and now i'm gone, yeah, thanks a lot.
currently, my self-esteem is my greatest enemy
i'm going to lose. . .i always do
currently, my self-esteem is my greatest enemy
i'm going to lose. . .i always do
i was about to finish up my latin translation, immediately following my "break" i just took to sit down with my archaeology readings that i needed to finish by tomorrow afternoon. i don't know how i feel about this whole 2:45 class thing, either. it makes me wary. i would rather have everything done first thing in the morning, because i can already feel the temptation to wait and do my reading during my two and half hour break between classes on tuesdays and thursdays.
back to the point, however, i had the mix playing i had made for jess and kait before i left town playing the background, and the song i quoted above, happy birthday dinosaur by driver f, came on, and it seemed to fit too perfectly to not blog about it.
i had breakfast this morning and had enough time to sit down and enjoy one of my favorite bacon and mushroom omelettes with my coffee, spiked with tiramisu coffeemate, of course. waking ashland on shuffle playing on my zen and dave eggers in hand. perfect. breakfast has always been my favorite meal, but i think it never particularly dawned on me why that is the case. i think the solitude has a lot to do with it. you aren't expected to be social at breakfast, it is early...and people would rather not deal with a cranky sibling or classmate. newspapers, crosswords, individuals sitting as isolated entities around the room as opposed to the typical patterns of congregation. the only exceptions are those huddled together trying to work toward a common cause, typically studying or cramming for a test that is inevitably sooner than they are prepared for, or because they are simply repeating the patterns and habits they would any other time of the day with their brains still on autopilot, not quite roused from their slumber.
i enjoy being alone, but not at the expense of how others view me. i am so critical of myself, that i can't bear to imagine criticism passing through the lips of anyone else - it could not possibly be any worse than what runs through my mind every waking moment. the additional hurt, especially if it is something superficial and avoidable, though at slight personal discomfort or cost, is something i am unwilling to add to the load i carry around by myself.
it is too cold here, and either too dreary or too blindingly sunny. i don't know if the realist portrayal of my hesitance in the overcast skies or the blatant sarcasm of juxtaposing hopeful, revitalizing sunshine on my cold, hard indifference that strikes me deeper.
back to the point, however, i had the mix playing i had made for jess and kait before i left town playing the background, and the song i quoted above, happy birthday dinosaur by driver f, came on, and it seemed to fit too perfectly to not blog about it.
i had breakfast this morning and had enough time to sit down and enjoy one of my favorite bacon and mushroom omelettes with my coffee, spiked with tiramisu coffeemate, of course. waking ashland on shuffle playing on my zen and dave eggers in hand. perfect. breakfast has always been my favorite meal, but i think it never particularly dawned on me why that is the case. i think the solitude has a lot to do with it. you aren't expected to be social at breakfast, it is early...and people would rather not deal with a cranky sibling or classmate. newspapers, crosswords, individuals sitting as isolated entities around the room as opposed to the typical patterns of congregation. the only exceptions are those huddled together trying to work toward a common cause, typically studying or cramming for a test that is inevitably sooner than they are prepared for, or because they are simply repeating the patterns and habits they would any other time of the day with their brains still on autopilot, not quite roused from their slumber.
i enjoy being alone, but not at the expense of how others view me. i am so critical of myself, that i can't bear to imagine criticism passing through the lips of anyone else - it could not possibly be any worse than what runs through my mind every waking moment. the additional hurt, especially if it is something superficial and avoidable, though at slight personal discomfort or cost, is something i am unwilling to add to the load i carry around by myself.
it is too cold here, and either too dreary or too blindingly sunny. i don't know if the realist portrayal of my hesitance in the overcast skies or the blatant sarcasm of juxtaposing hopeful, revitalizing sunshine on my cold, hard indifference that strikes me deeper.
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