thoughts

1. turbulence shakes my certainty as the whole of myself and my surroundings struggles to adjust to the sway of the change -change that is enveloping the protective shell we have erected in monument to our own ingenuity. intake of choked breath, music breaking through the pinpricks of anxiety that cause my pen to hesitate on this page. calm settles only to be broken by the faint rattle that slowly creeps, front to back, until it reaches the soles of your feet - trying to ground you in some construct of reality. ears alert and expanding trying to prepare for any offset in their equilibrium, the sole connection between your mind and your body's response. straining to prepare for what you perceive as the inevitable, b ut only hurting when this certainty never reaches fruition outside of your designed fear.

2. cool, crisp air cuts through my lungs, bracing my body for the unknown adventures i will face today. strange, new weather patterns pull into a new intriguing cycle, one which i desire to embrace and which i am afraid to break. going through the motions is impossible during such days where one step uncertainly leads to the next, but where you will next catch your footing is unclear until you arrive. new faces, new chances, and no expectations are all that i can ask.

3. you know what i love? my dad's blind and unreasonable desire to make me happy. regardless of whether or not he thinks i am making the right choices. regardless of his often discovered inability to understand my decisions. he still wants me to be happy. whether this is out of love or some other selfless, or even selfish, feeling i can't be sure - but i do appreciate it.

4. water. trusting, progress, ever moving forward no matter the obstacle.

5. waiting, impatience.

6. anonymity, secrets. shaping news.

7. always concerned with progress, half-acknowledging the present. flooding your experience with one eye always measuring how far you have come - that is no way to embrace the joy of being and the power of true experience, of being alive. existing only when your clarity stems from things that were. even if you replicate an experience from your past that you have dwelt on for so long, this new formed fascination with synthesizing that memory alters the original reality.