oh, how i love chuck. i guess it is logically shift from philosophically fucked up reading to just...fucked up reading. haha.so, what have i been up to? i went to visit sara at texas state on wednesday. i got a really late start heading down there, but i didnt realize how close it was so it all worked out. i really want a new black purse, so i dropped by coach at the outlets but couldn't find anything i loved. tried saks, neiman marcus, betsey johnson, michael kohrs...no luck. but then i hit up bcbg and found two super cute dresses for less than $100. they didn't have the third dress i wanted in my size though...damn.
then i met sara at her dorm, which is tight as hell, and then hit up stratosphere. i love that place, so cool, so chill. i met adam and michael and we just hung out and chatted for a while. michael's mom was my IPC teacher in high school. what are the odds? he's a really cool kid though. sara and i left after a while, got food, and then headed out to the soccer field so sara could get some shots of practice for the paper. soooo many hot guys running around, shirtless, sweaty, ripped, and sexy as hell. sam told me to grow a pair and talk to some guys, but i didn't. michael met back up with sara and i at her dorm where we chatted, i told some of my crazy stories, and we drank vodka and kitron. we didnt really have any mixers...or chasers....so it was more like glorified shots but whatever. got kinda tipsy, went and smoked in front of some dorm for forever and i met a bunch of cool people. they make me all feel so damn old though. this one creeper, i don't remember his name, was all up in my business and being really, well, creepy. like hey, how YOU doin'? are you single? 'cuz i am. idk just being....creepy. thank god michael saved me after a while. apparently being a straight up bitch does the trick sometimes too. too bad his friend was cute, i was bummed when they left together.
we listened to a lot of music, found ridiculous pictures on michael's phone and just had a good time enjoying some good company. sara and i headed back because she had class in the morning and called it a night. i woke up a million times when all her roommates were coming and going and ended up heading back to cedar park before sara even got out of bed. we chatted for a bit though, and she ultimately decided to skip class. oh well, i guess i was kinda a bad influence.
went back to austin, tried to sleep but couldnt. hung out with my mom for a bit, watched tv and was a bum until i worked at 4. shawn was having a horrible day....i was in a shitty mood....jess was in a shitty mood....so we were like hey, let's hang out and all be in a shitty mood together. then i was telling shawn about going to texas state and seeing sara and he started talking about wanting to see sara....so what did we decide to do? go to texas state after we closed. so we all met at starbucks, piled in my car, and drove down to her dorm. then we were in the parking lot under her down and told her to come to the basement and surprised her. we ended up meeting up with michael and drinking in his dorm. a shit ton of people were around and i met some more cool kids, again, emphasis on kids. michael's roommate charlie was the shit. good music taste, cute, and he's going to ratatat so i might potentially meet up with him and sara at the show if all goes well. sara started to move in for the kill, haha. shawn jimmy and i ultimately decided it was best not to all crash in saras dorm so we drove back around 3-330. i got back to my house around 4 but absolutely could not fall asleep until around 545.
worked at 4 again on friday, closed. pretty uneventful day. the new rocket summer video debuted, stephenie meyer blogged about the new jack's mannequin video, and i spent a lot of time trying to catch up with people from this summer and from school.
i'll tell you what - being home has been the most humbling experience. especially now that i am ~ending treatment and just have to kill time. not bragging or being boastful, but i was like the all-around golden child when i graduated despite my fucked up past - president of the band, all As, accepted to almost anywhere i wanted to go, and ready to get the hell out of cedar park.
and now, here i am, back where i started. i run into people i went to school with at starbucks or at work, or worse, parents of people who aren't around anymore or back at school. there is this insatiable need to justify myself to these people from my past, and they all demand some kind of reason from me. i wasn't supposed to be the person back home. i'm ready to go back to school just so i can live up to everyone else's expectations of me. i feel like such a failure every time i see a familiar face from my past, with very few exceptions, and i am so ready to feel like my life has meaning again - even if it is just face value to the world around me.
went to bed fairly early on friday night because i had to open saturday morning and i haven't been getting a lot of really restful sleep. got coffee at randalls, chatted with this cute boy named kevin who fucked up my drink because he was too busy talking haha. he has a killer smile and is definitely the first new person in my life who i am reasonably interested in in the aftermath of the "ordeal" or "event" or what have you. i mean, old flames keep coming in and out of my life and old crushes keep popping up, but this is my first new, unrelated ~interest.
i was supposed to get off at 5, but shawn was running late and so was melissa, so jess asked me to stay. i was supposed to go see a movie and do dinner with the fam, so i said i could really only stay until 630 or so. jess and ma li were really appreciative and asked if i wanted to take a break or whatever. i was fine, but ma li offered to pay for coffee for all of us if i wanted to walk next door. so i did, and guess who was still there? kevin. just as cute. we talked for a little longer and he took his sweet time making my drinks...and let's just say i wasn't complaining. i'm all about cute, charming baristas. i'm just not used to being on the other side of the counter i guess.
then, surprisingly, kevin asked me if i wanted to join him and go to kasbah. i was really taken aback, kinda flattered, and thoroughly surprised - and of course i said yes. gave him my number, and then he texted me when i was back at hot wok. needless to say, the next hour and a half flew by with a big goofy grin on my face and a wonderful mood.
went to dinner with my family at texas roadhouse and did some grocery shopping and such. i told my mom in passing that i wanted to start riding a bike to work, just for exercise and whatever, and she surprised me by taking me with my dad to buy one. it's a super sweet old school bike - it makes me think of the wonder years or something. i love it.
then i met up with kevin and his friend at starbucks - she was cool as shit, especially considering she's still in high school. drove down to kasbah, chilled for a couple of hours. kevin's friends are definitely entertaining. i had a good time, it was really chill. a little too chill though - i started to get real tired real early. i guess it had been a kinda long day and too much hookah and too many cigs left me a bit too relaxed. that and the comfy couch. i enjoyed spending time with those people, hopefully next time will be a little more eventful though.
got back to cedar park, got made fun of for driving a civic, and went home. stayed up for a long time doing a whole bunch of nothing.
which leads me to today. i was planning on getting my drop shadow added today, but it didn't work out. i need to find a time when mike is working and i'm not. one of these days...i was also planning on seeing the invisible children premiere of their new film "go" but not only was it moved down to south congress, they bumped up the start time from 7 to 5:30...and i was taking a nap until 5:15, when i checked my e-mail and saw it was starting. fuck my life. it is showing in only ten cities in the us today, one of which is austin, and the time is changed so i miss it. fuck.
im sure ill catch a screening soon enough though.
OH, i did have some crazy dreams though during my nap this afternoon. like going back to millsaps, meeting up with kath and susan and EVERYTHING had changed. and i basically had to fight to keep afloat. subconscious talking much? and then i had another one where we had a press release at hal and mal's, which was situated among some hotels or some shit - hard to get to- and it was like the jam press release....or how i pictured it. and bryce was there, and taylor from paramore, and christie, ML, and no matt. oh and jay was there. and we got TRS for major madness and were announcing it and justifying it to the school - and as bryce started talking i realized i forgot my rebel, so left, got lost, and got back just in time for bryce to start hitting it off with christie, and i was shit out of luck. random as hell. that's all i remember though.
then....i edited a bunch of photos, updated this blog, finished my book, screwed around on the internet, watch the VMAs and shit talked the celebrities with my .org friends, texted a lot...thats about it i guess. went to fuddruckers for lunch with my family...helped set up our huge new flat screen in the living room....hmmm idk. thats really about the end of my day.
who knows what tomorrow will bring? i'm feeling particularly optimistic. maybe there is something that someone else can see in me that i don't see in myself. maybe all this insecurity will finally fade into the background.
OH SHIT. and the whigs remember me. so i guess i'll be heading to emos friday :)
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