered around the canals and the western part of the city until around two, then headed back.
i finally went on the free tour the next day after moving to hotel anne-marie that morning. i walked through rembrandtplein for the first time, and then finally made it all the way to dam square. the weather was absolutely awful and i got horrible blisters from my tevas. after the free tour i tried, on a whim, to ring whitney at her hotel since i ended up near the train station, and she was there! we went to the grasshopper, enjoyed northern lights and then agreed to meet back up that night with sarah beck at abraxas if i didn't end up at matthias' birthday party with stephen. well, my phone stopped working and i think whitney's canal tour ended late, along with the fact that she was confused about where it was (not spuistraat but the street directly behind dam square down the street from the albert). long story short, she wasn't there when i got there. i got a fanta and then headed back to the hostel and fell asleep around one. woke up the next day and had absolutely no plan. whitney and i were supposed to meet up at one or two and go to the jewish quarter, so i had a few hours to kill.
i woke up late and headed to centraal station to get my reservation for the train to copenhagen, which took forever and was a bit frustrating. i had to go out of my way to berlin, and then back again. it all worked out in the end, though. after that i tried to get a hold of whitney, but i couldn't. i walked around waterlooplein, found another flea market, and then i decided to find a coffee to ward off the bad day and then go back down spuistraat. i wanted to take pictures of the things i had missed when i didn't have my camera on me the night before, anyway. i ended up passing a small bulldog that was a bit out of the way, and decided to stop for a cappuccino.
i ended up chatting with two americans who were also there, lily and chris, and we decided to spend the rest of the day hanging out. we went for more coffee and lunch at bagel and beans, then went to rokin to go shopping at the big h&m, where i bought a really affordable (and cute) red shoulder bag. we went for a pint on the canal after that, and then set off in search of the tapas bar that lily's friend works at. we found it eventually, and a few appetizers and more than a few pitchers of sangria later, the bar was closing. lily left with robin and chris agreed to walk me back to the hostel. i got back in one piece, and crashed, yet again. checked out the next morning and left my bag at the annemarie. i walked around waterlooplein and found a flea market, and then eventually made it all the way to jordaan, where i went to the anne frank huis. it was a much more powerful experience than i was expecting, and after that back to the annemarie, pack strapped on, one last internet session before leaving amsterdam.
tram to centraal station, only the second time i had taken transportation (other than one foot in front of the other) since i had been in amsterdam. got ot my platform with an hour to kill before the train left, made friends with an old, local man who offered me his beach house to use at my leisure, and then boarded the train in a bit of a stupor. i met two really cool guys, brian from the states and eric from rotterdam, and we spoke for a few hours, which was really more fun than i was expecting. eventually we pulled into berlin at 4:20 in the morning, in theory, which turned out to be 5 and i literally just caught my train to hamburg as it was pulling out of the station.
got to hamburg, transferred again to the train bound for copenhagen, and slept like a baby after my heart stopped racing from all of the trying to stay awake, get to the right platforms, compartments, and seats. i was more than a bit confused by the train/ferry thing on the last leg of the trip, but i got to copenhagen (in one piece) around 12:30 in the afternoon, but without a functioning phone. in panic mode, i start to go up the stairs to the main station to hear my name 'Brandi! Brandi!' because mathilde was there waiting for me! well, that brings me up to denmark, but my hand needs a break, so until the next coffeeshop...
07.19.2009
Washington DC
so, i can already tell that i will have to force myself to write. yesterday was my first really 'strenuous' day and my legs are starting to feel it, which is pitiful. if nothing else, i need to start document what i've been doing, if not how i feel about it. on friday, i waited in line for tickets to the bureau of printing and engraving, the washington monument and the holocaust museum. spent most of my morning in the permanent exhibit at the holocaust museum, after visiting the smithsonian castles and gardens. then the freer gallery, the sackler gallery, and the museum of african arts. then the hirshhorn and sculpture gardens, both of which i adored. then the washington monument, the world war two memorial, then toured the bureau of printing and engraving.
caught the metro back, drove through taco bell and halfway through my fresco bean burrito, lynn showed up to take me on a nighttime driving tour of the monuments. saw dupont circle, got sucked into virginia where i saw the 9/11 memorial and the pentagon, then back to district heights around midnight. saturday, i started at the library of congress, got my reader's card, went by the capitol, walked to union station for lunch, quickly went through the postal useum and then walked back to the botanical gardens where i unwound for a bit. then off to the national art galleries, where i could have spent days upon days. then i walked into the national art gallery sculpture garden, bought an overpriced cappuccino which i enjoyed in line waiting to get into the national archives. then, the long walk to the lincoln memorial was next, and i stopped by the white house on the way, though i just passed by. then the vietnam war memorial, the lincoln memorial, the korean war memorial, world war one memorial, then all the way back to the smithsonian metro stop.
sunday, air and space museum, finished the west art gallery, went to the american history museum, natural history museum, then dinner in chinatown at an italian restaraunt (ha) and back to pack and get ready for my long day of travel.
so, i can already tell that i will have to force myself to write. yesterday was my first really 'strenuous' day and my legs are starting to feel it, which is pitiful. if nothing else, i need to start document what i've been doing, if not how i feel about it. on friday, i waited in line for tickets to the bureau of printing and engraving, the washington monument and the holocaust museum. spent most of my morning in the permanent exhibit at the holocaust museum, after visiting the smithsonian castles and gardens. then the freer gallery, the sackler gallery, and the museum of african arts. then the hirshhorn and sculpture gardens, both of which i adored. then the washington monument, the world war two memorial, then toured the bureau of printing and engraving.
caught the metro back, drove through taco bell and halfway through my fresco bean burrito, lynn showed up to take me on a nighttime driving tour of the monuments. saw dupont circle, got sucked into virginia where i saw the 9/11 memorial and the pentagon, then back to district heights around midnight. saturday, i started at the library of congress, got my reader's card, went by the capitol, walked to union station for lunch, quickly went through the postal useum and then walked back to the botanical gardens where i unwound for a bit. then off to the national art galleries, where i could have spent days upon days. then i walked into the national art gallery sculpture garden, bought an overpriced cappuccino which i enjoyed in line waiting to get into the national archives. then, the long walk to the lincoln memorial was next, and i stopped by the white house on the way, though i just passed by. then the vietnam war memorial, the lincoln memorial, the korean war memorial, world war one memorial, then all the way back to the smithsonian metro stop.
sunday, air and space museum, finished the west art gallery, went to the american history museum, natural history museum, then dinner in chinatown at an italian restaraunt (ha) and back to pack and get ready for my long day of travel.
the district sleeps alone tonight
i think i could stay in dc forever. there is way too much to possibly ever take in, nonetheless in three days. here is what i've done thus far
all of the art....i don't even have words. stella, mondrian, giacometti, liechtenstein, de kooning, frankenthaler, o'keefe, rothko, pollock, warhol, rembrandt, monet, manet, matisse, picasso, leyster, rubens, renoir, cezanne...the list goes on and on. just seeing lavendar mist made my life. i don't know how many times i was coming up an escalator or turned a corner just to have my breath taken away.
i love walking into a room and instantly, like star-crossed lovers, coming eye to eye with a piece and knowing it is something unmistakably liechtenstein (or insert any of the above names here). being on that level (though i have so so so much to learn, and there is so much i do not know about art) and just...feeling the art on a spiritual level. like i said, there aren't words.
well, off to bed for me. another long day ahead of me tomorrow, what with trying to squeeze the rest of dc into one day!
yesterday
waited in line for silly tourist tickets and time slots for the next three sites
washington monument
holocaust museum
bureau of engraving and printing
smithsonian castle
museum of african art
freer gallery
sackler gallery
hirshhorn museum and sculpture garden
world war II memorial
nighttime driving tour of dc and virginia with my cousin
today
library of congress (this includes getting my reader card!)
capitol (but i didn't actually tour it)
postal museum
union station
botanical gardens
vietnam memorial
world war I memorial
white house (again, didn't tour)
jefferson memorial
national art gallery east - complete
national art gallery west - didn't finish bottom floor
national art gallery sculpture gardens
national archives
all of the art....i don't even have words. stella, mondrian, giacometti, liechtenstein, de kooning, frankenthaler, o'keefe, rothko, pollock, warhol, rembrandt, monet, manet, matisse, picasso, leyster, rubens, renoir, cezanne...the list goes on and on. just seeing lavendar mist made my life. i don't know how many times i was coming up an escalator or turned a corner just to have my breath taken away.
i love walking into a room and instantly, like star-crossed lovers, coming eye to eye with a piece and knowing it is something unmistakably liechtenstein (or insert any of the above names here). being on that level (though i have so so so much to learn, and there is so much i do not know about art) and just...feeling the art on a spiritual level. like i said, there aren't words.
well, off to bed for me. another long day ahead of me tomorrow, what with trying to squeeze the rest of dc into one day!
mean everything to nothing
"i try to write through a lens rather than on top of a soapbox. "
- andy hull, manchester orchestra
- andy hull, manchester orchestra
so true. here are the three videos ive posted from this album so far (again)... i know the links are dead in the old posts, but this should work for all of them. i can't wait for the other eight :)
on recycling
“ Every day, think as you wake up, today I am fortunate to be alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others; to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings. I am going to have kind thoughts towards others, I am not going to get angry or think badly about others. I am going to benefit others as much as I can"
— Dalai Lama
“ Planning is sometimes just a form of procrastination. ”
— Jesse James Garrett ;] (via szymon) (via present)
“ A painter paints his pictures on canvas. But musicians paint their pictures on silence. We provide the music, and you provide the silence. ”
— Leopold Stokowski - British born American conductor (via grace-notes)
“ A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked. ”
— Bernard Meltzer (via brokenmachine)
“ Often, it’s not about becoming a new person, but becoming the person you were meant to be, and already are, but don’t know how to be. ”
“ Often, it’s not about becoming a new person, but becoming the person you were meant to be, and already are, but don’t know how to be. ”
— Heath Buckmaster (via thresca)
“ Don’t think about making art, just get it done. Let everyone else decide whether it’s good or bad, whether they love it or hate it. While they’re deciding, make even more art. ”
“ Don’t think about making art, just get it done. Let everyone else decide whether it’s good or bad, whether they love it or hate it. While they’re deciding, make even more art. ”
— Andy Warhol (via austinkleon) (via jessicachu)
thursday december eleventh
it is supposed to be a pretty mild day, so i decide to head to the zoo, as per jeff's suggestion. it turned out to be the perfect day to go. no one was there, it was just cold enough to still be tolerable to a wimpy texan like myself, and just warm enough for a good number of animals to be out. i about had a heart attack driving there though, which was no good. besides all of the crazy drivers and my rental car manuevering like a tank, i had put some diet dr peppers in the fridge for the week, and apparently the person who had last occupied my room had set the fridge to maximum cold....so the sodas froze. i opened it in the car, and it continued to fizz and bubble and ultimately explode. awesome. for some reason, my mind was truly hazy as i was driving around and everything felt kind of distant.
i got some good shots, which is what i was hoping for...i also saw a lion in a tree, which kind of made it worth it. again with the surreal thing. i parked a bit away from the zoo, so i got a nice walk in while i was there. it was really beautiful, and nice to just walk around with the cold air filling my lungs. the landscape was pretty as well, which helped.
i left the zoo around 2:30 or 3 and went in search of lunch. i ended up downtown near a hospital with a lot of one way streets and impatient drivers. i gave up on stopping for food when i saw this beautiful church over the tops of some houses i was passing by as i circled around the block. i decided, fuck it, i'm going to go check out this cool church. it turned out to be the cathedral basicilia of st. louis, which was on my list of things to see. it was really beautiful, and there was a neat statue, the angel of harmony, in a small garden right next to it. the sun made for some hindering shadows and then overpowering glares as i walked around the building, but it was still beautiful. it is really simplistic considering it is catholic and fairly modern, but still interesting architecturally. i was really hoping for more stained glass and sculptural/relief depiction, but alas, i was greeted with the more surprising, and dominant, islamic overtones with primarily domed roofs, reiterated by the almost complete lack of iconography.
i decided to pass on lunch, and headed over to the st. louis university museum of art before it closed at 4.
i missed art museums. i am very glad that i got to ease myself back into galleries with these smaller collections as opposed to jumping straight into the st louis art museum (slam). not as many big names, but the galleries were really well-thought out and many of the pieces were very interesting. my time there was somewhat rushed, but i was eager to get back to the hotel and out for dinner. a beautiful sunset kept me company on the drive back.
jeff and i went to blueberry hill for dinner, which was cute and quirky - i liked it. then jeff went back and i walked up and down the loop people-watching and taking photos. i had an hour and a half to kill until my movie, so i sat and starbucks and wrote for a bit, kind of observing those around me, then walked around for a bit more. the two tall statues near the city hall always remind me of the neverending story for some reason that i can't shake. i'll try to find pictures later.
i love holiday times when everything is so cheery and bright. no, not bright...but cheery, in a dull inviting way. just enough to be encouraging. muted reds, yellows and blues litter every block and somehow they bring an easy comfort.
i went to the tivoli to see milk, which i was very excited about. blue moon in hand, a half-empty theater from days long gone and a great movie. i am not one to cry at movies, but this movie brought me to tears again and again. i left heartbroken but so happy at the same time. as if this transient life was to be embraced as fleeting, but we all still stood a chance despite this hindrance. it was a great feeling - not a top of the mountain moment, but climbing a summount with an indeterminent incline and reaching that moment when the peak is just beyond the horizon. my first full day in st. louis, and i felt fantastic.
all night long i dream of the day
austin city limits day three
so, i got a late start again...unintentionally. by this point, i am absolutely exhausted and there isn't anyone else going with me this morning to make me accountable. i did not miss anyone i wanted to see, which was a first. woke up by myself, packed up my things and left the key under the mat. stopped by the oltorf starbucks and enjoyed some water, my favorite java chip frappucino, and a slice of banana nut loaf.
have i ever mentioned how much i despise the fact that they call all their breads loafs? not pumpkin bread, pumpkin loaf. banana nut loaf, not banana nut bread. something about the word loaf...particularly when it is not a whole loaf of bread is somewhat disturbing to me. starbucks, get your shit together.
grabbed an ethos water for the show, and walked across the street to the gas station. bought a vitamin water and some cash from the atm.
got in my car, turned up some jack's and drove down west street until i found parking. it ended up being all the way down on 9th...but something about going to the festival alone and feeling in my element downtown was very zen. walked to the shuttle, no cigarettes and really felt...whole. no cigarettes all day...be proud.
the shuttle line was not nearly as long...i never had to stop and wait, just simply walk at a reasonable pace all the way through the queue. the guy in front of me had some sweet political toms, i kind of want some. i never really got into the toms thing, but i would love to wear my ballot on my feet.
no dslr, so no hassle going through security. walked over to at&t and settled down for the flyleaf set. the singer, despite my misgivings with this band, is such a badass...i want to be her. she ranted on about jesus, god, and christianity for a bit. i was under the impression that they had gone secular, but i guess i was wrong. it is not really my cup of tea for bands to flaunt their religious affiliations or lack thereof, but it was still a good set. and they are from temple, so word up.
i met up with kevin and austin next to the bar stage left and then walked over to at&t blue room for stars. we found zoe and colin over under the tent closest to the stage in the zilker beach area, but we decided to get up and walk to the crowd once some random band started playing on the kiddie limits stage nearby. it was impossible to hear them, so we braved the mid-afternoon heat. there were also some obnoxious girls...you know, the kid of girls who all wear the same two color nike running shorts and all with the scene girl headband. they also said that their acl weekend had been epic...maybe it's time that i came up with a new favorite adjective.
stars' set was actually kind of disappointing. somehow the album doesn't translate to the stage, at least not in the festival setting....the mix was not great at all. we were about to leave, then they played going, going, gone so we stuck around until it was over. going, going, gone makes me miss millsaps...i used to study to stars, so it makes me only a bit nostalgic. then we headed back over to the at&t stage to catch the silversun pickups.
kyle was already in the crowd trying to get close for foo fighters - he was even missing some other bands he wanted to see so that he would be right up front for their set at the end of the day. we tried to get up to him, but by the time the silversun pickups set rolled around it was already completely packed. we pushed our way up and got pretty close, maybe five people between us, and we absolutely couldn't get any closer. i ended up behind five really tall, really obnoxious guys. about three or four songs in, some people left in front of me, so i stepped through...and kevin and austin didn't follow. apparently they weren't really comfortable pushing through the crowd, but hell - i wanted to actually see the set. i actually ended up standing in front of andy garza, and didn't even realize it. he pointed it out to me later on facebook, but i was completely oblivious to the fact at the time.
smoked, texted cody for a bit, and texted kevin. kevin and i ended up exchanging heated words, but whatever. i wasn't going to let it ruin my day. silversun pickups reminds me of cody for some reason...i really wish he could have been there. i guess he kind of falls into the same category as mitch - they are the kind of people i would love to spend a day like today with. instead, i spent the first half of it with a tempermental guy whose attitude still hasn't shifted from high school. how...fortunate? not really.
i could actually receive calls and texts for most of the day, which was nice. i called my little sister during flyleaf and it was pretty easy to keep in touch with people....finding them was still a task.
i hate fighting over stupid, inane, hypocritical things. everyone should hold themselves to the same standards they are holding other people to, and you can't hold grudges without expecting others to as well. it is hard to be the better person when you are surrounded by ignorant fools.
ended up going to okkervil river by myself, grabbed some salt lick and sweet tea on the way, and had a very chill set. i felt kind of like i was under constant scrutiny by the people around me, but i was just being paranoid. then i walked over to watch the raconteurs set, right as the sun was going down. sunset is so beautiful...especially on a day like today.
their set was nice, but not really my thing. after about thirty minutes, it was about to put me to sleep, so i went to watch a bit of gnarls barkley. i love walking through the crowds...i feel so in my element, anonymous among the masses. after about 30 minutes i went back over to the raconteurs to meet up with zoe at rock island. finally found her, but then we lost colin, who had gone to watch white denim. we finally met up with him near the dell computer rocks tent and the giant light ballon, and headed over to find a nice place on the lawn between at&t and dell. sat for a few minutes, then got up to watch band of horses.
band of horses, at times, reminded me so much of manchester orchestra. for some reason, in my mind, i had imagined that band of horses would have sounded much different. i had never spent the time to actually listen, and i was pleasantly surprised. colin and zoe needed their alone time, so i went back to grab my things from their blanket and walked up towards the stage for foo fighters.
unfortunately, foo fighters started about ten minutes early...completely interrupting the end of the band of horses set. it was kind of a douche bag thing to do, but they kind of apologized for it later. i felt so bad for band of horses...you couldn't hear a damn thing once both sets were going. it wasn't even their last song, so their set was cut short.
it was amazing to see the foo fighters, but it would have been so much more enjoyable if the acoustics had been better. the mix was awful, it was almost impossible to discern the vocals even with a fairly tame crowd. i tried to call my brother during a couple of songs, since he is a huge foo fighters fan and couldn't afford to come, but i could barely hear it - he did not stand a chance of hearing it through the phone.
i got closer and closer, but the sound did not really improve that dramatically. i had a pretty unobstructed view of the stage, but i really wish that it was not so dusty and i had been able to get some decent shots with my point and shoot. there was a little kid standing behind me at one point with his friends who wanted to crowd surf, which was cute. i remember crowd surfing at a starting line show at emos when i was like...13. lame, haha.
at times, it really felt like a true concert experience again, like i mentioned the other day with bloc party. dave grohl's banter on stage was also infinitely entertaining - between the triangle solo and his response to a fan jumping on stage "he's a student, go easy on him! shit happens, i've been there...you have seven coors light and you get all excited. he's just a kid, go easy on him!" i was cracking up. i really did not want to leave early, but the mix was awful and i did not want to stay up until the crack of dawn waiting for the shuttle when everyone left en masse at the end.
there was no stopping in the shuttle line, and about fifteen minutes after i walked out of the gate, i was on a shuttle bus. i couldn't have timed it better. i even heard the end of their set, wrapping up as i stepped on board. i still had my hero ringing in my ears as i walked out. . .and the chills really did not ebb with the passing time.
after i got off the shuttle, i started walking back towards my car, and then on a whim i decided to stop by katz's. what better way to end my first austin city limits than with a huge slice of cheesecake and an ice cold pepsi. i hadn't been to katz's since the last time i went to a show with lindsey coulter and her aunt...which must have been eighth grade. i loved going downtown with those two, and i really miss those carefree shows.
now, i can't think of katz's without thinking of dean katz, which made me chuckle. my waiter was really cool, so i stuck around for a while, just writing and watching people pass by down sixth. these last three days were the longest, yet the shortest days i have had in a while, and it feels like the whole weekend is over before i could even exhale. no, that's not the right way to describe it. it was over before i could really inhale and take it all in. i can't wait to do it all again.
ironically, despite not bringing along my DSLR, i got more pictures today than friday and saturday combined. i will probably spend hours on end weeding through all these shots and editing them. i can't wait. does that make me a nerd? maybe, but i love it. i don't work monday or tuesday, so the next two days should be full of absolutely nothing. it will be nice to balance out all of the density of the last three days.
stars' set was actually kind of disappointing. somehow the album doesn't translate to the stage, at least not in the festival setting....the mix was not great at all. we were about to leave, then they played going, going, gone so we stuck around until it was over. going, going, gone makes me miss millsaps...i used to study to stars, so it makes me only a bit nostalgic. then we headed back over to the at&t stage to catch the silversun pickups.
kyle was already in the crowd trying to get close for foo fighters - he was even missing some other bands he wanted to see so that he would be right up front for their set at the end of the day. we tried to get up to him, but by the time the silversun pickups set rolled around it was already completely packed. we pushed our way up and got pretty close, maybe five people between us, and we absolutely couldn't get any closer. i ended up behind five really tall, really obnoxious guys. about three or four songs in, some people left in front of me, so i stepped through...and kevin and austin didn't follow. apparently they weren't really comfortable pushing through the crowd, but hell - i wanted to actually see the set. i actually ended up standing in front of andy garza, and didn't even realize it. he pointed it out to me later on facebook, but i was completely oblivious to the fact at the time.
smoked, texted cody for a bit, and texted kevin. kevin and i ended up exchanging heated words, but whatever. i wasn't going to let it ruin my day. silversun pickups reminds me of cody for some reason...i really wish he could have been there. i guess he kind of falls into the same category as mitch - they are the kind of people i would love to spend a day like today with. instead, i spent the first half of it with a tempermental guy whose attitude still hasn't shifted from high school. how...fortunate? not really.
i could actually receive calls and texts for most of the day, which was nice. i called my little sister during flyleaf and it was pretty easy to keep in touch with people....finding them was still a task.
i hate fighting over stupid, inane, hypocritical things. everyone should hold themselves to the same standards they are holding other people to, and you can't hold grudges without expecting others to as well. it is hard to be the better person when you are surrounded by ignorant fools.
ended up going to okkervil river by myself, grabbed some salt lick and sweet tea on the way, and had a very chill set. i felt kind of like i was under constant scrutiny by the people around me, but i was just being paranoid. then i walked over to watch the raconteurs set, right as the sun was going down. sunset is so beautiful...especially on a day like today.
their set was nice, but not really my thing. after about thirty minutes, it was about to put me to sleep, so i went to watch a bit of gnarls barkley. i love walking through the crowds...i feel so in my element, anonymous among the masses. after about 30 minutes i went back over to the raconteurs to meet up with zoe at rock island. finally found her, but then we lost colin, who had gone to watch white denim. we finally met up with him near the dell computer rocks tent and the giant light ballon, and headed over to find a nice place on the lawn between at&t and dell. sat for a few minutes, then got up to watch band of horses.
band of horses, at times, reminded me so much of manchester orchestra. for some reason, in my mind, i had imagined that band of horses would have sounded much different. i had never spent the time to actually listen, and i was pleasantly surprised. colin and zoe needed their alone time, so i went back to grab my things from their blanket and walked up towards the stage for foo fighters.
unfortunately, foo fighters started about ten minutes early...completely interrupting the end of the band of horses set. it was kind of a douche bag thing to do, but they kind of apologized for it later. i felt so bad for band of horses...you couldn't hear a damn thing once both sets were going. it wasn't even their last song, so their set was cut short.
it was amazing to see the foo fighters, but it would have been so much more enjoyable if the acoustics had been better. the mix was awful, it was almost impossible to discern the vocals even with a fairly tame crowd. i tried to call my brother during a couple of songs, since he is a huge foo fighters fan and couldn't afford to come, but i could barely hear it - he did not stand a chance of hearing it through the phone.
all my life i've been searching for something
something never comes, never leads to nothing. . .
all night long i dream of the day
it leaves me with the feeling that i feel the most
the feeling comes to life when i see your ghost
hey, don't let it go to waste
i love it but i hate the taste
weight bringing me down
hook me up a new revolution,
'cause this one is a lie
. . .i'm looking to the sky to save me
looking for a sign of life
looking for something to help me burn out bright
i'm looking for a complication
looking 'cause i'm tired of lying
. . .i'd give it all away
if you'd give me one last try
a stubborn heart remains unchanged
no home, no life, no love
no stranger singing in your name. . .
load road to ruin
there in your eyes. . .
forever gone without a trace
your horizon takes its shape
too alarming now to talk about. . .
truth or consequence, say it aloud
something never comes, never leads to nothing. . .
all night long i dream of the day
it leaves me with the feeling that i feel the most
the feeling comes to life when i see your ghost
hey, don't let it go to waste
i love it but i hate the taste
weight bringing me down
hook me up a new revolution,
'cause this one is a lie
. . .i'm looking to the sky to save me
looking for a sign of life
looking for something to help me burn out bright
i'm looking for a complication
looking 'cause i'm tired of lying
. . .i'd give it all away
if you'd give me one last try
a stubborn heart remains unchanged
no home, no life, no love
no stranger singing in your name. . .
load road to ruin
there in your eyes. . .
forever gone without a trace
your horizon takes its shape
too alarming now to talk about. . .
truth or consequence, say it aloud
i got closer and closer, but the sound did not really improve that dramatically. i had a pretty unobstructed view of the stage, but i really wish that it was not so dusty and i had been able to get some decent shots with my point and shoot. there was a little kid standing behind me at one point with his friends who wanted to crowd surf, which was cute. i remember crowd surfing at a starting line show at emos when i was like...13. lame, haha.
at times, it really felt like a true concert experience again, like i mentioned the other day with bloc party. dave grohl's banter on stage was also infinitely entertaining - between the triangle solo and his response to a fan jumping on stage "he's a student, go easy on him! shit happens, i've been there...you have seven coors light and you get all excited. he's just a kid, go easy on him!" i was cracking up. i really did not want to leave early, but the mix was awful and i did not want to stay up until the crack of dawn waiting for the shuttle when everyone left en masse at the end.
there was no stopping in the shuttle line, and about fifteen minutes after i walked out of the gate, i was on a shuttle bus. i couldn't have timed it better. i even heard the end of their set, wrapping up as i stepped on board. i still had my hero ringing in my ears as i walked out. . .and the chills really did not ebb with the passing time.
after i got off the shuttle, i started walking back towards my car, and then on a whim i decided to stop by katz's. what better way to end my first austin city limits than with a huge slice of cheesecake and an ice cold pepsi. i hadn't been to katz's since the last time i went to a show with lindsey coulter and her aunt...which must have been eighth grade. i loved going downtown with those two, and i really miss those carefree shows.
now, i can't think of katz's without thinking of dean katz, which made me chuckle. my waiter was really cool, so i stuck around for a while, just writing and watching people pass by down sixth. these last three days were the longest, yet the shortest days i have had in a while, and it feels like the whole weekend is over before i could even exhale. no, that's not the right way to describe it. it was over before i could really inhale and take it all in. i can't wait to do it all again.
ironically, despite not bringing along my DSLR, i got more pictures today than friday and saturday combined. i will probably spend hours on end weeding through all these shots and editing them. i can't wait. does that make me a nerd? maybe, but i love it. i don't work monday or tuesday, so the next two days should be full of absolutely nothing. it will be nice to balance out all of the density of the last three days.
it started feeling like october
. . .i got stranded on the road. you know where to find me, any time you want me.
so my blog has officially reached 1,050 views. there have been 137 different people that have come to read this, and 70 of those have come back at least once. do that many people really care what i have to say? as soon as i catch up, i will update every day. it is october, the beginning of a new month, the decisive end to the summer in my mind. it is time to have better habits. the least i can do is write every day.
tuesday.
i had work from 10:30 to 5. i actually got up at 7, dyed my hair, read, went and got breakfast at chick-fil-a, and then went to work. tips were really good, and for some reason these two tables of guys were really into me. one guy kept staring at me and didn't believe me when i said my eyes were naturally this color. i hate when people stare...i always feel like something is wrong with me.
my hair turned out straight brunette. it was supposed to be bright red, fire engine red, but it turned out brown. at first, i thought it was dark just because it was still wet...but i was wrong. fortunately, over the last week it has faded and become more red. i think i can thank acl for that :) it was still red when the light hit it, but now it is more red all the time - just how i like it. no more blonde/strawberry blonde though. it is fall, and something less summer friendly is called for in my opinion.
got off work and went to get coffee with kevin. this is the color of my hair that day. i am actually glad that i go to the randalls starbucks so much, the actual starbucks across the street is infested with little scene kids from the middle school and high school. is that smile...? almost? i can't believe it.
went back to my house, had dinner, and took a nap. then i waited for kevin to call me and for jessica to get off work. met up with kevin and wes at randalls, and then we headed down to kasbah. jessica met up with us later. wes was really cool, it was my first time meeting him. kevin and i ended up fighting over something stupid...i was being jealous. i don't know that i will ever be able to trust him. but somehow, despite my blatant honesty and forthcoming manner, he is the one with the bigger trust issues. kasbah was fun as hell though. i'm really glad jessica finally came out. got kyle's number so that we can hopefully meet up for ACL, and i finally feel like i'm not just in kevin's shadow around his friends - i can actually hold my own. i can't believe i can actually be social from time to time. this night ended the exact opposite of what i was expecting though. the drive back to cedar park was probably one of the most tense rides i have had in a very long time.
wednesday
really struggled with jealously today. i know i'm nothing special, i'm just another conquest, i could be any other girl. i don't want that to be true though. . .so i get defensive. went to work at 4, closed, and it was pretty slow. kevin came by to say hey, but left so i could finish cleaning. i wanted to go down to kasbah, but he was only going down there to do homework, so i just went home. i watched fringe and house with my mom and worked on editing photos.
i still need to scan all my film from greece and memphis. . .the fax machine and scanner does not want to transfer the files to any of the computers i hook up to it, so it is going to take a while. some of the black and white fisheye from the first week of greece is breathtaking. i can't wait to show you guys.
so cute :) we got down to zilker and it was a mad house. we got there around 315 and it took us about 30 minutes to get parked just to go wait in line. despite picking them up thursday only 15 minutes after the box opened, i still got wristband number 43, 800. the enormity of this festival is breathtaking. i had a bit of an adrenaline rush just being around all those people.
however, on an embarassing note, my little sister sarah recently sent me a bunch of ringtones and i was using one of them as my text message alert. and do you know what song it was? the jonas brothers' burnin' up. and what happened in line surrounded by thousands of hipsters and indie kids? i got a text message. embarrassing :( haha.
needless to say, the crazy lines took much longer than my mom and i had planned on, so we had to rush back to pick up my sister from school. i was running late for work, or so i thought, but i ended up still being a minute or two early despite calling in to give them the heads up. we got lucky and didn't really hit any of the after school traffic somehow.
since we were going to zilker, we took mopac of course. i am a i35 girl, and i always use it - there is not much point to usually take mopac since i usually stick to campus and red river whenever i'm downtown. there are so many memories on mopac - going to camp mabry for soccer, heading down to zilker for soccer or a nice afternoon, or going to my doctor who knows how many times. i always get really nostalgic whenever i take mopac, and today was no exception.
went to work, it was fairly uneventful. came back home, smoked, and wrote in this blog for a while. for some reason these blogs during car rides are infinitely long. they are definitely worth reading though, if you find the free time.
blog about austin city limits coming tomorrow :)
so my blog has officially reached 1,050 views. there have been 137 different people that have come to read this, and 70 of those have come back at least once. do that many people really care what i have to say? as soon as i catch up, i will update every day. it is october, the beginning of a new month, the decisive end to the summer in my mind. it is time to have better habits. the least i can do is write every day.
---
tuesday.
i had work from 10:30 to 5. i actually got up at 7, dyed my hair, read, went and got breakfast at chick-fil-a, and then went to work. tips were really good, and for some reason these two tables of guys were really into me. one guy kept staring at me and didn't believe me when i said my eyes were naturally this color. i hate when people stare...i always feel like something is wrong with me.
I'm thinking about my friends And what they say when I'm not there Do they talk about me like there's something I can't see? I don't care.
my hair turned out straight brunette. it was supposed to be bright red, fire engine red, but it turned out brown. at first, i thought it was dark just because it was still wet...but i was wrong. fortunately, over the last week it has faded and become more red. i think i can thank acl for that :) it was still red when the light hit it, but now it is more red all the time - just how i like it. no more blonde/strawberry blonde though. it is fall, and something less summer friendly is called for in my opinion.
got off work and went to get coffee with kevin. this is the color of my hair that day. i am actually glad that i go to the randalls starbucks so much, the actual starbucks across the street is infested with little scene kids from the middle school and high school. is that smile...? almost? i can't believe it.
went back to my house, had dinner, and took a nap. then i waited for kevin to call me and for jessica to get off work. met up with kevin and wes at randalls, and then we headed down to kasbah. jessica met up with us later. wes was really cool, it was my first time meeting him. kevin and i ended up fighting over something stupid...i was being jealous. i don't know that i will ever be able to trust him. but somehow, despite my blatant honesty and forthcoming manner, he is the one with the bigger trust issues. kasbah was fun as hell though. i'm really glad jessica finally came out. got kyle's number so that we can hopefully meet up for ACL, and i finally feel like i'm not just in kevin's shadow around his friends - i can actually hold my own. i can't believe i can actually be social from time to time. this night ended the exact opposite of what i was expecting though. the drive back to cedar park was probably one of the most tense rides i have had in a very long time.
----
wednesday
really struggled with jealously today. i know i'm nothing special, i'm just another conquest, i could be any other girl. i don't want that to be true though. . .so i get defensive. went to work at 4, closed, and it was pretty slow. kevin came by to say hey, but left so i could finish cleaning. i wanted to go down to kasbah, but he was only going down there to do homework, so i just went home. i watched fringe and house with my mom and worked on editing photos.
i still need to scan all my film from greece and memphis. . .the fax machine and scanner does not want to transfer the files to any of the computers i hook up to it, so it is going to take a while. some of the black and white fisheye from the first week of greece is breathtaking. i can't wait to show you guys.
rising tide will not let you forget me, forget me.
----
----
thursday.
i got up early and went to get coffee with kevin. then we went back to his house to work on his trig homework. man...that was a blast from the past. a lot has happened in five years. we figured most of it out though. then matt came over and we smoked hookah for a bit. i left around 230 and kevin drove back to cedar park. i cant hold hands with anyone anymore...its weird.
when i got home, my mom got in the car with me and we went to go pick up lunch and my ACL wristband. we took cocoa and zooper with us and drove down to zooper. she has been sick, so i drove. we picked up some chick-fil-a and i took a couple pictures of the puppies.
i got up early and went to get coffee with kevin. then we went back to his house to work on his trig homework. man...that was a blast from the past. a lot has happened in five years. we figured most of it out though. then matt came over and we smoked hookah for a bit. i left around 230 and kevin drove back to cedar park. i cant hold hands with anyone anymore...its weird.
when i got home, my mom got in the car with me and we went to go pick up lunch and my ACL wristband. we took cocoa and zooper with us and drove down to zooper. she has been sick, so i drove. we picked up some chick-fil-a and i took a couple pictures of the puppies.
so cute :) we got down to zilker and it was a mad house. we got there around 315 and it took us about 30 minutes to get parked just to go wait in line. despite picking them up thursday only 15 minutes after the box opened, i still got wristband number 43, 800. the enormity of this festival is breathtaking. i had a bit of an adrenaline rush just being around all those people.
however, on an embarassing note, my little sister sarah recently sent me a bunch of ringtones and i was using one of them as my text message alert. and do you know what song it was? the jonas brothers' burnin' up. and what happened in line surrounded by thousands of hipsters and indie kids? i got a text message. embarrassing :( haha.
needless to say, the crazy lines took much longer than my mom and i had planned on, so we had to rush back to pick up my sister from school. i was running late for work, or so i thought, but i ended up still being a minute or two early despite calling in to give them the heads up. we got lucky and didn't really hit any of the after school traffic somehow.
since we were going to zilker, we took mopac of course. i am a i35 girl, and i always use it - there is not much point to usually take mopac since i usually stick to campus and red river whenever i'm downtown. there are so many memories on mopac - going to camp mabry for soccer, heading down to zilker for soccer or a nice afternoon, or going to my doctor who knows how many times. i always get really nostalgic whenever i take mopac, and today was no exception.
went to work, it was fairly uneventful. came back home, smoked, and wrote in this blog for a while. for some reason these blogs during car rides are infinitely long. they are definitely worth reading though, if you find the free time.
blog about austin city limits coming tomorrow :)
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