we could float away on a bumble bee in my dream

on the eastern shore
the ocean was all i came for. . .
everything is gonna change
everything is gonna change
for good.

so, last night was very unexpected. this guy who works at kasbah, which is the hookah bar im beginning to frequent for all of you who haven't kept up, messaged me on facebook about meeting up thursday night after he got off at 2. coincidentally, i was already going to be downtown, so it worked out perfectly.

left my house around 845 and stopped by 7 eleven for a big gulp of sunkist to go with my kitron and a pack of camel lights. on a whim i called up kaitlin as a last ditch effort to get some shit together, to no avail. she was over at hot wok though, waiting for jess to get off, so i said i would head over once i left the gas station.

got over there, and missy was working...which was awkward considering the hell i gave her the other day about being irresponsible. jess, kait and myself chatted for a bit and i let them try my precious kitron...i really only have enough for one more good night, marking the end of an era. greek good arent exactly easy to come by. maybe one day ill get to go back.

after a bit, i headed out so that i wouldnt have to rush downtown. feeling pretty good, but exceedingly nervous, i smoked a cigarette, letting the cool night breeze float by my insubstantially and settled into some at the drive-in.

it finally feels like fall, and i cant help but be hopeful with all this death and decay inevitably to come. i know that sounds backwards, but its not- it is almoost cathartic. unlike a lot of places where the life of summer is sent away in the blink of an eye, it is slow and drawn out here in texas. nature tries to fight itself out, raging during the day with the heat of intensity and admitting defeat with winters cold embrace at dusk. falling backwards through progress, submitting to the unavoidable...it is calming to know that even in nature, beautiful perfection is transient.

arrived downtown with my traffic and no frustration and parked off trinity. it was my first time going to the parish, and i knew it was between san jacinto and brazos and i would have missed it if it werent for all the scene kids standing outside.

got there just in time for jonezetta's sound check, so i didn't miss any of their set this time around. they put on a really great, high energy show through the whole set that had me smiling and tapping along with the infectious beats. i couldnt help but enjoy myself, and i would like then in their own right whether or not i knew alex.

shiny toy guns was up next ( i missed the delta fiasco, from liverpool, who played first) and again, i was impressed. it might not exactly be my cup of tea, but i had a damn good time. i think jonezetta fits in much better with shiny toy guns than they did with meg & dia, much more in the same vein and energy. all and all, it was really great.

didnt see alex at all until i was leaving and he told me to swing by merch. i cant get over how tall robert and tyler are....they tower over me. robert had a sweet stache going on, i was feeling it. definitely added tobthe whole lumberjack vibe. tyler is probably one of the most sincere people i have ever met- you cant help but believe the words and sentiments behind that smile are genuine.

headed over to kasbah a bit after midnight, drove through taco bell for a big drink, and met up with a much larger crowd than i had been expecting. apparently kevin picked up some girls at the we the kings show, which was hilarious. side note: he actually texted me to see if i was going to emos last night and then tried to act like he was in the ~know about shows or some shit like that, when i was the one who told him they were coming through town. he bought a purple shirt, which he probably thought would make him cool, and dragged along a bunch of younger, marginally skanky girls, one of whom i personally knew through taylor. surprised to see them? yes. surprised they were with kevin? no. disgusted? yes.

austin, kyle, wes, big josh and little josh were all there. i also finally got to met katie, who was really funny and cool. james and a bunch of guys who i dont remember ever having met showed up, and caused a ruckus. they were extremely obnoxious, but wes, austin, katie, kyle and big josh were all cool. kirt came and sat with us every now and then, but he was really intent on getting closed up and everyone out of there, for which i was very grateful.

the group finally left bit by bit, unfortunately leaving the mass of douche bags as the lone stragglers. eventually it was just big josh and i, but he left when everyone was kicked out at 2. i went and sat with nic, zoe, tyler, and gary up on the porch. it was my first time meeting tyler, and my first time officially meeting gary.

i love that whole group, they remind me a bit of the dynamic in birmingham. all very new age, astrologically and seemingly spiritually driven. its almost intoxicating to be surrounded by so much positivity and trust in karmic and astrological understanding. and open mindedness is always inviting.

i tried to have gary determine what animal i was, and he was torn between rabbit and tiger. i told him i was a rabbit, and after talking to me for a bit he said he should have known i was a rabbit- apparently i fit its characteristics perfectly. everyone is always so turned off by the fact that im a scorpio, though barely, but gary thought that the rabbit and scorpio have a lot of potentially for melding well. so, cosmically, maybe i stand a chance of being.

kirt, tyler, zoe, nic and myself all headed back to kirts place where we chilled and listened/watched music on youtube. everything from ratatat, lil wayne, aesop rock, mgmt and the notorious b.i.g.

we had a really good time, and ultimately i stayed up til almost dawn. unlike kirt, i dont usually stay up until the sun comes up, and i finally passed out watching juno around six something. i wouldnt say i really slept, i was restless as hell and constantly waking every few minutes.

im really hesitant to get involved with another scorpio...it is great now, but i know it will end poorly. it feels so much the same...but i dont think it is any wiser to deprive myself of this opportunity to be happy. i guess the cards will fall where they may.

i rested for a bit when i got home a bit after 9, and then watched dirty sexy money and private practice with my mom. hesitantly i went into work at 330, sure that i wouldnt last through my shift. but here i am, forty five minutes from walking out the door. having two separate starbucks runs definitely helped.

my whole family is at cedar park's homecoming right now, so im on my own for dinner, which gives me the excuse to call it a night early. i work from open to close tomorrow, so i need to make sure that i have enough rest to make it. it has been a while since i had to pull a double.

oh, on a final note, i finally recalled what it was that kept slipping my mind in one of my last blogs. in the last six years, i can only remember with certainty one occasion during which i was happy for more than a day or two at a time. the longest stretch, and the most tempting and rewarding, lasted merely a week. it seemed like everything was within sight, and it was that bliss that made it that much harder to let go.

i hardly smile anymore and its a rare gift to hear myself laugh. i used to giggle at everything, and now i can hardly find that old part of me at all. i need some prolonged break, for someone to save me from myself these days, but i feel more at ease with these new individuals that have stumbled unexpectedly into my life. kevin, if i can thank you for one thing- it is that you introduced me to all these great people, by chance, and that maybe i will be the better for it.