dear nate,
get out of my head
and into my life.
love,
me.
Showing posts with label connections. Show all posts
Showing posts with label connections. Show all posts
talk - action = shit
"i honestly don't know what would happen to him if he were successful and stopped having things to battle against."
i just watched this great documentary, dig, on hulu (you can watch it here if you are interested) about the dandy warhols and the brian jonestown massacre. these two bands started out as friends, ended up as enemies. the dandy warhols ultimately succeeded, but the brian jonestown massacre has constantly been falling apart because of the singer, anton, and his self-destructive nature. anton is so crazy, it makes parts of the film really hard to swallow...but the reality of it all is mind boggling. it is really easy for us, the listeners, to assume that everything is this perfect ideal behind the scenes with musicians...or to assume that maybe people writing revolutionary music are doing mind-opening drugs from time to time (maybe even habitually)...but to see them strung out, kicking audience members in the head and burning every bridge they ever are able to construct...it is really hard to take. does writing a good album or building up your own ego ever compensate for not being able to see your own son?
it is also interesting to see how chance and fortune brought two bands together and through a few simple choices, led them down two very different paths. what role do we really play in our own lives?
any one with potential can identify with anton, and i think that is what is so powerful about this documentary - it is a lesson in unfulfilled potential. what could we really be if we weren't holding ourselves back?
on listing
i realized the other day that i have done some pretty absurd things in my life. then, yesterday, i went to get my monroe re-pierced, came back, and sam pointed out to me that it has been almost a year to the date since i got it done the first time. seeing as how things have come full circle, i decided to (start to) list some of the ridiculous things that have happened in my life in roughly the past twelve months.
- got two new piercings (three if you count the monroe twice...which i think you should)
- lived in three states (mississippi, tennessee, texas)
- ran a music festival (jubilee jam)
- had over nine hours of tattoo work done
- worked for two production companies
- became friends with a singer of a band on the radio, that a lot of my friends listen too (justin)
- started talking to the drummer of another fairly well-known band (only to learn he was an asshole)
- put on a $50,000 concert by myself
- became BFFF (best fucking friends forever) with my idol
- beat cancer (twice)
- drove over 2,000 miles in five days
- partied like a rock star in dallas
- worked for invisible children on warped tour for three days
- went to greece
- went to st. louis, on a whim
- had my first mardi gras in new orleans
- went to way too many shows to count (at least fifty....at least)
- fell in love
- had a photograph published
- read part of the first harry potter book in greek
- read at least 40 books on my own (outside of school)
- started writing (and became pretty prolific for a while)
- read narnia at least three times
- went to a sing-along showing of labyrinth
- watched all of the seasons of weeds, supernatural, and bones....all of them.
- bought my first record player
- went to austin city limits for the first time
- worked for two different production companies
- learned photoshop
- finally became close with sam, who will be my best friend for life, without a doubt
- ingested an inhuman amount of caffeine, as per usual.
- became really close with complete strangers, and i wouldn't have it any other way
on understanding and intelligence
Having already touched on the idea of a well-rounded, liberal arts education in our discussions, but Newman is much more eloquent in identifying what exactly it is we are trying to get at when we say this. What does it mean to be well-rounded, and what is the benefit to attaining this elusive, enigmatic quality? Newman asserts that the result of such a pursuit is a “concert of the intellectual powers.” What exactly is this “concert,” and what benefit does it provide? Simply put, we “don’t discern truth intuitively, or as a whole,” but “by piecemeal and accumulation, by a mental process, by going round an object, by the comparison, the combination, the mutual correction, the continual adaptation, of many partial notions.” This logic is sound, but once this has been established, we must still ask which is more beneficial – this well-formed intellect or the usefulness of the expertise that we choose to cultivate?
In Universities, “education and instruction ‘useful’ and ‘utility’ becomes their watchword,” but Newman states that “a liberal education is truly and fully a useful, though it be not a professional, education” and that we must be careful of what we mean by useful. While some might ask if there can be “any thing more ridiculous. . .than that a father should waste his own money, and his son’s time, in setting him to learn the Roman language, when at the same time he designs him for a trade, wherein he, having no use of latin, fails not to forget that little which he brought from school,” but “if every attainment had been honoured in the mixt ratio of its difficulty and utility, the system of such a University would have been much more valuable, but the splendour of its name something less.” Furthermore, “let us take ‘useful’ to mean, not what is simply good, but what tends to good” and be sure to qualify that while “useful is not always good, the good is always useful.”
A liberal education can render itself useful in the sense of the word that others are intending due to the fact that “the intellect is so excellent a portion of us, and its cultivation so excellent, it is not only beautiful, perfect, admirable, and noble in itself, but in a true and high sense it must be useful to the possessor and to all around him; not useful in any low, mechanical, mercantile sense, but as diffusing good. . .first to the owner, then through him to the world,” hence adding wealth and “utility” from even the study of things such as Latin or Greek. Additionally, a university “teaches all knowledge by teaching all branches of knowledge, and in no other way” and “a cultivated intellect. . .brings with it a power and a grace to every work and occupation which it undertakes, and enables us to be more useful, and to a greater number.”
We must note that “the specific duties of that calling are exalted at the cost of those free and independent tastes and virtues which come in to sustain the common relations of society, and raise the individual in them. . .his virtues, his science, and his ideas are all to be put into. . .the exact mould of his technical character,” if we do not provide the means for a well-rounded character prior to, or in the process of pursuing this or any vocation. Once an individual is “out of a University he is in danger of being absorbed and narrowed by his pursuit,” according to Newman, but I think that many times, even in University, individuals are forced to narrow their pursuit far too early, regardless of being liberal arts or otherwise. It is impossible to know definitively what realm of education you want to follow through to fruition without dabbling in any number of fields to test the waters first.
In the same vein, “we may affirm, that one of the best companions is a man who, to the accuracy and research of a profession, has joined a free excursive acquaintance with various learning, and caught from it the spirit of general observation,” and “whereas the enlargement of his circle gives him increased knowledge and power in a rapidly increasing ration, so much do ideas act, not as solitary units, but by grouping and combination.” This is the concert of ideas and intellect that Newman, and ourselves, have been trying to get at, and what better source to pull on than Classics, where there is a wealth and breadth of knowledge all within a particular frame of focus, from which to connect and extrapolate into our own lives and those of our peers?
According to Newman, Lord Bacon, believes that the study of “history would give fullness, moral philosophy strength, and poetry elevation to the understanding. . .the elements of general reason are not be found fully and truly expressed in any one kind of study” but “if different studies are useful for aiding, they are still more useful for correcting each other.” Lastly, in regards to our responsibility in looking to other intellectuals, such as Mr. Burke, for inspiration, we should note that “if any mind improved like his, is to be our instructor, we must go to the fountain head of things as he did, and study not his works but his method; by the one we may become feeble imitators, by the other arrive at some ability of our own.” – idea of liberal arts, becoming our own intellect and individual with informed, framed opinions in a variety of “concentrated lights” to “correct the false peculiar colouring of each, and show us the truth.”
“It is the education which gives a man a clear conscious view of his own opinions and judgments, a truth in developing them, an eloquence in expressing them, and a force in urging them.”
i can read
i'm tired of waiting, and i don't know what beauty there is any longer. this next one made me laugh because i know the greek for the "know thyself" bit. it's how we memorized alternate forms of second person singular imperatives in intro greek. now i'm running away.
moments
you did a lot for me without meaning it. mfeo 2:28, ktm 1:59, annie - 1:52, dropout 0:42 (but in a morbid way) and 2:20, caves 2:08-2:22, 4:45-5:05
i realize this list is getting long now, only two more - promise. the lights and buzz 1:12, spinning 2:09
i also have a love/hate relationship with cell phone. i've been listening to it every morning on the way to class.
on tattoos
wallscavedinonme: okay, so here goes nothing
wallscavedinonme: my first tattoo was five black stars on my hip
wallscavedinonme: just outlines
wallscavedinonme: perfectly symmetrical
wallscavedinonme: i had always had a fascination with stars
wallscavedinonme: you know...attainment, perfection, transience, adoration
wallscavedinonme: and then i got more stars, still just outlines, added up to my side (still just on the front, they didn't wrap around yet)
wallscavedinonme: my artist drew up a bunch of designs
wallscavedinonme: and basically, they become less perfect, more assymetrical, more randomly spaced, more spread out and less patterned
wallscavedinonme: then, i continued them around my ribs and onto my back, with the same thought
wallscavedinonme: even more random spacing, etc.
wallscavedinonme: basically, my stars mirror entropy
wallscavedinonme: you know...the whole world favoring chaos
wallscavedinonme: unless you work for order
wallscavedinonme: and ironically, when i got the first five, the perfect ones, was when i was on top of the world - just out of school, spending a summer going to shows, not a care in the world...or at least ones that i could put aside without much heartache
wallscavedinonme: then, the next two sessions were spread out over about six months between each
wallscavedinonme: and the chaos had grown in my life, and so did my tattoos
wallscavedinonme: and the way i depicted my view of the world and the universe on my body
weseenoshadows: That's so amazing
weseenoshadows: You're so poetic about this
weseenoshadows: And so sure of it
weseenoshadows: And I think that's kind of amazing
wallscavedinonme: i mean, it is a rule in chemistry
wallscavedinonme: the universe favors chaos
wallscavedinonme: it is an established fact
wallscavedinonme: the 'dirty room effect'
weseenoshadows: oh I know
weseenoshadows: but just that you thought of it
weseenoshadows: it would never have crossed my mind
wallscavedinonme: unless you fight to stay organized, your room will inherently become more disordered over time. that is applicable in all of life
weseenoshadows: That's so fantastic that it showcased itself on your body though
weseenoshadows: Most people, I think, would fight for order there too
weseenoshadows: Instead of just giving in to the natural effect
wallscavedinonme: but what is the beauty in perfection?
wallscavedinonme: why would i want stars all the same size, same design on my body?
wallscavedinonme: even looking at the sky, you know that isn't how it is
weseenoshadows: well, exactly
weseenoshadows: But that wouldn't occur to most people
weseenoshadows: People are generally fighting to obtain perfection
weseenoshadows: Without seeing the fact that perfection is impossible
weseenoshadows: And that nothing in the world is perfect, so nothing perfect is beautiful
wallscavedinonme: exactly
wallscavedinonme: i'm so glad you see that....
wallscavedinonme: i have tried to explain my reasoning to other people
wallscavedinonme: and they have just laughed it off
wallscavedinonme: saying i was trying to impose some greater idea onto a simple bit of ink
wallscavedinonme: but really, it is so so so much more than that
weseenoshadows: You wouldn't have gotten it done if it was just to have a bunch of stars
weseenoshadows: every one collaborates to mean something
weseenoshadows: It's the same as if you ask someone what they love about someone... they are going to say the little quirks along with the "perfect qualities", and it's the quirks that really mean something.
wallscavedinonme: yup 
weseenoshadows: I'm tired and am not articulating well, but I mean that people don't fall in love with perfection, they fall in love with unique imperfections
wallscavedinonme: exactly
wallscavedinonme: and the imperfections that you share
wallscavedinonme: that is what makes love go round
sound acoustics, one
sound acoustics, one, originally uploaded by some idealistic future.
theater at epidaurus, may 2008
theater at epidaurus, may 2008
landscape
landscape, originally uploaded by some idealistic future.
mountainscape, coach tour of the peloponnese, may 2008.
wednesday december tenth
early morning, late night. i didn't finish packing until almost 3 in the morning, and then i was too anxious to fall asleep. left for the airport at 430. abia is too far away...but at least we didn't hit traffic. starbucks wasn't open, it was too early, and it was one of those mornings when i wish austin wasn't all ~hip and had national chains in its terminals. my original flight was cancelled the day before, which gave me forty five more minutes of rest than i should have had, and my new flight was only delayed by a few minutes. got to dfw, time to spare, grabbed coffee and headed on to my next gate. flight was delayed about two hours after all was said and done, and all i wanted to do was get to st louis. i got there a bit after noon, met up with my dad who had made an earlier flight and we went to get the rental. after a bit of confusion and going to the wrong off-site rental company, we finally make it thrifty where we get a red toyota corolla...some year that i don't remember. who cares.
i make a mental note not to speed in this car. it is cold, but not unbearable. it was actually colder on the breezeway in dallas than it was when i landed. i was not dressed nearly warm enough for my flights - oxford, jm hoodie, jeans, and vans don't cut it when its 23 outside. i slept through both of them, but the kind of jilted sleep that turbulence and too much caffeine allows. we get in the car and drive to o'fallon, where i have lunch at t.g.i. fridays with my dad. drove him out to his site for citi, and then headed back toward hazelwood to check into my hotel. all the municipalities around st louis reminds me of jackson - five miles and you are in a different town. kind of comforting. i guess the bridges helped with that, too. in retrospect, i wish i had gone to a casino. i didn't really think about it. i guess that is the one privilege of being 21 that i dont really consider.
check into the la quinta and the room is large...but feels empty. i like hotels where you feel cozy and snug. i unpack all of my things, lay down for a nap and listen to lots and lots of electric light orchestra. meet up with jeff, go to growler's for dinner and i have a very un-wintery meal of an apple salad and sunset wheat leinenkugel. called it a night early, because i was running on empty.
i make a mental note not to speed in this car. it is cold, but not unbearable. it was actually colder on the breezeway in dallas than it was when i landed. i was not dressed nearly warm enough for my flights - oxford, jm hoodie, jeans, and vans don't cut it when its 23 outside. i slept through both of them, but the kind of jilted sleep that turbulence and too much caffeine allows. we get in the car and drive to o'fallon, where i have lunch at t.g.i. fridays with my dad. drove him out to his site for citi, and then headed back toward hazelwood to check into my hotel. all the municipalities around st louis reminds me of jackson - five miles and you are in a different town. kind of comforting. i guess the bridges helped with that, too. in retrospect, i wish i had gone to a casino. i didn't really think about it. i guess that is the one privilege of being 21 that i dont really consider.
check into the la quinta and the room is large...but feels empty. i like hotels where you feel cozy and snug. i unpack all of my things, lay down for a nap and listen to lots and lots of electric light orchestra. meet up with jeff, go to growler's for dinner and i have a very un-wintery meal of an apple salad and sunset wheat leinenkugel. called it a night early, because i was running on empty.
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