on location

there is something about jackson that is so stagnant. i think that is why i get pulled down so much when i'm here...it feels like a ghost town. at least when i'm in austin, or cedar park for that matter, there is always something happening...i'm always on the verge of something. here, i'm on the verge of nothing, and if i'm moving forward, it is only the result of a perpetual cycle that never changes or moves ahead. this city does horrible things to me, and all the baggage here aside...i can't stay here. i love the people, but most of the ones i love see this town the same, whether or not they want to admit it. not admitting it is bad, but all of you who are implicated in this with me, aware of the depressing, fixed nature of things in this god awful town, yet decide to stay...it is infinitely worse.