a note of pessimists

last night was not exactly what i would call a sound night's rest. i woke up around four in the morning and my middle finger was completely locked in place. i tore my tendon during a hiking in albania about seven weeks ago and reinjured it when i was at home in austin between my two trips. when it got cold four days ago, it started to get a little stiff but the only problem was bending it if i was trying to clench or form a fist, little things of that nature. in the middle of the night, however, it just decided to lock and keep me awake and fill my dreams with images of injuries and flashes of pain. i woke up at 8:20, like normal, and tried to go about my routine, but as soon as i went to open my dresser, the pain brought tears to my eyes. starting to cry, i hurried down our precarious stairs to down some ibuprofen and use katie's homeopathic ointment. my finger was twice the size of my others and the was radiating throughout my palm. i couldn't straighten it out at all. katie helped me fumble through breakfast despite my insistence that i could manage, then she chimed in, "well, the good news is, it doesn't look like we will be soil sampling today." i hadn't even thought twice about it, but as soon as i looked outside i saw the mud-soaked ground and the persistent beating of sheets of rain against the pond. no e-mails from tina or gisela to support our theory, but the rain was torrential, and as we learned on our walk over, bitingly cold. got to the house, drenched and hand aching to see everyone sitting around, warm and cozy, insisting that they could have come to pick us up. too late. a month of backlogged phosphate data and some of tom's lectures and powerpoints filled the rest of our day. tina gave me a heating pack which helped with the pain, but not the swelling. the data entry numbed my mind enough to at least forget about my finger during the process. a couple of depressing but enlightening conversations about gre testing, admissions, and grad schools later, coupled with the zombie-inducing repetition of our work, my mood was left in a state not to be desired. all of these archaeologists make me doubt myself! they make it seem like i have no future, but i just need to stand up on my own two feet and ignore the dissenters. i can do it. it may kick my ass, but this is what i'm supposed to be doing - i can't let these little hiccups discourage me. some of these people only dwell on the negative and as pessimistic as i can be, there is no reason to bring others down and fixate on the weaknesses of others. maybe i'm judging too harshly, but i don't like contagious pessimists (only the introspective ones). i just need to buckle down and kick some ass. spinach and cheese tortellini with garlic bread for dinner served with a side of strange conversations at the big house, followed by hours of boredom dulled with a glass of straight whiskey, some beck and some ben folds. it looks like the weather is going to prevent bjorn and rachel from making it to jönköping tomorrow, but if nothing else, katie and i will have a change of scenery! let's hope it isn't a rain-filled excursion.