visingsö
i can't believe that it is already august. classes start in twenty three days and somehow two whole weeks have passed since i left the US for the second time this summer. twenty more days of survery. no, make that seventeen, then i fly out at nine in the morning on the twenty second. the days are going by in a blur, but i still haven't found myself counting down the days in the same way that i was in albania - it is really more a matter of disbelief that i have already been here this long. woke up a little bit before seven, my heart racing. maybe it is something about getting more than six hours of sleep a night on a regular basis (for a change), but i have been dreaming much more frequently since i've been here. last night, one my recurring dreams repeated itself once more, these varying images of missing my flight or train, thoughts of packing. last night i couldn't manage to carry all of my bags - i kept switching what went in each bag, worried about what i could bring back with me, what could go through security and what could not. before i knew it, i was out of time and had missed my flight. i know it shouldn't unsettle me as much as it did, but i really felt like i had disappointed and thrown everything into chaos, that i had screwed up, which made it a bit hard to go back to sleep. breakfast with three people in our little kitchen was kind of a complicated shuffle, but extra company is definitely beneficial. it looked a little overcast, but promising, but as soon as we stepped outside it started misting. went outside to try to write and tina said that we would just hang out until eleven, when roman was planning to take us over to the brahekyrkan again. as we were all sitting around the living room, nez mike jess and i started talking about tattoos, which was refreshing. well, it was refreshing to talk to people who interact with tattoos in the same way that i do. it is really about art, expression, meaning, not just showing out or something. i know some people don't assign meaning to their tattoos, and for some that is the only way that tattoos can 'stay' relevant all of their lives. maybe it is the same for everyone, but loud, obscene tattoos just don't seem like the best life choice or something that you would really want to have when you are eighty - family or not. i don't know, maybe depressing tattoos aren't the answer either, but to each their own. we left for the church and tina arranged for someone to unlock the staircase so we could head up toward the bell tower. we went up to the king's chapel and then into the rafters to see the old walls which bring into question the age and original use of the church.
after the church chapel, we kept climbing up until we reached the clock and bell tower level - stepping over a few dead birds in the process. going up spiraling, tiny stone steps in pitch black darkness put me to the edge of panic, but somehow i managed to brave the set of stairs twice - thought once it was not on purpose. katie and i climbed too high to begin with, but that is what happens when you send two people up first who don't know where they are going or where to stop. hung out in the entrance way of the church waiting for the rain to let up, then stopped by the store on the way back. i feel like we are always going to the store, but maybe that is just because i'm always working with tina and she pays for the groceries. i think that is going to stay that way (working with tina, that is) until the end of my time here after what tom said today. on the day that we tried to finish the pea field and started work on the forest, he made us quit after two or three holes and has made it sound like i couldn't tough it because i'm a girl ever since. this project is comically easy in terms of physical exertion and risks, but somehow the fact that i'm a girl prevents me from jumping across a small ditch? the problem is that he has issues walking across any surface, nonetheless a difficult patch of the forest in the rain and he couldn't cut it - he made us go back to the car early. today while we waited to leave to meet roman, he openly insulted me in front of a room full of people, along with katie. i have been letting the slightly chauvinistic comments slide, but saying that a girl shouldn't work in the forest was too much - and he wouldn't let it go. unprofessional, inappropriate, and unfounded - not the kind of triple threat you want to strive for. came back to the cottage after the store and watched the rest of inception. took a short nap, downloaded and edited photos and watched true blood while writing. jess and katie both went on separate walks which gave me about an hour of uninterrupted alone time - something i haven't had in two weeks. hallelujah! now veggie sausage and dinner with the rest of the crew at the big house. not too shabby - a lazy sunday after all.
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