we had been planning on staying in birmingham, but i had to get back for class and sam and i didn't really see the need to perpetuate the awkwardness. the ride back was long, awful, and then it was over before you knew it. sam drove the first half, and somehow i roused myself enough to finish the second leg. i drifted off during sam's shift listening to the vines - for some reason i never quite give their music the attention it deserves. then we busted out fall out boy, like we do. favorite fall out boy song?
hands down, the patron saint of liars and fakes. sam doesn't really know take this to your grave as well as i do, so we just listened to my favorite tracks. it was oddly ironic to hone in on this track in a swift overview of the album. in my mind, the perspective between myself "singing" the song to someone, and then having someone sing it to me kind of shifts, but it is all horribly fitting, even back then.
I'm holding out and I'm holding on to every letter and every song. I pulled myself out of the day we ever had to meet.
Are you through with me?
So..
And when it all goes to hell,
will you be able to tell
me you're sorry with a straight face.
I'm all ears and I'm all scars
to hear you tell me "Boy's like you, you try too hard
to look not quite as desperate". I'm hanging on.
But I still know the way to make your makeup run.
So..
And when it all goes to hell,
will you be able to tell
me you're sorry with a straight face.
And when it all goes to hell, (Take this to your grave) will you be able to tell me you're sorry with a straight face. (I'll take it to mine)
And when it all goes to hell
And when it all goes.
Are you through with me?
So..
And when it all goes to hell,
will you be able to tell
me you're sorry with a straight face.
I'm all ears and I'm all scars
to hear you tell me "Boy's like you, you try too hard
to look not quite as desperate". I'm hanging on.
But I still know the way to make your makeup run.
So..
And when it all goes to hell,
will you be able to tell
me you're sorry with a straight face.
And when it all goes to hell, (Take this to your grave) will you be able to tell me you're sorry with a straight face. (I'll take it to mine)
And when it all goes to hell
And when it all goes.
then we went to infinity on high, thinking that i really didn't know it. i haven't listened to it since it came out, really, but i still know almost every word to every song. it is an album i don't really appreciate, but it has stuck with me for a reason. it's been a while since i've overviewed an entire album, but here we go.
I found the safest place to keep all our old mistakes
Every dot com's refreshing for a journal update
So long live the car crash hearts
Cry on the couch all the poets come to life - fix me in 45
. . . The only thing I haven't done yet is die
And it's me and my plus one at the afterlife
Crowds are won and lost and won again
But our hearts beat for the diehards
Baby, seasons change but people don't.
And I'll always be waiting in the back room.
I'm boring but overcompensate with
Headlines and flash, flash, flash photography.
But don't pretend you ever forgot about me.
. . .They say your head can be a prison.
Then these are just conjugal visits.
. . .We do it in the dark with smiles on our faces.
We're dropped and well concealed in secret places, woah.
And the lies I weave are oh so intricate,
Oh so intricate
I wrote the gospel on giving up
(You look pretty sinking)
. . .Sing, until your lungs give out
Last year's wishes
Are this year's apologies
Every last time I come home
I take my last chance
. . .We're the new face of failure
Prettier and younger but not any better off
Bullet proof loneliness
At best, at best
. . .The best way
To make it through
With hearts and wrists intact
Is to realize
Two out of three ain't bad
It's all a game of this or that, now versus then
better off against worse for wear
And you’re someone who knows someone who knows someone I once knew
And I just want to be a part of this
You are the dreamer and we are the dream.
I could write it better than you ever felt it.
So hum hallelujah,
Just off the key of reason
I thought I loved you
It was just how you looked in the light.
A teenage vow in a parking lot
"Till tonight do us part"
I sing the blues and swallow them too
Sometimes we take chances, sometimes we take pills.
I could write it better than you ever felt it.
And I want these words to make things right
But it's the wrongs that make the words come to life
. . .One night, yeah, and one more time
Thanks for the memories. . .
Been looking forward to the future
But my eyesight is going bad
And this crystal ball it's always cloudy except for
When you look into the past
A penny for your thoughts but a dollar for your insides
Or a fortune for your disaster
I'm just a painter and I'm drawing a blank
Broken down on memory lane
Alone together, we're alone
I'm a stitch away from making it
And a scar away from falling apart
Of sinking with the melody of the cliffs of eternity
Got postcards from my former selves saying: "How've you been?"
We might've said goodbyes just a little soon
Come hell or high water
Well I'm feeling hot and wet
I can't commit to a thing
Be it heart or hospital
. . .i’m addicted to the way I feel when I think of you, woah
"There's too much green to feel blue"
. . .Signing off "I’m alright in bed but I’m better with a pen"
The truth hurts worse than anything I could bring myself to do to you
This way so many times
I could close my eyes
Every dot com's refreshing for a journal update
So long live the car crash hearts
Cry on the couch all the poets come to life - fix me in 45
. . . The only thing I haven't done yet is die
And it's me and my plus one at the afterlife
Crowds are won and lost and won again
But our hearts beat for the diehards
Baby, seasons change but people don't.
And I'll always be waiting in the back room.
I'm boring but overcompensate with
Headlines and flash, flash, flash photography.
But don't pretend you ever forgot about me.
. . .They say your head can be a prison.
Then these are just conjugal visits.
. . .We do it in the dark with smiles on our faces.
We're dropped and well concealed in secret places, woah.
And the lies I weave are oh so intricate,
Oh so intricate
I wrote the gospel on giving up
(You look pretty sinking)
. . .Sing, until your lungs give out
Last year's wishes
Are this year's apologies
Every last time I come home
I take my last chance
. . .We're the new face of failure
Prettier and younger but not any better off
Bullet proof loneliness
At best, at best
. . .The best way
To make it through
With hearts and wrists intact
Is to realize
Two out of three ain't bad
It's all a game of this or that, now versus then
better off against worse for wear
And you’re someone who knows someone who knows someone I once knew
And I just want to be a part of this
You are the dreamer and we are the dream.
I could write it better than you ever felt it.
So hum hallelujah,
Just off the key of reason
I thought I loved you
It was just how you looked in the light.
A teenage vow in a parking lot
"Till tonight do us part"
I sing the blues and swallow them too
Sometimes we take chances, sometimes we take pills.
I could write it better than you ever felt it.
And I want these words to make things right
But it's the wrongs that make the words come to life
. . .One night, yeah, and one more time
Thanks for the memories. . .
Been looking forward to the future
But my eyesight is going bad
And this crystal ball it's always cloudy except for
When you look into the past
A penny for your thoughts but a dollar for your insides
Or a fortune for your disaster
I'm just a painter and I'm drawing a blank
Broken down on memory lane
Alone together, we're alone
I'm a stitch away from making it
And a scar away from falling apart
Of sinking with the melody of the cliffs of eternity
Got postcards from my former selves saying: "How've you been?"
We might've said goodbyes just a little soon
Come hell or high water
Well I'm feeling hot and wet
I can't commit to a thing
Be it heart or hospital
. . .i’m addicted to the way I feel when I think of you, woah
"There's too much green to feel blue"
. . .Signing off "I’m alright in bed but I’m better with a pen"
The truth hurts worse than anything I could bring myself to do to you
This way so many times
I could close my eyes
there is this insistence of brevity and alll these time implications, as well as social and emotional ramifications. . .pete still has it sometimes, i have to admit.
sam insisted that i use cruise control while i was driving. i don't like using cruise control. i like being in control, and even that tiny little conceit, letting the engine run for itself...it is too much. every time i get into a routine, i find myself careening forward unknowingly, never quite aware of when i need to slow down, and not having that edge over when i will slowly inch forard or back in progress.
there is a storm coming in, and the road has been windy all night. when we get into the greater jackson area, the commercial neon lights served as the perfect foreground to a perfectly contrasting sky. all these layers of blacks and grays were painted onto the backdrop, looking more painterly and formed into the sky, it was hard to believe that they were moving at the same speed as us, in the same realm. all of the black added depth to the anxiety i feel in this city, yet its awe is hard to ignore, regardless.
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