may their joy touch all beings
i've told myself that as my spiritual life deepened, drinking and drugs wouldn't be a problem anymore.
i kept telling myself i was going to get it together in my own way, that some magical event like rock stardom or enlightenment would save me. of course, it didn't.
until we explore the difficult side of our nature, our spiritual work will always lack depth and integrity.
over my life, there have been far too many mornings filled with remorse and no memory.
my spiritual life never became fully integrated; it remained only a sort of pleasant compartment in my life.
transcending - that's what i wanted to do with life; get over, get out, avoid. . .in other words, i wanted magic.
the buddha was emphatic on the point that we are responsible moment to moment for our words and actions, not just victims of destiny or hidden forces; we have an element of free will.
he realized clear understanding and acceptance was the key to letting go of that suffering.
if the external world wasn't going to be perfect, maybe he could find perfection in the inner world. . .perhaps then you can begin to forgive yourself and your failures.
but the buddha saw that even in our moments of triumph and joy there remains a grasping toward more. my favorite example of this is the traditional commercial at the end of the super bowl, where the newly chosedn mvp is asked, " what are you going to do now?" and this man, who has just reached the pinnacle of his profession, turns to the camera and says, "i'm going to disneyland." for me, this sums up dukkha: you've got it all but you want more, and since you've got everything possible in the real world, the only place left to go is to a fantasty world, a place where dreams are made.
if you stop chasing after the things you want, you will find the thing you want. . .what causes our suffering isn't a lack of material things or emotional experiences, but rather the craving, the desire itself, the energy that keeps driving us to engage in the chase.
each moment is completely unique, completely unpredictable. who knows what the next breath, the next sound, the next thought will bring?
instead of being present for life's challenges, i had done a shadow dance with reality, never really moving forward. when i went on the road, i had an alternative escape - a geographic escape
it was clear that i could try to get into college, but i couldn't control the results of that, and seeing that did bring serenity.
dukkha is the aspect of life that keeps us restlessly searching for comfort.
i am just made up of thse ever-changing processes.
a critical point, since we are often drawn to ideas that fit with our own preferences, whether accurate or not.
i felt oddly disconnected, as though i were watching a movie with a blaring soundtrack
intention acts as the driving force behind our spiritual growth, a constant reminder of what to let go of and where to point our minds.
it means striving for perfection of heart and mind while bowing to the truth of who we are, with all our imperfections and failings.
i was 'turning my will and my lfie over' in a new way
with too much wisdom, the hindrance of doubt comes to dominate the mind
to pretend that our existence doesn't affect others is to deny karma, to deny that every action has a reaction, to pretend that cause and effect aren't constantly in play. this careful parsing of our past forces us to become more cognizant of karma. . .when we see our destructive patterns of thought, speech, and behavior, we begin to change, to unravel thse habits, to act in ways that won't require more inventory writing.
during those years it seemd that he'd largely given up on lie, withdrawing into depression and isolation.
form is emptiness, emptiness is form. you could also say, ' form is form, and emptiness ie emptiness,' meaning tha teverything has its reality, however transitory. form must be respected.
with meditation we seek a balance of energy
when we repress disturbing thoughts, sometimes the mind becomes sluggish, trying to drain us of the ability to look clearly at what's happening because it's painful. keeping the attention on the sluggishness may allow the difficult thought to come through and be processed.
whether a monk or a layperson, we all live in bodies, we all have minds and hearts that hunger for contact, for purpose, for meaning. if we take away one thing, another craving arises in its place. our practice is to keep seeking after balance.
it's helpful to notice when you are using something to numb yourself from life. this, in fact, takes us back to the first precept, of not killing. when we numb ourselves we are cutting ourselves off from life itself, a not-so-subtle form of killing ourselves.
it's amazing how a small moment of kindness can reverberate.
if you don't notice moods, they can lurk in the back of the mind and control the tone of thoughts.
your failings are common. your hame, unnecessary.
i felt like i was pushing against something heavy, barely movable.
with nothing to hide, i could share without trepidation. . .and this acceptance from others grew into self-acceptance.
and with this easing of attachent, new possibilities began to arise.
quick wit, penetrating intelligence.
the layers of self-deception are manifold.
central difference in orientation
no one's that nice, and if they try to be they are paving over their emotional truth, creating a false veneer that will eventually cause them and others suffering. . .if we are'nt willing to speak honestly, to speak our joy and our sorrow, we stunt our emotional and spiritual lives and leave ourselves isolated in a cocoon of false niceness.
why do i get so lost, and how can i find my way back?
however, if there isn't sufficient strength of mind - of mindfulness and concentration - this pradtice can backfie in the way brad was describing: every time you try to bring in an element of metta, the fierce, destructive aspects of mind throw back more venom, and instead of reducing the strength of negative thoughts, you actually increase them as they feed of the weak efforts at positivity
kornfield suggests making a top ten list of such thoughts a a way of beginning to come to grips with these demons.
whatever is happening in our lives will reverberae when we sit down to practice.
this judging is not only painful and unproductive, but is, in fact, another trick of the mind to keep us from being present with what is.
'no one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. we are not saints. the point is that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines.'
i can begin to deconstruct the elements of this solid identity, at the same time, breaking apart the solid opinions i have about myself.
this was a particularly powerful strain of denial.
for months i swung on this pendulum from drunken dleusion to dperessive self-hatred, never reaching a middle ground from which i might address the truth of what was happening.
if i can stop at the visceral level, without labeling or analyzing, the feeling can just be there. there's no need to do anything about it, to solve it or cure it.
setting off an addictive pattern of craving, bingeing ,and eventual revulsion
we don't move toward or away from them [our emotions]; we just let them be.
there is a continuous process of letting go.
the stress and anxiety of the musician's life had been miserable, and only now, working this generic, uncool office job, did i see how painful it had been. i felt a great sense of freedom and comfort in being an office worker.
any time we try to nail down who we are, we miss something. we are a process; we are possibilities; and we constantly change
we don't let go because there is some rule or commandment that says we must; we let go because we see how our clinging is causing us pain.
it's a completely new life, one that can't be imagined until you are there. and it is both appealing and frightening.
we see that we don't have to suffer through eternal emptiness. . .we learn to stop looking outside ourselves for happiness, for affirmation, for comfort. as we reach out for thse supports less, we begin to let go more.
i saw how difficult it is to be spiritually honest, to really shed my conditioned thoughts and actions and make decisions from a place of true freedom.
because of your perfectionism, you keep putting off doing anything, which leads to procrastination; after a while, you can't function: paralysis. the three p's. . .my ego didn't like it. i didn't want ot be humble. i wanted to be perfect. or at least close to perfect.
letting go of perfection may be one of the most difficult forms of surrender. my tendency was always to quit if i couldn't do something just the way i wanted.
i can start again, a fresh b reath, a fresh kindness, in this moment . . .when we come out of the dream, that's when we have the opportunity to begin again fresh.
the deepest veins of emotion start to reveal themselves in our heart.
when we spend years drinking and using, holding in our feelings, covering over our feelings, wreaking havoc in the lives of everyone we know, running, always running, never coming home to our true self, we bury some essential part of ourselves; we bury it alive.
this fundamenal insight is the basis for forgiveness: i am the one who suffers for my lack of forgiveness, and i am the one who benefits from my forgiveness. the buddhist teaching on equanimity says, ' all beings are the owners of their karma. their happiness and unhappiness depend on their actions, not on my wishes for them.'
the buddha said we could search the whole world and not find a person more deserving of love than ourselves. is it possible to see yourself in this way? as equally precious as anyone else on earth? seeing ourselves as worth of love can take some work.
what we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.
i wasn't to blame; it was the natural order of things. they would come back again when the conditions were right.
to me, my spiritual life is meant to be a support, not an intellectual exercise, so, ' god as i understand him; can, and should, be whatever i need it to be at any given time. i don't have to answer to some logic or some rule-making body, just respond to what my heart is calling for in this moment.
this, to me, is magical thinking - the idea that some special power is singling you out for special treatment.
beings are numberless, i vow to save them.
the mind state of clarity and alertness. there's a dynamic quality to this awakeness, being on the edge of what is happening right now, not lodged in a role or posture but paying sharp attention to everything as it unfolds, responding in the moment.
in a sense, we have abused ourselves, and in order to recover our hearts - our compassion, our conscience - we must continually show up for ourselves until we begin to heal.
i dedicate the merit of my work on this book to the awakening of all beings; may all beings be free from alcoholism and drug addiction and from the harm that addition causes; may all beings be happy joyous, and free from suffering.
i've told myself that as my spiritual life deepened, drinking and drugs wouldn't be a problem anymore.
i kept telling myself i was going to get it together in my own way, that some magical event like rock stardom or enlightenment would save me. of course, it didn't.
until we explore the difficult side of our nature, our spiritual work will always lack depth and integrity.
over my life, there have been far too many mornings filled with remorse and no memory.
my spiritual life never became fully integrated; it remained only a sort of pleasant compartment in my life.
transcending - that's what i wanted to do with life; get over, get out, avoid. . .in other words, i wanted magic.
the buddha was emphatic on the point that we are responsible moment to moment for our words and actions, not just victims of destiny or hidden forces; we have an element of free will.
he realized clear understanding and acceptance was the key to letting go of that suffering.
if the external world wasn't going to be perfect, maybe he could find perfection in the inner world. . .perhaps then you can begin to forgive yourself and your failures.
but the buddha saw that even in our moments of triumph and joy there remains a grasping toward more. my favorite example of this is the traditional commercial at the end of the super bowl, where the newly chosedn mvp is asked, " what are you going to do now?" and this man, who has just reached the pinnacle of his profession, turns to the camera and says, "i'm going to disneyland." for me, this sums up dukkha: you've got it all but you want more, and since you've got everything possible in the real world, the only place left to go is to a fantasty world, a place where dreams are made.
if you stop chasing after the things you want, you will find the thing you want. . .what causes our suffering isn't a lack of material things or emotional experiences, but rather the craving, the desire itself, the energy that keeps driving us to engage in the chase.
each moment is completely unique, completely unpredictable. who knows what the next breath, the next sound, the next thought will bring?
instead of being present for life's challenges, i had done a shadow dance with reality, never really moving forward. when i went on the road, i had an alternative escape - a geographic escape
it was clear that i could try to get into college, but i couldn't control the results of that, and seeing that did bring serenity.
dukkha is the aspect of life that keeps us restlessly searching for comfort.
i am just made up of thse ever-changing processes.
a critical point, since we are often drawn to ideas that fit with our own preferences, whether accurate or not.
i felt oddly disconnected, as though i were watching a movie with a blaring soundtrack
intention acts as the driving force behind our spiritual growth, a constant reminder of what to let go of and where to point our minds.
it means striving for perfection of heart and mind while bowing to the truth of who we are, with all our imperfections and failings.
i was 'turning my will and my lfie over' in a new way
with too much wisdom, the hindrance of doubt comes to dominate the mind
to pretend that our existence doesn't affect others is to deny karma, to deny that every action has a reaction, to pretend that cause and effect aren't constantly in play. this careful parsing of our past forces us to become more cognizant of karma. . .when we see our destructive patterns of thought, speech, and behavior, we begin to change, to unravel thse habits, to act in ways that won't require more inventory writing.
during those years it seemd that he'd largely given up on lie, withdrawing into depression and isolation.
form is emptiness, emptiness is form. you could also say, ' form is form, and emptiness ie emptiness,' meaning tha teverything has its reality, however transitory. form must be respected.
with meditation we seek a balance of energy
when we repress disturbing thoughts, sometimes the mind becomes sluggish, trying to drain us of the ability to look clearly at what's happening because it's painful. keeping the attention on the sluggishness may allow the difficult thought to come through and be processed.
whether a monk or a layperson, we all live in bodies, we all have minds and hearts that hunger for contact, for purpose, for meaning. if we take away one thing, another craving arises in its place. our practice is to keep seeking after balance.
it's helpful to notice when you are using something to numb yourself from life. this, in fact, takes us back to the first precept, of not killing. when we numb ourselves we are cutting ourselves off from life itself, a not-so-subtle form of killing ourselves.
it's amazing how a small moment of kindness can reverberate.
if you don't notice moods, they can lurk in the back of the mind and control the tone of thoughts.
your failings are common. your hame, unnecessary.
i felt like i was pushing against something heavy, barely movable.
with nothing to hide, i could share without trepidation. . .and this acceptance from others grew into self-acceptance.
and with this easing of attachent, new possibilities began to arise.
quick wit, penetrating intelligence.
the layers of self-deception are manifold.
central difference in orientation
no one's that nice, and if they try to be they are paving over their emotional truth, creating a false veneer that will eventually cause them and others suffering. . .if we are'nt willing to speak honestly, to speak our joy and our sorrow, we stunt our emotional and spiritual lives and leave ourselves isolated in a cocoon of false niceness.
why do i get so lost, and how can i find my way back?
however, if there isn't sufficient strength of mind - of mindfulness and concentration - this pradtice can backfie in the way brad was describing: every time you try to bring in an element of metta, the fierce, destructive aspects of mind throw back more venom, and instead of reducing the strength of negative thoughts, you actually increase them as they feed of the weak efforts at positivity
kornfield suggests making a top ten list of such thoughts a a way of beginning to come to grips with these demons.
whatever is happening in our lives will reverberae when we sit down to practice.
this judging is not only painful and unproductive, but is, in fact, another trick of the mind to keep us from being present with what is.
'no one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. we are not saints. the point is that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines.'
i can begin to deconstruct the elements of this solid identity, at the same time, breaking apart the solid opinions i have about myself.
this was a particularly powerful strain of denial.
for months i swung on this pendulum from drunken dleusion to dperessive self-hatred, never reaching a middle ground from which i might address the truth of what was happening.
if i can stop at the visceral level, without labeling or analyzing, the feeling can just be there. there's no need to do anything about it, to solve it or cure it.
setting off an addictive pattern of craving, bingeing ,and eventual revulsion
we don't move toward or away from them [our emotions]; we just let them be.
there is a continuous process of letting go.
the stress and anxiety of the musician's life had been miserable, and only now, working this generic, uncool office job, did i see how painful it had been. i felt a great sense of freedom and comfort in being an office worker.
any time we try to nail down who we are, we miss something. we are a process; we are possibilities; and we constantly change
we don't let go because there is some rule or commandment that says we must; we let go because we see how our clinging is causing us pain.
it's a completely new life, one that can't be imagined until you are there. and it is both appealing and frightening.
we see that we don't have to suffer through eternal emptiness. . .we learn to stop looking outside ourselves for happiness, for affirmation, for comfort. as we reach out for thse supports less, we begin to let go more.
i saw how difficult it is to be spiritually honest, to really shed my conditioned thoughts and actions and make decisions from a place of true freedom.
because of your perfectionism, you keep putting off doing anything, which leads to procrastination; after a while, you can't function: paralysis. the three p's. . .my ego didn't like it. i didn't want ot be humble. i wanted to be perfect. or at least close to perfect.
letting go of perfection may be one of the most difficult forms of surrender. my tendency was always to quit if i couldn't do something just the way i wanted.
i can start again, a fresh b reath, a fresh kindness, in this moment . . .when we come out of the dream, that's when we have the opportunity to begin again fresh.
the deepest veins of emotion start to reveal themselves in our heart.
when we spend years drinking and using, holding in our feelings, covering over our feelings, wreaking havoc in the lives of everyone we know, running, always running, never coming home to our true self, we bury some essential part of ourselves; we bury it alive.
this fundamenal insight is the basis for forgiveness: i am the one who suffers for my lack of forgiveness, and i am the one who benefits from my forgiveness. the buddhist teaching on equanimity says, ' all beings are the owners of their karma. their happiness and unhappiness depend on their actions, not on my wishes for them.'
the buddha said we could search the whole world and not find a person more deserving of love than ourselves. is it possible to see yourself in this way? as equally precious as anyone else on earth? seeing ourselves as worth of love can take some work.
what we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.
i wasn't to blame; it was the natural order of things. they would come back again when the conditions were right.
to me, my spiritual life is meant to be a support, not an intellectual exercise, so, ' god as i understand him; can, and should, be whatever i need it to be at any given time. i don't have to answer to some logic or some rule-making body, just respond to what my heart is calling for in this moment.
this, to me, is magical thinking - the idea that some special power is singling you out for special treatment.
beings are numberless, i vow to save them.
the mind state of clarity and alertness. there's a dynamic quality to this awakeness, being on the edge of what is happening right now, not lodged in a role or posture but paying sharp attention to everything as it unfolds, responding in the moment.
in a sense, we have abused ourselves, and in order to recover our hearts - our compassion, our conscience - we must continually show up for ourselves until we begin to heal.
i dedicate the merit of my work on this book to the awakening of all beings; may all beings be free from alcoholism and drug addiction and from the harm that addition causes; may all beings be happy joyous, and free from suffering.
No comments:
Post a Comment