post-it notes and recollections
i'm having a really dull, unproductive day. i just spent the last fifteen minutes looking for the cds with my pictures from greece...i told dr. fries i would burn her a copy, but i can't find them. i'm usually not this disorganized, but i don't see a point in tidying up when i will be moving out in a few days. i should probably be packing if i'm not doing work...oh well.
i just picked up one of my textbooks for bronze age archaeology to start marking it up for my final (which is open note, open book) and there were still a few stray post-it notes in the text from earlier this semester. considering the conversation i had today, it seems like maybe this is contrived, but it isn't. it is funny the little signs you find in your life, sometimes.
these are the little reminders i leave myself, but this semester ive been too busy to keep up with writing, so what would make sense at the time is lost to chronological ambiguity.
as far as the double shadow, i remember that bit...i just can't place it during a particular time of the year. i was walking to the caf, headphones on, between the christian center and murrah. i was looking down, like i had been tending to do...trying to remain anonymous, not having the confidence to look up and make eye contact with anyone anymore. looking at the ground, i noticed that i had two shadows besides me, both my own...one fainter than the other. maybe it was the way the sun was coming from behind me, i dont know. i distinctly remember thinking that not only was this strange, it was fitting. one part of me, less real than another...neither of the shadows truly representing who i am. i feel like ive been a shadow of myself for the past couple of years. up until a handful of weeks ago, i would say this was still true. something has changed though, for the better, and i dont think i can say the same anymore.
the camera note is either about needing to keep a camera with me at all times, which i do now after a few missed moments, or lamenting the fact that i didnt have a DSLR for a couple of weeks this semester. either way, its irrelevant now thank goodness.
everyone else on campus has their relationships, organizations, habits, roommates, routines...and here i was jumping back into this semester unprepared and out of the loop. the whole in medias res thing again. i'm always catching things in the midst of something else, one foot in the past, one foot hestitantly moving closer to the future, what comes next.
the rest, well...ill leave them up to you. irony, synchronicity, reality. which of the three is really worthwhile?
i just picked up one of my textbooks for bronze age archaeology to start marking it up for my final (which is open note, open book) and there were still a few stray post-it notes in the text from earlier this semester. considering the conversation i had today, it seems like maybe this is contrived, but it isn't. it is funny the little signs you find in your life, sometimes.
these are the little reminders i leave myself, but this semester ive been too busy to keep up with writing, so what would make sense at the time is lost to chronological ambiguity.
as far as the double shadow, i remember that bit...i just can't place it during a particular time of the year. i was walking to the caf, headphones on, between the christian center and murrah. i was looking down, like i had been tending to do...trying to remain anonymous, not having the confidence to look up and make eye contact with anyone anymore. looking at the ground, i noticed that i had two shadows besides me, both my own...one fainter than the other. maybe it was the way the sun was coming from behind me, i dont know. i distinctly remember thinking that not only was this strange, it was fitting. one part of me, less real than another...neither of the shadows truly representing who i am. i feel like ive been a shadow of myself for the past couple of years. up until a handful of weeks ago, i would say this was still true. something has changed though, for the better, and i dont think i can say the same anymore.
the camera note is either about needing to keep a camera with me at all times, which i do now after a few missed moments, or lamenting the fact that i didnt have a DSLR for a couple of weeks this semester. either way, its irrelevant now thank goodness.
everyone else on campus has their relationships, organizations, habits, roommates, routines...and here i was jumping back into this semester unprepared and out of the loop. the whole in medias res thing again. i'm always catching things in the midst of something else, one foot in the past, one foot hestitantly moving closer to the future, what comes next.
the rest, well...ill leave them up to you. irony, synchronicity, reality. which of the three is really worthwhile?
things start splitting at the seams and now
and now,
it's tumbling down
hard.
holland, 1945 - neutral milk hotel
cath... - death cab for cutie
no one's gonna love you - band of horses
the call - regina spektor
the quiet things that no one ever knows - brand new
up in all directions - this is me smiling
crazy=cute - zolof the rock and roll destroyer
best of me - the starting line
shake it out - manchester orchestra
well thought out twinkles - silversun pickups
don't haunt this place - the rural alberta advantage
come saturday - the pains of being pure at heart
upside down (spin me all around) - secret secret dino club
where is my mind? - pixies
the handshake - mgmt
sleepyhead - passion pit
seventeen years - ratatat
energy - the apples in stereo
the greater than symbol & the hash - dananananaykroyd
love story - the hoodies
tie the rope - the format
hell no - sondre lerche & regina spektor
breakin' - the all-american rejects
mykonos - fleet foxes
blue lead fences - loch lomond
fresh blood - eels
patty lee - les savy fav
anything - mae
it's tumbling down
hard.
i was supposed to make a mix for christie, and it turned into basically a bunch of shit i'm listening to right now. it is really disjointed and random...and reads more like a profession of love at times than a mix, but here it is - take it or leave it.
holland, 1945 - neutral milk hotel
cath... - death cab for cutie
no one's gonna love you - band of horses
the call - regina spektor
the quiet things that no one ever knows - brand new
up in all directions - this is me smiling
crazy=cute - zolof the rock and roll destroyer
best of me - the starting line
shake it out - manchester orchestra
well thought out twinkles - silversun pickups
don't haunt this place - the rural alberta advantage
come saturday - the pains of being pure at heart
upside down (spin me all around) - secret secret dino club
where is my mind? - pixies
the handshake - mgmt
sleepyhead - passion pit
seventeen years - ratatat
energy - the apples in stereo
the greater than symbol & the hash - dananananaykroyd
love story - the hoodies
tie the rope - the format
hell no - sondre lerche & regina spektor
breakin' - the all-american rejects
mykonos - fleet foxes
blue lead fences - loch lomond
fresh blood - eels
patty lee - les savy fav
anything - mae
download link removed, ratatat was corrupted...sorry.
i wish we could open our eyes
...to see in all directions at the same time
14 days.
14 days.
sorry that i've been updating like crazy...there is too much going on right now. too much that has happened, will happen, and should be happening. i'm overwhelmed.
on procrastinating
i had to look through my photos at some point today, so why not do it while i'm still only half-focused? sorted, uploaded, linked. now time to walk to john stone hall for my greek test
sorry that i'm taken aback
i woke up with the sun today...what a great way to start off the daunting day i have ahead of me. i'm back in jackson now, wasting time until i have to take my greek test this afternoon. i should start studying for my latin final, or my roman legacy final for that matter, since i have to take both tomorrow, but i'm still sitting here on my bed, fighting sleep. i keep throwing out the word surreal to try and describe the last few days, but i don't think there is any one adjective that can truly encapsulate what i have experienced. unlike the last few weeks that have been full of all-nighters and scrambling to put together term papers, my lack of sleep this past week has been punctuated by experiences i never would have expected. i'm trying to let myself be more spontaneous, live more in the moment, and it is hard...but worthwhile. i used to calculate every moment of every day, trying to thwart the unexpected with thought-out reason and definitive answers and plans so that i didn't have to face whatever chance, fortune, fate (whatever you believe in) threw my way. articulating that makes me feel like i was trying to be a stoic...a hyper-productive stoic, but still, that makes me sound like i could be in league with seneca, or someone of the like.
i can feel the weight of my sleep deprivation right behind my eyes, struggling to remain alert...but i feel the weight of my actions and the bigger issues at hand in my (insert some cliche here...heart, chest, soul).
beyond the rescue, invisible children, road trips and this growing sense of community, something else really unexpected came my way yesterday as well. i love beginnings, even if they are in medias res, and the excitement they incite. this quote reminds me a lot of my dear you (though i swear it was written before i ever read this) from a little while ago. those days are long past, but on the conceptual level it still rings true. i wish i could have some consistency in my life, but the thrill of starting something new and uncertain is more than enough. i just need to stop being so damn awkward. i can't help it...i can get a bit flustered when i have a bit of a crush.
i am in the mood for this is me smiling. obviously, i am "so excited to sleep"...but they feel like a good complement to the tone of the day.
on spontaneity
so, the jackson event ended up being a bust...so now it is new orleans or bust. this is so much bigger than me, than all of us...and i have to be a part of it. sue carrie and i will be driving down, following webb and lloyd, and we are leaving at eight tomorrow. the anticipation is killing me, and i can't sleep. i'm printing out my three pictures right now and trying to get my things together....i can't wait for this. i'm really glad i'm doing this, though it feels a little rash considering the fact that i have two finals on monday. is it bad that i don't really care?
it makes me weak...
...thinking about how badly i want to be a part of this, and how badly i want all of you to be a part of this. if i didn't have two finals on monday, i would drop everything i'm doing and drive to one of these cities and be a part of the real deal. even though jackson is just a drop in the bucket, every bit counts...so please, please, please help make this event successful. this is SO much bigger than all of us, so get up, get out, make a difference.
Rescue Riders from Jason Russell on Vimeo.
thinking about all of this makes me cry. i wish i were exaggerating, but i'm not. i....i don't have words.
Rescue Riders from Jason Russell on Vimeo.
thinking about all of this makes me cry. i wish i were exaggerating, but i'm not. i....i don't have words.
mean everything to nothing
"i try to write through a lens rather than on top of a soapbox. "
- andy hull, manchester orchestra
- andy hull, manchester orchestra
so true. here are the three videos ive posted from this album so far (again)... i know the links are dead in the old posts, but this should work for all of them. i can't wait for the other eight :)
do more than just watch
this saturday, there is going to be a worldwide demonstration held by invisible children called the rescue. there are events happening everywhere, so get involved !
for more information, visit this site -
therescue.invisiblechildren.com/
or RSVP to the facebook event here -
www.facebook.com/home.php#/event.php?eid=78535706990
lessons learned
tape holds things that cannot stick
and keep leftovers in the fridge
while lessons learned go down the drain
i can't believe in everything
all the bad names gone
and the good ones were all wrong
and so i stayed up all night
slept in all day
this is my sound
thinking about tomorrow won't change how i feel today
never let your mark erase
'cause broken legs can be replaced
two steps to the finish line
three sips till i finish mine
a straw will always suck it out
close your eyes and use your mouth
and tell me about your song
and so i stayed up night
slept in all day
this is my sound
thinking about tomorrow won't change how I feel today
Lessons Learned
and keep leftovers in the fridge
while lessons learned go down the drain
i can't believe in everything
all the bad names gone
and the good ones were all wrong
and so i stayed up all night
slept in all day
this is my sound
thinking about tomorrow won't change how i feel today
never let your mark erase
'cause broken legs can be replaced
two steps to the finish line
three sips till i finish mine
a straw will always suck it out
close your eyes and use your mouth
and tell me about your song
and so i stayed up night
slept in all day
this is my sound
thinking about tomorrow won't change how I feel today
Lessons Learned
GOOD NEWS
that's right, i used all caps. for those of you who know me or read this regularly, you should already know that i don't capitalize anything (including things that should be capitalized...such as god, i, chris, sam, etc.), so if something is worthy of all caps, it must be pretty damn exciting. AND IT IS!
the jackson rescue event had been canceled, but have no fear! there are people putting together an event at mississippi college and guess what - YOU SHOULD ALL BE THERE. they are meeting tonight to get together more details, but i am going and so should you. it is this saturday and it will be amazing! for those of you who don't know what the rescue is, it is the big invisible children event for the year and it is a great way for your voice to be heard in the community. if you remember the displace me event, this is the equivalent for 2009!
if you are going, or if not, do this! contact people, get individuals motivated and be a part of the change. get up, enact the ideals you stand for, and make a difference! this is such a huge deal, and even if there aren't a lot of people at the event (which you can change by coming, too!) you are still a part of this simultaneous event that is happening all over the country and all over the world! don't believe me? go to facebook, search the rescue and filter by events. there are hundreds of people rsvped to events (561 in melbourne, australia...617 in salt lake city....1496 in chicago...1134 in boston...and countless others. austin has 825! and these are just the people with facebooks you guys!) and YOU can be a part of it!
here is an instructional video, and be sure to check back here for more information about the event once i hear back from the wonderful individuals at MC. also, if you want to see some fun examples of the youtube shout out videos, i have one a couple of entries back. get excited people :) make a difference, enact change in yourself, your peers, and the world. fight apathy and get out for this.
and, as a last thought, i will leave you with some parting words from a man i love dearly, bryce avary, the singer of this great band the rocket summer.
the jackson rescue event had been canceled, but have no fear! there are people putting together an event at mississippi college and guess what - YOU SHOULD ALL BE THERE. they are meeting tonight to get together more details, but i am going and so should you. it is this saturday and it will be amazing! for those of you who don't know what the rescue is, it is the big invisible children event for the year and it is a great way for your voice to be heard in the community. if you remember the displace me event, this is the equivalent for 2009!
if you are going, or if not, do this! contact people, get individuals motivated and be a part of the change. get up, enact the ideals you stand for, and make a difference! this is such a huge deal, and even if there aren't a lot of people at the event (which you can change by coming, too!) you are still a part of this simultaneous event that is happening all over the country and all over the world! don't believe me? go to facebook, search the rescue and filter by events. there are hundreds of people rsvped to events (561 in melbourne, australia...617 in salt lake city....1496 in chicago...1134 in boston...and countless others. austin has 825! and these are just the people with facebooks you guys!) and YOU can be a part of it!
here is an instructional video, and be sure to check back here for more information about the event once i hear back from the wonderful individuals at MC. also, if you want to see some fun examples of the youtube shout out videos, i have one a couple of entries back. get excited people :) make a difference, enact change in yourself, your peers, and the world. fight apathy and get out for this.
and, as a last thought, i will leave you with some parting words from a man i love dearly, bryce avary, the singer of this great band the rocket summer.
i'm thinking 'bout other things i heard about today
all this week and tomorrow
and how these hands can create some better things for bettering. . .
do you feel
the weight of the world singing sorrow
or to you is it just not real
cause you got your own things
yeah we all have our things i guess
i guess my mind wanders off
from time to time
sometimes i convince myself
that all is fine in the world
it's not mine
why should i
have to try
to fix things i didn't create or contrive
. . . can you feel the souls behind what's going on
all this week and tomorrow
and how these hands can create some better things for bettering. . .
do you feel
the weight of the world singing sorrow
or to you is it just not real
cause you got your own things
yeah we all have our things i guess
i guess my mind wanders off
from time to time
sometimes i convince myself
that all is fine in the world
it's not mine
why should i
have to try
to fix things i didn't create or contrive
. . . can you feel the souls behind what's going on
and for good measure, since i love TRS so much, here is a cool in-studio version of so much love
the more i run the more i am convinced
i'm really digging passion pit. i've made everyone who has ventured near me while i was at a computer watch the video for sleepyhead, so of course when this new video for the reeling came out, it is time to share with the masses again. the reeling has received a lot of criticism for not living up to the expectations that sleepyhead set forth, but i disagree. passion pit is the next wet dream for the crowd who are over the cliches that mgmt presented but are still too caught up in them, regardless, to actually let go. i love mgmt, but all of their material is opposite ends of the spectrum - either really great or something i can live without. i think passion pit falls in the middle for me, and their lyrical content is a bit more engaging, in my opinion. that being said, enjoy this sweet ass video (and get a feel for what they are like live - because they are so high energy and so so so much fun)
we dug these holes we crawled into
now they're my home
now here i cannot feel the wind, can't feel the rain
and i believe in gentle harmony
how i loathe all this obscenity
is the way my life has got to be
by a single opportunity
look at me, oh look at me, is this the way i've always been
oh no, oh no
now i'm dreaming somebody would simply come and kidnap me
oh no, oh no
cause everyday i lie awake and pray to god today's the day
oh no, oh no
here i am, here i am, when will someone understand
oh no, oh no
and all at once i feel this, oh how it clings to me
it reels and calls me towards it, confounding destiny
and I can feel the magnets pinch my hands
the more i run the more i am convinced
a girl who loves
just like we settle in the foggy mist
look at me, oh look at me, is this the way i've always been
oh no, oh no
now i'm dreaming somebody would simply come and kidnap me
oh no, oh no
cause everyday i lie awake and pray to god today's the day
oh no, oh no
here i am, here i am, when will someone understand
oh no, oh no
want to listen again? here is a link to the mp3 -
http://iguessimfloating.net/assets/mp3s/The%20Reeling.mp3
passion pit, south by southwest 2009.
brooklyn vegan/paste magazine showcase at the radio room.
we work to become, not to acquire.
this one quote inspired me to read more elbert hubbard quotes. here are some of my favorites.
----
A pessimist? That's a person who has been intimately acquainted with an optimist.
A retentive memory may be a good thing, but the ability to forget is the true token of greatness.
An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy to be called an idea at all.
-----
Art is not a thing; it is a way.
-----
He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words.
It does not take much strength to do things, but it requires great strength to decide on what to do.
It's pretty hard to be efficient without being obnoxious.
Life is just one damned thing after another.
----
There is something that is much more scarce, something finer far, something rarer than ability.
It is the ability to recognize ability.
----
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
Never explain - your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway.
Our desires always disappoint us; for though we meet with something that gives us satisfaction,
yet it never thoroughly answers our expectation.
-----
Responsibility is the price of freedom.
------
The happiness of this life depends less on what befalls you than the way in which you take it.
The only foes that threaten America are the enemies at home, and these are ignorance, superstition and incompetence.
A retentive memory may be a good thing, but the ability to forget is the true token of greatness.
An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy to be called an idea at all.
-----
Art is not a thing; it is a way.
-----
He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words.
It does not take much strength to do things, but it requires great strength to decide on what to do.
It's pretty hard to be efficient without being obnoxious.
Life is just one damned thing after another.
----
There is something that is much more scarce, something finer far, something rarer than ability.
It is the ability to recognize ability.
----
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
Never explain - your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway.
Our desires always disappoint us; for though we meet with something that gives us satisfaction,
yet it never thoroughly answers our expectation.
-----
Responsibility is the price of freedom.
------
The happiness of this life depends less on what befalls you than the way in which you take it.
The only foes that threaten America are the enemies at home, and these are ignorance, superstition and incompetence.
The recipe for perpetual ignorance is: Be satisfied with your opinions and content with your knowledge.
The teacher is the one who gets the most out of the lessons, and the true teacher is the learner.
----
There is no failure except in no longer trying.
---
The sculptor produces the beautiful statue by chipping away such parts of the marble block
as are not needed - it is a process of elimination.
Optimism is a kind of heart stimulant - the digitalis of failure.
-----
We work to become, not to acquire.
----
There is no failure except in no longer trying.
---
The sculptor produces the beautiful statue by chipping away such parts of the marble block
as are not needed - it is a process of elimination.
Optimism is a kind of heart stimulant - the digitalis of failure.
-----
We work to become, not to acquire.
talk - action = shit
"i honestly don't know what would happen to him if he were successful and stopped having things to battle against."
i just watched this great documentary, dig, on hulu (you can watch it here if you are interested) about the dandy warhols and the brian jonestown massacre. these two bands started out as friends, ended up as enemies. the dandy warhols ultimately succeeded, but the brian jonestown massacre has constantly been falling apart because of the singer, anton, and his self-destructive nature. anton is so crazy, it makes parts of the film really hard to swallow...but the reality of it all is mind boggling. it is really easy for us, the listeners, to assume that everything is this perfect ideal behind the scenes with musicians...or to assume that maybe people writing revolutionary music are doing mind-opening drugs from time to time (maybe even habitually)...but to see them strung out, kicking audience members in the head and burning every bridge they ever are able to construct...it is really hard to take. does writing a good album or building up your own ego ever compensate for not being able to see your own son?
it is also interesting to see how chance and fortune brought two bands together and through a few simple choices, led them down two very different paths. what role do we really play in our own lives?
any one with potential can identify with anton, and i think that is what is so powerful about this documentary - it is a lesson in unfulfilled potential. what could we really be if we weren't holding ourselves back?
on recycling
“ Every day, think as you wake up, today I am fortunate to be alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others; to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings. I am going to have kind thoughts towards others, I am not going to get angry or think badly about others. I am going to benefit others as much as I can"
— Dalai Lama
“ Planning is sometimes just a form of procrastination. ”
— Jesse James Garrett ;] (via szymon) (via present)
“ A painter paints his pictures on canvas. But musicians paint their pictures on silence. We provide the music, and you provide the silence. ”
— Leopold Stokowski - British born American conductor (via grace-notes)
“ A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked. ”
— Bernard Meltzer (via brokenmachine)
“ Often, it’s not about becoming a new person, but becoming the person you were meant to be, and already are, but don’t know how to be. ”
“ Often, it’s not about becoming a new person, but becoming the person you were meant to be, and already are, but don’t know how to be. ”
— Heath Buckmaster (via thresca)
“ Don’t think about making art, just get it done. Let everyone else decide whether it’s good or bad, whether they love it or hate it. While they’re deciding, make even more art. ”
“ Don’t think about making art, just get it done. Let everyone else decide whether it’s good or bad, whether they love it or hate it. While they’re deciding, make even more art. ”
— Andy Warhol (via austinkleon) (via jessicachu)
one of my kind
this film is really stunning, and i loved it. i am going to watch it again later and really give it the attention it deserves, but cinematically it is so engaging and beautiful. there is something so beautiful about the simplicity of it all. there were two little quotes at the end that really struck home for me, so i typed them up. while you still have the chance though, you should go download it for yourself and donate to a good cause (if you are so inclined), but otherwise it is free for the time being.
this run that we're on...it's going to end and it is never going to be the same. everything is life is like that. like if you hang out with a person for a week, it is never going to be like that again. the next time you see them, it's not going to be the same, you know? it's maybe going to be awesome in a different way or worse or whatever but its not going to be like that. so, we've been going for so long and like on one kind of vibe, i mean it changes but it's had it's ups and downs but once this record is over and we leave this studio...it's over. we'll get back together and it will be sweet then, too, but this is over. - jason boesel
i try not to hold on too tight to anything, really. there's a time and place for everything. - conor oberst
this run that we're on...it's going to end and it is never going to be the same. everything is life is like that. like if you hang out with a person for a week, it is never going to be like that again. the next time you see them, it's not going to be the same, you know? it's maybe going to be awesome in a different way or worse or whatever but its not going to be like that. so, we've been going for so long and like on one kind of vibe, i mean it changes but it's had it's ups and downs but once this record is over and we leave this studio...it's over. we'll get back together and it will be sweet then, too, but this is over. - jason boesel
i try not to hold on too tight to anything, really. there's a time and place for everything. - conor oberst
rescue
also, i appreciate the fact that they used passion pit in this video :) i still get chills thinking about invisible children....bring me back here. i wish i was good enough, or whatever, to be a roadie.
on interconnectedness
i'm in the midst of writing my roman legacy paper, well past due, and i shouldn't be writing anything except stitching together my sources (especially considering it is 2:25)...but here i am. my mind needs a break from discussing the characterization of janus and how his multiple and evolving iterations can analogously be applied to roman character and even to the christian trinity. my brain may melt out my ears if i go at this too long...or else my paper will sound like absolute rubbish - it is a give and take, i suppose.
i was facebook-surfing/stalking/what have you and i guess my thoughts are fixed into a certain analytical mindset currently. it is really interesting to see how you can boil down the characterization (en! there is that word characterization again. and yes, i just used a latin exclamatory in colloquial "discussion"...so sue me) of an individual or a group of friends by their facebook pages. i was reading a note a certain individual from my past had tagged a mutual friend in (on a creepy note, i am not facebook friends with this person from my past, yet if he tags one of our mutual friends in a note i suddenly have access to all of his notes and all of the ones he has been tagged in) and saw a familiar list of his friends and some of his new ones from school. and what did they all have in common? all of this pictures that appeal to their "spiritual" lifestyle and don't conform to the typical, egocentric composition of the typical default picture. inadvertantly, however, they are conforming by not conforming and you can instantly see why these new individuals are becoming a part of the circle - because they all cherish the same ideals!
it is as easy as that! in a few brief moments i was able to generalize that these individuals will have the exact same underlying philosophical views and lifestyle or perspective as the rest of the individuals in this group - it is their common thread, all unraveled through a simple glance at thumbnails next to a note on facebook that i shouldn't be able to read in the first place. the speed with which technology allows us to further our understanding, overgeneralize individuals or concepts, and even speculate on the interconnectedness of separate entities, whether those entities are individuals or even ideas, is mind-boggling.
i was facebook-surfing/stalking/what have you and i guess my thoughts are fixed into a certain analytical mindset currently. it is really interesting to see how you can boil down the characterization (en! there is that word characterization again. and yes, i just used a latin exclamatory in colloquial "discussion"...so sue me) of an individual or a group of friends by their facebook pages. i was reading a note a certain individual from my past had tagged a mutual friend in (on a creepy note, i am not facebook friends with this person from my past, yet if he tags one of our mutual friends in a note i suddenly have access to all of his notes and all of the ones he has been tagged in) and saw a familiar list of his friends and some of his new ones from school. and what did they all have in common? all of this pictures that appeal to their "spiritual" lifestyle and don't conform to the typical, egocentric composition of the typical default picture. inadvertantly, however, they are conforming by not conforming and you can instantly see why these new individuals are becoming a part of the circle - because they all cherish the same ideals!
it is as easy as that! in a few brief moments i was able to generalize that these individuals will have the exact same underlying philosophical views and lifestyle or perspective as the rest of the individuals in this group - it is their common thread, all unraveled through a simple glance at thumbnails next to a note on facebook that i shouldn't be able to read in the first place. the speed with which technology allows us to further our understanding, overgeneralize individuals or concepts, and even speculate on the interconnectedness of separate entities, whether those entities are individuals or even ideas, is mind-boggling.
so this is the new year
so this is the new year, originally uploaded by some idealistic future.
and i dont feel any different
between the bars
death cab for cutie
april 11th, 2009
orpheum theater
memphis, tennessee
03.04.2009
driving back from umphrey's mcgee was beyond surreal. chris was an asshole, mitch was nicer than i expected, but you could feel the tension with the inhalation of every bated breath. the show went on forever, and it would have been fun if i weren't calculating every tap of my foot, every sway from left to right knowing he was right behind me. it didnt help that of my two allies in the situation, the ones who were encouraging me to come, were too busy not speaking to one another to acknowledge my existence. i wish the set hadn't been as long, or i had known more of the material, or i had been able to keep the right state of mind for the duration. production wise, it was fantastic - good mix, good sound, fantastic lighting. i wish i had my real camera and knowing how awful the photos my meager little point and shoot would have yielded in comparison was enough to stop me from taking any shots. i regret it a bit now, but oh well.
we had been planning on staying in birmingham, but i had to get back for class and sam and i didn't really see the need to perpetuate the awkwardness. the ride back was long, awful, and then it was over before you knew it. sam drove the first half, and somehow i roused myself enough to finish the second leg. i drifted off during sam's shift listening to the vines - for some reason i never quite give their music the attention it deserves. then we busted out fall out boy, like we do. favorite fall out boy song?
hands down, the patron saint of liars and fakes. sam doesn't really know take this to your grave as well as i do, so we just listened to my favorite tracks. it was oddly ironic to hone in on this track in a swift overview of the album. in my mind, the perspective between myself "singing" the song to someone, and then having someone sing it to me kind of shifts, but it is all horribly fitting, even back then.
then we went to infinity on high, thinking that i really didn't know it. i haven't listened to it since it came out, really, but i still know almost every word to every song. it is an album i don't really appreciate, but it has stuck with me for a reason. it's been a while since i've overviewed an entire album, but here we go.
there is this insistence of brevity and alll these time implications, as well as social and emotional ramifications. . .pete still has it sometimes, i have to admit.
sam insisted that i use cruise control while i was driving. i don't like using cruise control. i like being in control, and even that tiny little conceit, letting the engine run for itself...it is too much. every time i get into a routine, i find myself careening forward unknowingly, never quite aware of when i need to slow down, and not having that edge over when i will slowly inch forard or back in progress.
there is a storm coming in, and the road has been windy all night. when we get into the greater jackson area, the commercial neon lights served as the perfect foreground to a perfectly contrasting sky. all these layers of blacks and grays were painted onto the backdrop, looking more painterly and formed into the sky, it was hard to believe that they were moving at the same speed as us, in the same realm. all of the black added depth to the anxiety i feel in this city, yet its awe is hard to ignore, regardless.
we had been planning on staying in birmingham, but i had to get back for class and sam and i didn't really see the need to perpetuate the awkwardness. the ride back was long, awful, and then it was over before you knew it. sam drove the first half, and somehow i roused myself enough to finish the second leg. i drifted off during sam's shift listening to the vines - for some reason i never quite give their music the attention it deserves. then we busted out fall out boy, like we do. favorite fall out boy song?
hands down, the patron saint of liars and fakes. sam doesn't really know take this to your grave as well as i do, so we just listened to my favorite tracks. it was oddly ironic to hone in on this track in a swift overview of the album. in my mind, the perspective between myself "singing" the song to someone, and then having someone sing it to me kind of shifts, but it is all horribly fitting, even back then.
I'm holding out and I'm holding on to every letter and every song. I pulled myself out of the day we ever had to meet.
Are you through with me?
So..
And when it all goes to hell,
will you be able to tell
me you're sorry with a straight face.
I'm all ears and I'm all scars
to hear you tell me "Boy's like you, you try too hard
to look not quite as desperate". I'm hanging on.
But I still know the way to make your makeup run.
So..
And when it all goes to hell,
will you be able to tell
me you're sorry with a straight face.
And when it all goes to hell, (Take this to your grave) will you be able to tell me you're sorry with a straight face. (I'll take it to mine)
And when it all goes to hell
And when it all goes.
Are you through with me?
So..
And when it all goes to hell,
will you be able to tell
me you're sorry with a straight face.
I'm all ears and I'm all scars
to hear you tell me "Boy's like you, you try too hard
to look not quite as desperate". I'm hanging on.
But I still know the way to make your makeup run.
So..
And when it all goes to hell,
will you be able to tell
me you're sorry with a straight face.
And when it all goes to hell, (Take this to your grave) will you be able to tell me you're sorry with a straight face. (I'll take it to mine)
And when it all goes to hell
And when it all goes.
then we went to infinity on high, thinking that i really didn't know it. i haven't listened to it since it came out, really, but i still know almost every word to every song. it is an album i don't really appreciate, but it has stuck with me for a reason. it's been a while since i've overviewed an entire album, but here we go.
I found the safest place to keep all our old mistakes
Every dot com's refreshing for a journal update
So long live the car crash hearts
Cry on the couch all the poets come to life - fix me in 45
. . . The only thing I haven't done yet is die
And it's me and my plus one at the afterlife
Crowds are won and lost and won again
But our hearts beat for the diehards
Baby, seasons change but people don't.
And I'll always be waiting in the back room.
I'm boring but overcompensate with
Headlines and flash, flash, flash photography.
But don't pretend you ever forgot about me.
. . .They say your head can be a prison.
Then these are just conjugal visits.
. . .We do it in the dark with smiles on our faces.
We're dropped and well concealed in secret places, woah.
And the lies I weave are oh so intricate,
Oh so intricate
I wrote the gospel on giving up
(You look pretty sinking)
. . .Sing, until your lungs give out
Last year's wishes
Are this year's apologies
Every last time I come home
I take my last chance
. . .We're the new face of failure
Prettier and younger but not any better off
Bullet proof loneliness
At best, at best
. . .The best way
To make it through
With hearts and wrists intact
Is to realize
Two out of three ain't bad
It's all a game of this or that, now versus then
better off against worse for wear
And you’re someone who knows someone who knows someone I once knew
And I just want to be a part of this
You are the dreamer and we are the dream.
I could write it better than you ever felt it.
So hum hallelujah,
Just off the key of reason
I thought I loved you
It was just how you looked in the light.
A teenage vow in a parking lot
"Till tonight do us part"
I sing the blues and swallow them too
Sometimes we take chances, sometimes we take pills.
I could write it better than you ever felt it.
And I want these words to make things right
But it's the wrongs that make the words come to life
. . .One night, yeah, and one more time
Thanks for the memories. . .
Been looking forward to the future
But my eyesight is going bad
And this crystal ball it's always cloudy except for
When you look into the past
A penny for your thoughts but a dollar for your insides
Or a fortune for your disaster
I'm just a painter and I'm drawing a blank
Broken down on memory lane
Alone together, we're alone
I'm a stitch away from making it
And a scar away from falling apart
Of sinking with the melody of the cliffs of eternity
Got postcards from my former selves saying: "How've you been?"
We might've said goodbyes just a little soon
Come hell or high water
Well I'm feeling hot and wet
I can't commit to a thing
Be it heart or hospital
. . .i’m addicted to the way I feel when I think of you, woah
"There's too much green to feel blue"
. . .Signing off "I’m alright in bed but I’m better with a pen"
The truth hurts worse than anything I could bring myself to do to you
This way so many times
I could close my eyes
Every dot com's refreshing for a journal update
So long live the car crash hearts
Cry on the couch all the poets come to life - fix me in 45
. . . The only thing I haven't done yet is die
And it's me and my plus one at the afterlife
Crowds are won and lost and won again
But our hearts beat for the diehards
Baby, seasons change but people don't.
And I'll always be waiting in the back room.
I'm boring but overcompensate with
Headlines and flash, flash, flash photography.
But don't pretend you ever forgot about me.
. . .They say your head can be a prison.
Then these are just conjugal visits.
. . .We do it in the dark with smiles on our faces.
We're dropped and well concealed in secret places, woah.
And the lies I weave are oh so intricate,
Oh so intricate
I wrote the gospel on giving up
(You look pretty sinking)
. . .Sing, until your lungs give out
Last year's wishes
Are this year's apologies
Every last time I come home
I take my last chance
. . .We're the new face of failure
Prettier and younger but not any better off
Bullet proof loneliness
At best, at best
. . .The best way
To make it through
With hearts and wrists intact
Is to realize
Two out of three ain't bad
It's all a game of this or that, now versus then
better off against worse for wear
And you’re someone who knows someone who knows someone I once knew
And I just want to be a part of this
You are the dreamer and we are the dream.
I could write it better than you ever felt it.
So hum hallelujah,
Just off the key of reason
I thought I loved you
It was just how you looked in the light.
A teenage vow in a parking lot
"Till tonight do us part"
I sing the blues and swallow them too
Sometimes we take chances, sometimes we take pills.
I could write it better than you ever felt it.
And I want these words to make things right
But it's the wrongs that make the words come to life
. . .One night, yeah, and one more time
Thanks for the memories. . .
Been looking forward to the future
But my eyesight is going bad
And this crystal ball it's always cloudy except for
When you look into the past
A penny for your thoughts but a dollar for your insides
Or a fortune for your disaster
I'm just a painter and I'm drawing a blank
Broken down on memory lane
Alone together, we're alone
I'm a stitch away from making it
And a scar away from falling apart
Of sinking with the melody of the cliffs of eternity
Got postcards from my former selves saying: "How've you been?"
We might've said goodbyes just a little soon
Come hell or high water
Well I'm feeling hot and wet
I can't commit to a thing
Be it heart or hospital
. . .i’m addicted to the way I feel when I think of you, woah
"There's too much green to feel blue"
. . .Signing off "I’m alright in bed but I’m better with a pen"
The truth hurts worse than anything I could bring myself to do to you
This way so many times
I could close my eyes
there is this insistence of brevity and alll these time implications, as well as social and emotional ramifications. . .pete still has it sometimes, i have to admit.
sam insisted that i use cruise control while i was driving. i don't like using cruise control. i like being in control, and even that tiny little conceit, letting the engine run for itself...it is too much. every time i get into a routine, i find myself careening forward unknowingly, never quite aware of when i need to slow down, and not having that edge over when i will slowly inch forard or back in progress.
there is a storm coming in, and the road has been windy all night. when we get into the greater jackson area, the commercial neon lights served as the perfect foreground to a perfectly contrasting sky. all these layers of blacks and grays were painted onto the backdrop, looking more painterly and formed into the sky, it was hard to believe that they were moving at the same speed as us, in the same realm. all of the black added depth to the anxiety i feel in this city, yet its awe is hard to ignore, regardless.
what's happened to the american dream?
so, im going back through old notebooks, so expect a few disjointed entries, and hopefully ill get through south by southwest tonight. that's my goal, since i'm putting off school work yet again. i only wrote down a few lines from watchmen when i read it in the fall, but here they are.
all we ever see of stars are their old photographs
the cogs are falling
everything is frozen. i am starting to accept that i shall never feel cold on warm again
we have labored long to build a heaven, only to find it populated with horrors
----
apparently all i had to say about my own life this day was "no orientation, linear gone." for some reason those four words convey much more than their number of syllables should be expected to get across.
all we ever see of stars are their old photographs
the cogs are falling
everything is frozen. i am starting to accept that i shall never feel cold on warm again
we have labored long to build a heaven, only to find it populated with horrors
----
apparently all i had to say about my own life this day was "no orientation, linear gone." for some reason those four words convey much more than their number of syllables should be expected to get across.
'cause you are not alive when i need you
dirt in the ground is what i need
i got another one to tell you
and another one to make you believe
pity in the grass tried to be
the one you needed when i told you
that you wanted something bigger than me
i've got friends in all the right places
i know what they want
and i know they don't want me to stay
isaid that i've got friends in all the right places
i know what they want
and i know they don't want me to stay
'cause you are not alive
when i need you
ineed it quickly
in case you never know
i can't play where i'm not supposed to anyway
dirt in the ground is what I see
i need another reason why
i need another reason, tell me to breathe
the dirtier the sound, the best I breathe
I tried to do it all for you
it didn't do anything for me
i've got friends in all the right places
i know what they want
and i know they don't want me to stay
isaid that i've got friends in all the right places
i know what they want
and i know they don't want me to stay
and you and i will find
that when i need you
i need it quickly
in fact, you'll never know
i've got friends in all the right places
i know what they want
and i know they don't want me to stay
isaid that i've got friends in all the right places
i know what they want
and i know they don't want me to stay
i got another one to tell you
and another one to make you believe
pity in the grass tried to be
the one you needed when i told you
that you wanted something bigger than me
i've got friends in all the right places
i know what they want
and i know they don't want me to stay
isaid that i've got friends in all the right places
i know what they want
and i know they don't want me to stay
'cause you are not alive
when i need you
ineed it quickly
in case you never know
i can't play where i'm not supposed to anyway
dirt in the ground is what I see
i need another reason why
i need another reason, tell me to breathe
the dirtier the sound, the best I breathe
I tried to do it all for you
it didn't do anything for me
i've got friends in all the right places
i know what they want
and i know they don't want me to stay
isaid that i've got friends in all the right places
i know what they want
and i know they don't want me to stay
and you and i will find
that when i need you
i need it quickly
in fact, you'll never know
i've got friends in all the right places
i know what they want
and i know they don't want me to stay
isaid that i've got friends in all the right places
i know what they want
and i know they don't want me to stay
but do i have friends when i need them, or here with me? that is really the problem. be here now...right?
Manchester Orchestra - "I've Got Friends"
this whole album leaked last week, and it was the best thing that has happened to me in a long time. i love it and i wish i had time to sit down with this record and enjoy its company the way that i should. maybe this weekend - i'll be spending easter all alone, so why not?
on panic
i'm sitting here, hands shaking, eyes hazy. i lost my job today, over a stupid silly fuck up on my part. i love how my fuck ups are becoming more discernible and more concrete. i have my car keys next to my phone and i'm about to go missing for a while. don't expect my phone to be on for the rest of the day, and don't expect to hear from me - anyone. i have a paper to do, which won't be done. i have other obligations, but i don't care. i don't know if i want to come back.
looking in the mirror, pulling my hair back - half-straight, serving as a reminder of how i looked last night. at least i had one last night of seeming put together, even if it was all a facade. the make up still lines my face in places, accentuating all the wrong features. there is no eyeliner or mascara running down my face, but there is a heaviness around my eyes that i know is the remnants of what i recently washed away.
as the title says, i'm panicking. i don't have anyone to turn to, and sam is feeling cold. when i try to reach out, i can't. so, i'm like any other depressed person, sinking further into myself again. maybe the music will take some of the pain away - or else it will serve as a reminder of what used to suffice. distraught, desperate, desolate. every day is leading towards a moment, and maybe this is what those moments have been propelling toward headlong.
i'm sending him the letter, maybe this will be the last chance i get. he deserves to know.
no bonnaroo, no job, less time in greece, one of the two classes i needed to take this summer is cancelled, and broke. half of a hangover still lingering in my stomach - or maybe that is just the reality settling in.
looking in the mirror, pulling my hair back - half-straight, serving as a reminder of how i looked last night. at least i had one last night of seeming put together, even if it was all a facade. the make up still lines my face in places, accentuating all the wrong features. there is no eyeliner or mascara running down my face, but there is a heaviness around my eyes that i know is the remnants of what i recently washed away.
as the title says, i'm panicking. i don't have anyone to turn to, and sam is feeling cold. when i try to reach out, i can't. so, i'm like any other depressed person, sinking further into myself again. maybe the music will take some of the pain away - or else it will serve as a reminder of what used to suffice. distraught, desperate, desolate. every day is leading towards a moment, and maybe this is what those moments have been propelling toward headlong.
i'm sending him the letter, maybe this will be the last chance i get. he deserves to know.
no bonnaroo, no job, less time in greece, one of the two classes i needed to take this summer is cancelled, and broke. half of a hangover still lingering in my stomach - or maybe that is just the reality settling in.
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