nausea. nerves spreading from my heart down to very my fingertips. all it takes is a little reminder and i am over the edge. birthday, acquaintances, conversations on silly social networking forums. a certain song, the way the light hits my eyes or the hesitation of my heart as your name starts to form on my lips. thank god you were one in a million. i still see you in the passing crowds, hoping you will be there the next time i turn around. i gave you everything, you gave me everything. it was instant from the moment our eyes locked. understood. old souls crossing paths. synchronicity. i can try and blame it on a series of events that led me to that fateful day, but the fact that you were there, looking for change at the same instant i was looking for nothing, it means there is a greater underlying, undulating force bringing us to our next peak or trough. unfortunately our lives were out of phase with one another. one period of overlap, perfect resonance and overtones that still haunt me to this day. your love still rings in my ears barely buzzing behind the glass wall separating me from everything i really feel. mind and body irreconcilably disconnected, overlapping only in the eclipse of what i felt that day. right place, wrong time. no going back. you have no regrets, i have mine. yes, it was the closest i felt to be alive, to being human, to being normal. we seeped our love from every pore and it was undeniable. infectious. you were my heaven on earth. i was yours. minds following the same loops and twists through reason and irrationality, bringing us one step closer to that which we truly desire in the next life - because we had it here. intellectual to the point of challenging one another but not to the edge of pretense. i miss you. you still own my heart and soul. and my mind. my sanity. my peace and sanctity of reason. no matter the distance you put between us, you will always haunt my dreams. bodies in line with our minds. every touch as spiritual as the words that roll off our tongues. your warms eyes will always pierce the veil of security i try to envelop myself in. . .and i am forever exposed.
this is the last night in my body, yeah.
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